PALADINO'S AN ABORTIONIST TOO!  5:22 pm October 15, 2010

Taiwan Animators Fantasize About Carl Paladino’s Gay Campaign

by Ken Layne

Who knew Carl Paladino would be so much fun, what with his homosexual gay-man night clubs and the boobies and the gay parades? We thought he was just an ignorant boring gazillionaire creep who forced racist porn on his underlings!

Crazy Carl realized his “hate da gayz” thing was falling off the Twitter Rankings or whatever, so he got a new belief: Loving the gays. In fact, now he says Andrew Cuomo doesn’t love gays enough — not as much as Carl “I am basically gay” Paladino.

What other Republican Family Values does Paladino practice, for rent? Abortion! He is the landlord for the abortion clinic. So he’s one of the few people actually profiting from Abortion, which is kind of awesome in a way, if you are a creep. And he is a creep:

(NEW YORK) — The anti-abortion Republican candidate for New York Governor is the landlord of a Planned Parenthood …. On his website, Paladino calls abortion a “fundamental assault on the sanctity of innocent human life.”


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metamarcisf October 15, 2010 at 5:26 pm

It's about time someone found a chink in Paladino's armor.

petehammer October 15, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Oh Chang, you were hiding there all along!


JoeMamased October 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm

He's just the gift that keeps on giving.

It will be so sad when there is no longer any Carl Paladino news.

DashboardBuddha October 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm

There will always be Paladino news. He'll whine for months about how he lost because the press picked on him…then he'll get a talk show bitching about Cuomo.

weejee October 15, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Paladino is Latin for "Jerry Lewis of the Teatards"

Monsieur_Grumpe October 16, 2010 at 5:55 am

Or the Andy Dick?

chicken_thief October 16, 2010 at 8:48 am

Am I alone in thinking that Andy Dick and Dick Armey should marry?…

x111e7thst October 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Is it just me or does the announcer lady on the left have fangs?

smokefilledroommate October 15, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Latest craze–Taiwan into cute pixel fangs! (you haven't heard?)

Preferred Customer October 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Do you have a newsletter covering this trend, to which I could subscribe?

PsycWench October 15, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Remember, people, it's bad unless you're making money from it, in which case it's still bad but hey, look at all this money, what did you say again?

HistoriCat October 16, 2010 at 8:26 pm

Making money excuses just about anything in Republican circles.

johnnyzhivago October 15, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Bush was right – a dictatorship would make more sense!

kvetch October 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm

the folks at have posted new emails with NSFW graphics.

charlesdegoal October 15, 2010 at 5:52 pm

Video games based on the US elections – brilliant. Call Electronic Arts!

Extemporanus October 15, 2010 at 5:54 pm

As a landlord, Carl Paladino has a soft spot for groups that help facilitate evictions.

charlesdegoal October 15, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Are you referring to the gays or the abortionists?

bagofmice October 15, 2010 at 6:11 pm

The fetuses.

Rarian Rakista October 16, 2010 at 4:59 am

What did the fetuses ever do to you?

edgydrifter October 15, 2010 at 5:56 pm

The guy's name is Cuomo, which is basically QUeer + hOMO. How are you going to top that, Palpatino?

Rarian Rakista October 16, 2010 at 5:02 am

He is going to palpitate your regions, real nice like.

Limeylizzie October 15, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Cuomo's legendary sexual prowess? With that hair…I doubt it.

Not_So_Much October 15, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Thought the same thing. Maybe he means when Andrew is all alone?

PublicLuxury October 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Palintino is just Palin + dino

Palin eats moose, Palindino wants his wife to fuck a moose.

Palin shoots wolves from the air, Palindino wants shoot his seed into a wolf.

I knew they were cousins… brother/sister…

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 15, 2010 at 6:05 pm

But does he support abortion for teh gheys???

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2010 at 6:13 pm

It's inconceivable that Carl is anti-abortion when his own proclivities are giving his campaign such a D&C. But as he probably says, you can't make an omelette without killing some fetuses.

