e-mail of the day

Teabaggers Still E-Mailing Us, Telling Us Not To Drink Anti-Baby ‘Flouride’

We do it for teh giggling pointz.Your afternoon editor’s inbox has been an absolute delight after some Teabagger blog told its faithful to e-mail him their distaste at the “snatching” of “baby’s.” Out of the 15 or so e-mails he’s received from Teabaggers, only one was written in correct English with anything resembling an argument, so Teabaggers are certainly hard at work here on the Internet smashing the stereotypes about them. So what is the “world champion” of these e-mails since the last time we posted some? One that comes from “Daniel J.,” who alerts your afternoon editor that he is “FLITH” and is a “flouride drinking” “brain deed zombie.”

From: pon[redacted]@sbcglobal.net
Date: Tue, Oct 12, 2010 at 8:04 PM
Subject: YOU LIBERAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!!
To: jack@wonkette.com

You a scumbag a piece of shit making fun of a poor grieving mother having her baby taken by thew criminal CPS who have quotas on a monthly basis, you are not a journalist you are a media whore and THE DYING yes the DYING CORPORATE media scumbag and your readers are as informed as you are which equals to nothing you call us TEABGGERS what are you a SHEEP flouride drinking GMO crop( u know whay that is did’t think so) eating brain deed zombie HOW CAN U BE A MAN AND A LIBERAL you cant because your a fucking pussy STAND UP FOR UR COUNTRY you yellow belly coward your SAVIOR OBAMA( Barry Seotoro) is a corporate puppet like you are WE TAKING THIS COUNTRY BACK FROM U GIGGLING SISSY SCARED MEN AND OLD BITTER WOMEN the founders would turn in their graves go get your giggling points from Jon Stewart and attend a “Rally to Restore Sanity” to mock the teabaggers. Ridicule is so much more fun than taking to the streets and voicing their outrage at bankers
foreclosing on people’s homes while their executives reep million dollar bonuses. Snickering at stupid costumes teabaggers wear is so much more constructive than demanding an end to these unnecessary wars.
PS: YOU ARE FLITH and dont even deserve to have sr attached to your name.

What can we say? This man hits all his crazy-person talking points in one sentence. Good work, sir. But what is this mysterious “sr” you say is attached to your Jack Stuef’s name? Is that some kind of Jew/Nazi title?

Speaking of:

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From: donna[redacted]@yahoo.com
Date: Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 12:50 PM
Subject: Question please..
To: jack@wonkette.com

Are you Jewish?

Best,

Donna

Yes, you want to be careful about that! What if you accidentally criticized one of the God’s special people? You need to be nice to those folks so you can be beamed up by Jesus when their special country is destroyed.

Related

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

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151 comments

    1. Urban_Achiever

      Hmm, I don't know, he/she also spelled "Jon Stewart" correctly, so naturally I'm suspicious……

      1. lumpenprole

        And wtf is this?
        "…GMO crop( u know whay that is did’t think so) eating…"

        Is there some crosspollination with the Pacifica crowd? Am I going to seeing Teabaggites at the farmers' market? Isn't corn (& byproducts) still Jesus' greatest gift to Americaland?

      2. charlesdegoal

        It looks like the non-capitalize part at the end, up to the PS, was copied from somewhere, as there's only one misspelled word and the sentences make some sense. Pathetic.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      I just now had to Google it. I've seen it spelled wrong so many times that in this context, I had no idea why he was calling Barry a Seotoro.

  1. CrunchyKnee

    Whenever I am down and losing faith in America, Mr. Penis helmet graphic pops up on my Wonkett to save the day.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      When I find myself in times of trouble, Penis Helmet comes to me
      Speaking words of wisdom
      "YOU ARE FLITH!"

  2. awesome_dude

    I thought teabaggers liked corporations? As in, the free market? So wouldn't this guy want a corporate puppet for a president?

    1. mumbly_joe

      Actually, I remember seeing a concern troll posting something to that effect. In fact, several of his phrases were torn straight out of other people's comments and cobbled together into a horrific, Prometheus-esque monstrosity.

      It took me a second read to realize this wasn't a spammer. Pity me, who attempted to read that thing twice.

