Sarah Palin gave an interview to something called “Zap2it,” and it turns out she is very proud of Bristol for dancing with the gays on some teevee show. “This is so Bristol, challenging herself, getting out of her comfort zone,” Sarah said, referring to Bristol’s propensity to “try anything once,” even if she’s not using proper protection. Here’s another big revelation: Bristol “relates to” Florence Henderson “more than anybody else” because they are both 9,000 years old in terms of their outlook on life. But more importantly, Todd just wants everybody to know that, while he supports his daughter, Dancing with the Stars totally asked him to be on that show first.
Asked about that, Palin says, “I know, that’s what I heard. That’s what Todd has heard, too, through the rumor mill, that they called Todd. Didn’t they call you, Todd?”
In the background, he answers in the affirmative. “Yeah, they called Todd. Oh …” she pauses to listen, “they contacted the governor’s mansion, the manager there, to try to get to Todd to ask him.”
As she boards the flight, Palin hands the phone to her husband, who says, “It was a good thing that I declined, otherwise we wouldn’t be watching Bristol today. Because, after my performance, they would ban any other Palins.”
That should be a general rule for any sort of thing, such as a democracy.
Oh, and here’s this:
As Piper was listening to Bristol explain to me,” says Sarah, “how difficult the steps were — because a lot of these dances, we had never heard the name of the dances, much less knowing the steps of them — Piper said, ‘I know how you can learn those steps — just write them on the palm of your hand.’
“I’m like, ‘That’s exactly what I would do!’ I told Bristol she should do that for one of the songs.”
(Her mother is reminding us she’s good at politics.)
So we guess this teevee show is on the air tonight. Bristol will appear in blackface:
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"zap zit"?
Yup, first thing I saw.
Me too
I thought that too and it made perfect sense. Hawking Pro-Active seems like the next logical step for her. All the other pointless celebrities do it.
That's Ok, i saw ZapTit
I think Mark Ballas would have preferred Todd too.
2,323,852 people despise this.
So then by Sarah's definition, blowing the hockey team, fixing meth in a spoon, sexting pictures of scat play, imbibing Sterno, and requiring surgical removal of extreme double dildo apperatuses all fall under the rubric: "so Bristol."
Never mix meth and sterno.
Sounds like Friday evening. Some several years ago (sigh).
Who told you about my prom night?
You say "blowing the hockey team" like it's a bad thing.
Bristol tried writing her dance moves on her hand, but she kept putting her stiletto heels through her palm and then her whole family thought she had the stigmata.
Barbara Billingsly(RIP) = AIRPLANE!
Flo Henderson = Moralistic Brady Child dater
I can't keep track of actors that i haven't seen nekkid.
Todd Palin is one of your real cotton-candy and potatoes kind of guys.
"As Piper was listening to Bristol explain to me,” says Sarah, “how difficult the steps were — because a lot of these dances, we had never heard the name of the dances, much less knowing the steps of them — Piper said, ‘I know how you can learn those steps — just write them on the palm of your hand.’"
Piper Palin proposed a palm of plagiarized pirouettes.
Stewardess, I speak Jive.
Too soon?
No, I think Barbara BIllingsley would approve!
I would hope so!
Entirely appropriate, since Sarah and Bristol admit the Pistol has more in common with old white ladies than teens struggling with their burgeoning libido's.
As much as it kinda grosses me out to witness a lifelong desperate-publicity-hungry-cougar be relevant beyond her 15 minutes of fame, you got to give it to Sarah, I mean Mrs. Brady, bold enough to toddle around on her fragile, old lady legs to give Ginormica and her tiny dancer a run for their money.
Bristol and Florence get along like BFFies because they "celebrate life" like Burton and O'Toole, and each of them has handled about 3,800 yards of mystery schlong. That it took Florence 102 years to do this vs. Bristol's 19 never comes up in conversation, which is odd.
Are you proposing an asterisk by BP's name in the Record Book?
"Mystery Schlong," this shall be my band's name, after I finally learn to play guitar and start the band.
The original title of this show was Making a Fuckwit of Yourself with Washed-Up Human Nightmares, but it wasn't catchy enough.
Is there a such thing as the pudding beard dance?
I understand it is very hard to practice that one, it disturbs the neighbors.
Especially the Baryshnikov's.
You want Todd Palin. You settle for Bristol Palin. But the person you REALLY wanted was Dr. Zahi Hawass.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Weren't these useless twats' 15 minutes of fame up about 3 1/2 years ago?
