When did baby snatching become “the thing,” sort of like yoga? A month ago hardly any babies were being snatched, and then for some reason the government just started snatching all the babies. We know relatively little about baby snatching policy — and we certainly don’t want to “start anything” with Ayn Rand’s Hit & Run bloggers — so is there maybe a Wikipedia article about this phenomenon that we could read? At any rate, this is not the first time Ms. Noble has run for political office on an anti-baby snatching ticket, according to the Internet. This could be an elaborate hoax, but also maybe the government snatched her babies? [DC Board of Elections and Ethics]
Thank you to baby snatching expert and Wonkette operative “Luke” for this tip about baby snatching.
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Others have run on the "Baby Snatch Ticket," but they usually ended up in jail before the first financial disclosures were due.
Is the Pedo Bear that party's mascot?
But they got the Catholic Church's endorsement!
It's jokes like that that perpetuate the misconceived notions in the minds of those too lazy to do even basic research – the Catholic Church IN NO WAY endorses or condones Baby Snatch. However, if the "Pre-pubescent Boy Ticket" is ever formed….
Now be fair; Catholic priests also raped a lot of pre-pubescent girls, we should remember all the victims.
If she's cool with putting America First and Nazis, then we've found our 21st Century Charles Lindbergh.
maybe the dingo ate your baybay
Dairy Queen, Drag Queen, Queen Noble, that's quite a diverse list you got there Riley. Will Intern Benjamin's next cartoon be Randy Ayn in "Babes in Goyland"?
This makes all other candidates objectively pro-baby snatching. How did Karl Rove miss this important wedge issue?
Harry Reid supports stimulus funds for baby-snatchers.
Damn! The government started snatching rugrats 20 years too late.
Assuming I've got the intention of the unused nickname & misspelling combo right, I'm very surprised that kat sabilous (sic) took her kids because that's something that's normally handled by state and local agencies.
Queen's parents must have been prescient when they gave her the middle name GIVE ME BACK MY KIDS, though.
She must have been born in Hawaii, where people know what will happen to their children forty years in advance.
Considering Citizens United, I'm guessing she'll get a heavy campaign donation from Chili's.
Dammit, how did I miss yours! (kicking myself!)
Ooh! How can I get to be a "Delegate to the U.S. House of Representatives," too? Do I have to have my babies snatched to start my own party for this? Do I need babies at all? Or a snatch? Or would just the cats do it? Snatched cats. Yeah, that's the ticket. Damn, I want that title. And the $994 trillion wouldn't hurt, either. Imagine how cool it would be to be the only person in the world with money. All the advertising would be about ME ME ME. Except, I guess, there wouldn't be any advertising because, no money. I can't see TV networks going for barter. Jeez, I need a drink, and it's not even noon yet.
Nah, you just gotta put up with a bunch of complaining constituents while lacking the voting power to make anything real happen.
If we don't snatch the babies, how else are we going to populate our gay, socialist, liberal, indoctrination concentration camps?
Come on, people, can't you see it? This is what those massive FEMA concentration camps are for, the commie fascist Hussein Nobama is going to send these stolen babies to Kenyan Anti-Colonialist re-education camps, where they will be fed anti-american propaganda, burn the constitution, and be programmed into an army of muslin Acorn zombies.
And oppose colonialism! Which wasn't half as bad as these whiners make it out to be. Look at the British Empire, and all the happiness it left in its wake.
I think tyrannee might be too big of a word for the Queen. Maybe "It's illegully aginst da lawr"?
This was expected after Elian González seized control of the liberal media.
If Bill O'Reilly had a conscience, he'd send at least 10% of each paycheck to that little Cuban refugee who made his career.
video of Queen Noble is on this page: http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/politics/Norton...
Better yet, during her run for Mayor of Cinnicinnati, she said her education was courtesy of Jim Crow and George Wallace. http://www.smartvoter.org/2005/09/13/oh/hm/vote/n...
I watched her video! She never once mentioned traffic stop slavery, although she did allude to that other kind of slavery. BUT PLEASE NOTE: While she calls herself "Queen Noble", the crown was bestowed upon her mother by a church in Cincinnati. For her to claim that Noble scepter and sash, she must produce a birth certificate or STFU.
Shouldn't she just be Princess Noble, then? I'm calling shenanigans.
She was a fashion designer for law enforcement? Was she responsible for the TSA shirts changing from white to blue?
She needs to get Mel in her corner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGNW5ltWowA
GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!
Strangely, after seeing a few pictures of Queen Noble on the articles from Riley's search, I kind of suspect that the Hit & Run folks won't come running to her defense from the big government which stole her kids, and I think everyone can figure out why in one guess.
It rhymes with… back?
You mean baby got?
Because she is a fashion designer and in law enforcement?