      1. awesome_dude

        Me? A concern troll? but I'm a liberal just like you- we better not vote in November, that'll get Obama to repeal DADT.

  3. JMPEsq

    I think you only deserve to have a "sr" attached to your name if you're a man with a son, and have a big enough ego problem or lack of creativity to just give your name instead of something original; I don't see how being filth would prevent that.

      1. JMPEsq

        That's your fault; I noticed it, went to correct it and got "you cannot edit a message with replies", even though I had just loaded the comments and there were none visible yet.

  4. petehammer

    Holy cow, he used the right "wear." I'm dumbfounded. I was not expecting that based on the lead-in.

    The use of "deed" for "dead," however, is just awesome (Zombies have deeds to brains?)

    (The use of UR for "Your" indicates he is 15-17 yo).

    1. nappyduggs

      We Lie-bruls are some heartless, unthinking bastards, ain't we? Maybe we should give these mildewed dimwits the benefit of the doubt and say, "Hey. Maybe their "Caps Lock" key is stuck 'cause of all of the Funyun crumbs or the lonely, lonely jism that is all over the keys.

  5. Tommmcattt

    How in God's name can a person be so moronic that they misspell the word "Filth"? It has five letters. Only five.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Giggling? I always thought it was the 'sniggering' (esp. in the White House) that made teabaggers go crazy.

  6. bfstevie

    I learned in Catholic law school that sr. means "sister". It happened after the mean, nasty old Irish torts professor chewed out a woman who showed up in a biz suit every day because she was not prepared. He yelled at her for ten minutes before asking what the letters in front of her name stood for. When she said "Sister" he gasped, turned beat red and told her she could sit down. So now we know that Jack Steuf is a nun. We can't post pictures in these comments, so you're spared the picture of me in full nun regalia.

    1. northernbassist

      I'm guessing the regalia is in the ever-so-fashionable shade of 'beat red?' I knew the srs were quick to use the ruler, but so fast they named a color after it?

    2. comrad_darkness

      It's not regalia, it's a habit. I realize one normally doesn't make a habit out of using the word habit, so you are forgiven. Well, by Jesus anyway.

  7. Moonbatting Average

    Anti-fluoridation and -GMO. Anti-corporate. If only these guys knew how much they had in common with the average New Age, crystal-rubbing hippie.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Well, since the news that "eugenics-loving leftist websites like Wonkette found only sardonic humor in the story" is running on Alex Jones's Prison Planet, the wider Psychotosphere is picking up the story.

  8. weejee

    GMO flouride? Jack, you're a fan of genetically modified flour? Here we thought that you baked your posts from scratch and here it turns out you use Betty Croaker mixes.

  9. LionelHutzEsq

    Clearly the first letter must be satire, as everyone on the intertubes knows that FLITH stands for "Freedom Loving, Intelligent, Tax-free Hetro".

  10. barkingspiders

    This man needs a dose of Colon Flow™ and as much time as required away from his job chucking live chicks into meat grinders to enjoy the resultant and very necessary "pause for the cause."

  11. ThurmanMunster

    C'mon, come clean. Which one you punk'd our afternoon editor. As some of you point out, some hard words were correctly spelt, so it puts the whole letter under suspicion.

  12. jus_wonderin

    Geez, what can one say to that? I do enjoy mail call though. Keep it up Jack, you are rattlin' their cages.

  13. HOFAH

    Ok what is a "SHEEP flouride drinking GMO crop"?

    And what exactly do Teabaggers have against apostrophes and commas?

  14. jus_wonderin

    Them there is fighting words. I bet he's got a small penis that he can easily hide under the CAPS lock key.

    1. smokefilledroommate

      He's actually a spectacle of sorts in his hometown–all the locals refer to him as 'Danny Jim with the Micro-Peen'.

  15. GuanoFaucet

    It's like midway through that largely incomprehensible screed that paultard had a psychotic break and the ALLCAPS fury was unleashed. Then, somehow, he managed to get the batshit crazy under control and the ALLCAPS disappeared.

    The errors in spelling and grammar were constant, though, because the retard doesn't come and go like the crazy does.

  16. V572625694

    I'm sure he meant to say: "You don't even deserve to have 'sir' attached to your name, Sir Jack Stüf, Fourth Duke of Adams-Morgan."

