GAME SHOW WINGNUTS  10:23 am October 14, 2010

TeeVee’s Pat Sajak Has Repealed Voting Rights For Government Workers

by Sara Benincasa

Handsomepants!Known alphabet fetishist Pat Sajak has in the past occasionally pooped out his conservative beliefs on the Internets. But did you know that he is now a Certified Blogger for the National Review Online? It is true! Or it was true once, yesterday. Let us see what this helmet-haired genius talks about when he talks about politics.

None of my family and friends is allowed to appear on Wheel of Fortune. Same goes for my kids’ teachers or the guys who rotate my tires. If there’s not a real conflict of interest, there is, at least, the appearance of one.

Oh my God, yes! He opens with Wheel of Fortune! You take that elephant in the living room and you shoot him, Patrick, right between the eyes. No pretensions here. You own what you are, dammit! All your cards (or hanging letter things) are on the table, and you’re playing to win!

In nearly all private and public endeavors, there are occasions in which it’s only fair and correct that a person or group be barred from participating because that party could directly and unevenly benefit from decisions made and policies adopted. So should state workers be able to vote in state elections on matters that would benefit them directly? The same question goes for federal workers in federal elections.

What Sajak means, apparently, is that government workers should not be allowed to vote, because they are on welfare. Specifically, this obviously means no voting for the worst people in the world, in Pat Sajak’s eyes: the government workers known as America’s Military, who are very terrible people who like to vote and fight wars or whatever. Why does Pat Sajak hate the troops?

Of course Sajak does not specifically say The Troops cannot vote now, because his entire dumb blog post is shorter than the blog post we’re writing about his blog post, but he does suggest that federal employees (The Troops) cannot vote anymore, because they have a stake in politics somehow! In conclusion, only Pat Sajak can vote, but not about anything to do with Pat Sajak such as teevee or money or National Review or whether to kill Vanna White with a government bomb. [The Corner]

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ChurchofRealism October 14, 2010 at 10:29 am

We are all now significantly dumber for having read a literal shit stain from Pat Sajak.

DashboardBuddha October 14, 2010 at 10:39 am

and what's more amazing is that this fucktard hosts a game show that features words.

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 10:52 am

Yeah, but it's only the contestants who need to know how to spell.

Dr_pangloss October 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

This also means that once elected to you know vote on stuff a congress person will just have to show up and not vote. Which is already the defacto state of Congress anyway. Geeze what is the 112th Congress going to get done.

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 10:29 am

To be consistent, Pat must agree then that corporate executives and investors shouldn't be allowed to vote or lobby on any issues that might effect their companies' profitability.

Bluestatelibel October 14, 2010 at 10:31 am

Agree, and a company's board of directors shouldn't be able to elect a CEO–that's a direct conflict of interest!

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Heck, I'm a taxpayer, and the people we're electing will probably have some influence over how much I'll pay in taxes, so I probably shouldn't vote.

You, too, Mr. Sajak; conflict of interest.

MaxUdargo October 14, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Yes, kind of the whole point of this "democracy" thing is that the people vote precisely because they have an interest in what their government does.

It's interesting how right-wing ideologues so often seem to have trouble with this whole "America" thing. America seems to confuse them, and leave them struggling to grasp its most basic principles. And eventually they start insisting America is something else, something that makes more sense to them. Crazy.

Not_So_Much October 14, 2010 at 11:31 am

Also, Scalia and Thomas need to retroactively recuse themselves from appointing Dubya preznit. Both had immediate members of their families on the Bush transition team. I'm sure Pat is down with that too.

PsycWench October 14, 2010 at 10:31 am

If voting = being on Wheel of Fortune, where the hell are my Fabulous Prizes?

ManchuCandidate October 14, 2010 at 10:33 am

I'll pass on the ceramic dog and prefer the 1986 version of Vanna White.

Extemporanus October 14, 2010 at 11:37 am

Oh man, that fucking dog…

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 14, 2010 at 10:32 am

Mr. Sajak's argument seems to lead to the conclusion that only foreigners living abroad should be able to vote in the USA. Everybody here stands to gain from electoral results.

V572625694 October 14, 2010 at 10:48 am

Sounds like Sajak is cool with the Citizens United decision then, since nowadays voting as a means of influencing policty has pretty much been supplanted by direct bribery through campaign contributions.

charlesdegoal October 14, 2010 at 10:51 am

Unless they're recipients of foreign or military aid, that is.

muthalovin October 14, 2010 at 10:32 am

Trebek would totally kick Sajak's ass in a street fight. Just sayin'.

