THE AMERICAN DREAM  4:01 pm October 13, 2010

Christine O’Donnell’s Ex-Neighbors Wish She Didn’t Have Sex So Loudly

by Jack Stuef

About what you'd expect for her.According to people who used to be Christine O’Donnell’s neighbors, she was sort of odd but nice, perhaps as one would expect. “She would lounge on her front porch in her pajamas some weekends, smoking cigars and drinking wine with a girlfriend.” But she also had a man over her house all the time, and a neighbor complained about this, because “the walls upstairs are very thin.” Surprise! Christine O’Donnell seems to be sexually active and now seems to live with a her new boyfriend, who is described as “a heavy-set Christian rocker with a pudding-cup beard,” that man at left sitting sexily on a tiny tractor. And a neighbor says she never showed up at the local Catholic Church until she was running for office. So basically she is a hypocrite on every point of her platform, which according to the media is being against sex and for Jesus.

Benedetto, a life-long Democrat with reverence for the vice president (who walks every year with his family in the Procession of Saints), has a long list of complaints about O’Donnell. She once left soup on the stove and started a fire, Benedetto said. She used to miss the trash can when she disposed of her cat litter, leaving a mess on the porch. Most gallingly, in the neighbor’s view, O’Donnell had frequent visitors, “and the walls upstairs are very thin.”

Both Benedetto and another neighbor who asked to have her name withheld said they saw O’Donnell lounging, clothed, with a man on top of her, on O’Donnell’s bright yellow and orange flowered couch. Both said these events happened during the daytime, when O’Donnell would sometimes leave her front door open. Neither minded in the slightest at the time, they said, and the latter of the two neighbors thinks generally well of the candidate. Both said they get a little chuckle on hearing her strict stance against sexual activity outside of the confines of marriage.

Interesting! This article makes no mention of what this image is supposed to be, however:

Huh?

Is that a Carlos Mencia set list? A policy paper on immigration? A shopping list from her days as a drug addict?

We do know it is from her, obviously, because her memo pad has her birthdate printed on it. Is that what people have printed on their memo pad when they don’t have a job or anything interesting about them?

[EDIT: We're told this, like the other images in the article, are from her yearbook. And now this makes even less sense.] [Daily Beast/Flickr]

 
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{ 200 comments }

Delicious_2 October 13, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Every new revelation about Christine O'Donnell gives me a boner.

I love teh crazy.

Rarian Rakista October 15, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Don't stick your dick in the crazy box.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g36lYOdlZ-k

walstib October 13, 2010 at 4:07 pm

So, she only makes the sexytime with giants. I think this may be the only point in her favor.

DO NOT MOCK GIANT LOVING.

Lucidamente1 October 13, 2010 at 4:08 pm

8-27-69 is a wiccan sexual position.

Badonkadonkette October 13, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Who cares what they heard? Aural sex doesn't count.

CapnFatback October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

The proof is in the pudding-cup beard.

finallyhappy October 13, 2010 at 4:08 pm

Wonkette- cmon- decode it "8" "27" "69"- and Bye, Bye Beaner!

Radiotherapy October 13, 2010 at 4:09 pm

I guess every witch has a Gladys Kravitz next door.

kenlayisalive October 13, 2010 at 4:09 pm

In her defense, I'd be talking up celibacy if I had to fuck that choad.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Fame, glory, panties, money, politics, masturbation, Christianity, vagina, love, finger, touch…

BornInATrailer October 13, 2010 at 10:51 pm

..Paninaro oh oh oh?

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm

So being a Christian rocker isn't just pathetic in general, but gets you the worst groupies.

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm

If the witch's lair is a rocking don't bother knocking.

MarieDeGournay October 13, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Damn you for making me shoot seltzer out of my nose.

Gratuitous World October 13, 2010 at 4:11 pm

"O’Donnell lounging, clothed, with a man on top of her, on O’Donnell’s bright yellow and orange flowered couch"

Chivalry is deadhorsed.

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm

So is good taste. Too bad O'Donnell's a homophobe, otherwise she might have some gay friends to give her decorating tips.

Ducksworthy October 13, 2010 at 4:12 pm

need….moar…..comments……
This makes no sense. Please wonketters tell me what it all means.