      1. V572625694

        He just stopped before he got to this part:

        THAT'S NOT THE POLICY! THAT'S NOT THE POLICY! THAT'S NOT THE POLICY!

  17. smokefilledroommate

    So funny someone with presumably a lack of teeth would be bitching about fluoride in the water supply.

  18. catchtheflava

    The second half of the gentleman's email, which is (more or less) properly punctuated and capitalized, is lifted directly from the comment left by the blogger who instigated all of this, right down to the incorrect usage of "reep" (although it's not a word, so I suppose that technically it can't be used incorrectly). Check back on the first of Jack's posts on this line of absurdity.

    I can't tell which is worse; the assaults on the English language, or the fact that this one couldn't even muster the creativity and originality to create a page long email. Plagiarism makes Jesus and English teachers cry.

  19. glamourdammerung

    I can not be the only one that finds it amusing that a clutch of Retard-Americans sent stupid emails to Jack calling him a "sheep" because they were told to.

  20. Monsieur_Grumpe

    That. Was. Beautiful.
    I imagine this is the result of a mono-Cheeto diet, 24 hour FOX News and chronic masturbation.
    Fascinating.

    1. TimeCubist

      I never watch FOX News, only occasionally eat a Cheeto or two, but otherwise this hits close to the bone(r).

    2. Rotundo_

      Chronic masturbation? Some prefer to consider it honing a craft. A Mountain Dew and Cheeto binge along with psychotic ideation sourced from FOX News and sleep deprivation (due to high glucose and caffiene intake) would be a more likely source of the problem. Rubbing one off would have probably mellowed him out and distracted him enough to have prevented him from making a jackass of himself. In fact, masturbating might have been the most productive thing he could do, ever. also.

  21. MiniMencken

    Silly Liberal wabbits! sr = Skarloey Railway, a fictional railway in both The Railway Series and Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends by W.V. Awdry

  22. V572625694

    I love the idea that Child Protective Services has a monthly quota, like traffic cops: "All right, Johnson, you're five innocent babies behind this month, and it's already the 27th. I need you to get out there, shake off the pain, reach down for a little extra, and BRING BACK BABIES!"

  23. PsycWench

    No wonder the guy's mad…I'm sure he meant to type "you're fucking a pussy", something he doesn't get to do without ponying up at least $50.

  24. outragedcitizen

    Gee I wish I had Mr. Pon-whatever's email address. I would love to invite him over to show him this "GIGGLING SISSY SCARED" old man's collection of fire arms. Suck on my .45, bitch!

    Seriously, I can not understand why these guys think that just because we're Liberal we don't own just as many guns as they do.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      The only thing that can stop the NRA is a massive influx of black and Mexican gun owners. The war on the Black Panthers in the 60s will look like a, uhm, tea party compared to what happens then!

  25. Lascauxcaveman

    I'm thinking Donna herself is a Jew, is single, and would like to get to know Jack Better, perhaps meeting for drinks sometime soon.

  26. thx11380

    Somewhere, Murdoch is wiping a tear of joy from his eye over these brain dead neanderthals his channel has so thoroughly dis-informed.

  27. imissopus

    To: donna[redacted]@yahoo.com

    Nein, mein Fraulein! Aller ruhm zum Fuhrer! Lassen sie uns liebe bilden und vollkommene arische babys zussamen produzieren fur das Vaterland!

  28. WarAndGee

    Whatever. Confused paranoid double-talking shit sacks like this will be running the country in a generation or two. Pass me the remote…and the bong.

  29. SimonGirty

    Yo, faggit… U shud lurn gud inglush! I'll be waiting down L St SE, Washington, DC 20003 around 3:30 AM for your first lesson, jus sayin? Believe me, you'll recognize me! Faggit.

  30. Anthr_DCLwyr3d

    As we established yesterday, Jack, you are a Jewish Nazi. I thought we would be able to move on.

    In the meantime, you will excuse me as I go mincing off to buy the new fall fashions from International Male, being the giggling sissy that I am.

  31. Troubledog

    You probably heard the (cringe) story of the guy that tried to make a fucking machine by mounting a jelly dong on a Sawzall blade? His girl was horribly injured because his dumb Teabagger ass forgot Rule One: Saw Blades Cut Through Shit.

