Sharron Angle Thinks Hispanic Students Have Those Asian Eyes

  race is a harry reid construct

HEIL! (Alt-alt: She love you long time.)Why would anyone put Sharron Angle before a group of Hispanic high-school students? Just so she would say something offensive? Yeah, probably. “So that’s what we want is a secure and sovereign nation and, you know, I don’t know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don’t know that,” Sharron Angle said, like a smart person. She also said she was “not sure” whether the scary Mexican-looking men in her illegal-immigration ad were Hispanic. This is all okay, because Sharron Angle cannot see color, because she is basically a minority herself: “I’ve been called the first Asian legislator in our Nevada State Assembly.”

GONGGGGGGGGGGG.

Now look at this YouTube video from our friend North Korea and tell us which one of these people is Sharron Angle:

See, you can’t tell! (Sharron Angle is the one all the way on the right, if you were wondering.) This is the whole point. If you can’t tell that Sharron Angle is white just by looking at her (and you CANNOT), race doesn’t exist and therefore we should all just stop concerning ourselves with it.

Meanwhile, Harry Reid made his own dumb comment yesterday, to make sure he didn’t get any sort of poll bounce from Angle’s dumb comment:

In a speech to supporters in Las Vegas on Sunday night, Reid said that when Obama replaced George W. Bush in the White House he found himself in a “hole so deep that he couldn’t see the outside world.

“It was like the Chilean miners, but he, being the man he is, rolled up his sleeves and said ‘I am going to get us out of this hole,’” Reid said

Is Harry Reid calling Obama a Chilean miner, or is he criticizing the Chilean miners for not getting out of that mine by themselves, like REAL MEN? [Politico/MSNBC]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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124 comments

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I thought her dad was busy fighting the Nazis in 1950s California or something. Wups, wrong crazy right wing lady, my bad.

    2. DemmeFatale

      I know a girl whose parents made her play the piano and study chemistry at Harvard, (they were seriously bummed when she was wait-listed at Stanford).
      Does that count?

  1. Badonkadonkette

    "So that’s what we want is a secure and sovereign nation and, you know, I don’t know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don’t know that”

    Translation: Don't worry, kids. I'm not gonna ship all of you back to Mexico. I might ship some of you back to the Orient.

    1. Sunfire2109

      The Democratic Party has finally located their spine, but unfortunately it seems the Republican Party has been in possession of it for quite some time. The Democrats ask that it to be returned promptly, along with all their milk money from this morning.

    2. axmxz

      Or failing that, she'll ship them to a special place somewhere in the US. It'll be just like summer camp, except with slightly more barbed wire and slightly less friendly counselors. And they can all stay there for a while and concentrate on what they've done wrong (hint: it's being colored). A camp for concentration, as it were.

  2. Lucidamente1

    "Sharron Angle" is a performance artist, b. Beth Weinstein in Bayonne, NJ. She invented the persona of a demented tea party senatorial candidate from Nevada as a spoof on the Republican Party. When she accidentally won the primary, trouper that she is, she stayed in character, saying ever more outrageous things like "some of you look a little more Asian to me" to a group of Hispanic schoolkids; we'll see what happens come Election Day.

    1. 4TheTurnstiles

      Oh… didn't she also run the 24 Hour Church of Elvis (where's the ART!!!) performance thing in Portland for a while?

  3. BornInATrailer

    You can't hide your Asian eyes
    Zarapes are a thin disguise
    I thought by now you'd realize
    There ain't no way to hide your Asian eyes

  4. SexySmurf

    In her defense I confuse Asians and Hispanics all the time. But only when I'm looking at internet porn.

  5. prommie

    Hey, some of you spics look like chinks! I'm confused, I don't know if you're gonna grow up to mow my yard, or administer the anesthesia during my colonoscopy!

    She's channeling Don Rickles, through Lisa Lampanelli.

  6. V572625694

    "See, you look like a Chinaman, and I think you're a Polack, and this one over here's a colored boy if I ever saw one, look at that chocolate skin. You're a Jewess, aren't you, honey? Cuz look at the way your nose hooks down."

    Sharron's kind of the Las Vegas version of Ed Koch: she defines all people by their ethic/interest/affinity group.

