FRIEND OF DOROTHY  2:06 pm October 21, 2010

O’Donnell Regrets Witch Ad, Wants To Kill Witches & Dress As Dorothy

by Ken Layne

'It's such an ancient pitch, But one I wouldn't switch, 'cause there's no nicer witch than you .... 'Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar Christine O’Donnell finally did another teevee interview! It is super boring, but we’ll post it just in case you (like most Americans) have a lot of time on your hands. Better to watch a dull ABC News interview with jobless sex activist Christine O’Donnell rather than let your idle hands be led by the devil to your genitals! Because that is certainly not one of the “Five Guys’ Freedoms” in the amendment thingy O’Donnell learned about at Hogwarts. But does she regret the ridiculous “I’m not a witch” commercial that provided America with so much comedy during these long last weeks of the midterm campaign? Yes she does! More importantly, she has been thinking a lot about her Halloween costume.

Here’s the ABC interview; you’ll want to skip to the last 25 seconds:

See, she doesn’t want to encourage this witchcraft stuff, now that she’s running as a teabagger jesus gal! She wants to kill the witch! Kill it dead!

This means she will not be a witch for Halloween, because that’s as stupid as Count Dracula being a vampire for Halloween. Instead, she will dress as “Dorothy,” the wholesome non-witch from the Depression-era documentary The Wizard of Oz. This is a thing people do, when they practice the Dark Arts: Sometimes, for a laugh, they will dress as the Pope or Dorothy or whatever, Haha let’s all of us devil monsters make fun of the good things in life, such as Jesus and Dorothy!


Hola wonkerados.

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fuhrius October 21, 2010 at 2:10 pm

She should go as a small appliance bulb. Nothing brighter than one would find in a dirty microwave. note to self- get Dan to clean the gawtdamd microwave!

calchala October 21, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what Witches used to do during the Salem witch trials? Minus the dorothy part, of course.

ManchuCandidate October 21, 2010 at 2:12 pm

What a dildo.

Ruhe October 21, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Christine or her broom?

ManchuCandidate October 21, 2010 at 2:17 pm


obfuscator2 October 21, 2010 at 4:20 pm

a dildo actually serves a purpose.

MsQuasimodo October 24, 2010 at 2:25 am

Um, some religion scholars speculate that medieval "witches" used broomsticks or similarly-shaped objects (dildo shaped?) to self-administer various hallucinogenic substances, such as mixtures including datura, which enabled them to "fly" and take spirit-journeys through the night. No snark.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 21, 2010 at 2:12 pm

A slutty Dorothy perhaps?

DashboardBuddha October 21, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Squeak…squeak…oh god!..squeak..squeak…moan!…squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak! Ahhhhhh.

-audio of Christine having sex with the Tin Man.

SimonGirty October 21, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Lascauxcaveman October 21, 2010 at 3:30 pm

I hear that guy's a machine.

DashboardBuddha October 21, 2010 at 4:15 pm

No problems with staying erect either.

DashboardBuddha October 21, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Rust can chafe though

Moonbatting Average October 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Has anybody tried to build a bridge out of Christine O'Donnell? That would answer this whole witch question once and for all.

transfatz October 22, 2010 at 2:18 am

The Republican party, and it was a bridge too far.

mrblifil October 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Ha ha Sarah wants no part of her. When you're too retarded for Sarah, that's pretty retarded.

JoeMamased October 21, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Stop making fun of Trig!!!11!!1!

drrty_martini October 21, 2010 at 6:19 pm

That, and Sarah hates chicks who are prettier than she is.

PocketsTheClown October 21, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Also regrets not doing con law homework, handjobbing way through school.

Moonbatting Average October 21, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?

Ruhe October 21, 2010 at 2:16 pm

So the Satan worshipers dress up like the rest of us just to mock us? Young Goodman Brown was right then. Best to just join in I suppose. Does P&G make a Swiffer that doubles as a flying dildo yet?

Fox n Fiends October 21, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Christine does not believe in the seperation of Witch and State.

Lucidamente1 October 21, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Laugh all you want now–she'll be pulling in six-figure speaking fees the day after she loses the election.

PsycWench October 21, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Let's hope she meets the same fate as Carrie Prejean.

You remember, right? Kind of? Not really?

Lucidamente1 October 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Carrie was into masturbation, too.

Lascauxcaveman October 21, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Hey maybe Trump will buy Christine a little sumthin'-sumthin' to enhance her profile, too. She could stand having her center of gravity raised a bit.

JMPEsq October 21, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Maybe pudding-cup beard man has a video and would like to a bit of money, too.

