REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS  1:46 pm October 19, 2010

Southern GOP Chairman Resigns Over Racist E-Mail, The Sky Is Blue

by Jack Stuef

A beacon of hope for all minor Repblican officials who want to forward offensive e-mails.Virginia Beach Republican Party Chairman David Bartholomew has resigned after sending out a hilarious racist e-mail about taking a dog to get welfare benefits. We probably should have warned you before posting that sentence, as some of you probably fainted from the sheer surprise at reading such a thing. A Republican official sent out a racist e-mail and Christine O’Donnell said something stupid today? How do we make sense of these strange occurrences? So what’s the deal with this dog? Was he eating watermelons with Obama in the White House garden? You know, that old cliche? No, this e-mail just compared blacks and Hispanics to the dog. Humor!

Here’s this year’s Mark Twain Prize recipient:

MY DOG

I went down this morning to sign up my Dog for welfare.

At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare”.

So I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify…

My Dog gets his first check Friday.

Is this a great country or what?

Oh, but this guy isn’t racist! He just doesn’t understand how this e-mail thing works!

The e-mail was dated March 15 and sent from the address that Bartholomew uses as party chairman. Bartholomew forwarded it without reading the contents when “he was first getting familiar with the Internet,” Byler said.

Just getting familiar with the Internet here in 2010. We can’t even make a joke about old people using the Internet for the first time because come on, even 104-year-old bed-bound paupers have used the Internet by this point. The only people who have not gone online are currently in the womb. And that’s only some fetuses. Most fetuses have probably taken part in some sort of smart-phone application before they even get out of their first trimester.

But this racist e-mail does raise an important issue: naturalized dog citizenship. Get on that, Congress. [Hampton Roads]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 112 comments }

the_problem_child October 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

The real story here is that he resigned.

mumbly_joe October 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm

I would have been the third comment, and you beat me to it. Bravo, sir.

JMPEsq October 19, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Well of course he resigned, because he broke one of the biggest rules of Conservative club: keep your racism either confined to fellow travelers or in the form of dog whistles so as to maintain plausible deniability and the ability to scream, "race card!" when called on it.

slappypaddy October 19, 2010 at 1:53 pm

all those teabaggers and their ideological kith and kin (i.e., republicans) are bewitched. next thing you know, their heads will be spinning like tops and they'll be spattering the walls with their vomit. take cover!

BrentKockman October 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm

I took my dog to a Tea Party convention to see if he could run for local office.

The lady at the registration table said "dogs aren't eligible to run for office in the tea party."

I said, "but my dog can't bathe himself, I have to repeat myself at least 3 times before he understands, he eats his own poop and he doesn't know what's in the constitution."

She double-checked the requirements, and my dog is now running for US Senate on the Tea Party ticket!

Lefty_Lucy October 19, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Well played, sir. I curse your speedy internet access.

HELisforHEL October 19, 2010 at 2:02 pm

WIN

Kitty_Sanchez October 19, 2010 at 2:35 pm

I regret that I have but one thumb to give…

NorthStarSpanx October 19, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Do they make Rascals for Dogs?

the_onceler October 19, 2010 at 4:00 pm

only one thumb allowed.

CessnaDriver October 19, 2010 at 4:16 pm

One thing is for sure-FOX will declare the dog the winner in the debates.

lochnessmonster October 19, 2010 at 6:02 pm

I need to send this out to my friends!

Sparky_McGruff October 19, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Is your dog related to Chris Christie?

dr_giraud October 19, 2010 at 7:33 pm

His dog done ate Chris Christie.

OhNoGuy October 20, 2010 at 1:53 pm

That's gotta be one big dog.

Lucidamente1 October 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm

The only surprise would be if one of these crackers did without the lame-ass excuses and just fessed up ("Course I wrote it. I hates me them niggers").

twogoats October 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm

none of these people got the equipment Krystal Ball does. Nobody wants to own their own opinions and actions.

RedneckMuslin October 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm

The part that really bothers me is the hipocrasy in the story where the racist gets his dog a gubmint check! I'm just too used to a GOP pol being racist and ho hum about it any more. But a dog gettin' a gubmint check is too much!

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Meh, he'll probably ship the dog to Missouri to be gassed in the ovens.

mavenmaven October 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Now no one will care that he also solicits gay sex in airport restrooms or the like.