The ransom note demanded eleventy jillion dollars in gold, a KFC Double Down, 2 boxes of wine and a bus ticket to Hawaii.
Something tells me teabaggers are involved.
The irony lies in what the government is doing with the babies it snatches. THE DOUBLE DOWN IS BABIES, PEOPLE! IT'S BABIES!!!
then for some reason the government just started snatching all the babies
When Hope incorporated discovered the entire secret clone army had compromised immune systems as a result of the replication process (the fact that 250,000 identical copies of Chuck Norris was just another fucked up Bush administration idea had nothing to do with it). They needed to act quickly.
Hence plan 'B', straight up baby snatchin'. It worked for the Gypsies.
Literally; from one of the linked articles:
"Noble says pharmaceutical companies are as corrupt as the government, which is why she won’t medicate her bipolar illness."
Also, don't make fun of the schizophrenics. It never really works out the way you planned.
Hoo boy. http://www.rustypants.net/2005/09/11/candidate-fo...
"Without evident malice, she runs down her list of inventive racial theories: the Irish and the Russians descend from the Vikings, while the Egypt-born Germans, because of penis and testosterone envy, have conspired to grab all power and subjugate the West Africans who are the true mother race of humanity."
So that's why the black man suffered three hundred years of oppression: his dong just too dayum big.
"She says those who flock to the latest sighting of Jesus Christ in a “piece of toast or rock of crack cocaine” are mentally ill people…"
When just a few paragraphs above:
"Noble says pharmaceutical companies are as corrupt as the government, which is why she won’t medicate her bipolar illness."
Only sick people take medication. Ergo, if I don't take my medication, I won't be sick! It's foolproof!
My my, it is still silly season, my friends. Bottoms up.
She's right about the russians, at least.
"Noble says pharmaceutical companies are as corrupt as the government, which is why she won’t medicate her bipolar illness. She lives on $579 a month in federal disability benefits. Her landlord knocks $40 off rent for cleaning the sidewalk where we sit.
Without evident malice, she runs down her list of inventive racial theories: the Irish and the Russians descend from the Vikings, while the Egypt-born Germans, because of penis and testosterone envy, have conspired to grab all power and subjugate the West Africans who are the true mother race of humanity."
Who can argue with that?
It's been too long since I've ridden a bus. Seems like there was always some crazy rambling to catch when the batteries in my walkman ran down. These days I'll occasionally see some Glenn Beck while stuck in an airport, but it's not the same.
I love the bus — it's the cheapest theatre in town. Sometimes it's tragedy, sometimes it's comedy and sometimes it's whack-job performance art. All for under $2!
I play the game of "diagnose that physical or mental illness" when I ride the bus.
She may be on to something with the penis envy. I mean think about it. Rush/Hannity/Beck et al do seem to hate Barry an awful lot…
The good news is that this poor idiot probably: 1. Won't realize it is Election Day when it rolls around. 2. Won't remember to vote on Election Day. 3. Won't be able to find a polling place. 4. Has not registered to vote. 5. Will have forgotten to breathe for at least an hour between now and Election Day and will therefore be deceased. Will just turn green and die screaming for milk….It could happen.
It all goes back to Reagan defunding the mental hospitals.
994 Trillion ought to be able to buy you a lot of baby snatch.
994 trillion law suit active
That is a lot of babies. How would you even know if one were snatched?
Anomalous gravitational readings?
In Wonkette's salad days there was a commenter who sounded rather like Queen Noble.
Incoherent, longwinded and disconnected from reality. Anyone remember her "name"?
Nadine.
Or TonyTheTiger.
(sniff)
I miss them both so much…
Oh good gawd, I forgot about them. So much rambling, so few facts.
Nadine, that was here. Until you posted that, I was going to guess Riley.
who would have run on a platform against bipolar bitch training.
Queen Noble sounds a wee bit too coherent to have been with Wonkette during those salad daze.
Do you mean the one who went on some strange tangent from the topic to relate to the millennium goals of the Burger project, or something like that?
"Nadine" and The Borgen Project? Ah, those wonderful days of yesteryear….
Now, who was our commander at the time of the Great Paultard War?
It was Amy who was the BorgenBot.
Nadine, yes that's who I was trying to remember.Thanks everso. Also.
In that era, our Wonkette had just left the Denton Empire, but was still hosted by their servers (Gawker, et. al.). The break came (I think) sometime in 2007 or 8, and access to the comments remained for a while. For all I know, you still may be able to find Wonkette archives at Gawker (though probably not). All that said, the Great Paultard War brought out the best (worst) in the Wonkette commentariat. Oddly, I think Ken or Jim mentioned once that the Library of Congress wanted the archives. weird.
You didn't mean the commenter who kept trying to sext up the comments section? Some kind of Wolf? I think Ken shot her from a helicopter.
