Handsomepants!Known alphabet fetishist Pat Sajak has in the past occasionally pooped out his conservative beliefs on the Internets. But did you know that he is now a Certified Blogger for the National Review Online? It is true! Or it was true once, yesterday. Let us see what this helmet-haired genius talks about when he talks about politics.

None of my family and friends is allowed to appear on Wheel of Fortune. Same goes for my kids’ teachers or the guys who rotate my tires. If there’s not a real conflict of interest, there is, at least, the appearance of one.

Oh my God, yes! He opens with Wheel of Fortune! You take that elephant in the living room and you shoot him, Patrick, right between the eyes. No pretensions here. You own what you are, dammit! All your cards (or hanging letter things) are on the table, and you’re playing to win!

In nearly all private and public endeavors, there are occasions in which it’s only fair and correct that a person or group be barred from participating because that party could directly and unevenly benefit from decisions made and policies adopted. So should state workers be able to vote in state elections on matters that would benefit them directly? The same question goes for federal workers in federal elections.

What Sajak means, apparently, is that government workers should not be allowed to vote, because they are on welfare. Specifically, this obviously means no voting for the worst people in the world, in Pat Sajak’s eyes: the government workers known as America’s Military, who are very terrible people who like to vote and fight wars or whatever. Why does Pat Sajak hate the troops?

Of course Sajak does not specifically say The Troops cannot vote now, because his entire dumb blog post is shorter than the blog post we’re writing about his blog post, but he does suggest that federal employees (The Troops) cannot vote anymore, because they have a stake in politics somehow! In conclusion, only Pat Sajak can vote, but not about anything to do with Pat Sajak such as teevee or money or National Review or whether to kill Vanna White with a government bomb. [The Corner]

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  • We are all now significantly dumber for having read a literal shit stain from Pat Sajak.

    • DashboardBuddha

      and what's more amazing is that this fucktard hosts a game show that features words.

      • JMPEsq

        Yeah, but it's only the contestants who need to know how to spell.

    • This also means that once elected to you know vote on stuff a congress person will just have to show up and not vote. Which is already the defacto state of Congress anyway. Geeze what is the 112th Congress going to get done.

  • JMPEsq

    To be consistent, Pat must agree then that corporate executives and investors shouldn't be allowed to vote or lobby on any issues that might effect their companies' profitability.

    • Bluestatelibel

      Agree, and a company's board of directors shouldn't be able to elect a CEO–that's a direct conflict of interest!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Heck, I'm a taxpayer, and the people we're electing will probably have some influence over how much I'll pay in taxes, so I probably shouldn't vote.

        You, too, Mr. Sajak; conflict of interest.

        • MaxUdargo

          Yes, kind of the whole point of this "democracy" thing is that the people vote precisely because they have an interest in what their government does.

          It's interesting how right-wing ideologues so often seem to have trouble with this whole "America" thing. America seems to confuse them, and leave them struggling to grasp its most basic principles. And eventually they start insisting America is something else, something that makes more sense to them. Crazy.

    • Not_So_Much

      Also, Scalia and Thomas need to retroactively recuse themselves from appointing Dubya preznit. Both had immediate members of their families on the Bush transition team. I'm sure Pat is down with that too.

  • PsycWench

    If voting = being on Wheel of Fortune, where the hell are my Fabulous Prizes?

    • I'll pass on the ceramic dog and prefer the 1986 version of Vanna White.

      • Extemporanus

        Oh man, that fucking dog…

  • Mr. Sajak's argument seems to lead to the conclusion that only foreigners living abroad should be able to vote in the USA. Everybody here stands to gain from electoral results.

    • V572625694

      Sounds like Sajak is cool with the Citizens United decision then, since nowadays voting as a means of influencing policty has pretty much been supplanted by direct bribery through campaign contributions.

    • charlesdegoal

      Unless they're recipients of foreign or military aid, that is.

  • Trebek would totally kick Sajak's ass in a street fight. Just sayin'.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Isn't Trebek from Canuckistan?

  • NoYoureNot1

    I want to make the "slippery slope" argument to Pat's logic, but there is no slope to his reasoning. He walks right up to the edge of the cliff, and buys a vowel on his first turn at the wheel.

  • Badonkadonkette

    Pat Sajak should not be allowed to go on television, because going on television could benefit Pat Sajak. QED.

  • freakishlywrong

    I think I've solved the puzzle Pat…is it What the Fuck?

    • DashboardBuddha

      I nominate this response to be the one that wins the morning.

      • Haha, seconded.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Vanna, tell him what he's won. (Or she, if freakishlywrong has womanly bits.)

        • JMPEsq

          Do the rest of us at least get a copy of the home game?

          • bagofmice

            The slot version is bad enough. Fucker kept me up for hours on a flight delay.

    • Umbrageofsnow

      Speaking of What The Fuck, I posted a reply to this, my precious 'p' score went down a point, and now that comment is not here. It wasn't the most profound thing I've ever said, sure, but what is up with Intense Debate docking me points for a comment and then not even showing it?