GOPCrusher October 21, 2010 at 5:15 pm

She married Kyle Boller, NFL star quarterb……. never mind.

SheriffRoscoe October 21, 2010 at 2:47 pm

If she does, (and you will please note that I am not ruling your suggestion out), I am going to pack up my self-respect, and get a new goddamn gig.

transfatz October 22, 2010 at 2:21 am

Six finger shrieking sprees. There, fixed.

CapnFatback October 21, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Hrm. Shouldn't that be "sexless job activist Christine O'Donnell"?

CapeClod October 21, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Because nothing is more dignified than dressing up as a Kansas schoolgirl. This is a US Senate candidate?

facehead October 21, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I want to see an ad where she passionately and repeatedly denies the following:

–Clicking her heals three times whilst getting creampied by a dwarf.


– Being bent over a black cauldron and sodomized with a broomstick while reciting the lord of the rings trilogy.

elviouslyqueer October 21, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Thank you. The phrase "getting creampied by a dwarf" is pure, unadulterated poetry.

donner_froh October 21, 2010 at 8:12 pm

"Being bent over a black cauldron and sodomized with a broomstick"

Accepted interrogation techniques by the NYPD as long as you are medium brown or darker.

BrentKockman October 21, 2010 at 2:21 pm

"we were LITERALLY high-fiving each other." – Christine tells us, triumphantly, over her gotcha-moment exposing Chris Coons' inability to name the FIVE freedoms in the first amendment.

but she wasn't talking about the popular slapping-hands gesture that the kids do, no!

Having grown up in Delaware, I can tell you that "High-fiving" is actually a well-known Wilmington prep-school euphamism for fisting. I high-fived a few girl's from St. Mark's and Padua Academy in my day, I tell you what!

elviouslyqueer October 21, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Dorothy? Hardly. Christine strikes me more as the Scarecrow type, especially with the whole "If I only had a brain" thing.

neiltheblaze October 21, 2010 at 4:51 pm

I'm not sure about the "heart" thing either. Though, she sure does have "the noive".

Pop_Socket October 21, 2010 at 2:26 pm

She turned me into a Newt.

I got better.

Kidneys4Sale October 21, 2010 at 2:30 pm

It's so cute that Teatards at the state level, having on some sunconscious level relaized that thier hero Sarah is useless to them in a presidential race, are casting about blindly to find the next one. Between this chick and Sharron Angle, I can hardly wait to see what kind of shingles-ridden, paint-eating, cock-eyed cat lady they've stumbled upon by 2012.

Lascauxcaveman October 21, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Hey, I'm pretty sure that young-gun Phyllis Schlafly is still alive!

Kidneys4Sale October 21, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Toss on a burlap sack and ScotchGuard her sinuses nice n' shiny and she'll be GOLDEN.

jus_wonderin October 21, 2010 at 2:32 pm

LOL. I hope she goes as me when I first get up in the morning. Nothing is as scary as my shamble for the coffee pot.

Come here a minute October 21, 2010 at 2:33 pm

It's okay to have a few regrets, Christine. The Delaware Republican party has a really big one.

johnnyzhivago October 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm

The scary thing is when she said in the debate (w/Coons) "when I'm on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee"

PsycWench October 21, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Coons should have asked her to name three countries she sees herself working with.

johnnyzhivago October 21, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Oh that's EASY:

"Maryland, because I've always liked their crabcakes; Hillary Clinton, because I've always admired her, and Germany because of all the help they gave us during the Second World War"

HistoriCat October 21, 2010 at 2:59 pm

She really is delusional – after all, in 2008 she was so convinced that she would be a Republican keynote speaker that she bought a plane ticket to the event. OK, I may have specific facts wrong there but I refuse to waste time researching COD's past.

themcwow October 21, 2010 at 2:36 pm

And we all know what happened to Dorothy, and Liza.

FoxyO_Wiley October 21, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Why does a commercial for the DVD set of "Apocalypse Now" run before here video? This needs to be investigated. I see a connection here.

mrblifil October 21, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Does this mean Xtine's queefs smell like napalm in the morning?

FoxyO_Wiley October 21, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Damn it! I used to love the smell of napalm in the morning. Gee thanks for ruining it!!

Not_So_Much October 21, 2010 at 2:37 pm

If she dresses as Dorothy, will her loud, chubby sex buddy be a sodomy flying monkey?

Jukesgrrl October 21, 2010 at 2:38 pm

She regrets the witch ad? What did she think was going to happen when she hired the demon sheep ad agency? Mad Men, indeed: Sterling Cauldron Spider Lice.