I thought Bristol's "comfort zone", was her head underneath the steering wheel of Levi's pickup.
‘I know how you can learn those steps — just write them on the palm of your hand.’
She'll need to use a Sharpie so the ink won't have run after she's given all those stars a hand.
…job.
Dancing With The 'Tards
Those are some ebullient gams, right there.
Careful, that's a 3-syllable word you just used about a Palin!
I get a feeling that Bristol isn't going to be around DWTS much longer. The one doing most of the dancing is her partner, not her. I will give her credit having the nerve to get up there in front of millions and be judged. (although not as much nerve as it takes to speak in favor of abstinence while bouncing a baby on your knee.) But she is clearly as lost as Atlantis when it comes to knowing what she's doing up there.
Plus that whole Todd thing is just plain weird.
It's like her own dad was trying to one-up her. Bizarre…
Even if you had never heard of Sarah, it'd tell you all you need to know about this vile snowbilly menagerie.
Dancing with the Bears?
I will be amazed if Bris gets through this without dropping a kid or two.
Oh, Jesus.
"Because a lot of these dances, we had never heard the name of the dances"
She wants it both ways (sex joke). She wants to be all folksy and ignorant about the world, but she also wants to show how much she knows, e.g.:
"Alaska isn't a foreign country where it's kind of suggested it seems like, wow how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, DC may be thinking and doing, when you live up there in Alaska. Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America."
Which one is it, SP? Are you folksy or are you competent?
Oh, I'm all of them, Katie!
Here's another one of her stupid grifter dichotomies from the that post:
"What she did, she loaded up her truck, and she drove it from Wasilla, Alaska, to Rodeo Drive [in Beverly Hills, Calif.], parked it there. She's in a little apartment there, she and Tripp [her son, born in Dec. 2008], and one of my good friends is helping her with Tripp.
#1, she's lying. #2, it corroborates your premise. Folksy truck dumbass driving 3000 miles, but the grifters do love Rodeo Clown Drive.
She "loaded up her truck and moved to Beverly? Hills, that is? Swimming pools? Movie stars?"
Exactly Radio. How many non-employed single moms do you see living in Beverly Hills off Rodeo Drive? It's just out and out BS. I am employed with no children making an okay wage and I couldn't just roll into Beverly Hills and get an apartment.
I've driven from Oregon to DC and back, but Alaska to California is a moose of a different antler. What kind of truck does she have?
I haven't been keeping up, so humor me. Is Bristol still pleasingly plump, or is some of that Alaska Blubber dropping off after several weeks of activity that is more strenuous than rolling over so he can take you from behind?
She looks a bit preggers….
Bristol has bigger tits so I would enjoy seeing her more, if I watched. However, I see most of her routines on the news the next day.
Todd would have fit right in.
Mush you savage beast, mush.
The real Palin JIVE performance began at the 2008 Republican National Convention.
LIPSTICK!
She wants to grow up to be a quitter, just like her mama.
I can't get over how they keep sharing their hand-note talking points all the time and whatnot. Like progressing this "comfort zone" crap, that we should all create a culture where underachievers should be rewarded handsomely for purposely diving un-blinkingly into things over their pay-grade that affect loads of other peoples lives.
When I have those stress dreams where I am sitting in class naked, I look to cover up (after trying and failing to 'fly' away or flutter my eyes desperately to keep them open.) But we have the Palin's over here swinging their dicks around and taunting their classmates that they can't get enough of them. . .
I have to tell you the very first sentence of Jack's post had me laughing so hard I never got around to reading the rest of the whole Palin schtick and jive. So what happened?
Cant get piss out of boot if instructions written on heel, etc, thank you. Back to the program.
Every photo I see of Bristol reminds me that dressing manatees in human clothes is just cruel and degrading.
I concur. She is basically engulfing that poor tiny man in the picture with her massive frame. Maybe ELF will release her to the wild one of these days and she (and he) will no longer have to be subjected to such humiliation.
Again I know manatees and Bristol is no manatee – manatees are gentle vegetarians that shun the spotlight
Sigh . . . I suppose you're right. I would actually feel sorry if I accidentally hit a manatee with a prop, and certainly wouldn't turn about and do it again.
What a classy family! Bristol was the second choice Palin. And Todd/Sarah were tactless enough to tell the world.
As I've said, Bristol is a plucky orphan who lost her parents in a tragic ego explosion.
Todd didn't want to participate as he needed his palm for something else.
Todd couldn't dance if you shot at his feet.
