“Drug czar” Gil Kerlikowske is the saddest man in America. First he can’t wage a write-in campaign for U.S. Senate in Alaska because his name is even more difficult to spell than that of Lisa Murkowski. And now, on his watch, we’re legalizing Mary Jane! Poor guy has apparently been driven off the wagon. The pressure, oh, the horror, that 51 percent of Californians are potheads (now that tobacco is illegal there, it’s the only way the workin’ man can mask the scent of his Marlboros: by rolling them with Humboldt skunk weed so the health cops will leave him alone) and they’re about to free da weed, and Czar Kerlikowske is having a breakdown. How do we know this?
Because the Associated Press told us so:
Director of National Drug Control Policy Gil Kerlikowske (kur-lih-KOW’-skee) is in Southern California on Wednesday for a visit to a drug treatment center.
Yup. He went west to campaign against Proposition 19 but immediately checked into a drug treatment center. AP’s stylebook never lies! He was last heard singing, from his straightjacket, “You say I gotta go to rehab, please vote no, no, no!” [AP]
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My car kept telling me that my door was a jar so I turned into a bar.
…and this dislexic that turned into a bra…
Was he perchance wearing a DARE t-shirt when he checked in, kinda like this guy? http://j.mp/bpJQVm
Gil Kerlikowske forgot the first rule of federal drug enforcement policy: Don't get high on your own supply-side economics.
Was he perchance wearing a DARE t-shirt when he checked in, kinda like this guy? http://j.mp/bpJQVm
This Kerli-what-the-fuck-ever thing is bullshit. This thread is now about Hollywood Squares.
Peter Marshall: Paul, do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Troubledog for the win!
Proof that there is no justice in the world; Paul Lynde is dead and Clarence Thomas is alive.
You sure about that second part? I'm still leaning towards my Weekend at Clarence's theory for why he doesn't say anything during the Court sessions.
I loved Paul Lynde when I was a kid. I pretty sure I knew he was a homo, even back before I had any concept that such a thing might exist.
Peter Marshall: We've all heard the old phrase "A pig in a poke." What is a poke?
Paul Lynde: It's when you're not really in love.
Here's one for your teabagger friends!
Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?
Paul Lynde: Heredity!
This almost had me cleaning coffee off my screen.
I messed up my entire life, because I got high
I lost my kids and wife , because I got high
Now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk, and I know why,
(why man) 'cuz I got high, because I got high, because I got high
Drugs are bad, Mmmm'kay.
Don't let them kid you…he just dropped into Betty Ford so he could play with Lindsey's funbags! Hummuna Hummuna
The fuckin' polack is so high that he can't even spell his last name right. It's supposed to be spelled S-M-I-T-H.
A VERY mild midwesterner?
Sheeit, the Obama administration has a drug czar? That's gotta be a slacker job than being Christine O'Donnell's history teacher. Or Glenn Beck's science advisor. Around the office they must call him the Drug Czar Nicholas II.
I could never figure out the difference between a Drug Kingpin and a Drug Czar. One is a deposed Russian potentate, and the other is part of the front suspension of an old pickup truck. I guess we don't hear about Drug Kingpins so much anymore because they caught the Felix-Arrellano gang and there's no more drugs on the street, except for the 115 tons (metric or short? Do your job, MSM!) of weed they caught in the Baja yesterday.
The Original Endless War.
That gets a thumb-up from me. Are you high?
Thanks, and "No" — I'm but a shameless reappropriateur of witty repartee.
I never got emails about the commenters I'm
stalkingfollowing, just messages when someone replies to a post of mine. Nowadays I spend most of my time wondering why your p-score is higher than mine.And by the way, what does the p stand for?
WRYALIS® is a helluva drug.
also, you may be wondering, as am I, whose leg does one have to hump to get over 89 peez?
Ha ha, some spiteful asshole hate-fisted your comment, but I gave it a hand-job so that it doesn't feel like such a zero.
To your question: I'm not sure whose leg you should aim for, but I do know that the Al Gore-ithm values quali-pee over quanti-pee…which is why I really need to stop with the whatever-comes-to-my-mind, lame-ass fucking comments if I ever hope to break 100.
so it's better to have a well-placed shot in the eye than a bukkakke style spattering?
I hit each comment maybe that will help.
