You are probably unaware — because you are an ignorant liberal — but Tucker Carlson bought his Internet website a “kegerator,” which is a made-up word for a fancy contraption that pees beer. Anyway: Now the Daily Caller is always boozing on the job and occasionally these winos even invite other people to booze with them too — people like Your Wonkette. How did Wonkette secure special VIP tickets to the latest Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger, which was last evening? We will never know, not ever. But did we also manage to score a hawt photo with Tucker Carlson, who was wearing a very handsome pair of pink trousers?
Sadly, no. Tucker left before we even arrived — because we are always late to everything — but at least we got some cool party favors. (We use the above Holy Shrine for prayer/meditation, and for scaring the dickens out of our landlady.)
Everyone got roaring drunk at this strange thing. We are a little fuzzy on the details, because of alcohol, but we do recall eating a fruit roll-up corn syrup snack that we foraged from the Daily Caller kitchen, and also we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?” And then we made an emergency U-turn and got more beer.
Anyway, thank you to the Daily Caller! All of the Daily Caller people are super friendly, and now we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties.
Next time might we suggest a joint Wonkette/Daily Caller Bow Tie Rave? Email us, Tucker/that guy from the Daily Caller who does shrooms!
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I hope you guys trashed the bathroom before you left the party. Good times.
Is that the blood of Christine O'Donnell on that alter?
How much of an answer do you really want to that question?
"Have a beer–don't cost nothin'."
Future Senator Blutowski
Chances of that happening: zero. point. zero.
No shrine to Aqua Budda?
Poor Daily Caller Guy… not out of the closet just yet.
Looks like that Helen Rittelmeyer gal is rebounding already. Was there gratuitous suffering?
There's an audio recording on youtube of doctor zoom and the sonic boom playing Leonard Cohen's Suzanne, which is interesting.
"Horrified"? Was Ross Douthat at the party?
That is one ugly woman, inside and out.
ZOMG they have air hockey, a kegerator, AND mirrors everywhere? They're like…actually, they're kind of like that creepy frat house where all the guys had to go to the basement for cheap beer and all the girls couldn't quite remember what happened last night.
What girls?
they should come to the halloween party. that's still on, right?
It sounds almost more like a house rented by a bunch of guys (and definitely just men) who recently graduated college than an office of people who consider themselves to be journalists.
Air hockey? This is for when they can't get out and play kickball, presumably? I'm just barfing, over here, is all.
Please do not ever tell us what you find in their house porn stash.
Mmm, Maggie. You've been a bad Prime Ministrix.
No doubt the inspiration for the Stone's *When the Whip Comes Down.*
Took me a second to get that one, but ewwww.
Tucker Carlson, always relevant; that is, until the family fortune runs dry.
For most conservtards, air hockey is an over-the-top high impact CV workout. Usually channel surfing with the remote, twatting, and fapping is as strenuous a workout as they can abide.
Don't forget foosball.
Fapping can really burn off the calories, if you do it 7 or 8 times a day.
I guess the inference is that thin, fit Repubicans use the Arm Of Steel workout your described. Whilst the lard-asses are committed to Christine O'Donnell's value system. Congrats Xtine on your success with Newt, Rush, Christie, Huckabee. Keep working on that skinny Joe Miller, he'll come around.
You mean "he'll become a Round", right?
Just like the shakeweight? I don't believe you.
Cocker Tardson probably kicks himself every time he is roundly mocked for the whole DWTS debacle. At least I hope he does.
Yeah, but what we really want is more conservative-on-Riley action.
I am shocked that you did not seek Vengeance against The Daily Caller for publishing JournoList Emails written by Dave Weigel. What's a warblog worth these days anyway?
You don't talk about Project Mayhem.
Waggaman/Carlson 2012
Hope the 'shroom hunters are doing spore prints so they don't have a confused, before ingestion, between the Liberty Caps they're chasin' and Galerina Marginata. That oops can make for a serious sad after ingestion.
Riley, why are you wearing Tucker's shirt? Is there something we should know?
Breibart's gonna be soooo mad! He has the hots for Wags, you know.
I love a happy ending! There was a happy ending, right?
It's items like this that make me feel hip. And I was captain of the chess team.
You realize of course that Tucker Carlson was simply emulating others with his bow tie look. That particular look for perpetually boyish looking Republicans was originally conceived by another dirty trick GOP operative and part time fashion maven – Ted Bundy.
No joke. Ted Bundy made that shit popular. Then when they get diabetes and their gut expands they grow a little Lucky Stars beard and put on suspenders so their pants don't fall down and conceivably expose their loathsome little genitals.
No picture of Riley scissoring with a sexually ambiguous Tucker Carlson writer/producer?
You guys aren't fulfilling some provision of your contract.
Well at least we weren't treated to pictures of men blowing each other in some alley, but it was close.
log me in please
At least this party thing might explain why it's 11 AM and there are a total of three posts this morning.
He bought that "Kegerator" the old fashioned way. He inherited it.
Oh, fine. Go ahead and defect to the Dark Side or the Home Side or whatever, just for a few lousy beers. It worked for Anakim Skywalker, after all.
Not at all kegerator / bow tie / shroom related but here is a video of Bristol Palin dancing around in a monkey suit. She is looking a bit puffy and at this point qualifies to be featured on "Fat Chicks in Party Hats". –
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part38.shtml
The DWTS judges gave her 6's. Three judges 6,6,6. Here is the clickity, click linkie thing –
http://tv.gawker.com/5667249/bristol-palin-dons-m…
The Number of the HamBeast!
Air hockey? Kegerators? Women so desperate they'll settle for half a hug???
I think it's the conservative straight boys who've been brainwashed into thinking they have fulfilling, successful lives, Mr. Paladino.
Did anyone get an erection at this party? Because that would be news.
we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties
butt-plug gnomes, then.
Half-hug. the bottom half.
All the PhD math geeks I knew had Asperger's, used meth or had Asperger's and used meth. Their 'parties' were shouting matches in cramped apartments where all the walls had been taken over by markerboards.
Whats a daily caller kegerator without some Swanson frozen TV dinners.
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