DashboardBuddha October 14, 2010 at 10:38 am

Isn't Trebek from Canuckistan?

NoYoureNot1 October 14, 2010 at 10:33 am

I want to make the "slippery slope" argument to Pat's logic, but there is no slope to his reasoning. He walks right up to the edge of the cliff, and buys a vowel on his first turn at the wheel.

Badonkadonkette October 14, 2010 at 10:34 am

Pat Sajak should not be allowed to go on television, because going on television could benefit Pat Sajak. QED.

freakishlywrong October 14, 2010 at 10:35 am

I think I've solved the puzzle Pat…is it What the Fuck?

DashboardBuddha October 14, 2010 at 10:38 am

I nominate this response to be the one that wins the morning.

ChurchofRealism October 14, 2010 at 10:43 am

Haha, seconded.

elviouslyqueer October 14, 2010 at 10:50 am

Vanna, tell him what he's won. (Or she, if freakishlywrong has womanly bits.)

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 10:51 am

Do the rest of us at least get a copy of the home game?

bagofmice October 14, 2010 at 10:59 am

The slot version is bad enough. Fucker kept me up for hours on a flight delay.

Umbrageofsnow October 14, 2010 at 10:59 am

Speaking of What The Fuck, I posted a reply to this, my precious 'p' score went down a point, and now that comment is not here. It wasn't the most profound thing I've ever said, sure, but what is up with Intense Debate docking me points for a comment and then not even showing it?

Sajak better watch out, the guys who wrote IntenseDebate could be preparing to steal his sweet-ass job at National Review. I hear their one rule of hiring is "no elites". And by elite, as always, they mean rational and/or intelligent. This is why Trebek can't find any moonlighting gigs besides Jeopardy.

Although I hear he likes Musk Oxen:

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2010 at 12:34 pm

what is up with Intense Debate docking me points for a comment and then not even showing it?

You forgot to say "buttsecks," silly.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2010 at 12:37 pm

National Review has a "no elites" rule for contributors?

So *that* explains why they never published any articles by Wm. F. Buckley Jr.

Dr_pangloss October 14, 2010 at 11:11 am

Nicely done Sir or Madam.

PuckStopsHere October 14, 2010 at 10:35 am

"Nearly all public and private endeavors." You're right, Sara (and good to have you back) nobody who is affected at all in the least by any public or private policy in any way should ever get to vote in this country. IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION, SHEEPLE!

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 10:39 am

P _ T S _ _ _ K _ S D _ M _ E _ E N F _ R T H E N _ T _ _ N _ L R E _ _ _ E _

Umbrageofsnow October 14, 2010 at 10:45 am

I'd like to buy a vowel, but I'm worried the only thing I can buy in this puzzle is a subscription to the National Review, and I don't want to become as dumb as Pat Sajak.

I believe The National Review is printed with ink distilled from cerebrospinal fluid that has leaked out the ears of people with critical thinking skills who dared peruse it.

Gratuitous World October 14, 2010 at 10:41 am

I'd like to solve the puzzle: Is it "Delusional Asshat?"

Sajak/Voight '12

Monsieur_Grumpe October 14, 2010 at 10:43 am

If hosting an exceptionally lame game show qualifies Pat to dictate who gets to vote then I’m Captain of the Universe.

Texan_Bulldog October 14, 2010 at 10:44 am

Pat should buy a clue…I despise him & Kelsey Grammar.

Serolf_Divad October 14, 2010 at 10:44 am

I also propose that no one who is directly affected by any potential Federal policy/law should be able to vote, as they have an innate conflict on interest on thath very account.

There: I just made Barack Obama Emperor.

dittoBot3000 October 14, 2010 at 10:49 am

What a nugget of wisdom. Voting one's own interest is exactly like Pat Sajak having his mechanic on his crappy game show. Because, If the mechanic wins, he'll rotate Pat's tires better. Similarly, if a black man is elected to office, he'll give us food stamps of abortion.

i_AM_ready October 14, 2010 at 10:49 am

And Supreme Court justices who got appointed by Bush 1 should not have been allowed to vote in Bush 2 v. Gore.

iburl October 14, 2010 at 10:54 am

Oh, Pat Sajak, your cruelty knows no bounds, I must say! –Ed Grimley

Eve8Apples October 14, 2010 at 10:54 am

Since members of Congress are federal employees, let's stop them from voting on legislation. Barry should pronounce edicts from his thrown and they shall be known as the law of the land.