      Sajak better watch out, the guys who wrote IntenseDebate could be preparing to steal his sweet-ass job at National Review. I hear their one rule of hiring is "no elites". And by elite, as always, they mean rational and/or intelligent. This is why Trebek can't find any moonlighting gigs besides Jeopardy.

      Although I hear he likes Musk Oxen:

      • Lascauxcaveman

        what is up with Intense Debate docking me points for a comment and then not even showing it?

        You forgot to say "buttsecks," silly.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        National Review has a "no elites" rule for contributors?

        So *that* explains why they never published any articles by Wm. F. Buckley Jr.

    • Nicely done Sir or Madam.

  • PuckStopsHere

    "Nearly all public and private endeavors." You're right, Sara (and good to have you back) nobody who is affected at all in the least by any public or private policy in any way should ever get to vote in this country. IT'S IN THE CONSTITUTION, SHEEPLE!

  • JMPEsq

    P _ T S _ _ _ K _ S D _ M _ E _ E N F _ R T H E N _ T _ _ N _ L R E _ _ _ E _

    • Umbrageofsnow

      I'd like to buy a vowel, but I'm worried the only thing I can buy in this puzzle is a subscription to the National Review, and I don't want to become as dumb as Pat Sajak.

      I believe The National Review is printed with ink distilled from cerebrospinal fluid that has leaked out the ears of people with critical thinking skills who dared peruse it.

  • I'd like to solve the puzzle: Is it "Delusional Asshat?"

    Sajak/Voight '12

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If hosting an exceptionally lame game show qualifies Pat to dictate who gets to vote then I’m Captain of the Universe.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Pat should buy a clue…I despise him & Kelsey Grammar.

  • Serolf_Divad

    I also propose that no one who is directly affected by any potential Federal policy/law should be able to vote, as they have an innate conflict on interest on thath very account.

    There: I just made Barack Obama Emperor.

  • dittoBot3000

    What a nugget of wisdom. Voting one's own interest is exactly like Pat Sajak having his mechanic on his crappy game show. Because, If the mechanic wins, he'll rotate Pat's tires better. Similarly, if a black man is elected to office, he'll give us food stamps of abortion.

  • i_AM_ready

    And Supreme Court justices who got appointed by Bush 1 should not have been allowed to vote in Bush 2 v. Gore.

  • iburl

    Oh, Pat Sajak, your cruelty knows no bounds, I must say! –Ed Grimley

  • Eve8Apples

    Since members of Congress are federal employees, let's stop them from voting on legislation. Barry should pronounce edicts from his thrown and they shall be known as the law of the land.

    People who know how to spell or read should not be allowed to appear on Wheel of Fortune.

    • Based on your second sentence, I'm guessing you would fall under that ban?

  • Ruhe

    If you've ever watched the show you know that Pat has an amazing ability to remain avuncular in the face of astounding levels of ignorance. It's really saint-like, his level of patience. "There are only two blanks left and you want to buy a vowel/spin again? Well, ok then. Let's go!" Based on that I'd have guessed he was a liberal /bhudhist but maybe he just hates humans.

    • Either that, or he's just as dumb as they are. Yeah, probably that.

    • JMPEsq

      Or he's televised evidence for the studies that show Botox inhibits the ability to feel emotions.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I just assumed he gets loaded before each taping. I'd do it, if I had to face up to that banal crap every working day.

  • WarAndGee

    Let's see No voting for people who benefit from the gov'mint. Hmm.

    postal workers
    prison guards
    Armed forces service members
    Beneficiaries of federal highways
    Beneficiaries of federal entitlements (Soc Sec.)
    Businesses with government awarded contracts for building…

    Fuck an A Pat did you even think this shit through longer than five minutes. Bozo.

    • Katydid

      You forgot "everybody else who votes."

  • x111e7thst

    If Pat Sajak's pearly white teeth and impenetrable helmet of hair were allowed to vote they would undoubtedly vote to be attached to someone else.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It looks like Pat was just raising the question rather than attempting to flesh it out entirely, so I'm not gonna slam him for that — also he did pretty well on Celebrity Jeopardy (which is like Jeopardy for the slower side of the family, but he still kicked Wolf Blitzer's ass) so he's not entirely a damn fool.
    On the other hand, he misses the greater conflict of interest, which is the legislators and lobbyists who make the damn laws that they themselves vote on. I'll take the obvious conflicts in voting being allowed, Pat, if we can give up Dick Cheney's secret energy policy meetings, just as a for instance. Hello? Hello?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      he did pretty well on Celebrity Jeopardy … he still kicked Wolf Blitzer's ass)

      And I managed to not set my hair on fire when I took my morning shower. Do I get a cookie?

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Beating Wolf Blitzer in Jeopardy is an achievement akin to beating Stephen Hawking in the 100 yard dash.

  • Pat Sejak REALLY wanted to have his own whaling ship to stick it to Bob Barker, but it was too expensive, so instead he's funding Mike Huckabee's kids to drive around Arkansas in a pickup truck drowning puppies.