Gopherit October 13, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Her early comments about the foreclosure of her house lead everyone to believe that she settled up and paid that mortgage, yessiree. I guess getting the rich guy who is fucking you to buy out your mortgage counts for that……but sex for money….cough.

Aw, Christine, how can we stay mad at a hypocritical, whoring witch like you?

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

She won't do Spitzer, but she'll Swallow.

Gopherit October 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Spitzer and Swallow would have been a much better name for that CNN news show.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 5:54 pm

CNN's looking for a Jon Klein replacement. But is anyone that desperate?

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 7:59 pm

They could be looking for someone stupid enough to replace Rich Sanchez. She fits the bill.

prommie October 13, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Isn't this woman's candidacy a sign that our media has descended to the laughable level that we were told of, back in the 60s and 70s, the level of the Soviet State news organizations, remember that picture that was painted for us, of a populace duped by a shackled press that printed bald lies and ridiculous propaganda? The fact that every article and every report on the subject of this woman's candidacy doesn't begin with "shocking fluke nomination of ridiculous fraud and probably psychotic candidate O'Donnel continues to cast serious doubt on the future of our Nation" seems to me to point that way.

Ducksworthy October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Now I feel better.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Calm down, PNDB, calm down: she's 30 points behind. So's Alvin Greene, but he's not so cute. Otherwise they're identical. And the media didn't nominate them, the electorate did. We're still fucked, but you can't blame Anderson Cooper.

Oh all right, yes you can.

TX_Bluebonnets October 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm

PNDB, you make a good point. The problem is "objectivity" used by the MSM as a way to avoid having to think about the ramifications of the stories and their method of presentation.

Also, it's much easier to avoid FCC fines and thunderbolts from Thor if your product is so degraded of meaningful analysis, interpretation, etc., that no one even notices it.

Chet Kincaid October 13, 2010 at 4:40 pm

wtf does PNDB mean?

prommie October 13, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Prom Night Dumpster Baby, an old catholic school tradition.

prommie October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

No, really, the utter scary ridiculousness of her being the candidate despite the obvious fraudulent criminal grifting and lying and mental illness, treating this as an "elephant in the living room" that we must not speak of, and instead talking about her as if she is a serious, legitimate candidate, this is, well, insane.

I guess the media has gotten used to having to pretend obvious loons and retards are real politicians and statesmen over the last 20 years, as the GOP has descended to sub-troglodyte levels. Ignoring the corruption and racism and hate and the corporate sellout and the slide towards third world status and all, I guess it gets to be a habit.

But thats what I mean, how is this not Pravda, Izvestia?

We are the samizdat media!

TX_Bluebonnets October 13, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Very good, comrade sister. Now wait for your Glorious Chinese Overlords to formally set up your in-patient reeducation camps, so you can unlearn the 'lie' of capitalist freedom.

Scratchy toilet paper, anyone?

zhubajie October 15, 2010 at 7:14 pm

There are some freedoms in China that Americans might well envy. A nap after lunch, no open container laws, freedom to suckle your baby in public, freedom for anyone to buy booze anytime or to smoke anywhere are not trivial. There are a lot more public toilets, too.

LetUsBray October 13, 2010 at 5:26 pm

Not just 20 years; as with so much else, it started with St. Ronnie. Remember how the press was simply forbidden from pointing out that he was dumb as dirt even before the Alzheimer's kicked in?

deanbooth October 13, 2010 at 5:39 pm

I agree, but I remember shortly after RR was elected, NightLine had a show on the topic "Is Reagan Smart Enough to Be President." I was shocked they would talk about his obvious cluelessness, e.g., his blaming pollution on trees.

I've searched for a transcript, but can't find one.

lumpenprole October 13, 2010 at 5:52 pm

You get insanity or elitism, that's it. Everything in creation has exactly two sides and in America you're free to enjoy either one. That's why Jesus gave America both Hannity and Colmes, People and US Magazine, the double-down and that donut burger thing.

neiltheblaze October 13, 2010 at 6:40 pm

I've always thought of our MSM as more akin to Xinhua.

lulzmonger October 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Ah, but this is the genius of CORPORATE communism: today's samizdat is no real threat to the brand-name Politburo – it's just another spectacle. The key is not overtly condemning or censoring it, because that only makes it exotic & taboo, thus desirable. FREEDUMB 4 ALL!

Pravda, by the by, has become much like the Weekly World News & is now a fave "journalistic source" of those neocon Birther types. Would you like irony with that?