People who know how to spell or read should not be allowed to appear on Wheel of Fortune.

imissopus October 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Based on your second sentence, I'm guessing you would fall under that ban?

Ruhe October 14, 2010 at 10:55 am

If you've ever watched the show you know that Pat has an amazing ability to remain avuncular in the face of astounding levels of ignorance. It's really saint-like, his level of patience. "There are only two blanks left and you want to buy a vowel/spin again? Well, ok then. Let's go!" Based on that I'd have guessed he was a liberal /bhudhist but maybe he just hates humans.

RunnyRose October 14, 2010 at 11:33 am

Either that, or he's just as dumb as they are. Yeah, probably that.

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 11:53 am

Or he's televised evidence for the studies that show Botox inhibits the ability to feel emotions.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I just assumed he gets loaded before each taping. I'd do it, if I had to face up to that banal crap every working day.

WarAndGee October 14, 2010 at 10:55 am

Let's see No voting for people who benefit from the gov'mint. Hmm.

postal workers
prison guards
Armed forces service members
Beneficiaries of federal highways
Beneficiaries of federal entitlements (Soc Sec.)
Businesses with government awarded contracts for building…

Fuck an A Pat did you even think this shit through longer than five minutes. Bozo.

Katydid October 14, 2010 at 11:32 am

You forgot "everybody else who votes."

x111e7thst October 14, 2010 at 10:56 am

If Pat Sajak's pearly white teeth and impenetrable helmet of hair were allowed to vote they would undoubtedly vote to be attached to someone else.

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2010 at 10:56 am

It looks like Pat was just raising the question rather than attempting to flesh it out entirely, so I'm not gonna slam him for that — also he did pretty well on Celebrity Jeopardy (which is like Jeopardy for the slower side of the family, but he still kicked Wolf Blitzer's ass) so he's not entirely a damn fool.
On the other hand, he misses the greater conflict of interest, which is the legislators and lobbyists who make the damn laws that they themselves vote on. I'll take the obvious conflicts in voting being allowed, Pat, if we can give up Dick Cheney's secret energy policy meetings, just as a for instance. Hello? Hello?

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm

he did pretty well on Celebrity Jeopardy … he still kicked Wolf Blitzer's ass)

And I managed to not set my hair on fire when I took my morning shower. Do I get a cookie?

TheMightyHaltor October 14, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Beating Wolf Blitzer in Jeopardy is an achievement akin to beating Stephen Hawking in the 100 yard dash.

johnnyzhivago October 14, 2010 at 10:57 am

Pat Sejak REALLY wanted to have his own whaling ship to stick it to Bob Barker, but it was too expensive, so instead he's funding Mike Huckabee's kids to drive around Arkansas in a pickup truck drowning puppies.

chickensmack October 14, 2010 at 10:58 am

Hey, Pat? Just between us, I would never appear on your lowest-common-denominator show either. I'm enthusiastic and vivacious, but I have integrity and dignity, so I won't ever participate on Wheel. No matter what you declare these people, they don't really seem like "winners".

You're the host of a spelling contest for grownups. Take that.

BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I thought that show was just an amped-up version of that Hangman game we used to play in elementary school.

chickensmack October 14, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Yet no one dies in it. Why not, God?! WHY NOT?!

Canmon October 14, 2010 at 10:58 am

The Corner allows comments? Why have I not noticed this before now? This is going to be fun.

Terry October 14, 2010 at 10:59 am

Honestly, just when you think you've seen the biggest idiot on the far Right, the trot out another one. He's dismissing the *Constitutional* rights of Federal employees based on the policy of his game show?

kilgoretrout2 October 14, 2010 at 10:59 am

You guys are just mean.

Let's see YOU formulate a logical post after having six gallons of botox shot directly into your face. This dude is our human version of the McDonald's happy meal. You think that shit's easy?

mookwrthwilson October 14, 2010 at 11:05 am

Solve the puzzle:

JustPixelz October 14, 2010 at 11:18 am


BaldarTFlagass October 14, 2010 at 1:09 pm

I'd like to buy a consonant, please.

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. October 14, 2010 at 11:09 am

By this exact same logic, because they would benefit unfairly, we argued for the Prohibition of Voting by the Lunch Counter negroes but no one would listen. Now look at what has happened!

