CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose

  future shock

DOUBLE DRUDGE SIREN.What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many important Republican/Teabaggers are losing, with 40% reporting or whatever! Carly Fiorina, John McCain, Richard Shelby, Ken Buck, Christine O’Donnell, Mark Kirk, David Vitter, Sharron Angle, Tom Coburn, even Chuck Grassley … all losers! CONCEDE YOU IDIOT LOSERS, the Associated Press is calling it! And in the biggest upset of the election, Alvin Greene has soundly beaten Jim DeMint, 45%-40%. YES HE CAN!

But Joe Miller is winning, and so is Marco Rubio, so it’s not all gloomy for the Tea Party.

Read ‘em all, courtesy of Wonkette operative “Scott S.” and CNBC.com, whose web editors clearly don’t know how to follow the AP’s directions. Is Rick Santelli posting the web stuff now? Because he is definitely dumb enough to do this. Or maybe the AP desk editor put these on the live wire instead of the advisory/bulletin wire or whatever it’s called. (It has been a decade now since your Wonkette editor was a wire editor, sorry.) Anyway, enjoy this idiocy, because it may be the only election-news fun you’ll have this month or next:

These are TEST returns. They must not be broadcast or published.
Published: Monday, 18 Oct 2010 | 2:45 PM ET

1,117 of 2,813 precincts – 40 percent

<

William Barnes, Dem 305,553 - 54 percent

Richard Shelby, GOP (i) 257,911 - 46 percent
Alaska

246 of 438 precincts - 56 percent -Open

<

Scott McAdams, Dem 52,449 - 38 percent

Joe Miller, GOP 58,338 - 42 percent

Total Write-In, NPD 4,899 - 4 percent

Tim Carter, NPD 7,355 - 5 percent

Ted Gianoutsos, NPD 7,368 - 5 percent

David Haase, Lib 7,181 - 5 percent
Arizona

291 of 2,239 precincts - 13 percent

<

Rodney Glassman, Dem 86,967 - 46 percent

John McCain, GOP (i) 74,118 - 39 percent

Jerry Joslyn, Grn 14,364 - 8 percent

David Nolan, Lib 14,355 - 8 percent
Arkansas

847 of 2,406 precincts - 35 percent

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Blanche Lincoln, Dem (i) 53,642 - 30 percent