Neilist October 13, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Gesh, Prommie. Take a Chill Pill, would you?

prommie October 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

I is losing it, this batshit shit, man, its batshit. Oh, and I am too lazy to go look for where I should give this reply, so, excuse me, gotta talk to Katydid, hey Katydid, the answer to your question is "receiving," jeeze, what the hell and all, you think me coming on to all the ladies all the time is some kinda "cover?" And you know, you claiming dibs on me has scared the rest off, what do you have on them?

Katydid October 13, 2010 at 5:24 pm

I was teasing you, prom, I know you're all male hetero!

Sorry for scaring off the other lovelies, hon, and I give you permission to play, but know in your heart you belong to me.

obiwanacracker October 13, 2010 at 7:31 pm

Um, what's the frequency Kenneth? And in response to your dark late afternoon of the soul, remember that it's always darkest just before it goes completely pitch black.

Gleem_McShineys October 13, 2010 at 4:38 pm

I think it boils down to this:
"it was really straining to fap to Basil Marceaux dot com, got anything else?"

iburl October 13, 2010 at 4:17 pm

pudding-cup beard?
I didn't know that was a thing. Maybe we misunderstood. When she said 'no sex' she meant 'no good sex'.

CapnFatback October 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Pudding-cup beard complements the Jello belly.

Extemporanus October 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm

I prefer the term "cunnilingus cushion" myself.

BornInATrailer October 13, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Maybe she is a lesbian and that is just her pet name for him.

bumfug October 13, 2010 at 4:18 pm

That couldn't be a Carlos Mencia set list – it's obvious that some other comic didn't say it first.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 5:57 pm

But it is monstrously un-funny!

chascates October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Any guy who collects that many hip waders must always be knee-deep in shit.

justkillmenow October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Jesus fuck thank you. That's all I can focus on. How many pairs of hip waders does one man need? Does this tell us something about Chrissy?

H Curve October 13, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Dude, eye of newt stains like a mothafuck. I ain't hatin…

EdBradly7 October 14, 2010 at 11:03 am

Or really, really, really likes sheep.

TX_Bluebonnets October 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Don't you all GET IT? That's not a chubalicious male Christian rocker on that tractor, that's a pre-op, post-hormones, massive lesbian on that tractor. It explains both the "cute" picture and the attempted manliness.

And obviously, Christine's little love poem is an ode to the love and pheromones "that only two women can feel." At least, that's what the mannish women who keep hitting on me tell me.

If you don't believe me, look at the "pumkin Fairies" line.

MaxNeanderthal October 13, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Absofuckinglutely. Note the two stickwomen (not men) waving bye-bye to beaner- if that don't speak volumes, what does?

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. October 13, 2010 at 4:20 pm

FYI, your typical pumpkin fairy is a disembodied Soul caste adrift into the winds of Eternity, typically on account of acts of self-fornication in the corporal existence.

Kitty_Sanchez October 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Cool! So, that's like…fun, right?

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. October 13, 2010 at 4:33 pm

It is not as fun as an Eternity in the Bosom of Jesus but it is probably more fun than an infinite existence as the Demon's Concubine. So I am told.

Katydid October 13, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Masculine Jesus has man-boobs?

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:10 pm

I think she meant to Blumpkin. She was hoping the Blumpkin fairy would show up allow her to give him one.

LionelHutzEsq October 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Masturbation: Bad.

Fucking a Christian Rocker with a pudding cup beard: Really, really gross.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Thin walls with a Democrat on the other side: Priceless!

LionelHutzEsq October 13, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Not if you are that poor, poor Democrat.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 6:01 pm

I once had a thin-wall apartment in LA next to a guy who gave voice lessons. He'd tape his students singing, rewind the tape at high volume and speed, and then play it back, etc. It was horrible, but C-O'D getting it on would have to be worse.

Terry October 13, 2010 at 10:56 pm

I used to live in an apt above a gentleman who would come home drunk late late at night and sing maudlin Spanish language folk songs through a karaoke machine with the volume turned up to full blast.

That, too, is a sound preferable to the devine Miz O in the throes of mad hot fundy witch loving.

mavenmaven October 13, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Gives new hope to fat guys with bad taste in music and facial hair everywhere?

transfatz October 13, 2010 at 11:47 pm

Shit, that leaves me out. I've got good taste in music.

smokefilledroommate October 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

It's funny she takes her astrological sign so uh, seriously.

