'It's such an ancient pitch, But one I wouldn't switch, 'cause there's no nicer witch than you .... 'Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar Christine O’Donnell finally did another teevee interview! It is super boring, but we’ll post it just in case you (like most Americans) have a lot of time on your hands. Better to watch a dull ABC News interview with jobless sex activist Christine O’Donnell rather than let your idle hands be led by the devil to your genitals! Because that is certainly not one of the “Five Guys’ Freedoms” in the amendment thingy O’Donnell learned about at Hogwarts. But does she regret the ridiculous “I’m not a witch” commercial that provided America with so much comedy during these long last weeks of the midterm campaign? Yes she does! More importantly, she has been thinking a lot about her Halloween costume.

Here’s the ABC interview; you’ll want to skip to the last 25 seconds:

See, she doesn’t want to encourage this witchcraft stuff, now that she’s running as a teabagger jesus gal! She wants to kill the witch! Kill it dead!

This means she will not be a witch for Halloween, because that’s as stupid as Count Dracula being a vampire for Halloween. Instead, she will dress as “Dorothy,” the wholesome non-witch from the Depression-era documentary The Wizard of Oz. This is a thing people do, when they practice the Dark Arts: Sometimes, for a laugh, they will dress as the Pope or Dorothy or whatever, Haha let’s all of us devil monsters make fun of the good things in life, such as Jesus and Dorothy!

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  • fuhrius

    She should go as a small appliance bulb. Nothing brighter than one would find in a dirty microwave. note to self- get Dan to clean the gawtdamd microwave!

  • calchala

    Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what Witches used to do during the Salem witch trials? Minus the dorothy part, of course.

  • What a dildo.

    • Ruhe

      Christine or her broom?

      • Both

        • obfuscator2

          a dildo actually serves a purpose.

      • MsQuasimodo

        Um, some religion scholars speculate that medieval "witches" used broomsticks or similarly-shaped objects (dildo shaped?) to self-administer various hallucinogenic substances, such as mixtures including datura, which enabled them to "fly" and take spirit-journeys through the night. No snark.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    A slutty Dorothy perhaps?

  • Moonbatting Average

    Has anybody tried to build a bridge out of Christine O'Donnell? That would answer this whole witch question once and for all.

    • transfatz

      The Republican party, and it was a bridge too far.

  • Ha ha Sarah wants no part of her. When you're too retarded for Sarah, that's pretty retarded.

    • JoeMamased

      Stop making fun of Trig!!!11!!1!

    • drrty_martini

      That, and Sarah hates chicks who are prettier than she is.

  • PocketsTheClown

    Also regrets not doing con law homework, handjobbing way through school.

  • Moonbatting Average

    Who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?

  • Ruhe

    So the Satan worshipers dress up like the rest of us just to mock us? Young Goodman Brown was right then. Best to just join in I suppose. Does P&G make a Swiffer that doubles as a flying dildo yet?

  • Fox n Fiends

    Christine does not believe in the seperation of Witch and State.

  • Lucidamente1

    Laugh all you want now–she'll be pulling in six-figure speaking fees the day after she loses the election.

    • PsycWench

      Let's hope she meets the same fate as Carrie Prejean.

      You remember, right? Kind of? Not really?

      • Lucidamente1

        Carrie was into masturbation, too.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Hey maybe Trump will buy Christine a little sumthin'-sumthin' to enhance her profile, too. She could stand having her center of gravity raised a bit.

        • JMPEsq

          Maybe pudding-cup beard man has a video and would like to a bit of money, too.

      • GOPCrusher

        She married Kyle Boller, NFL star quarterb……. never mind.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      If she does, (and you will please note that I am not ruling your suggestion out), I am going to pack up my self-respect, and get a new goddamn gig.

    • transfatz

      Six finger shrieking sprees. There, fixed.

  • CapnFatback

    Hrm. Shouldn't that be "sexless job activist Christine O'Donnell"?

  • CapeClod

    Because nothing is more dignified than dressing up as a Kansas schoolgirl. This is a US Senate candidate?

  • facehead

    I want to see an ad where she passionately and repeatedly denies the following:

    –Clicking her heals three times whilst getting creampied by a dwarf.


    — Being bent over a black cauldron and sodomized with a broomstick while reciting the lord of the rings trilogy.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Thank you. The phrase "getting creampied by a dwarf" is pure, unadulterated poetry.

    • "Being bent over a black cauldron and sodomized with a broomstick"

      Accepted interrogation techniques by the NYPD as long as you are medium brown or darker.

  • BrentKockman

    "we were LITERALLY high-fiving each other." – Christine tells us, triumphantly, over her gotcha-moment exposing Chris Coons' inability to name the FIVE freedoms in the first amendment.

    but she wasn't talking about the popular slapping-hands gesture that the kids do, no!

    Having grown up in Delaware, I can tell you that "High-fiving" is actually a well-known Wilmington prep-school euphamism for fisting. I high-fived a few girl's from St. Mark's and Padua Academy in my day, I tell you what!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dorothy? Hardly. Christine strikes me more as the Scarecrow type, especially with the whole "If I only had a brain" thing.

    • neiltheblaze

      I'm not sure about the "heart" thing either. Though, she sure does have "the noive".

  • She turned me into a Newt.

    I got better.

  • Kidneys4Sale

    It's so cute that Teatards at the state level, having on some sunconscious level relaized that thier hero Sarah is useless to them in a presidential race, are casting about blindly to find the next one. Between this chick and Sharron Angle, I can hardly wait to see what kind of shingles-ridden, paint-eating, cock-eyed cat lady they've stumbled upon by 2012.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, I'm pretty sure that young-gun Phyllis Schlafly is still alive!

