Jonah Goldberg gathered together his crew of conservative nerds on Book TV a couple weeks back to talk about his dumb new book, to which they all contributed. They are the next generation of conservatives, these hip 42-year-olds with elf voices. Everything was going just fine until one elf, Todd Seavey, started alluding to his lengthy bf-gf relationship with the elf sitting next to him, Helen Rittelmeyer. “It might come as a surprise to some of you that we dated for two years, not just because we have ideological differences, but because there are probably some people in this room who also dated Helen during those two years,” said Seavey in the only YouTube video featuring him other human beings will ever watch. This all made Jonah very uncomfortable/horny.
“I learned very quickly, AT YALE, WHERE I WENT.” Haha, that lady was just asking for it. How dare this woman hurt that elf’s feelings by sleeping with other conservative nerd-elves?
Yes, this all was up on C-SPAN, but the viewers didn’t understand what was going on, because the people on the panel were not talking about the colored man. And Georgetown University paid for this whole event, because Catholics are really into Catholics who are really into “perversion.”
This guy was really hurt by his ex-girlfriend elf. He also placed a personal ad on the Internet one time, and it’s basically all about this lady:
I don’t really care if you vow never to do this to me — that isn’t good enough. If you’ve ever done this to anyone — wasting not only your time and the fella’s but the time of all the other people whose schedules were disrupted by your lies, from restaurant staffs dealing with canceled reservations to other people who might have met with the fella on the nights blocked out for your illusory outings — you are, I am afraid, a terrible, selfish fiend of a human being, and I really don’t want you as a friend, let alone a date or girlfriend. Yes, that’s right — you are evil. How does it feel — the evil, I mean? Bet you thought being a Hitler or a Jack the Ripper would feel a lot different than being you. But it doesn’t. You’re living the being-evil experience. Please live it without me, though.
This guy should’ve turned to his right when he was on this panel. Sitting there next to him was a true life partner who would never hurt his feelings. [Daily Caller]