John Boozman, GOP 71,358 - 40 percent

John Gray, Grn 17,738 - 10 percent

Trevor Drown, Ind 37,317 - 21 percent
California

12,396 of 24,753 precincts - 50 percent

<

Barbara Boxer, Dem (i) 1,896,012 - 43 percent

Carly Fiorina, GOP 1,766,185 - 40 percent

Marsha Feinland, PFP 203,440 - 5 percent

Gail Lightfoot, Lib 173,854 - 4 percent

Edward Noonan, AIP 156,952 - 4 percent

Duane Roberts, Grn 217,836 - 5 percent
Colorado

1,399 of 3,246 precincts - 43 percent

<

Michael Bennet, Dem (i) 295,879 - 44 percent

Ken Buck, GOP 265,463 - 40 percent

Bob Kinsey, Grn 20,688 - 3 percent

Charley Miller, Una 19,258 - 3 percent

J. Moromisato, Una 20,681 - 3 percent

Jason Napolitano, INR 23,698 - 4 percent

Maclyn Stringer, Lib 20,587 - 3 percent
Connecticut

268 of 751 precincts - 36 percent -Open

<

Richard Blumenthal, Dem 154,767 - 41 percent

Linda McMahon, GOP 168,197 - 45 percent

John Mertens, CTL 28,287 - 8 percent

Warren Mosler, Ind 24,291 - 6 percent
Delaware

245 of 436 precincts - 56 percent -Open

<

Christopher Coons, Dem 67,599 - 36 percent

Christine O'Donnell, GOP 62,925 - 33 percent

Glenn Miller, IPD 47,525 - 25 percent

James Rash, Lib 11,649 - 6 percent
Florida

2,179 of 6,951 precincts - 31 percent -Open

<

Marco Rubio, GOP 687,616 - 38 percent

Kendrick Meek, Dem 224,532 - 12 percent

Alexander Snitker, Lib 37,820 - 2 percent

Bernie DeCastro, CST 34,804 - 2 percent

Sue Askeland, NPA 50,884 - 3 percent

Bruce Riggs, NPA 37,304 - 2 percent

Bobbie Bean, NPA 48,087 - 3 percent

Rick Tyler, NPA 45,609 - 3 percent

Charlie Crist, Ind 588,901 - 32 percent

Lewis Armstrong, NPA 58,015 - 3 percent
Georgia

915 of 2,902 precincts - 32 percent

<

Michael Thurmond, Dem 380,861 - 46 percent

Johnny Isakson, GOP (i) 331,000 - 40 percent

Chuck Donovan, Lib 123,473 - 15 percent
Hawaii

99 of 242 precincts - 41 percent

<

Daniel Inouye, Dem (i) 47,771 - 43 percent

Cam Cavasso, GOP 44,263 - 40 percent

Jim Brewer, Grn 2,910 - 3 percent

Jeff Jarrett, NP 8,451 - 8 percent

Jeff Mallan, Lib 7,304 - 7 percent
Idaho

373 of 961 precincts - 39 percent

<

Tom Sullivan, Dem 44,551 - 39 percent

Mike Crapo, GOP (i) 50,058 - 44 percent

Randy Bergquist, Con 18,807 - 17 percent
Illinois - U.S. Senate 2010

6,566 of 11,579 precincts - 57 percent -Open

<

Mark Kirk, GOP 1,013,697 - 40 percent

Alexi Giannoulias, Dem 1,100,251 - 44 percent

LeAlan Jones, Grn 201,557 - 8 percent

Mike Labno, Lib 195,438 - 8 percent
Indiana

1,716 of 5,306 precincts - 32 percent -Open

<

Brad Ellsworth, Dem 281,793 - 42 percent

Dan Coats, GOP 293,166 - 44 percent

Rebecca Sink-Burris, Lib 97,331 - 14 percent
Iowa - U.S. Senate 2010

1,501 of 1,873 precincts - 80 percent

<

Roxanne Conlin, Dem 385,955 - 44 percent

Chuck Grassley, GOP (i) 349,023 - 40 percent

John Heiderscheit, Lib 133,472 - 15 percent
Kansas - U.S. Senate 2010

2,183 of 3,316 precincts - 66 percent -Open

<

Lisa Johnston, Dem 223,821 - 41 percent

Jerry Moran, GOP 244,739 - 44 percent

Michael Dann, Lib 42,044 - 8 percent

Joe Bellis, RP 39,990 - 7 percent
Kentucky

1,517 of 3,578 precincts - 42 percent -Open

<

Jack Conway, Dem 286,438 - 45 percent

Rand Paul, GOP 345,079 - 55 percent
Louisiana

831 of 3,877 precincts - 21 percent

<

Charlie Melancon, Dem 68,162 - 25 percent

David Vitter, GOP (i) 56,382 - 20 percent

Michael Brown, Ind 8,484 - 3 percent

Skip Galan, Ind 11,076 - 4 percent

Milton Gordon, Ind 14,000 - 5 percent

Randall Hayes, Lib 2,847 - 1 percent

Tommy LaFargue, Ind 16,942 - 6 percent

Bob Lang, Ind 19,692 - 7 percent

William McShan, RP 5,710 - 2 percent

Sam H. Melton, Ind 22,232 - 8 percent

Mike Spears, Ind 24,692 - 9 percent

Ernest Wooton, Ind 25,156 - 9 percent
Maryland

599 of 1,840 precincts - 33 percent

<

Barbara Mikulski, Dem (i) 220,780 - 44 percent

Eric Wargotz, GOP 162,614 - 33 percent

Kenniss Henry, Grn 52,630 - 11 percent

Richard Shawver, CST 60,594 - 12 percent
Missouri - U.S. Senate 2010

1,777 of 3,387 precincts - 52 percent -Open