I groaned and rolled my eyes when they plucked this fool from doing a terrible job on the Seattle Police force to fail at whatever they wanted him to do in DC. I will simply continue doing this for as long as I need to.
Welcome not-yet-on-the-masthead Wonkette Overlord Giordano Al. Is your name backwards because you're Italian?
Yeah, what's up with that? And who is this guy? Wonkette has gone promiscuous with all the people (nearly said yahoos, but feared the banhammer or having my ps wiped out) who post "stories" on the wonket.
Ken's focused like a laser on JOBS JOBS JOBS.
Damn, V2-349-305-3049583-09. No wonder you have more ps than I do. Funny shit. If I don't follow you I will. That's good for ps, right?
Hey, I got an email saying you're following me. I am honored, and my friends call me "V5." I was already following you, it says.
And did Oklahoma's decline begin when Woodie Guthrie left?
The "dente" appears to have been cut off.
Yeah, I was wondering that. Of if the real editor was just to wasted and leaned on the key board when they were posting their name. But, if you click through, his bio's up, and is interesting.
Then again, Jim Newel's bio is up.
Interesting bio indeed. Our Wonkette grows and grows.
Al baby, please, spell it after me: H-U-M-B-O-L-D-T. Don't forget the fucking D, dammit! I take pride in my Humboldtness. It may reek of patchouli, and have way too many dreadie white girls, but it's my county (and I'll cry at your misspelling of it if I want to).
Gil's not here, man.
I'm too afraid to 'Edit,' for fear it will delete my p-ness.
"Bris" is Yiddish for "edit", so your fears may not be unwarranted.
Thanks for validating my paranoia!
Not to worry, Editor Mohel just wants a little bit off the top.
Just as an experiment, I think I'll go back and delete one of my more popular comments (I think I had maybe one with about 40 thumbs-ups) to see if it would shrink my p-ness.
As an experiment, I just went back and deleted what I think was my all time popular comment (for the record, it was 57 thumbs up on a "Glenn Beck thinks he's dying" thread to which I said "I call bullshit, only the good die young." Haha funnyfunny 57 thumbs up.)
Before making this deletion I had 84p. Has my drastic cut shrunk my p-ness?
As I type this comment I have no idea my own self. See my p above.
A quick and furtive glance at your p-ness (hey, it doesn't mean anything!) reveals shrinkage of 1p, thus my paranoia swells a bit. . .
I think you need a little more foreplay. Most comments take a little time to lube up.
Why do we even have a drug czar…fucking commies.
If we were fucking commies wouldn't we have shot him and his family in a basement by now?
I'm still confused by all of the noise over the last year. Weren't Obama's "czars" proof that we were becoming a marxist country?
Next you'll tell us the Pilsbury Dough Boy is being carted off to fat camp for his incessant carb-loading.
In their heart of hearts, Barry and AG Holder are totally down with the whole legalization thing. Making someone named "Gil Kerlikowske" the drug czar is just their way of fucking with us, and him.
If you keep legalizing all the drugs just how the hell do you suppose the CIA will get funded? Always thinking of yourselves!
Hookers
He just loves Champagne.
Pink champagne, on ice.
The marijuana makes me a little paranoid…and lazy enough not to follow anybody, much less follow-up on any e-mails. What was your question again?
What the hell are you talking about, man?!
I didn't even ask a question…
Ah fuck. You had to go and correct the spelling while I was working on my comment. Damn you and my slow clutzy and only slightly drunk fingers. Damn you all to hell! Or Tempe.
Is Al's byline being reversed some sort of meta drug joke?
They just clipped a letter. He's Muslin. It's "Giordano Ali"
he take a couple hits, he'll be okay.
Drug Assistant TO the Branch Manager /fixed/
And it is always 2day, which brings your total up to 4-20 day. Roll 'em if you've got 'em.
To think that today Paul Lynde could join the armed forces.
BTW, do you have the Children's treasury of Paul Lynde Quotes on your kindle?
Wonketteers who follow other Wonketteers have the option of receiving an email each time a Wonketteer they're following submits a new comment, right?
I don't know why but for some reason that whole sentence makes me think of inappropriate touching.
I am following/stalking some people and I never get any update when they post some new pearl of wisdom, so basically I have no idea why I am following them, excuse any crazy typos as I am on a plane and it is massively turbulent, but I felt lsot without my Wonkette.
Limeylizzie: You are a fabulous lady, and an asset to Teh Auxillary Wonketteers.