DCHatesMe October 14, 2010 at 11:14 am

Don't bother trying to rescue the miners trapped in Pat Sajak's head. They all died.

mrblifil October 14, 2010 at 11:19 am

Vanna I'd like to buy a cunt.

BeWoot October 14, 2010 at 11:20 am

I'm concerned that the editors at National Review Online are lowering their standards. Used to be all their contributers were full of shit. But now, one of them is just __LL O_ S__T.
I may cancel my subscription.

Redhead October 14, 2010 at 11:28 am

WHERE is Sajak's nurse? She KNOWS he gets grumpy when his diaper isn't changed.

Extemporanus October 14, 2010 at 11:36 am

"I'd like to buy a vote."

comrad_darkness October 14, 2010 at 11:38 am

There is something to this. For example, I'll agree that Katherine Harris should not have been running for congress while still being employed as Secretary of State of Florida and in charge of elections in the state. Then forging a back dating on her resignation letter months after beginning to campaign. If only he were discussing something meaningful like that, I could be all in agreement.

comrad_darkness October 14, 2010 at 11:41 am

Any minute now that liberal media the teabaggers are always bitching about will post the headline:

Prominent Republican Entertainer Asserts that Troops Should Lose Right to Vote.

ttommyunger October 14, 2010 at 11:51 am

Oh Pat. Pat of the tiny little hands. Pat, you know you can barely get those little fingers around your own tiny little goober; now you want to jerk off the entire American Electorate? Please, stay in your own little world; where uneducated old women and their trapped husbands think you are the cat's meow instead of a pussyfart with tiny little hands.

CapnFatback October 14, 2010 at 11:59 am

Sajak just gave the Wheel of Wisdom a spin, and it landed on "Bankrupt."

itsjesuscriss October 14, 2010 at 12:05 pm

This is troubling…it means that the Christianists can't vote on anything to do with tey gayz. Pot smokers can't vote on pot issues, and Pat can't vote on girly issues.

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Judging by the ratings of his 1989 late-night talk show, no.

smokefilledroommate October 14, 2010 at 4:07 pm

Pat wanted his very own 'Thicke of the Night'.

Fare la Volpe October 14, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Jim Crow 2010

PresBeeblebrox October 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Add Sajak to the cavalcade of ZZ-list celebrities who are Konservative, along with, um, that one guy who played the gun/knife freak with a lady's name on Firefly, that blonde screech-voiced chick who was once on SNL, Mary Lou Retton, a couple of ex-WWF wrestlers, um?

DonnyKerabotsos October 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

"…and many of us tend to vote in favor of our own interests…"

WFT?? Who's interest am I supposed to vote in favor of?

From the desk of Pat Sajak.

"…and many of us eat food we find delicious…
"…and many of us go to sleep when we are tired…"
"…and many of us walk upright and breath air…"

"…and many of us sit down nightly and watch this dumb fuck read letters off of card…which is all he's fucking good for…"

mranthrope October 14, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Oh no, a Whammy!

AutomaticPilot October 14, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I'm kind of surprised the National Review deemed it worthy enough to print. Seems more appropriate for the Teatard Quarterly.

HELisforHEL October 14, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Now would be a good time for Vanna to whip out her knitting needles, plunk them into his eyes then take a large crochet hook and shove it up his nose in search of brain matter. She won't find any, of course, but that just might make me tune in to their insipid show.

loose_leaf_tea October 14, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Bravo for being familiar with Vanna's line of yarn.

imissopus October 14, 2010 at 1:02 pm

There's that loud noise again, as if William F. Buckley is spinning in his grave.

GOPCrusher October 14, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Pat Sajak is unaware that the vast quantity of the Wheel Of Fortune regular viewing audience, has no idea of what the Internet is.

AlaskaGrrl October 14, 2010 at 1:45 pm

And we should listen to a man whose claim to fame is being second banana to an aging but still hot babe because…?

JMPEsq October 14, 2010 at 2:31 pm

I don't know if she's still hot; the camera's now always far away from White, it's been years since they've actually shown her in close-ups.

natoslug October 14, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Even the wheel is more intelligent.

smokefilledroommate October 14, 2010 at 4:09 pm

I'll take a Pee, Pat.

OhNoGuy October 14, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Fill his shoe. No, make that both shoes.

metamarcisf October 14, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Pat, I'd like to buy a bowel.

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