You are probably unaware — because you are an ignorant liberal — but Tucker Carlson bought his Internet website a “kegerator,” which is a made-up word for a fancy contraption that pees beer. Anyway: Now the Daily Caller is always boozing on the job and occasionally these winos even invite other people to booze with them too — people like Your Wonkette. How did Wonkette secure special VIP tickets to the latest Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger, which was last evening? We will never know, not ever. But did we also manage to score a hawt photo with Tucker Carlson, who was wearing a very handsome pair of pink trousers?
Sadly, no. Tucker left before we even arrived — because we are always late to everything — but at least we got some cool party favors. (We use the above Holy Shrine for prayer/meditation, and for scaring the dickens out of our landlady.)
Everyone got roaring drunk at this strange thing. We are a little fuzzy on the details, because of alcohol, but we do recall eating a fruit roll-up corn syrup snack that we foraged from the Daily Caller kitchen, and also we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?” And then we made an emergency U-turn and got more beer.
Anyway, thank you to the Daily Caller! All of the Daily Caller people are super friendly, and now we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties.
Next time might we suggest a joint Wonkette/Daily Caller Bow Tie Rave? Email us, Tucker/that guy from the Daily Caller who does shrooms!