"Chin up, love," as your peeps say, or as mine would say, "It's allllll good, gurl."
While we are at it:
Is there anyway to set it so that replies are always expanded out. Hell, the same thread will change through the day as to whether replies are expanded or you have to open them within the thread.
I'm sure I have other thoughts, but I lost all my short term memory at the last Rush concert.
Prevailing theory is that once the number of comments and comments-on-comments ad infinitum exceeds 100, the Automated Attendant Overlord automatically shrinks back the meta-comments.
That makes some sense, although it would be nice to turn it off if you want.
And that brings up my other complaint, is there someway to stop it from paging. I would rather dig through a long page then have to dig through two.
I would also like a massage. Is there anyway to get that from Wonkette while we are at it? Oh, and a gin and tonic. That would be quite nice.
Try a couple of bottles of Fess Parker's Bien Nacido Vineyard Pinot Noir. That's my strategy for the evening.
I think we can all agree that the information in Wonkette can be handled best if you are well and sufficiently lubricated.
It makes sense, but I think it's also untrue. I saw unexpanded comments yesterday on a thread with something like 84 comments yesterday.
Mr. Layne we need a ruling on this! Also: a request to always have expanded comments all the time.
that was george costanza's original explanation of shrinkage, wasn't it?
It should be noted that here in Seattle, where Gil KerliAhmadinejad got his start, Marijuana offences are officially the polices least important duty, and the City Prosecutor's office has announced that they won't prosecute minor possession. Not worth the resources.
That being said, KerliAhmadinejad undoubtedly checked in to the treatment center so he could get a script and get some cheap, legal weed at the nearest dispensary.
Thank you, magic eight-ball of coke.
Hell, I didn't even know the Russians were in charge of the drugs….is this like China and the rare earth stuff.?…does he have any experience at getting the good drugs, or is he learning on the job…?
Just being back from a drive through the lovely Arizona, where Mexicans do all the work and people hate them for it, I pondered the drug question. Americans buy the drugs, supply the guns, and the Mexicans get slaughtered. 11 journalists just this year, just because they were covering the drug violence, not to mention the public officials who have been gunned down. The country is moving toward being a failed state. All because of us, the people who line up on the border and yell nasty things at them.
To make the drug czar truly a joke, Calderone should legalize the drug trade, or do what the PRI did: Choose the best cartel and give them a pass while the others get busted. Why don't Mexicans hate us? Or do they, and I'm just reflecting the fact I can't speak Mexican?
They don't hate us because the only true economic engine of Mexico City is the drug business….everything depends upon it… legalize hemp in the US and see how they like us then…it'll be all "say hello to me and my little friends" on the border…
Poor Mexico: so far from God, so close to the United States.
I'm sure Mexican pot farmers can out-compete US agribusiness. The pot-growers of California and Kentucky, et al., will be begging for tariffs and subsidies just like the tobacco growers, before you know it.
Wonkette doesn't allow comments.
Today we are all checking into drug rehab … unless we already did yesterday.
As I go along in life and watch the Teabaggers, I have come to the conclusion that i should start smoking weed. I did it in college 35 years ago and you know I can see where it would be helpful coping with the Sharron Angles, Christine O'Donnells and Rand Pauls of the world.
back then, (or maybe a decade earlier) we called them teabags – there was a nickel bag and a dime bag (but nobody had a dime (See Fat Freddie, et al )….
Brownies. Or cookies. Then you don't get the lung shit.
"Better my two fingers around this fatty than my two hands crushing your larynx"
Is this like entering Lynn? Isn't there a song like this, where the songwriter gets excited by entering all these towns with women's names, till he finds himself entering Lawrence, and so on?
MAGGOTS.
The decline began in the early 20th century when a family named Gaylord owned the newspapers and then everything else. Plus, 60 years ago Henry Bellmon built the Republican party by winning elections because the Republithugs promised okies they didn't need to pay taxes to have services, since it was all "waste" they were taking out. Gaylord and his Republican pals also knew their strategy would serve to impoverish the public schools, thereby keeping okies stupid and stupider.
And that, children, is how you take a progressive new state with a vibrant labor movement and a strong socialist element and turn it into the right wing hellhole where "the people" keep voting to keep the rich richer because, you know, they might win the lottery someday and shit, would they want to pay taxes on all that money?
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