  7. Chet Kincaid

    The League Of Crafty Koreans? Robert Fripp is starting them young now.

    And if you "get" this comment….Prog Nerd!!

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      Ha! I saw them live. The Guitarist, not the Koreans.
      Fripp is one of my heros. I even have a copy of The Cheerful Insanity of Giles, Giles and Fripp LP. Double ha!

      1. not that Dewey

        Her kisses never get better,
        they just get wetter and wetter.
        I curse the day that I met her,
        but she is loaded.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      Get it? Hell, I saw them three times. And have their first album. On vinyl. And isn't Kincaid one of those Asian names?

  8. edgydrifter

    True story: I was once accosted on the street in San Fran by an obviously deranged woman who (apparently) didn't care for my sunglasses.
    "Are you Irish or Chinese?!" she screamed at me.
    "Excuse me?" I replied.
    Exasperated, she jabbed her finger towards my face.
    "Are you Irish or Chinese? I can't tell because I can't see your eyes!"
    I took off my shades.
    "Uh, neither. I'm kind of French, I guess."
    "French? Well, thanks for the Statue of Liberty. Now do something about our president!"

    From bag lady to senatorial candidate. Sharrron Angle has had a very strange life.

    1. natoslug

      That is just awesome. The best I usually get is cornered in the supermarket and told how beautiful my aura is.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        One odd person at the laundry accused me of being Unitarian, "Because everyone knows Unitarians believe in Gay Marriage." I could look into that logic, but I refuse to.

        1. natoslug

          Hopefully you responded with "You must be a Catholic priest, because everyone knows Catholic priests believe in child raping and itemized deductions."

  9. el_donaldo

    Translation: "You didn't make me want to hide my pocketbook when I saw you, so I'm thinking you're probably not Latino, but you have brown skin, so I have to try and place you somewhere in a nonwhite category. What's the safe brown? Oh, right, Asian."

  10. JoeMamased

    Republican Jewish Coalition: Because We Don't Got Tsurris Enough Already.

    Alt: Shmegeggies & Shmucks.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    If she has trouble distinguishing between an Asian and a Hispanic, her head's gonna explode if she ever encounters a Samoan.

    1. deelzebub

      What about Filipinos. I have a friend who is American, clearly of Asian descent, yet is named Carlos De Vera. She won't know what racial slur to use or where to illegally try to deport him.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Or, say, a kid born in Hawaii to a woman from Kansas and a man from Kenya whose sister's last name is Indonesian. How badly would she mangle meeting a family like that, do you think?

        1. deelzebub

          I think his sister if I remember correctly is married to someone Chinese Canadian; Sharron would just assume Barack was teasing when he introduced his family. Or just start ranting about Chi-ggers.

      2. BaldarTFlagass

        Right you are. I have Filipina friend/co-worker who is a mechanical engineer with the name of Patricia Rowans (by marriage, obvs). THAT will generate some cognitive dissonance..

  12. JMPEsq

    Angle has gotten jealous that the crazy lady from Delaware has been getting all the attention lately, with her plans to ban masturbation being even more laughable than Sharron's own plans to re-ban alcohol, and figured she had to come up with something truly insane to get the national media coverage she so craves.

  13. iburl

    Are there any hispanics in the theatre tonight!? Get em up against the wall. That one looks Jewish and that one's Chris Coons, who let all this riff raff into the room…?

    1. BornInATrailer

      …Waiting… to weed out the lettuce
      …Waiting… to wash all your windows
      and repair your doors

  14. SayItWithWookies

    Someone please tell Ms. Angle that being stopped at an intersection in Flagstaff while a Chinese New Year parade went by does not make her asian.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      And that a face lift plus too much squinting is not the same thing as being descended from the people of Han.

  15. weejee

    RACE IS A HARRY REID CONSTRUCT

    Harry Reid is racy? Ken, have you been in the sun too much, is there an electrolyte problem you haven't shared with the Wonketeers, maybe found some really good cacti in Big Bend National Park?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      None of that "cactus from another planet" out in the park, and if there were, of course it would be illegal to harvest, being in a national park and all. Jim Hogg County, down around Hebbronville in South Texas, is where you want to look. *cough* Allegedly.