BrentKockman October 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

a virgo born in '69 must have all kinds of issues.

4tehlulz_lite October 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

I think the real story is that there is a heterosexual Christian rocker.

MaxNeanderthal October 13, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Nah, he's just a beard…..

PlkWtrd October 16, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Specifically, a pudding-cup beard.

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 4:23 pm

I do wonder what "Surflight" or "Sunflight" means. And does "Pedro, loving" means she's sexing an illegal Mexican?

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. October 13, 2010 at 4:33 pm

She had better not be

prommie October 13, 2010 at 4:49 pm

The Surflight Theater in Beach Haven, not far from Moorestown?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Pudding cup beard or just a sloppy eater. You decide.

mayor_quimby October 13, 2010 at 9:39 pm

HURL
drink
HURL
pass ou…….

Extemporanus October 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

So, she was the loud type who pretty much didn't keep to herself?

I guess that means we can cross "Serial Killer" off the long list of Christine O'Donnell's politically embarrassing youthful indiscretions.

Gleem_McShineys October 13, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Hey there, BLUE MEANY SILLY MOON BEAR!

Extemporanus October 13, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Dumb & Dahmer?

Radiotherapy October 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Who knows? Maybe she was just sowing her wild oats?

Lazy Media October 13, 2010 at 4:24 pm

8-27-69 is when Billy Graham, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon vowed to cut down every tree in America. Sadly, the libtards have mostly prevented this.

GuyClinch October 13, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Hart Senate Office Building, summer 2011, unnamed senator with neighboring office:

"Sen. O'Donnell sure has a lot of 'constituents' in her office. And these walls are pretty thick, but still… I mean, she's nice and all, but I wish she'd close her door more often. Her black cat keeps getting out and peeing on my door-jamb. And why does she always leave her toy tractor in the hall?"

transfatz October 13, 2010 at 11:51 pm

Thumbs up.Your comment is underrated.

Qatarded October 13, 2010 at 4:25 pm

His rock band is called "Jizz For Jesus"?

Groupshrug October 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm

My tendency to hate chumpy shlubs who somehow manage to get a hot girlfriend while I have no girlfriend works even when the girl is a bat-shit crazy tea-bagger.

Gleem_McShineys October 13, 2010 at 4:27 pm

One time, an acquaintance of mine called his slacker goatee "Da Womb Broom" … apparently named for what he sometimes employed it for.

What would you be doing with a "Pudding cup beard" that would make you name it that? I mean if I had to guess… Anus-swiffering?

CapnFatback October 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Extemporanus October 13, 2010 at 4:37 pm

As I noted down-thread, "Cunnilingus Cushion" would be more apropos.

Gleem_McShineys October 13, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Now we're all going to be thinking about Christine O'Donnell's 'pudding cup.'

*Bill Cosby voice*
PUDDING!!

Neilist October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Alright, you Communist Liberal Pink SCUM, let me explain something to you:

I'm a lawyer. I can tell you, as a lawyer, that if Brent the Lawyer Boyfriend bought out the mortgage on her house, there HAS to be a Sex Videotape.

In fact, there has to be a LIBRARY of Sex Videotapes. Showing EVERYTHING, With EVERYTHING (other girls, animals, kitchen utensils, a bass boat trolling motor, etc. etc. etc.)

Trust me on this: I'm a Legal PROFESSIONAL.

Ducksworthy October 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Its all beginning to make sense.

twogoats October 13, 2010 at 4:43 pm

"Trust me; I'm a lawyer"?
"I will only put it in a little ways."
"You're so beautiful, I couldn't restrain myself."
They bought yellow cake uranium in Niger."
and so on.

Chet Kincaid October 13, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Now I get it. You're Bob Odenkirk, just staying in character for "Breaking Bad" all the time, right?

problemwithcaring October 13, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Star Jones?

TX_Bluebonnets October 13, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Perhaps a tractor? Could it be a fetish?

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:14 pm

As a fellow lawyer I heartily agree with your assessment of the situation. I want to see the Blumpkin tape that she mentions in her note.

DCHatesMe October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Monage = Menage a trois? All these revelations and she's still trailing Coons.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 13, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Christine O'Donnell is "trailing coons," you say? I guess nothing is beyond the realm of possibility at this point.

