wonkette exclusives

Wonkette Infiltrates Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger

Can you find Tucker Carlson in this photograph?You are probably unaware — because you are an ignorant liberal — but Tucker Carlson bought his Internet website a “kegerator,” which is a made-up word for a fancy contraption that pees beer. Anyway: Now the Daily Caller is always boozing on the job and occasionally these winos even invite other people to booze with them too — people like Your Wonkette. How did Wonkette secure special VIP tickets to the latest Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger, which was last evening? We will never know, not ever. But did we also manage to score a hawt photo with Tucker Carlson, who was wearing a very handsome pair of pink trousers?

Now we can pay homage to the Bow Tie DeitiesSadly, no. Tucker left before we even arrived — because we are always late to everything — but at least we got some cool party favors. (We use the above Holy Shrine for prayer/meditation, and for scaring the dickens out of our landlady.)

Everyone got roaring drunk at this strange thing. We are a little fuzzy on the details, because of alcohol, but we do recall eating a fruit roll-up corn syrup snack that we foraged from the Daily Caller kitchen, and also we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?” And then we made an emergency U-turn and got more beer.

Anyway, thank you to the Daily Caller! All of the Daily Caller people are super friendly, and now we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties.

Next time might we suggest a joint Wonkette/Daily Caller Bow Tie Rave? Email us, Tucker/that guy from the Daily Caller who does shrooms!

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope you guys trashed the bathroom before you left the party. Good times.

  • Wadisay

    Is that the blood of Christine O'Donnell on that alter?

    • Kidneys4Sale

      How much of an answer do you really want to that question?

  • forgracie

    "Have a beer–don't cost nothin'."
    Future Senator Blutowski

    • Progressiveinga

      Chances of that happening: zero. point. zero.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    No shrine to Aqua Budda?

    Poor Daily Caller Guy… not out of the closet just yet.

  • DoktorZoom

    we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?”

    Looks like that Helen Rittelmeyer gal is rebounding already. Was there gratuitous suffering?

    • prommie

      There's an audio recording on youtube of doctor zoom and the sonic boom playing Leonard Cohen's Suzanne, which is interesting.

    • dr_giraud

      "Horrified"? Was Ross Douthat at the party?

    • ttommyunger

      That is one ugly woman, inside and out.

  • Badonkadonkette

    ZOMG they have air hockey, a kegerator, AND mirrors everywhere? They're like…actually, they're kind of like that creepy frat house where all the guys had to go to the basement for cheap beer and all the girls couldn't quite remember what happened last night.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      What girls?

  • BrentKockman

    they should come to the halloween party. that's still on, right?

  • JMPEsq

    It sounds almost more like a house rented by a bunch of guys (and definitely just men) who recently graduated college than an office of people who consider themselves to be journalists.

  • prommie

    Air hockey? This is for when they can't get out and play kickball, presumably? I'm just barfing, over here, is all.

  • Gorilllionaire

    Please do not ever tell us what you find in their house porn stash.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Mmm, Maggie. You've been a bad Prime Ministrix.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        No doubt the inspiration for the Stone's *When the Whip Comes Down.*

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Took me a second to get that one, but ewwww.

  • ttommyunger

    Tucker Carlson, always relevant; that is, until the family fortune runs dry.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    For most conservtards, air hockey is an over-the-top high impact CV workout. Usually channel surfing with the remote, twatting, and fapping is as strenuous a workout as they can abide.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Don't forget foosball.

    • prommie

      Fapping can really burn off the calories, if you do it 7 or 8 times a day.

      • JustPixelz

        I guess the inference is that thin, fit Repubicans use the Arm Of Steel workout your described. Whilst the lard-asses are committed to Christine O'Donnell's value system. Congrats Xtine on your success with Newt, Rush, Christie, Huckabee. Keep working on that skinny Joe Miller, he'll come around.

        • nappyduggs

          You mean "he'll become a Round", right?

      • Gainsbourg69

        Just like the shakeweight? I don't believe you.

  • freakishlywrong

    Cocker Tardson probably kicks himself every time he is roundly mocked for the whole DWTS debacle. At least I hope he does.

  • WigFlipper

    Yeah, but what we really want is more conservative-on-Riley action.

  • JadedDissonance

    I am shocked that you did not seek Vengeance against The Daily Caller for publishing JournoList Emails written by Dave Weigel. What's a warblog worth these days anyway?

    • NotYerGaryBusey

      You don't talk about Project Mayhem.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Waggaman/Carlson 2012

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Hope the 'shroom hunters are doing spore prints so they don't have a confused, before ingestion, between the Liberty Caps they're chasin' and Galerina Marginata. That oops can make for a serious sad after ingestion.

  • Lucidamente1

    Riley, why are you wearing Tucker's shirt? Is there something we should know?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Breibart's gonna be soooo mad! He has the hots for Wags, you know.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I love a happy ending! There was a happy ending, right?

  • BornInATrailer

    It's items like this that make me feel hip. And I was captain of the chess team.

  • SaintRond

    You realize of course that Tucker Carlson was simply emulating others with his bow tie look. That particular look for perpetually boyish looking Republicans was originally conceived by another dirty trick GOP operative and part time fashion maven – Ted Bundy.

    No joke. Ted Bundy made that shit popular. Then when they get diabetes and their gut expands they grow a little Lucky Stars beard and put on suspenders so their pants don't fall down and conceivably expose their loathsome little genitals.

  • awesome_dude

    No picture of Riley scissoring with a sexually ambiguous Tucker Carlson writer/producer?

    You guys aren't fulfilling some provision of your contract.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Well at least we weren't treated to pictures of men blowing each other in some alley, but it was close.

  • SudsMckenzie

    log me in please

  • BaldarTFlagass

    At least this party thing might explain why it's 11 AM and there are a total of three posts this morning.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    He bought that "Kegerator" the old fashioned way. He inherited it.

  • Mindblank

    Oh, fine. Go ahead and defect to the Dark Side or the Home Side or whatever, just for a few lousy beers. It worked for Anakim Skywalker, after all.

  • Dances_For_Ham

    Not at all kegerator / bow tie / shroom related but here is a video of Bristol Palin dancing around in a monkey suit. She is looking a bit puffy and at this point qualifies to be featured on "Fat Chicks in Party Hats". –
    http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part38.shtml

    The DWTS judges gave her 6's. Three judges 6,6,6. Here is the clickity, click linkie thing –
    http://tv.gawker.com/5667249/bristol-palin-dons-m

    • BornInATrailer

      The Number of the HamBeast!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Air hockey? Kegerators? Women so desperate they'll settle for half a hug???

    I think it's the conservative straight boys who've been brainwashed into thinking they have fulfilling, successful lives, Mr. Paladino.

  • DCHatesMe

    Did anyone get an erection at this party? Because that would be news.

  • SarcasticNymph

    we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties

    butt-plug gnomes, then.

  • Gopherit

    Half-hug. the bottom half.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    All the PhD math geeks I knew had Asperger's, used meth or had Asperger's and used meth. Their 'parties' were shouting matches in cramped apartments where all the walls had been taken over by markerboards.

  • EdFlintstone

    Whats a daily caller kegerator without some Swanson frozen TV dinners.