Obama Rakes In Big Profits On Wall Street Bailout

The general populace, according to pollsters, does not like the fact that Barack Obama made a big blue TARP that bailed out the Wall Street banks a couple years back, under the administration of George W. Bush. But it turns out the federal government has seen an 8.2% return on its investment, so suck on that, taxpayers! That's what you get for not wanting to save one of America's most important, albeit douchebaggy, industries! Obviously, Wall Street loves the fact that their dad the federal government had to come in and help pay their rent and such after they blew their trust fund on coke and raping NYU students, so they want their industry to be nationalized forever.

Right? That's what will happen now? Government should take over the financial industry because it actually did a good job fixing it and turning a profit? Yes. That's what happens in business. When a guy comes in and turns around your capitalist enterprise, you give that man huge bonuses and a big contract to run the thing for a decade. And now Wall Street will surely hand the keys to the federal government.

But, of course, the U.S. would have been better off investing in Goldline, like Glenn Beck TOLD THEM TO:

The government has earned $25.2 billion on its investment of $309 billion in banks and insurance companies, an 8.2 percent return over two years, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. That beat U.S. Treasuries, high-yield savings accounts, money- market funds and certificates of deposit. Investing in the stock market or gold would have paid off better.

And also some carb-loaded confection is here to put a wet towel over our hot TARP:

“From the perspective of the taxpayers getting their money back, TARP has been a great success,” said Todd Petzel, chief investment officer at New York-based Offit Capital Advisors LLC, which has more than $5 billion of assets under management. “But there are other costs as the government made it possible for the banks to pay back TARP. Those costs can turn out to be larger, and their legacy could last longer.”

Shut up, bro. Jager bombs, taxpayers! Lets all do Jager bombs! We did it! [ Bloomberg ]