    Yet, his paleolithic thinking had a germ of merit. Indeed, his goal was worthy. It was his implementation that fell short.

    So I googled a few things and I found a guy in Louisiana that makes a Sawzall Bayonet Mount -> Vac-U-Lock adapter. I ordered it last week and was pleased that it arrived promptly and was of good quality.

    Now, I have an 8" Doc Johnson dong attached to my motherfucking cordless Sawzall. And I put a hose clamp around the trigger.

    That is the difference between liberals and conservatives.

    1. bitchincamaro2

      +1 for using "Sawzall" in a Wonkette post. (Psssst. Don't pick up if caller-ID shows "Milwaukee" calling).

    2. Whatever

      SHIT!! i can't give you a thumbs up more than ONCE!!!!

      to the guy in the story… "Jane you ignorant slut don't you know Saw Blades Cut Through Shit?"

  32. TanzbodenKoenig

    YEAh all you Wonketear liberal YELLOW BELLY PUSSY COWARDS keep lauhing at the TEABAGGERS AND THere unneccessary costumes while the CPS GESTAPO HITLER BroWANSHIRTS are taking all teh baby's away frmo YOU AND YOUR FAMILY how can you call yourself A MAN abnd let taht happen YOU CAN"T BECAUESE Your NOT YOUR JUST A BOY like PREZNIT OSAMA, baby jeebus was a baby once and Kinfg HARROD's CPS tried to take him away TOO your werent laughing then but i AM NOW because thsi is JUST THE SAME except GOERGE SOROS is HARROD's and hes taking YOUR BABY and tehres no MANAGER to hide him in!!!!!111one1!1

  33. Steverino247

    I am the Grim Reeper and Baby Keeper…

    The stupidest thing this dork says is that CPS has some kind of quota for snatching babies. Having worked there eight years, let me just say, NO FUCKING WAY, YOU RETARD.

    1. Sheesko

      Hi-ho, Steverino.

      We need Steve Allen to come back and read these messages the way he used to read letters to the editor. I'll bet you remember.

  34. chickensmack

    Hey, everyone! Apparently it's okay to call Teabaggers "Teabaggers" now. And to think it was just one funny dick joke for us… alas, I guess, no more.

  35. catchtheflava

    The second half of the gentleman's email, which is (more or less) properly punctuated and capitalized, is lifted directly from the comment left by the blogger who instigated all of this, right down to the incorrect usage of "reep" (although it's not a word, so I suppose that technically it can't be used incorrectly). Check back on the first of Jack's posts on this line of absurdity.

  36. Terry

    You know, this whole fluride conspiracy theory thing does certainly explain some dental issues in certain social circles.

  37. DustBowlBlues

    Are you sure this isn't a hoax? I doubt a person this stoopid can toilet themselves. Hey–Is little Trigger typing already? Wow. He IS a special person.

  38. DCHatesMe

    If they're so angry and upset at Wonkette, why hasn't any of these preverts posted on Wonkette for some Intense Debate? We shat all over your internet message boards, the least you could do is stop by and say hi.

  39. DustBowlBlues

    Too busy to read posts: Anyone referred to Sterling Hayden's general in Dr. Strangelove who thought fluoride was destroying our precious bodily fluid? Was her Gen. Ripper?

    Fluoride–I live in fear of these morans.

  40. Mort_Sinclair

    "Ridicule is so much more fun than taking to the streets and voicing their outrage at bankers
    foreclosing on people’s homes while their executives reep million dollar bonuses."

    I hate it when ridicule is voicing their outrage.

  41. 4TheTurnstiles

    Someone around here made this comment yesterday…

    "Foilhatters are impossible because they're true believers and they believe *anything*. You can't reason with that. Some of them are still on jihad against water fluoridation, against blacks in the white house, &c."

    A member of the Wonkeratchik may be manufacturing their flithy memes for them?

  42. mull_man

    Speaking of nuns, I'd like one to diagram that first sentence. The one's from my youth would have followed up breaking their ruler in disciplining that redacted sinner.

  43. DaSandman

    pon? pon? Short for ponce? Uh oh, the gheys will be ringing you up at 2 am, looking for their piece of flesh…

  44. Redhead

    Opposing GMO crops, corporate puppets and bank bonuses while trying to end unnecessary wars… Daniel J sounds like a secret liberal.