  • chickensmack

    Hey, Pat? Just between us, I would never appear on your lowest-common-denominator show either. I'm enthusiastic and vivacious, but I have integrity and dignity, so I won't ever participate on Wheel. No matter what you declare these people, they don't really seem like "winners".

    You're the host of a spelling contest for grownups. Take that.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I thought that show was just an amped-up version of that Hangman game we used to play in elementary school.

      • chickensmack

        Yet no one dies in it. Why not, God?! WHY NOT?!

  • Canmon

    The Corner allows comments? Why have I not noticed this before now? This is going to be fun.

  • Terry

    Honestly, just when you think you've seen the biggest idiot on the far Right, the trot out another one. He's dismissing the *Constitutional* rights of Federal employees based on the policy of his game show?

  • kilgoretrout2

    You guys are just mean.

    Let's see YOU formulate a logical post after having six gallons of botox shot directly into your face. This dude is our human version of the McDonald's happy meal. You think that shit's easy?

  • mookwrthwilson

    Solve the puzzle:
    _AT _A_AK I_ A FU_KTAR_

    • JustPixelz


      • BaldarTFlagass

        I'd like to buy a consonant, please.

  • By this exact same logic, because they would benefit unfairly, we argued for the Prohibition of Voting by the Lunch Counter negroes but no one would listen. Now look at what has happened!

  • DCHatesMe

    Don't bother trying to rescue the miners trapped in Pat Sajak's head. They all died.

  • Vanna I'd like to buy a cunt.

  • BeWoot

    I'm concerned that the editors at National Review Online are lowering their standards. Used to be all their contributers were full of shit. But now, one of them is just __LL O_ S__T.
    I may cancel my subscription.

  • Redhead

    WHERE is Sajak's nurse? She KNOWS he gets grumpy when his diaper isn't changed.

  • Extemporanus

    "I'd like to buy a vote."

  • comrad_darkness

    There is something to this. For example, I'll agree that Katherine Harris should not have been running for congress while still being employed as Secretary of State of Florida and in charge of elections in the state. Then forging a back dating on her resignation letter months after beginning to campaign. If only he were discussing something meaningful like that, I could be all in agreement.

  • comrad_darkness

    Any minute now that liberal media the teabaggers are always bitching about will post the headline:

    Prominent Republican Entertainer Asserts that Troops Should Lose Right to Vote.

  • ttommyunger

    Oh Pat. Pat of the tiny little hands. Pat, you know you can barely get those little fingers around your own tiny little goober; now you want to jerk off the entire American Electorate? Please, stay in your own little world; where uneducated old women and their trapped husbands think you are the cat's meow instead of a pussyfart with tiny little hands.

  • CapnFatback

    Sajak just gave the Wheel of Wisdom a spin, and it landed on "Bankrupt."

  • itsjesuscriss

    This is troubling…it means that the Christianists can't vote on anything to do with tey gayz. Pot smokers can't vote on pot issues, and Pat can't vote on girly issues.

  • JMPEsq

    Judging by the ratings of his 1989 late-night talk show, no.

    • smokefilledroommate

      Pat wanted his very own 'Thicke of the Night'.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Jim Crow 2010

  • PresBeeblebrox

    Add Sajak to the cavalcade of ZZ-list celebrities who are Konservative, along with, um, that one guy who played the gun/knife freak with a lady's name on Firefly, that blonde screech-voiced chick who was once on SNL, Mary Lou Retton, a couple of ex-WWF wrestlers, um?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    "…and many of us tend to vote in favor of our own interests…"

    WFT?? Who's interest am I supposed to vote in favor of?

    From the desk of Pat Sajak.

    "…and many of us eat food we find delicious…
    "…and many of us go to sleep when we are tired…"
    "…and many of us walk upright and breath air…"

    "…and many of us sit down nightly and watch this dumb fuck read letters off of card…which is all he's fucking good for…"

  • mranthrope

    Oh no, a Whammy!

  • AutomaticPilot

    I'm kind of surprised the National Review deemed it worthy enough to print. Seems more appropriate for the Teatard Quarterly.

  • HELisforHEL

    Now would be a good time for Vanna to whip out her knitting needles, plunk them into his eyes then take a large crochet hook and shove it up his nose in search of brain matter. She won't find any, of course, but that just might make me tune in to their insipid show.

    • loose_leaf_tea

      Bravo for being familiar with Vanna's line of yarn.

  • There's that loud noise again, as if William F. Buckley is spinning in his grave.

  • GOPCrusher

    Pat Sajak is unaware that the vast quantity of the Wheel Of Fortune regular viewing audience, has no idea of what the Internet is.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    And we should listen to a man whose claim to fame is being second banana to an aging but still hot babe because…?

    • JMPEsq

      I don't know if she's still hot; the camera's now always far away from White, it's been years since they've actually shown her in close-ups.

  • natoslug

    Even the wheel is more intelligent.

  • smokefilledroommate

    I'll take a Pee, Pat.

    • OhNoGuy

      Fill his shoe. No, make that both shoes.

  • metamarcisf

    Pat, I'd like to buy a bowel.

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