Come here a minute October 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm

The most offensive thing is that "dog" is capitalized. Come on racists, get your usage rules right or leave the offensive email forwarding to the better specimens of the master race.

slappypaddy October 19, 2010 at 1:58 pm

"Bartholomew forwarded it without reading the contents when he was first getting familiar with the Internet.”

he was feeling her up in the dark and thought no one would ever know.

busted!

SarcasticNymph October 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

They made him resign because his joke didn't mention the Joos.

Lefty_Lucy October 19, 2010 at 1:59 pm

MY DOG

I went down this morning to sign up my dog as a member of the Tea Party.

At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to join the Tea Party”.

So I explained to her that my Dog is white, disabled, lazy, diabetic and has no frigging clue what is contained in the Constitution.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify…

My Dog gets to vote on November 2.

Is this a great country or what?

DashboardBuddha October 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

I nominate this for the win-of-the-afternoon. (Unless I see something better)

SheriffRoscoe October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Seconded. I can enjoy this one (guilt-free) as I am white and lazy.

babyeinstein October 20, 2010 at 1:42 pm

thirdeded

Lefty_Lucy October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I concede to the Hon. Mr. Kockman above, but I thank you all the same.

BrentKockman October 19, 2010 at 2:04 pm

great minds, etc… :-)

natoslug October 19, 2010 at 2:07 pm

My dog eats shit, ate the constitution and has the world's worst gas, and its farts are still too bright to join the Tea Party.

JoeMamased October 19, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Your dog is Chris Christie?

natoslug October 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Hey now! I didn't insult YOUR dog. Chris Christie is my dog's shit, about the third time through.

p.s. — don't ever let my dog (okay, dogs) lick your face. Or hands. Or any part of you, probably. Anything with that rigorous a fecal reduce/reuse/recyle program should most likely be avoided.

OhNoGuy October 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

That's one big dog.

doxastic October 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm

In favor: My dog enjoys dutch-ovening and barking at the TV.
Not in favor: He has a lot of black and brown friends, and is known to lay a hump on a dude from time to time.

JMPEsq October 19, 2010 at 2:44 pm

How dare u! Making fun of people for being in the tea party, a chosen political affiliation, is EXACTLY THE SAME as making fun of them for there race, so your a RACIST!! and a CLASSICIST two!

signed,

Reason Hit & Run

CessnaDriver October 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Does your dog get one of them scooters?

Lucidamente1 October 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

When they say that racists dog whistle each other, I guess they really mean it.

fuhrius October 19, 2010 at 2:00 pm

What did the Chinese socialist guy say to the liberal queer?

"This Chilean red is fucking outstanding Tom! You really got this at Trader Joe's?"

LionelHutzEsq October 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Well, the Internet is a series of tubes, not a dump truck….

And, can you blame the guy if he accidentally hit forward because he was laughing so hard. I mean, this is up there with the wit and wisdom of Dennis Miller!

Truculent October 19, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Things get stuck in those tubes, or in the Big Truck

V572625694 October 19, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Today we are all 104-year-old bedbound paupers, befuddled by the Internet.

smokefilledroommate October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I know–I keep mashing the buttons on my Jitterbug but the interwub still won't come on. Must be something stuck in one of the tubes.

PocketsTheClown October 19, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Like the Jesus intended.

brendanwynn October 19, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Uh, have you even heard of Sharron Angle? There is no such thing as distinct minorities anymore. You can't even tell, so instead all of them are generic-minority terrorists coming in through the Canada-Nevada border of Virginia Beach (where i am regrettably from).

Except honorary azn Sharron. She is a terrorist, for freedom.

Kitty_Sanchez October 19, 2010 at 2:42 pm

"You can't even tell, so instead all of them are generic-minority terrorists"

We know it will come to this. The population is increasingly multi-racial. I mean, come on! What's a racist to do when faced with somebody like Soledad O'Brien? Poor Sharron's little brain can't manage non-racism or complexity, so….

horsedreamer_1 October 19, 2010 at 2:04 pm
lowaltflier October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Actually it would make more sense if the dog was brown.
Just saying.

RedneckMuslin October 19, 2010 at 2:12 pm

And it was a woofer.

Kidneys4Sale October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

They'll be short a host sometime during the day, though. Somebody will have to lead him through orientation.