HistoriCat October 13, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Damn – you beat me to it. Teach me to not read all comments before posting. I'm guessing Xtine and the other girl in the drawing are waving goodbye to the Beaner (illegal Messican?) they had the three-way with.

LionelHutzEsq October 13, 2010 at 6:34 pm

My girlfriend once had a trialing coons, but a little salve cleaned it right up.

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Do two cucumbers and Christine make a threesome?

CapnFatback October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

She once left soup on the stove and started a fire, Benedetto said.

Eye of newt is quite flammable.

LionelHutzEsq October 13, 2010 at 6:35 pm

And cauldrons are just not what they used to be.

ph7 October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

The Flickr entries are open for comment. Have at it.

smokefilledroommate October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Occasionally we 'monage'–misspelling of ménage? O'Donnell, pumpkin fairies, and Pedro the beaner? She's much kinkier than I ever thought possible.

BrentKockman October 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

blue meanies and monages? sounds like sex, drugs, and rock and roll to me.

ThurmanMunster October 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

You know what they say about guys with small tractors.

Radiotherapy October 13, 2010 at 4:54 pm

They're big dicks?

Gleem_McShineys October 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Their pudding-cup beards runneth over?

LionelHutzEsq October 13, 2010 at 6:36 pm

Their fields go unplowed?

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:15 pm

And their girl friends, go figure.

Rev_Lemonjello October 13, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Worst round of Apples to Apples ever.

Extemporanus October 13, 2010 at 4:31 pm

That's from "Jack-Off the Magic Bean Stalk", right?

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

…the Beaner Stalk.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 13, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Who is scripting all of this O'Donnell/Paladino hilarity? Carl Hiassen? Philip Roth? The late Hunter S. Thompson?

MaxNeanderthal October 13, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Has to be Hunter S. "Once you get into a really serious drug binge, you might as well go all the way", or words to that effect. If this swamp donkeys rise to media "stardom" isn't part of a serious ether and jimson weed hallucination, then you can slap my thigh and call me Humbert.

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:16 pm

I do keep looking for a large Samoan attorney with towel soaked in ether.

johnnymeatworth October 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm

So what kind of cigars does she smoke, anyway? I'm sure they're huge, for Jesus and America….

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I am sure she is smoking a White Owl. Sorry the old joke from the 60's just had to come out.

Steverino247 October 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Keeping with the Nixonian theme in her campaign (i.e. "I am not a…"), I'm looking forward to the press conference on November 3rd when she says "You won't have Christine O'Donnell to kick around anymore."

LibrulEleet October 13, 2010 at 7:21 pm

As long as she doesn't take the analogy too far and come back in six years.

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:18 pm

I am sure the boyfriend with the pudding cup beard is going to be licking around Christine.

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Mr. Christian-rocker-fucking-O'Donnell, that tractor does not make you fat, your giant rolling gut makes you look fat.

widestanceroman October 13, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Perhaps the big Christian rocker dude was manboarding her to find out if she was a witch.

PsycWench October 13, 2010 at 4:35 pm

She kissed a frog and this is what she got. Being a witch has its downside.

ph7 October 13, 2010 at 4:35 pm

His Tweeter posts tell me he's the perfect match for Christine.

mavenmaven October 13, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Who is that Loren Heal they have tweetered up with? There are some scary tweets on that site you point to!

Radiotherapy October 13, 2010 at 4:45 pm

He's playing Halo Reach Around?
Is that like toy tractor sex?
I'll be your John….Dear.

ph7 October 13, 2010 at 4:47 pm

He's not too bright.

schvitzatura October 13, 2010 at 8:28 pm

Dave is obvs a stress eater:

Apple pie and vanilla ice cream is an acceptable breakfast, right? #on-nom about 13 hours ago via TweetDeck

Boy should be on a Special K/skim milk diet for the next six years, when Witchy Poo challenges Coons in 2016. He should lose a couple of imperial avoirdupois in the intervening time span…

schvitzatura October 13, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Will Christine get Baby Huey a tray of moussaka, please:

davidhust: I want Greek food so badly right now! #ineedrealfood
4 days ago via txt · Reply · View Tweet

jus_wonderin October 13, 2010 at 4:39 pm

"Both Benedetto and another neighbor who asked to have her name withheld said they saw O’Donnell lounging, clothed, with a man on top of her, on O’Donnell’s bright yellow and orange flowered couch."