SheriffRoscoe October 21, 2010 at 2:43 pm

They won't let us pray to Football Jesus over the loudspeaker at the start of our high school football games. How does Football Jesus know that we prefer not to have any of our players leave the field on a stretcher if the atheist judges won't let us pray to him on the loudspeaker? READ THE CONSTITUTION ATHEIST JUDGES!

Ken Layne October 21, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Maybe, but Bush Jr. was president for EIGHT AWFUL YEARS, so I don't know that it's really a good thing to compare Christine with Dubya.

I'd rather compare her to Ned Lamont, in terms of "where are they now."

MarionNYNY October 21, 2010 at 2:47 pm

So if I understand correctly she believes in the constitution which prohibits the government from interfering in religion and therefore she supports building a mosque on the holy ground of the Burlington Coat Factory and she also wants to "kill" Wiccans.

Guppy06 October 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Halloween? I thought charismatic Catholic Christine, being an expert on such things, knew that Halloween was a demonic wiccan masturbation holiday.

JMPEsq October 21, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Halloween is a Catholic celebration, being the evening before All Saint's Day, a very important Catholic holiday on which their schools close and um, not much else. (Actually, All Saint's was another Church attempt to subvert a pagan holiday but unlike Christmas it didn't really take, except in the name).

mrblifil October 21, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Moreover, why does "everyone" want to know what costume a childless woman in her forties is planning on wearing for Halloween? Do we know for a fact she's not on some sex offenders list?

Kidneys4Sale October 21, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Is that offenders, or offender's? Either way, I'm just as curious as you.

JustPixelz October 21, 2010 at 2:52 pm

What a relief she's not going to be a witch! A relief for the trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood, that is. Just in case it was her, I was going to grill each "witch" who came to my door on Constitutional Law before handing over the treat.

"That's correct, the Third Amendment does prohibit the quartering of soldiers in private houses except in time of war. Here's your Jolly Rancher Fun Size."

hagajim October 21, 2010 at 2:53 pm

Problem is those sock puppets will be telling us all where we can stick it

johnnymeatworth October 21, 2010 at 2:54 pm

So she's dressing as noted drug addict Judy Garland? When do we get to fire her from NPR?

bumfug October 21, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Scariest thing she could do for Halloween would be to go as herself, with a Senate cloakroom key around her neck.

hagajim October 21, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I just kinda figured she'd be having hot witch sexy time with her pudding cup boyfriend and scaring all the kids away with her screams of ecstacy…..waahaaahaaahhaaaa! I'll get you my pretty puddin cup!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 21, 2010 at 2:58 pm

So she's going after teh ghey vote, bless her heart.

OzoneTom October 21, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Only one way to settle this. Bring out the dunking stool.

I'm sure that Alberto Gonzales will be glad to certify that it is not a torture device.

MsQuasimodo October 24, 2010 at 2:22 am


DashboardBuddha October 21, 2010 at 3:22 pm

It may be hard to do…but watch her tongue as she talks. I used to work with kids who were afflicted with Downs Syndrome and there's a way the tongue behaves when they speak. She displays the same sort of thing.

slappypaddy October 21, 2010 at 3:28 pm

another lamb to the slaughter. welcome to the adult world, xtine. clowntime is over.

Doglessliberal October 21, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Ken, I bet when you started your career, many moons ago, you did not ever imagine you would write the words "Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar".

ttommyunger October 21, 2010 at 4:04 pm

The mere fact that this jobless, ditzy petty thief has gotten as far as she has, scares the living shit out of me. Unfuckingbelievable!

Lazy Media October 21, 2010 at 4:28 pm

So the Republican men who drool all over themselves about how hott she is are actually friends of Dorothy? I gotta say, not that big a surprise.

CobraCommanda October 21, 2010 at 4:39 pm

In other news, a swift boater is offering a "$1,000 REWARD for anyone who can find the phrase "Separation of Church & State" in the US Constitution"

transfatz October 22, 2010 at 1:29 am

I can just hear you thinking WTF is a witches' stand? There's a republic for this?
I knew it as the plegalegince. I thought it was cool that one nation was invisible. the only lasting effect has been to help me tell my right hand from my left.

transfatz October 22, 2010 at 1:33 am

I hear she's got the coveted Bozo and Clarabelle endorsements.

schvitzatura October 22, 2010 at 5:32 am


chicken_thief October 22, 2010 at 9:58 am

Ah, 3rd grade…. "and give us this day, our jelly bread, and lead us not…".

Neoyorquino October 22, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Mmm. Delicious jelly bread . . .

easynewz October 24, 2010 at 2:56 am

O'Donnell's problem is simple, she just can't put her finger on it.

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