<

Robin Carnahan, Dem 398,890 - 44 percent

Roy Blunt, GOP 360,988 - 40 percent

Jonathan Dine, Lib 69,210 - 8 percent

Jerry Beck, CST 72,559 - 8 percent
Nevada

985 of 2,126 precincts - 46 percent

<

Harry Reid, Dem (i) 106,219 - 40 percent

Sharron Angle, GOP 109,082 - 41 percent

Scott Ashjian, TEA 7,947 - 3 percent

None of these candidates, NPD 7,110 - 3 percent

Tim Fasano, IAP 8,126 - 3 percent

Michael Haines, Ind 7,658 - 3 percent

Jesse Holland, Ind 6,359 - 2 percent

Jeffrey Reeves, Ind 7,562 - 3 percent

Wil Stand, Ind 5,836 - 2 percent
New Hampshire

125 of 301 precincts - 42 percent -Open

<

Paul Hodes, Dem 73,688 - 34 percent

Kelly Ayotte, GOP 44,926 - 21 percent

Ken Blevens, Lib 65,080 - 30 percent

Chris Booth, Ind 34,789 - 16 percent
New York - U.S. Senate Unexpired Term

8,095 of 16,310 precincts - 50 percent

<

Kirsten Gillibrand, Dem (i) 1,599,277 - 55 percent

Joseph DioGuardi, GOP 994,558 - 34 percent

Cecile Lawrence, Grn 63,651 - 2 percent

Joseph Huff, Oth 54,159 - 2 percent

John Clifton, Lib 65,419 - 2 percent

Vivia Morgan, Oth 51,332 - 2 percent

Bruce Blakeman, Oth 78,125 - 3 percent
New York - U.S. Senate Full Term

7,878 of 16,310 precincts - 48 percent

<

Charles Schumer, Dem (i) 1,628,058 - 58 percent

Jay Townsend, GOP 968,582 - 34 percent

Colia Clark, Grn 81,688 - 3 percent

Randy Credico, Lib 148,207 - 5 percent
North Carolina

1,004 of 2,763 precincts - 36 percent

<

Elaine Marshall, Dem 514,314 - 45 percent

Richard Burr, GOP (i) 455,347 - 40 percent

Michael Beitler, Lib 170,563 - 15 percent
North Dakota

140 of 505 precincts - 28 percent -Open

<

Tracy Potter, Dem 13,496 - 38 percent

John Hoeven, GOP 9,589 - 27 percent

Keith Hanson, Lib 12,658 - 35 percent
Ohio

3,837 of 9,910 precincts - 39 percent -Open

<

Lee Fisher, Dem 603,542 - 39 percent

Rob Portman, GOP 666,249 - 44 percent

Eric Deaton, CST 84,018 - 5 percent

Daniel LaBotz, Soc 84,009 - 5 percent

Michael Pryce, NPA 93,360 - 6 percent
Oklahoma

650 of 2,229 precincts - 29 percent

<

Jim Rogers, Dem 115,420 - 44 percent

Tom Coburn, GOP (i) 97,590 - 37 percent

Stephen Wallace, Ind 12,997 - 5 percent

Ronald Dwyer, Ind 38,702 - 15 percent
Oregon

233 of 1,000 precincts - 23 percent

<

Ron Wyden, Dem (i) 93,164 - 40 percent

Jim Huffman, GOP 102,890 - 44 percent

Bruce Cronk, WF 14,618 - 6 percent

Marc Delphine, Lib 12,496 - 5 percent

Rick Staggenborg, Prg 12,400 - 5 percent
Pennsylvania

3,206 of 9,241 precincts - 35 percent -Open

<

Joe Sestak, Dem 869,476 - 57 percent

Pat Toomey, GOP 653,719 - 43 percent
South Carolina

867 of 2,136 precincts - 41 percent

<

Alvin Greene, Dem 213,297 - 45 percent

Jim DeMint, GOP (i) 187,314 - 40 percent

Tom Clements, Grn 70,818 - 15 percent
South Dakota

<

x-John Thune, GOP (i) Uncontested
Utah

1,177 of 2,148 precincts - 55 percent -Open

<

Sam Granato, Dem 136,757 - 40 percent

Mike Lee, GOP 154,393 - 45 percent

Scott Bradley, CST 53,141 - 15 percent
Vermont

117 of 260 precincts - 45 percent

<

Patrick Leahy, Dem (i) 45,273 - 42 percent

Len Britton, GOP 36,403 - 34 percent

Stephen Cain, Ind 1,822 - 2 percent

Peter Diamondstone, Soc 7,388 - 7 percent

Cris Ericson, Oth 6,968 - 7 percent

Daniel Freilich, Ind 6,465 - 6 percent

Johenry Nunes, Ind 2,321 - 2 percent
Washington

1,762 of 6,000 precincts - 29 percent

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Patty Murray, Dem (i) 245,255 - 47 percent

Dino Rossi, GOP 281,969 - 53 percent
West Virginia

746 of 1,883 precincts - 40 percent -Open

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Joe Manchin, Dem 97,191 - 41 percent

John Raese, GOP 100,663 - 43 percent

Jeff Becker, CST 18,741 - 8 percent

Jesse Johnson, Mnt 18,144 - 8 percent
Wisconsin - U.S. Senate 2010

1,740 of 3,608 precincts - 48 percent

<

Russ Feingold, Dem (i) 355,718 - 40 percent

Ron Johnson, GOP 402,562 - 45 percent

Rob Taylor, CST 131,674 - 15 percent
Copyright 2010 The Associated Press.