      • Kidneys4Sale

        Toss on a burlap sack and ScotchGuard her sinuses nice n' shiny and she'll be GOLDEN.

  • jus_wonderin

    LOL. I hope she goes as me when I first get up in the morning. Nothing is as scary as my shamble for the coffee pot.

  • Come here a minute

    It's okay to have a few regrets, Christine. The Delaware Republican party has a really big one.

  • The scary thing is when she said in the debate (w/Coons) "when I'm on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee"

    • PsycWench

      Coons should have asked her to name three countries she sees herself working with.

      • Oh that's EASY:

        "Maryland, because I've always liked their crabcakes; Hillary Clinton, because I've always admired her, and Germany because of all the help they gave us during the Second World War"

    • HistoriCat

      She really is delusional – after all, in 2008 she was so convinced that she would be a Republican keynote speaker that she bought a plane ticket to the event. OK, I may have specific facts wrong there but I refuse to waste time researching COD's past.

  • themcwow

    And we all know what happened to Dorothy, and Liza.

  • FoxyO_Wiley

    Why does a commercial for the DVD set of "Apocalypse Now" run before here video? This needs to be investigated. I see a connection here.

    • Does this mean Xtine's queefs smell like napalm in the morning?

      • FoxyO_Wiley

        Damn it! I used to love the smell of napalm in the morning. Gee thanks for ruining it!!

  • Not_So_Much

    If she dresses as Dorothy, will her loud, chubby sex buddy be a sodomy flying monkey?

  • Jukesgrrl

    She regrets the witch ad? What did she think was going to happen when she hired the demon sheep ad agency? Mad Men, indeed: Sterling Cauldron Spider Lice.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    They won't let us pray to Football Jesus over the loudspeaker at the start of our high school football games. How does Football Jesus know that we prefer not to have any of our players leave the field on a stretcher if the atheist judges won't let us pray to him on the loudspeaker? READ THE CONSTITUTION ATHEIST JUDGES!

  • Maybe, but Bush Jr. was president for EIGHT AWFUL YEARS, so I don't know that it's really a good thing to compare Christine with Dubya.

    I'd rather compare her to Ned Lamont, in terms of "where are they now."

  • So if I understand correctly she believes in the constitution which prohibits the government from interfering in religion and therefore she supports building a mosque on the holy ground of the Burlington Coat Factory and she also wants to "kill" Wiccans.

  • Guppy06

    Halloween? I thought charismatic Catholic Christine, being an expert on such things, knew that Halloween was a demonic wiccan masturbation holiday.

    • JMPEsq

      Halloween is a Catholic celebration, being the evening before All Saint's Day, a very important Catholic holiday on which their schools close and um, not much else. (Actually, All Saint's was another Church attempt to subvert a pagan holiday but unlike Christmas it didn't really take, except in the name).

    • Moreover, why does "everyone" want to know what costume a childless woman in her forties is planning on wearing for Halloween? Do we know for a fact she's not on some sex offenders list?

      • Kidneys4Sale

        Is that offenders, or offender's? Either way, I'm just as curious as you.

  • JustPixelz

    What a relief she's not going to be a witch! A relief for the trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood, that is. Just in case it was her, I was going to grill each "witch" who came to my door on Constitutional Law before handing over the treat.

    "That's correct, the Third Amendment does prohibit the quartering of soldiers in private houses except in time of war. Here's your Jolly Rancher Fun Size."

  • hagajim

    Problem is those sock puppets will be telling us all where we can stick it

  • johnnymeatworth

    So she's dressing as noted drug addict Judy Garland? When do we get to fire her from NPR?

  • bumfug

    Scariest thing she could do for Halloween would be to go as herself, with a Senate cloakroom key around her neck.

  • hagajim

    I just kinda figured she'd be having hot witch sexy time with her pudding cup boyfriend and scaring all the kids away with her screams of ecstacy…..waahaaahaaahhaaaa! I'll get you my pretty puddin cup!

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    So she's going after teh ghey vote, bless her heart.

  • OzoneTom

    Only one way to settle this. Bring out the dunking stool.

    I'm sure that Alberto Gonzales will be glad to certify that it is not a torture device.

    • MsQuasimodo


  • DashboardBuddha

    It may be hard to do…but watch her tongue as she talks. I used to work with kids who were afflicted with Downs Syndrome and there's a way the tongue behaves when they speak. She displays the same sort of thing.

  • slappypaddy

    another lamb to the slaughter. welcome to the adult world, xtine. clowntime is over.

  • Doglessliberal

    Ken, I bet when you started your career, many moons ago, you did not ever imagine you would write the words "Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar".

  • ttommyunger

    The mere fact that this jobless, ditzy petty thief has gotten as far as she has, scares the living shit out of me. Unfuckingbelievable!

  • Lazy Media

    So the Republican men who drool all over themselves about how hott she is are actually friends of Dorothy? I gotta say, not that big a surprise.

  • CobraCommanda

    In other news, a swift boater is offering a "$1,000 REWARD for anyone who can find the phrase "Separation of Church & State" in the US Constitution"

  • transfatz

    I can just hear you thinking WTF is a witches' stand? There's a republic for this?
    I knew it as the plegalegince. I thought it was cool that one nation was invisible. the only lasting effect has been to help me tell my right hand from my left.

  • transfatz

    I hear she's got the coveted Bozo and Clarabelle endorsements.

  • schvitzatura


  • chicken_thief

    Ah, 3rd grade…. "and give us this day, our jelly bread, and lead us not…".

    • Neoyorquino

      Mmm. Delicious jelly bread . . .

  • easynewz

    O'Donnell's problem is simple, she just can't put her finger on it.

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