WONKETTE EXCLUSIVES  9:56 am October 19, 2010

Wonkette Infiltrates Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger

by Riley Waggaman

Can you find Tucker Carlson in this photograph?You are probably unaware — because you are an ignorant liberal — but Tucker Carlson bought his Internet website a “kegerator,” which is a made-up word for a fancy contraption that pees beer. Anyway: Now the Daily Caller is always boozing on the job and occasionally these winos even invite other people to booze with them too — people like Your Wonkette. How did Wonkette secure special VIP tickets to the latest Daily Caller Bow Tie Kegger, which was last evening? We will never know, not ever. But did we also manage to score a hawt photo with Tucker Carlson, who was wearing a very handsome pair of pink trousers?

Now we can pay homage to the Bow Tie DeitiesSadly, no. Tucker left before we even arrived — because we are always late to everything — but at least we got some cool party favors. (We use the above Holy Shrine for prayer/meditation, and for scaring the dickens out of our landlady.)

Everyone got roaring drunk at this strange thing. We are a little fuzzy on the details, because of alcohol, but we do recall eating a fruit roll-up corn syrup snack that we foraged from the Daily Caller kitchen, and also we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?” And then we made an emergency U-turn and got more beer.

Anyway, thank you to the Daily Caller! All of the Daily Caller people are super friendly, and now we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties.

Next time might we suggest a joint Wonkette/Daily Caller Bow Tie Rave? Email us, Tucker/that guy from the Daily Caller who does shrooms!

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Hola wonkerados.

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BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 10:02 am

I hope you guys trashed the bathroom before you left the party. Good times.

Wadisay October 19, 2010 at 10:03 am

Is that the blood of Christine O'Donnell on that alter?

Kidneys4Sale October 19, 2010 at 11:10 am

How much of an answer do you really want to that question?

forgracie October 19, 2010 at 10:05 am

"Have a beer–don't cost nothin'."
Future Senator Blutowski

Progressiveinga October 19, 2010 at 11:01 am

Chances of that happening: zero. point. zero.

ManchuCandidate October 19, 2010 at 10:06 am

No shrine to Aqua Budda?

Poor Daily Caller Guy… not out of the closet just yet.

DoktorZoom October 19, 2010 at 10:06 am

we accidentally walked into a room where some drunk lady was asking a horrified Daily Caller guy, “Can I at least give you a half hug?”

Looks like that Helen Rittelmeyer gal is rebounding already. Was there gratuitous suffering?

prommie October 19, 2010 at 10:14 am

There's an audio recording on youtube of doctor zoom and the sonic boom playing Leonard Cohen's Suzanne, which is interesting.

dr_giraud October 19, 2010 at 10:14 am

"Horrified"? Was Ross Douthat at the party?

ttommyunger October 19, 2010 at 10:21 am

That is one ugly woman, inside and out.

Badonkadonkette October 19, 2010 at 10:07 am

ZOMG they have air hockey, a kegerator, AND mirrors everywhere? They're like…actually, they're kind of like that creepy frat house where all the guys had to go to the basement for cheap beer and all the girls couldn't quite remember what happened last night.

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 10:39 am

What girls?

BrentKockman October 19, 2010 at 10:07 am

they should come to the halloween party. that's still on, right?

JMPEsq October 19, 2010 at 10:11 am

It sounds almost more like a house rented by a bunch of guys (and definitely just men) who recently graduated college than an office of people who consider themselves to be journalists.

prommie October 19, 2010 at 10:13 am

Air hockey? This is for when they can't get out and play kickball, presumably? I'm just barfing, over here, is all.

Gorilllionaire October 19, 2010 at 10:15 am

Please do not ever tell us what you find in their house porn stash.

Fare la Volpe October 19, 2010 at 10:20 am

Mmm, Maggie. You've been a bad Prime Ministrix.

weejee October 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

No doubt the inspiration for the Stone's *When the Whip Comes Down.*

Lascauxcaveman October 19, 2010 at 10:59 am

Took me a second to get that one, but ewwww.

ttommyunger October 19, 2010 at 10:22 am

Tucker Carlson, always relevant; that is, until the family fortune runs dry.

weejee October 19, 2010 at 10:25 am

For most conservtards, air hockey is an over-the-top high impact CV workout. Usually channel surfing with the remote, twatting, and fapping is as strenuous a workout as they can abide.

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 10:31 am

Don't forget foosball.

prommie October 19, 2010 at 10:41 am

Fapping can really burn off the calories, if you do it 7 or 8 times a day.