[CNBC.com]

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52 comments

  1. SayItWithWookies

    I hear this is going to be the official result after those two guys from the New Black Panthers take over America. One of them has a stick, so we're pretty much helpless against them.

    1. Negropolis

      Bwahaha. Verily, it shall be a Shining Negropolis on a Hill. You thought the caning was bad in Singapore. Y'all ain't seen nothin' yet.

  2. JMPEsq

    The results came from a mysterious British figure wearing an eight foot long rainbow-colored scarf.

  3. Fare la Volpe

    How is Harry Reid neck-and-neck with this woman? Don't the teabaggers hate Slant-eyes just as much as they hate Spics?

        1. tcaalaw

          I thought he was parodying the line, "Billy, don't you lose my number," from Phil Collins' song "Don't Lose My Number" off of the No Jacket Required album.

  4. iburl

    Maybe if we can fake a document that shows that the democrats hold a strong majority in both houses of congress then maybe we can see some backbone and progressive legislation. How's 60/40 in the senate sound?

    1. weejee

      The chances of that are less than Richard Cohen will be the winning pitcher in game 7 of this year's World Series. Oh, sorry on that, forgots your UK background. …only slightly less than Maggie Thatcher will get tapped to be the bowler on the 2011 All England Cricket team.

  5. harry_palmer

    David Vitter only loses if the white people in LA suddenly turn non-psychopathic. Ain't happenin.

  6. johnnyzhivago

    Back in the "old" days, NBC's election results ran on the RCA corporate mainframes in Cherry Hill, NJ. The software was written by RCA Laboratories and was probably a million lines of Cobol or Fortran or some other forgotten computer language.

    The Somerville, NJ data center was shutdown that night – as an emergency backup – and guards were posted to be sure no one attempted to barge in and disrupt anything. All design and manufacturing of semiconductors and vacuum tubes was suspended for the evening.

    Leaks?? You must be joking???

    NBC in those days was a "corporate jewel" and the election night thing was Christmas, Thanksgiving and 4th of July all rolled into one.

    Nowadays I guess the returns are processed on some idiot's iPhone and sent out by Twitter, like everything else these days, a half assed job for a half assed country…

    1. HistoriCat

      "A half assed job for a half assed country" – sounds like a great slogan. Which CNN show gets to use it?

    2. slappypaddy

      i'm old enough to remember when we had an entire ass. it was tight, too. and it did a hell of a job, day after day.

      time to sob into my gin…

  7. savethispatient

    It's funny how spaceship interiors generally look like factories covered in tin-foil too.

    PS: Not next season – they're going to be filming in the US for the first time ever

    1. PresBeeblebrox

      Yeah, and the story has the Doctor & Pals showing up in Utah to battle a Secret Mormon Polygamist Army. Well, kind of – it IS set in Utah.

  8. GOPCrusher

    Roxanne Conlin isn't beating Chuck Grassley. She isn't even bothering to air TV or radio ads. We are being bombarded with ads telling us how hard Chuck is working for us, and that he is trying to get a rule passed in the Senate to end the practice of the "secret hold". I guess he thinks that it isn't right that a single Senator can hold up legislation or an appointment from coming up for a vote. Go figure.

  9. WhatTheHeck

    The lamestream librul mwdia also reported there was a black man as president. I checked, and what do you know, they are right. Maybe these librul media types are not owned by the tea party after all.

  10. loquacioustunes

    Well, fuck. Dick Blumenthal, savior of my beloved Connecticut, lost to Linda McMahon, cuntmuffin extraordinaire.

  11. finallyhappy

    Glenn Miller has 25% of the vote in Delaware- damn – a dead bandleader from the 40s can't get more votes than a masturbating witch??

  12. hooray4anything

    Oh, no Wonkette, I'm not falling for this ever again. My friends are still pissed at me for organizing that John Kerry Victory Party

  13. MistaEko

    Alvin Greene knows how to pull an October Surprise

    1. be timely
    2. be novel
    3. be of clean hands
    4. be a rising tide to lift all your party's boats

    Somewhere in a war room Karl Rove is pounding his fist on an electoral map and cursing Greene's name.

  14. HistoriCat

    Damn – those SEIU thugs can't do anything right. Back when ACORN was in charge of vote manipulation things were done properly.

    1. fauxcault

      Grayson isn't beating Vampire Joe McCarthy in "Get me outta F-L-A" Florida…. a Dwyane Wade/Lebron James Master Blaster couldn't beat Vampire Joe.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      But that's because there's a trans-dimensional wibbly wobbly hellmouthy vortex super fluxy time capacitor there! It all makes sense if you know your quantonium neurophysics. Neutron flow, also.

Comments are closed.