JMPEsq October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Hey, I just randomly forward every single email I get to everybody without even looking at it first; it's why my mom hasn't talked to me since that one about enlarging her penis.

mrblifil October 19, 2010 at 2:35 pm

You're momma's dick so big…

Kitty_Sanchez October 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Yeah, and it's deep, too!

freakishlywrong October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

Does the dog also qualify for a soshialist hoverround like a cracker teatard would?

horsedreamer_1 October 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm

If he's imbuing his dog with human characteristics — the ability to receive public assistance, et. al. — then what are the odds he's also sexing the beast? Even? Better than even?

Kidneys4Sale October 19, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Oh, please. I'd say the better line to chase is the over-under on how many 'entrances' the poor critter is listed as having on Craig's List.

HistoriCat October 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm

I'm waiting for Carl Paladino to weigh in on the subject.

harry_palmer October 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm

He was probably tired of the Chairmanship and wanted to put himself in solid with the donor base for the much better paying job he'll be getting in the private sector starting next week.

Kitty_Sanchez October 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Shoot! The dude will fall safely into some kind of wingnut welfare position. Count on it. He'll show up at some conservative "think tank" or as a "consultant" on Fox News… This will probably advance his career in conservative politics.

biscuits101 October 19, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Can we hybridize Racist and Hilarious to get Hilaracist?

horsedreamer_1 October 19, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Obama is having his new Chief-of-Staff prepare paperwork relinquishing U.S. sovereignty to Elizabeth II, & her liege, David Cameron.

Not_So_Much October 19, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Stand by for lame "if anyone was offended" apology in three….two…

Radiotherapy October 19, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Yes we canine.

Eve8Apples October 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Sharon Angle looked at the dog and said, "The mutt looks kinda Asian to me."

HistoriCat October 19, 2010 at 2:19 pm

So the dude learned "Forward" before learning how to open and read an email? The person showing him how to use email should have resigned.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 19, 2010 at 2:21 pm

New to the internet? I suspect we won't hear from him for a few months after he discovers free porn.

weejee October 19, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Ah Mr. Grumpe, always there to cheer us up.

weejee October 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Hiz dawg was a Long Far Pointer, and as a breed that's a real dog.

horsedreamer_1 October 19, 2010 at 2:24 pm

They'll also find — or make-up; yeah, almost certainly make-up — a LIEbrul version of Andrew Breitbart who edited the e:mail so, taken out of context, the chairman looks racist.

doxastic October 19, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Dog bites man: Southern GOP Chairman Resigns Over Racist Email.
Man bites dog: Brian Doherty is appalled by the joke's blatant classism/racism.

cheetojeebus October 19, 2010 at 2:30 pm

What's up with my Wonkette? all these dog bites man stories…and still nothing about those UFOs over Manhattan? Party balloons my ass, Wake up sheeple they're here already!

comrad_darkness October 19, 2010 at 10:20 pm

First they came for Manhattan, but I didn't care because I'd already seen all those shows anyway . . .

JoshuaNorton October 19, 2010 at 2:32 pm

“he was first getting familiar with the Internet,”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, sorry. That's not a sentence. These people give me blog Tourrette's. (Blogette's?)

Anyway, …….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I've got to stop doing that.

natoslug October 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm

I have no problem with the South rising again, as long as it's to get up and get the hell out of my house. Get outside and get some sunshine, South! Some fine, Antarctic sunshine, preferably.

DaSandman October 19, 2010 at 2:36 pm

And they won't rerelease the Disney classic "Song of the South" . I feel our racist heritage is just slipping away…

iburl October 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm

I was just getting familiar with the Internet, you see I had always heard it would transform my racist republican rants into naked pictures, you know, for the fapping.

Troubledog October 19, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I went down this morning to register my dog to run for US Senate in South Carolina.

The lady said, "Sorry, your dog is not eligible to be a US Senator from South Carolina"

I said "Hold on there, lady, my dog is black, single, unemployed, has no political experience, no money to fund a campaign, no party support, and lives at home with his dad."

The lady replied, "Yes, sir, I see that on your application, but we already have someone fitting that description running as a Democrat."

Oblios_Cap October 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Karma's gonna bitch-slap you for dissing Alvin, the Tao Master. Feel the wrath of the Aqua Buddha. Also.