JustPixelz October 19, 2010 at 11:03 am

I guess the inference is that thin, fit Repubicans use the Arm Of Steel workout your described. Whilst the lard-asses are committed to Christine O'Donnell's value system. Congrats Xtine on your success with Newt, Rush, Christie, Huckabee. Keep working on that skinny Joe Miller, he'll come around.

nappyduggs October 19, 2010 at 12:02 pm

You mean "he'll become a Round", right?

Gainsbourg69 October 19, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Just like the shakeweight? I don't believe you.

freakishlywrong October 19, 2010 at 10:26 am

Cocker Tardson probably kicks himself every time he is roundly mocked for the whole DWTS debacle. At least I hope he does.

WigFlipper October 19, 2010 at 10:33 am

Yeah, but what we really want is more conservative-on-Riley action.

JadedDissonance October 19, 2010 at 10:35 am

I am shocked that you did not seek Vengeance against The Daily Caller for publishing JournoList Emails written by Dave Weigel. What's a warblog worth these days anyway?

NotYerGaryBusey October 19, 2010 at 3:26 pm

You don't talk about Project Mayhem.

RedneckMuslin October 19, 2010 at 10:35 am

Waggaman/Carlson 2012

weejee October 19, 2010 at 10:39 am

Hope the 'shroom hunters are doing spore prints so they don't have a confused, before ingestion, between the Liberty Caps they're chasin' and Galerina Marginata. That oops can make for a serious sad after ingestion.

Lucidamente1 October 19, 2010 at 10:40 am

Riley, why are you wearing Tucker's shirt? Is there something we should know?

Oblios_Cap October 19, 2010 at 11:05 am

Breibart's gonna be soooo mad! He has the hots for Wags, you know.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 19, 2010 at 10:46 am

I love a happy ending! There was a happy ending, right?

BornInATrailer October 19, 2010 at 10:46 am

It's items like this that make me feel hip. And I was captain of the chess team.

SaintRond October 19, 2010 at 10:55 am

You realize of course that Tucker Carlson was simply emulating others with his bow tie look. That particular look for perpetually boyish looking Republicans was originally conceived by another dirty trick GOP operative and part time fashion maven – Ted Bundy.

No joke. Ted Bundy made that shit popular. Then when they get diabetes and their gut expands they grow a little Lucky Stars beard and put on suspenders so their pants don't fall down and conceivably expose their loathsome little genitals.

awesome_dude October 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

No picture of Riley scissoring with a sexually ambiguous Tucker Carlson writer/producer?

You guys aren't fulfilling some provision of your contract.

mrblifil October 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

Well at least we weren't treated to pictures of men blowing each other in some alley, but it was close.

SudsMckenzie October 19, 2010 at 10:58 am

log me in please

BaldarTFlagass October 19, 2010 at 10:59 am

At least this party thing might explain why it's 11 AM and there are a total of three posts this morning.

SudsMcKenzie October 19, 2010 at 11:01 am

He bought that "Kegerator" the old fashioned way. He inherited it.

Mindblank October 19, 2010 at 11:06 am

Oh, fine. Go ahead and defect to the Dark Side or the Home Side or whatever, just for a few lousy beers. It worked for Anakim Skywalker, after all.

Dances_For_Ham October 19, 2010 at 11:28 am

Not at all kegerator / bow tie / shroom related but here is a video of Bristol Palin dancing around in a monkey suit. She is looking a bit puffy and at this point qualifies to be featured on "Fat Chicks in Party Hats". –

The DWTS judges gave her 6's. Three judges 6,6,6. Here is the clickity, click linkie thing –

BornInATrailer October 19, 2010 at 12:50 pm

The Number of the HamBeast!

SheriffRoscoe October 19, 2010 at 11:29 am

Air hockey? Kegerators? Women so desperate they'll settle for half a hug???

I think it's the conservative straight boys who've been brainwashed into thinking they have fulfilling, successful lives, Mr. Paladino.

DCHatesMe October 19, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Did anyone get an erection at this party? Because that would be news.

SarcasticNymph October 19, 2010 at 3:16 pm

we feel sort of bad about having called them “bow tie gnomes,” because really only a few of them actually wear bow ties

butt-plug gnomes, then.

Gopherit October 19, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Half-hug. the bottom half.

Rarian Rakista October 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm

All the PhD math geeks I knew had Asperger's, used meth or had Asperger's and used meth. Their 'parties' were shouting matches in cramped apartments where all the walls had been taken over by markerboards.

EdFlintstone October 19, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Whats a daily caller kegerator without some Swanson frozen TV dinners.

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