  45. Sassomatic

    Jack's not a journalist? Well don't I feel duped. I thought I was reading the New York fucking Times over here. Sheesh.

  46. DoktorZoom

    So, I googled around a bit, and it turns out that Our Wonkette drew mention at AlexJones'PrisonPlanetPizzaParlor, in an article which has been copypasta'd to the larger Loonosphere. To wit (or in this case, to witless):

    In a related development, despite the fact that stealing babies on the pretext of the political beliefs of the parents is a hallmark of brutal dictatorships like North Korea, eugenics-loving leftist websites like Wonkette found only sardonic humor in the story.

    Presumably, Wonkette wouldn’t have found a newborn baby being ripped from its mother’s arms funny if the government had cited anti-war beliefs as one of the reasons for seizing a baby from liberal parents, but when it happens to a “right-winger,” it’s hilarious.

    Our Wonkette is pro-eugenics? Mercy, someone fetch the smelling salts–I do believe I shall swoon! I also learned, from the selfsame article, that Child Protective Services departments are all a scam, a front for a "lucrative government child abduction racket, where babies are seized in return for massive cash incentives and the children sold on to transnational corporations like Dyncorp and Halliburton who run sex slave rings."

    1. mumbly_joe

      You know, somewhere between "stealing babies on the pretext of the political beliefs of the parents" and these tards borderline-wishing for another Oklahoma City, I got to thinking:

      There wasn't any case in, say, the late 90's, or right around 2000, where a single child's custody became a major wedge issue, not because there was any question of whom the rightful and lawful guardian was, but because that rightful and lawful guardian happened to live somewhere associated with political views we disliked?

      Because, man, would these people have egg on their face, if someone found an impassioned case for kidnapping a child based on the political beliefs of the rightful guardian, using something as simple as the google machine.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      My God, did they seriously print that business about government child abduction?

      I am starting to feel like a cop who's burned out from dealing with the scum of the earth all day. My view of Americans and hope for the future is being eroded and distorted by exposure to this crazy shit. I need some fresh air.

      Concern Chet has a Concern Nervous Breakdown.

  47. Left_Leftie

    I don't know why "( Barry Seotoro)" floating in that sea of ALL CAPS is the favorite part of that letter.

  48. Nopantsmcgee

    As a Sissy-American I take offense at the caricature describing me as "giggling".

    I chortle, titter and occasionally snicker. But I do not giggle, Sir, no I do not.

  49. GOPCrusher

    I stand in awe of such a well-reasoned and logical e-mail argument. I may have to reconsider the blatant disregard that I have shown the Tea Bagger Movement in the past.

  50. hagajim

    Ahhhh – look at what we have to look forward to in the future. Looks like someone straight from Idiocracy busted loose.

    1. SimonGirty

      That's what it's all about, the wealthiest 1% using the psychopathic 3% to threaten us all with firearms. Like any other 3rd world Kleptocratic Theocracy. Here's how Irish's own dad described him on a Christian Patriot talk-show (according to Crooksandliars) "At times he has gone around telling people that if they don't back off and leave him alone, that he's going to have the Oath Keepers come after them, that they're violating his constitutional rights." If Beck wants better ratings, or Angle more votes… well… remember the Reagan years in Central America? In Afghanistan?

  51. kindness99

    If the question is: 'Why would a liberal snatch a new born baby from it's parents?'

    The answer is: Isn't it obvious? Sauteed in Red wine and then poached with butter & lemon slices it's like party in your mouth.

    I'm wondering where I can get me some….

  52. Anthr_DCLwyr3d

    Actually, I think Man-on-Sheeple love will be allowed under the O'Donnell administration…even if you aren't married.

  53. Swampgas_Man

    But — but he throws in stuff like "unnecessary wars" and "banks foreclosing on people's homes". I thought the baggers were FOR those things?

  54. Sparky_McGruff

    Nothing says "I hate the bankers who foreclose on people’s homes while their executives reep million dollar bonuses" like making sure that they don't have to pay any taxes, and making sure the nasty guvmint doesn't put any regulations on the banks. That'll show 'em.

Comments are closed.