I thought I had a comment on this, but I am stumped. However, is that a typo?

Couch or crotch?

mrblifil October 13, 2010 at 4:49 pm

It's couch. Trust me, her crotch and flowers have nothing whatsoever in common. Well except the Georgia O'Keefe thing maybe…

Anthr_DCLwyr3d October 13, 2010 at 5:09 pm

If you keep your clothes on while doing it you are still a virgin.

GuanoFaucet October 13, 2010 at 4:40 pm

"Cob-webbed mind"

It's nice to know that dry-humping, retarded jesus goblin has some rudimentary degree of self-awareness. Because that phrase perfectly reflects the contents of her dumb, empty skull.

Buzz Feedback October 13, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Asshole the size of a mason jar.

VinnyThePooh October 13, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Did somebody plagarize a Three's Company script?

rocktonsam October 13, 2010 at 4:44 pm

tee vee is right, hawt chicks do fuck fat guys, who knew?

Ducksworthy October 13, 2010 at 4:54 pm

I dunno. That fat fuk on the King of Queens seems all wrong.

KRUGMAN: I don't watch many sitcoms, but I actually watched "The King of Queens" on some airplane…and I immediately being who I am, I immediately said, "Can a guy who works at obviously UPS actually afford that, and I could find out, so I checked where the neighborhood, no way. No way. Couldn't afford a third of that house

JackDempsey1 October 13, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Yes, hawt chicks do fuck fat guys, but this pre-dates tee vee.
I suggest you review your Shakespeare, young man.

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 5:18 pm

They fuck fat guys with money, though; not the poor dumb fat schlubs with hot wives that are all over CBS and ABC.

SystemError October 13, 2010 at 4:44 pm

"During much of the period she spent on North Lincoln Street, O’Donnell was unemployed…"

YOU DON'T SAY!

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Oh I am sure some jobs were performed.

mrblifil October 13, 2010 at 4:48 pm

</>"Benedetto, a life-long Democrat with reverence for the vice president (who walks every year with his family in the Procession of Saints)"

in other words: IN THE TANK FOR OBAMAR!!1!911

MiniMencken October 13, 2010 at 4:49 pm

If you have never monaged with a pumpkin fairy, you have not lived. It's like getting a hundred Rusty Trombones from someone with a pudding-cup beard while you leave someone else a massive Cleveland Steamer. Or, so I've been told…

Bluestatelibel October 13, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Sometimes I wonder, maybe she's one of us, albeit a very wacky one, who decided to make a couple of bucks by going to the other side? I'll be expecting a book soon with eagles and flags on the front cover.

CapnFatback October 13, 2010 at 4:53 pm

We're told this, like the other images in the article, are from her yearbook. And now this makes even less sense.

Au contraire! That means this was written around 1987, and any savvy child of the '80s will recognize this as the transcribed lyrics of a Whitesnake ballad.

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Were they the Warlock band who morphed in to the Christian rockers?

chickensmack October 13, 2010 at 4:54 pm

This may close the gap, now that she's starting to look normal for a change.

PhilippePetain October 13, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Good god, that Flickr album made me realize why I was aching to get out of Sunday school so bad. Cute-ish chubby cheeked girls that would cry at the slightest mention of a raging boner or invitation to get tossed on Mad Dog 20/20

Mindblank October 13, 2010 at 5:00 pm

A base prevarication! She is *not* sexually active. She just lies there.

jus_wonderin October 13, 2010 at 5:14 pm

I bet Mister Tractor asks her to take an ice bath before and put on extra powder to look all extra white. And lie very, very still as if not breathing.

Eve8Apples October 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm

"But officers, our pajamas match" is the only potentially coherent statement in that note. It makes me think the masturbation witch gave a written confession to local law enforcement.

bumfug October 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm

If you think she was loud in bed with that fat fuck you should have heard her when she was alone!

comrad_darkness October 13, 2010 at 5:08 pm

That wasn't our Virgin Christine having that nasty sex. It was her Familiar. And you know how loud cat sex can get.

HistoriCat October 13, 2010 at 5:29 pm

And cats don't masturbate.

Of course, when you can easily lick yourself, why bother with masturbation?