Troubledog October 19, 2010 at 4:20 pm

My chi is solid, holmes. My dao is totally bangin. I'm bouts to go astral projection all up in this bitch.

mrblifil October 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm

I'm guessing stepping down is probably not going to be too painful a transition. As far as I can tell being Virginia Beach Republican Party Chairman means you get an extra half-hour on the shooting range on Tuesday nights and you are automatically entered into Publisher's Clearing House Sweepsteaks for a chance to win cash and prizes. Although it's probably true that when he drops his business card on the floor of the highway rest stop men's room, the frisson becomes charged.

mumbly_joe October 19, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Still, it's sort of a shame that now we're going to miss out on the weeks of denying he meant anything improper by it, his insistence that he doesn't even understand how the email machine works, and attempts to shift blame to the Democrats who, after all, are the real racists here, for getting indignant about casual racism. Because that's the sort of thing that really gets my juices* flowing**

*Blood
**Boiling

anniegetyourfun October 19, 2010 at 5:19 pm

"But, the dog was obviously a black lab. I have three of them dawgs muhself, and they are SO lazy, I tell ya, just sittin' around in the sun all day, doin' nuthin', like some goddamnned nig-… uh, what I meant to say is that muh dawgs, they are lazy. So, really, I wasn't bein' racist."

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm

And an ERA of 2.35

chickensmack October 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm

He was too busy laughing to pay attention to silly things like automated backups, or spam filters, or email retention policy. After all, that's what they outsource that nerd shit for.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 19, 2010 at 2:57 pm

I am concerned about the Anchor Puppies. Somebody call the Immigrant Whisperer.

Naked_Bunny October 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Oh yeah, my mom forwarded that to me a few weeks ago.

Funny how often I almost click on the "This is Spam" button when she sends me email.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

This is just great. Now we have to worry about Anchor Puppies coming here for the Government HeartGuard. Call the Immigrant Whisperer right away.

Eve8Apples October 19, 2010 at 3:03 pm

We're destined to see David on the ballot as a Tea Party Constitution candidate for Senate in 2012.

fuflans October 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm

seriously, is there a humor gene or something? because even if i was a card carrying kkk member, that shit would not be funny.

NorthStarSpanx October 19, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Who in this day and age forwards jokes via email anymore either? Old, lame and crazy people. Evident especially when they don't cut and paste the body of the content and keep all those annoying email addresses and forward history all up in there.

It's how I inadvertently got an email from Monica Lewinsky once. And when Sarah Palin abused the power of her office to access a confidential State of Alaska business registry database to send me an email to encourage me to harass my hater Representative on a bill she was desiring to see progressed.

Extemporanus October 19, 2010 at 3:15 pm

I'm as sick as a rabies-wracked welfare dog, so I'm just gonna recycle my Mark Twain Prize-winning joke from a couple weeks ago:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend — inside of a dog, a Teabagger's thrusting cock makes it too hard to read."

axmxz October 19, 2010 at 3:21 pm

MY DOG

I went down this morning to sign up my Dog to vote.

At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to vote”.

So I explained to her that my Dog is a white inbred male without balls, who barks at everything that passes within a three foot radius of his dog house; whines if you delay feeding him even for half an hour; shits wherever the urge strikes him; hunts small animals but never catches any, because he's too fat; and has an irrational hatred of the Post Office and its employees.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify…

…and said, "All right, I'll register him as a Republican, but don't you think you oughta just put him out of his misery?"

And I said, "He's already ancient; why rush the inevitable?"

capitolhillblly October 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm

I was minding my own business trying to watch some football when My Dog came into the room and humped my leg.

I kicked him in the ribs and he sulked away and consoled himself by licking his own dick.

After a few minutes of that he did that gross thing where they drag their butt across the carpet.

Then he scarfed down a bowl of onion dip, puked on the floor and licked up the puke.

Then he snatched the remote out of my hand, turned the TV to Fox News, and said "Man I'd like to get hold of of that Sarah Palin – I'd knock a hole in it."

My Dog sure has Good Taste.

Rotundo_ October 19, 2010 at 3:43 pm

I always thought the quote went: "The South shall rise again! Because shit floats."

ttommyunger October 19, 2010 at 3:46 pm

This is what passes for Teabag humor. I caught Ann Coulter trying to be funny one time. One snide cut after another is not funny, unless of course you think crushing insects and small animals underfoot is funny, which I suspect most of them do, now that I think about it.

nappyduggs October 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm

Dear Sir:
As an American of African slave lineage, I would like to boil down a couple of things for you, from a differing perspective. First of all, it astounds me that folk like yourself refuse to grasp the fact that there are statistically more White people on the dole, based upon our national demographics. Secondly, Black folk are lazy? Come now. A fine Southerner like yourself must realize that any semblance of Southern wealth was built upon the backs of Black people, who were sold like oxen because they worked like oxen, while Miss Scarlett fingerbanged herself beneath her petticoats, watching those Black bucks work. That plus trying to outrun your goddamned dogs and bounty-hunters all of the time made for a very long work week! So, forgive some of us if genetic memory dictates that we take an extra nap now and again.