And Sarah knows, seeing as how she's probably shot at him on numerous occasions. I always picture Todd being locked in the Palin basement and let out for assorted interviews and appearances. He's like an apparition.
The only sane member of that family is the son.
I would have liked to see Todd put on his dancing shoe's.
lol!!!!!!
That's Bristol Palin? I though it a polar bear that had shed all its hair because of the mange.
So she WASN'T wearing a coat in her music vid debut?….
Immediately following Bristol's performance, Sarah will board a plane for an 8 hour flight to give birth to Michigan J. Frog.
Bristol's head is like a great full moon rising above her hillocks and billows of flesh. It exerts a peculiar tidal force, drawing the stupid and the annoying to her.
Maybe it's just the angle, but the size of her head in that picture cannot be in proportion to her body–that head looks like it'd fit on the Statue of Liberty or Mt. Rushmore. Seriously…look at it–it's twice the size of the ghey dude she's dancing with.
I remember Zap2it from the days I had a DIY digital video recorder. The software you used to get TV listings had some kind of deal with these people where you filled out a survey every six months and got free access to the listings. They then stopped doing that and decided that to use this open source package would cost you $5 a month (to get the listings). It was one of those situations where they wanted to control the users (since the original version of the software just scraped the listings off the public website), and they knew no one would pay so for some reason they decided that a good compromise was this survey thing. By the time the $5/mo. came along I was long gone and happily torrenting, so yeah.
I really hope that Piper is a secret librul. It sounds to me like that comment about hand-writing was a total burn, and Snowbilly was just too stupid to realize it.
Remember, this is a family that refers to Trig as "Mr. Smartypants."
Let's hope the first of many.
That's so Raven, I mean Bristol.
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Yeah…I watched it…not so much hilarious as horrible…no votes from me!!! HAHHAHAHAHAH…She was so bad I voted for Kurt Warner and the guy from the Disney channel whose name I can't even remember over her…
I hate this woman with the heat of a thousand suns.
“This is so Bristol, challenging herself, getting out of her comfort zone,”
Translation: she'll totally do anal.
If she was doing more of that, then maybe she wouldn't have got knocked up!
Ooooooh! Big leg momma, throw your big leg over me.
Why don't the Palin gals just get some wacky original body modification that turn their palms into dry-erase boards?
when anyone says "jive", i automatically think of republicans from alaska.
Bristol has the deadest eyes I've seen on a living human being. I mean like serial killer-level vacancy. I mean like staring into a gaping, brown abyss vacant.
I guess what I'm saying is that there's nothing upstrairs is what I'm saying, see. Also.
As much as I dislike the Palin clan – have you seen the eyes on that girl from The Hills? I shiver every time they do a close up. And the abyss looks into me.
Oh, yeah. Audrina. Yeah, pretty dead with the caveat that she can at least animate them on cue. Plus, she's hot, so who cares?
Did you see their gorilla jive?
You see Christine O'Donnell, monkey's do evolve in front of our eyes – just not by much. . .
That remark is an insult to monkeys everywhere.
There is no need for me to start singing a certain ditty from TeeVee Days of Lore.
I despise this family, but I don't get why every time there is a picture of Bristol, people say she's fat and that's all it takes to get a shitload of thumbs up. I have never seen so many grown ass men (mostly) being so catty. Don't act like you wouldn't hit it. I think she looks hawwwt. But then I never went for the bony.
But hey I learned my lesson. Next time I'll post 'hehe, she's fat and stuff' and get all the point thingies.
She reminds me of the Piggly Wiggly store in Texas. Piggly Wiggle Thighs. Piggly Wiggly Face. Piggly Wiggle Brain (based upon his picture on the free baloons they gave out; you only got the baloon, and you had to fill it up with your own hot air).
Piggly Wiggly Girl sounds like a great country/western song.
"because a lot of these dances, we had never heard the name of the dances " – yeah, who's ever heard of the tango or the quickstep.
Bristol will appear in blackface.
Actually Jack, you weren't too far off mark here. The pair decided to jive half the routine in gorrilla suits, so given her fanbase it won't be for too long until we see the clip circulated as "Obama Inaugural Dance" with a few forwards from Paladino.
Ol' Jughead the dancin' Palin. I bet her celebrity will hang like an awful funk over my entire life. Some foul news of her blatted out of a huge gross television machine will probably be the last thing I hear on my deathbed, and that ain't fair. Oh well, I hope her thighs get as big as poker tables.
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