She's obviously confused – we're liberals. We don't want anyone's babies, that's why we try to abort all of them. Now, if she was running on the "FORCED ABORTION" ticket…?
Yeah, but if a few slip by the abortion machines, it's snatching time!
I have a small bag of whore diamonds – pick out the 4 you like the best!
What's the matter? Kat got your kids?
Baby Snatch has always been my favorite Snatch Girl.
How is babby snatched?
I am pretty sure that the people at over at "Reason"(sic)'s Hit or Miss or whatever that blog is called will rapidly come to this young woman's defense, and call out the blatant, blatant classism inherent in Wonkete making fun of this poor, urban, mentally ill unfit mother, and her rants about the government and various race theories.
Oh, who am I shitting, of course they won't.
These are the sort of people whose answer to any criticism of their atavistic behavior is always, "It's the way I was raised!"
Fun fact: children of abusive parents will always abuse their own children.
I watched my 250 pound 6'2 father pick up my 90 pound 5'3 sister and throw her into the side of the car. My mother then yelled at him, "Stop it! You're going to dent my car!" That's the tamest story I can remember. Oddly, I have never felt the urge to abuse my 6 year old. Nothing "always" happens.
Snark aside, glad to hear it. Disappointing but gratifying to find out the axioms of Soc Psych 101 are not inviolable.
My name is Steve and I'm a baby snatcher.
Crowd: Hello, Steve!
I snatched my first baby in 1987. My supervisor told me to go to the hospital and talk to the head nurse at the OB Unit as a baby was born positive for methamphetamines last night.
When I arrived, the nurse said they had to "call a code" to Delivery because the mother was swinging at everybody and screaming obscenities. Two big male nurses had to hold her down while they delivered the placenta and finished up. A "Hospital Hold" was placed on the baby, which is almost the same as snatching, but not quite.
I went to the mother's room to interview her about the events of the previous evening. I introduced myself and said, "I heard you had an interesting time in Delivery last night." "That's what they tell me," she replied. Stunned that a woman could have no recollection of delivering a baby, I snatched that baby immediately.
Crowd: Oooh!
However, I snatched my last baby in 2002 and guess what?
Crowd: What?
It was the same woman's baby.
That must have been a rough job. I bet your colleagues start to drink.
They either start to put on weight (comfort food is all over the place) or marry firefighters/police officers and get the hell outta there. It is a very rough job.
Here in Texas, we rarely ever snatch any babies. We just let their Mommas or Daddies kill them – and then we JUICE THE FUCK out of them! Keeps our stats up, as it is almost impossible to prove mental illness in a Texas court of law.
Wow. You lasted 14-15 years? I am humbled by your fortitude.
How's that whole snatchy/babby thing workin' out for ya?
Queen got one thing right — HHS Secretary 'Sabilious' is a krazy kat!
So, has that blogger over on Reason started a campaign to support Queen Noble yet?
Come on now, everybody, you know the words!
"I want my babies back babies back babies back
I want my babies back babies back babies back
U.S. government… tooooo-hooook mah kids."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1XfGTO2vh8
BABY SNATCH — IT'S AWWWWWWWWWRIGHT!
Did you know that in order to own and operate a superhero suit with super powers in the U.S. and perform vigilante services supremely in DC, you need to comply with 994 Trillion laws? True story.
How Kat Sibilous and Smith are one and the same person and uncapitalized, however, I can't tell you.
Vote the Dingo Party in 2010.
Hmmm, do I smell a liberal answer to the teabaggers? Imagine, thousands of furries on the mall, holding signs that say "Vote Dingo – taking our country's (babies) back!"
I'm somewhat disappointed that no one from Reason has taken the time to come here and blast away at Wonkette and its posters for ridiculing Queen Noble and her 994 trillion dollar lawsuit. Babby snatching is no laughing matter!
how is babby snatched? how girl lose cutosdy?
It's "loose" custody. Get with the program.
As a former editor, I adhere to the three-makes-a-trend theory. But in this tough publishing climate, two baby snatchings in one week is almost three. Good enough for me…alert the New York Times Thursday Styles!
Clearly, Orly Taitz is keeping busy
I am so sad that the comments are long gone. Looks like those were some exciting times.
He won't notice. This doesn't get his see-the-libruls-are-anti-freedom-elitists boner any harder. See, to glibertarians like Doherty, babies are non-productive parasites who offer no value unless/until they live to be sweatshop age or become the subject of a bullshit librul-bashing opportunity.
god help us if a baby and anti-baby ever meet.
It's probably too late, but if the baby-snatching person-in-charge takes requests, how about those obnoxious little talking bastards from the E-Trade commercials? I'm in.
Are we SURE she actually had 994 trillion babies? I mean at least one trillion were probably just voices in her head…
Considering there are only a little over six billion people on the planet her mathematical abilities, capabilities, if you will… She misses the correct, zero sum.
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