You dumb motherfucker.

OhNoGuy October 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm

You, Madam, should write editorials for the Fock You, Cracker-Morning Observer & Advertiser.

nappyduggs October 20, 2010 at 7:35 pm

"Cracker-Morning Observer & Advertiser" is just brilliant.

american__mutt October 19, 2010 at 4:50 pm

I HONESTLY, HONESTLY thought I was reading an old post from a little while ago.

deanbooth October 19, 2010 at 7:09 pm

Congrats, mutt, on getting above the -100p mark. I always give you pee to help prepare you for battle in the bowels of the internets. Onward, libtard soldier!

comrad_darkness October 19, 2010 at 10:14 pm

It's the damn watermelons. I had the same problem.

Stacee October 19, 2010 at 11:54 pm

It does seem as though we've read this before, doesn't it?
Yet time and time again, we're told racism does not exist, come on, can't you take a joke and stop being so sensitive.
After he was ousted, the Florida GOP chair Jim Greer said a lot of the opposition to President Obama's school speech was based on race and how he's heard a lot of racist talk within the party. It's nice that he came clean, but why didn;t he speak up then? Why did it take him getting the boot for him to talk about this? And where are the leaders in all this, calling this behavior out?

GOPCrusher October 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Just think!
In 14 more hours, we can look forward to Sarah Palin tweeting "Don't retreat! Reload!"
USA! USA! USA!

chicken_thief October 20, 2010 at 7:30 am

And for $100k, plus expenses, she'll show him how those intertube thingies work…

Jorge_Vino October 19, 2010 at 6:22 pm

"Georgia Allen, the head of the city's NAACP…"

Macaca has a black sister? Par for the course, I guess.

Redhead October 19, 2010 at 8:11 pm

His computer was obviously hacked. Has anyone seen the cat lately?

imissopus October 19, 2010 at 8:31 pm

I call shenanigans. As that troll informed us over the weekend, it is the DimoRats who are the real vile racists. And Breitbart has said that even just alleging someone is a racist is the worst thing you can do in today's America. So the question remains: when will the Virginia Beach cops investigate the Dems who obviously broke into this man's house and used his computer to forward this offensive racist joke that they had obviously received from some other racist Demoncrat?

Actually, Ken Cucinelli is Virginia's AD, so I shouldn't joke. He might very well have already drawn up subpoenas.

loquacioustunes October 19, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Hey, give the guy a break — it's really hard to forward something on a WebTV.

comrad_darkness October 19, 2010 at 10:13 pm

Yeah, he's not racist, just every single one of his online friends is. So, no problem.

rodwade October 20, 2010 at 1:48 am

There is nothing funny about this joke. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but this is the general type of sentiment being expressed by the GOP nationwide. Michele Bachmann said Obama wants to make slaves out of white Americans, Rand Paul wants to strike "separate but equal" from the Civil Rights Bill and now this. There were 5 blatantly racist slurs in that joke. My dog is Black, Lazy, Unemployed, Can't speak English and Doesn't know who is daddy is. Substitute the word dog with nigger and that is the real intent of his joke. In their heart, the GOP would like to erase the Civil Rights Bill as Barry Goldwater tried to do in 1964. If voters put them power, they will turn back , as much as possible, the status quo as we know it today. I sure hope Americans see the reality of this before Nov.3

babyeinstein October 20, 2010 at 1:40 pm

or Cuban? so he'd be a Commie too, which really brings the whole joke together – of course a lazy cuban black commie dog would want to get his paws on some welfare!

aious October 20, 2010 at 2:13 pm

I love these emails. They will get dismissed as right-wingers "joking" yet time and time again race is being brought up by them

Yet….somehow they will cry and scream if race is even slightly mentioned by others

Wonder why that is?

Boredw/Gravity October 19, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Have you checked the First Amendment? Who knows what's in that thing? Or maybe Thomas Jefferson just wrote it in a letter.

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