    2. JMPEsq

      weejee, have you been in the sun too much, or can you not tell Mr. Layne and Mr. Stuef apart? Maybe you just didn't notice because this doesn't have the subliminal anti-Obama message that one guy imagines in all of Jack's posts.

  16. axmxz

    That's not a very good strategy. 5 million extra workers created ex-nihilo by a higher power would instantly drive the unemployment rate to 12.4%.

  17. largefooted

    Harry was just trying to get a few Tea Bag votes, because they all know the Chilian miners should have pulled themselves out of their with their own bootstraps (do mining boots have bootstraps?)

    being rescued is a perversion of the free market

    1. TX_Bluebonnets

      My mother was obsessed with that song. It was one of the few things she could play on her Hammond organ. Yes, those damn things from the mall.

      I had managed to, through therapy, drugs legal and otherwise, erase that horrible, horrible memory from my conscious. You just brought it back.

      F#$%# you.

      And yes, it would be crazier of she broke out into singing that. I've seen it, man. I've seen things.

      1. HELisforHEL

        That was one of the core songs they taught you on organ–all block chords and volume swells. That and 'Long, Long Ago'.
        Sadly we had a Baldwin (it redeemed itself with a Leslie cabinet & full footpedals, and having been the property of a rock band before we owned it). Never sounded as good as those Hammonds–ya need the drawbars baby!

        Wow, that's an era that's truly passed–and for good reason. TX_Bluebonnets, I feel your pain.

    1. Sheesko

      Well, that would out the Jews, but I understand there were a great many there at the time. But what a great opportunity she'd have had to display her leadership style: Kung Pao Chickens to the left, Mongolian Hot Pots center, Fried Wantons to the right…no crowding, please….

  18. doxastic

    The Angle campaign then clarified that the GOP nominee simply meant to praise the students for their impressive punctuality.

  19. ThurmanMunster

    Everyone knows Sharron Angle is half pirate, from having that extra arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr in her name

  20. slappypaddy

    her message seems to be that it doesn't matter what you look like if you don't look right to her. does she know what americans look like? besides fat, ugly, and badly dressed?

    if she gets to the senate, expect her to be reduced to a gibbering gelatin before the first recess.

    what? too late, you say?

  21. DashboardBuddha

    Sharron…you can eat Peking Duck every goddamned day, and it isn't going to make you Asian.

    She really is insane, isn't she?

  22. MistaEko

    To be fair, Angle is exactly the type of white person that keeps Benihana and PF Changs thriving as authentic dining experiences despite employing Guatemalans across the board. It's only remarkable that:

    a. her campaign saw this invite and said "this is a good idea."
    b. she's still tied for the lead
    c. Reid and tens of other races could have blasted "my opponent thinks you are a welfare leech and wants to deport you" ads for the last six months and gotten out enough hispanic votes to shove baggers' faces into the cold hard truth of population demographics. But you know, that might make republicans gut senate bills twice as fervently.

    1. slappypaddy

      fuck all, what's it going to take to get the democrats to throw down? transplanted monkey glands?

      1. TX_Bluebonnets

        We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold…

  23. piker62

    "And I'd like to add that I'm very pleased that none of the people in THIS room are the least bit shiftless or lazy."

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Then she patted them on the back and said, 'Congratulations' and 'Enjoy it' and told them not to serve fried chicken next year. Or collard greens, or what ever the hell they serve.

  24. LionelHutzEsq

    Sharron Angle has a point: If a person is not white, does it really matter what kind of foreigner they are? They need to leave the country anyway, so why spend time learning who they are?

  25. Wadisay

    When Sharon Angle bares that massive overbite and set of ivories of hers, I can't tell her from Seabiscut.

  26. NorthStarSpanx

    Well, it is a comfort that these crazy whack-job white ladies of color have our backs.

    From the 2008 Campaign Trail – Palin: We've got to be all about equality. The constitution preaches. . .Todd is Alaskan and if you go up to Alaska, we have a problem with Todd being a minority up there. We live it. We've got to do a better job about that. Thanks Brad.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxQWVpw6NCw

  27. thx11380

    Just the mere fact this extreme moron still has a good chance of being a senator explains why America is doomed!

    I mean just how much of an inbred knuckle dragging neanderthal do you have to be to vote for someone like that. Nevada is full of idiots apparently.