Jukesgrrl October 15, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Wow, Cuomo doesn't even have to campaign, does he? He can just sit around the pricey Manhattan co-op enjoying the attentions of that failed-beauty-pageant contestant shill he lives with. "And now, darling, eat your casserole made from stuffing-in-a-box, then I'll give you a nice blow job like you'd never get from a Kennedy."

twoeightnine October 15, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Good god that life sounds amazing.

Rarian Rakista October 16, 2010 at 5:04 am

A co-op of my own and my junk smells like stuffing all the time? Sign me the fuck up!

el_donaldo October 15, 2010 at 6:19 pm

I like how they visualize the metaphor of being beaten up by the press – reporters with baseball bats just whanging on him . It did feel kinda good.

mavenmaven October 15, 2010 at 6:38 pm

I just wish they had reenacted the scene with the Rabbis, that would probably have been a spectacular bit of animation.

Terry October 15, 2010 at 6:52 pm

I'm not sure what the best part of this animation is. Humping dogs emerging out of a computer screen. Guys in dirty tightie whities spanking each other. Palandino pulling a Capone era gun out and shooting pretty much everyone and everything. Bravo!

V572625694 October 15, 2010 at 7:03 pm

I like to imagine that the reporter Paladino "takes out" with that machine pistol is one of those douches from Politico that's always on the teevee — maybe the chrome-dome one who laughs too much. He's got it coming.

fuflans October 15, 2010 at 8:35 pm


a random taiwanese videographer can put out a pretty accurate repub hypocrite list (i mean, ken melman, larry craig and glenn murphy???) and most americans couldn't place his county on a map, name its president or correctly identify its system of government.


Guppy06 October 15, 2010 at 8:45 pm

The real crime here is that his taste in porn is pretty hit-and-miss. If you're going to be known for sending around porn, it should be good porn!

PresBeeblebrox October 15, 2010 at 8:52 pm

That video might be the finest piece of reportage ever created in the history of the universe. The subtlety of Paladino in a diaper being spanked during a gay pride parade, taking out his opponents with a submachine gun – it's simply priceless.

Oh wait, there was that one they did about Cheeseheads and Brett Favre

chicken_thief October 16, 2010 at 8:35 am

Is this the same group that chronicled the Tiger Woods implosion?

UpToHereAgain October 16, 2010 at 8:56 am

And The Tea Party Express Train!

dr_giraud October 15, 2010 at 9:58 pm

The next truly, truly special night of this campaign is Monday, with the 7-candidate NY Governor debate. In addition to Cuomo and Paladino, there will be an ex-madam (who is also advised by tongue bandit Roger Stone), an amiable fellow from suburban Albany who runs for something every election, an ex-Black Panther and God knows who else.

We can haz liveblog??? (Sorry, lolcats just got to upstate New York.)

UpToHereAgain October 16, 2010 at 8:02 am

Have they got all the Gay Paladino's into one room yet
for the Big Interview
about their Queer Phobic Grandpappy "candidate for governor"?

UpToHereAgain October 16, 2010 at 8:04 am

On his website, Paladino calls abortion a “fundamental assault on the sanctity of innocent human life.”

At home,
he counts the winnings from his overpriced rental fees for Planned Parenthood.

It's a special Tea Flavored Schitzophrenia!

Mort_Sinclair October 16, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Is there an Italotaiwanian voting block out that somewhere? Taiwitalianese? Oh never mind. Pass the box of wine over, svp.

HistoriCat October 16, 2010 at 8:33 pm

They don't have clear title to Taiwan. Maybe we can cut a deal with China

MiniMencken October 17, 2010 at 12:16 am

Well, then, get after it! What do I pay you people for?

HistoriCat October 16, 2010 at 8:37 pm

This is what happens when businessmen run for office. They're so used to doing whatever they want without being called on it since they can fire anyone who disagrees with them. Sorry, no funny there at all.

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