    1. HELisforHEL

      This really is the problem. If any number of these Tea-Party/Palin endorsed idiots gets elected I can only imagine the clusterfuck that both houses would become. Nothing getting accomplished, lots of screaming, and the US increasing the speed of it's continuing slide into the shitpile.

  28. DaSandman

    Well isn't the Nevada Tea Party slogan "Don't shoot til you see the slant of their eyes?" It's either that or "Fuck me Santa", I forget which. It might depend on the season.

    1. TX_Bluebonnets

      OK, point of information here. Are you referring to:

      a) Sharron Angle and her ilk of Republican talcum-powdered vaginas;
      b) Filipinos/Asians/Hispanics (pick your flavor on a rotating basis);
      c) Nevadans; or
      d) any appropriately-aged members of the Palin (hee hee) tribe?

  29. Bluestatelibel

    She must be great at parties, constantly putting her foot in her mouth and antagonizing people. Family get-togethers must be a blast.

  30. loquacioustunes

    I could escape this feeling
    With my China/Hispanic girl
    I feel a wreck
    Without my little China/Hispanic girl
    I hear her heart/corazón beating, loud as thunder
    Saw the stars crashing…

  31. Limeylizzie

    I am frequently spoken to in Spanish by South Americans and Mexicans from Mexico City who assume I am , of all things, Venezuelan, for some reason.

    1. bitchincamaro2

      One of my last remaining employees is from Slovakia and constantly gets mistaken for a Puerto Rican. I think it's the mustache and the slightly gypsy skin tone. This makes him happy, since PRs are de facto American citizens. Until he realizes how much REAL Americans HATE Puerto Ricans.

  32. nappyduggs

    Maybe she'll run across some old footage of Bjork, jabbering away in her moon-man speak, wearing that swan dress from that one time, and she'll just throw in the towel and move to a cabin in the remote wilderness of Montana, where she belongs.

  33. Redhead

    She just doesn't know the definition of race or ethnicity (that's a long one!) or anything other than "them thur brown peoples." Someone should give the woman a dictionary.

  34. comrad_darkness

    What a completely shallow and doltish loon. She's totally going to win in a landslide, isn't she?

    Time to review those visa requirements for the various English speaking nations of the world again. All I can say is thank God the Brits were such prolific colonizers . . .

  35. jakegittes

    Speaking of passing judgment on how people look, my wife who is Hawaiian, Japanese, Chinese, Norwegian, Portuguese, English, and French Canadian attended an anti-Iraq War rally a few years ago. You see, she has four sons, none of whom she wants to get exposed to fighting some Chicken Hawk's War for natural resources. One of the pre-Teabaggers in attendance protesting on the other side of the yellow tape, apparently thinking that her Brown skin evinced that she was Mexican, told her to "go back to where she came from." Whereupon, my courageous wife walked up to that fuck and said, "I'd love to go back to where I came from, if only the white-skinned thieves who stole the the islands from my ancestors would just give what they had purloined back to the indigenous Hawaiian people."

    You see. You just can't tell a book by its cover, Ms. Angle.

    1. HELisforHEL

      Your wife sounds awesome, sir.
      I recall as we marched in DC at one of the protests (pre-Iraq boondoggle) passing some RNC building, where @8 blubbery pink necked young men were holding martini glasses aloft and laughing at us, the hippie peasants/coloreds/feminazis. All we could do (police tape and all) was flip them off, thousands strong–that was a great feeling, but I truly envy your wife's ability to stay calm, focused and on point as she handed that idiot their ass.

  36. Negropolis

    Sharron most definitely is a performance artist, though, not of the level of Sir Alvin Greene of Carolina del Sud. That said, Sharron does look like a pre-pubescent Japenese boy.

  37. anniegetyourfun

    I knew it! Next time I'm out for Mexican food, I'm ordering a side of epicanthal folds with my enchiladas.

  38. auntiecarol69

    Sharon Angle is certainly wrong in her racist comments but slurs referring to her Jewish background are indeed equally wrong too. Racist come in all backgrounds and not all are Jews and not all Jews are racists.

  39. Chet Kincaid

    Is your avatar Bettie Page or Christine O'Donnell? Wait a minute…who's good with Photoshop?

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