Rotundo_ October 13, 2010 at 5:50 pm

With those tongues? It would be like "buffing the bishop" with 80 grit-eyowwwch!

MonaLisa (in CT) October 15, 2010 at 12:56 am

A male kitteh's penis has a band of about 120-150 backwards-pointing spines, which are about one millimeter long. His tongue also has backwards-facing spines, but they're only about 500 micrometres long.

So maybe the pudding-cup is for the protection of his jugular?

Anthr_DCLwyr3d October 13, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Also, it's not the tractor that makes you look fat. It's the extra 75 pounds of beer and cheeze-doodle gut that makes you look fat. The tractor just makes you look like an idiot.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 13, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Being underneath Tractor Boy for a length of time might just cause brain damage. This explains much.

MaxNeanderthal October 13, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Wtf are those waders for? Who can possibly ever need that many, unless you a) live in a swamp, and b) continually get out of your depth in said swamp. Or do they serve another purpose? Too long for sheep, not spacious enough for pigs…I've got it! Llamas. It has to be. Stick the back legs down the waders, and you can llama-fuck for America, jeebus and apple pie! Llama fuckers for 2012! (Do it on the edge of a cliff, makes 'em push back harder).

MiniMencken October 13, 2010 at 7:07 pm

There once was a gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Now screwing is one thing I do know!
A woman is fine
And a sheep is divine,
But the llama is numero uno!"

JMPEsq October 13, 2010 at 5:25 pm

The yearbook comment, together with her "I am not a witch, I am you" ads and her studies in postmodernism, have finally made me realize the truth about Christine: she's trying to run the first modern Dada campaign, it is not supposed to make any sense, it is anti-campaign designed designed to shock our senses and challenge our very notions of common sense and good taste.

Beetagger October 13, 2010 at 5:53 pm

It's basically French, existential poetry set to the soundtrack of pudding cup jesus music. Like Dylan used to write.

Guppy06 October 13, 2010 at 5:28 pm

HOLY SHIT! She really is a witch!

notreelyhelping October 13, 2010 at 5:29 pm

To me, that note sounds like a cry for help, and that plea says: Send more mushrooms! We're almost through this bag!

transfatz October 14, 2010 at 12:04 am

I always leave notes like this during shrooms. Funny thing is that their profundity, so apparent during the experience, always eludes me afterwards. Lost it again.

An_Outhouse October 13, 2010 at 5:29 pm

Since this nymphomaniac witch doesn't have any chance of winning, all this attention seems a bit cruel. How come fat guys get the hot chicks?

transfatz October 14, 2010 at 12:12 am

For the same reason we're fat. We eat a lot.

Chet Kincaid October 14, 2010 at 9:19 am

Be generous with the mop sauce when you barbecue.

Failed_2_Menace October 13, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Valuable political advice, perhaps too late:

Run on unsullied virtue, lose when smudges are unveiled.

Run as a slut, win as a slut.

edgydrifter October 13, 2010 at 5:44 pm

She's so loud, the Russians can hear her from their dachas.

Clancy_Pants October 13, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Flithy Bitch!

Tundra Grifter October 14, 2010 at 9:08 am

As Woody Allen wrote, "Sex is only dirty if you do it right."

Beetagger October 13, 2010 at 5:54 pm

I'd tapioca that.

johnnyzhivago October 13, 2010 at 5:56 pm

The fact that she wasn't using litter pan liners proves she really is crazy.

american__mutt October 13, 2010 at 6:05 pm

If he can have a christian rock group does that mean I can finally start my satanic gospel choir?

mumbly_joe October 13, 2010 at 6:07 pm

Hello Ken, Jack, and the rest of the Wonkette staff,

I am writing you today to inform you that, in anticipation of this totally unexpected Cocktober surprise, I have been holding in copyright the phrase, "Sorcerous Sex Fraud" since late September. As I am certain that this phrase will see much use in the coming weeks, I wished to inform you of this fact, and that I will need to insist on royalty payments for use of this phrase. I will accept payment in pee diamonds, or, as always, in the Goldline antique souvenir medallions that will become the only legal tender of US America shortly after the 112th Congress convenes, in 2011.

Yours truly,
"Mumbly_Joe"

MistaEko October 13, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Has someone produced the porno of this yet? I nominate myself as writer if this gold mine is still untapped.

Mort_Sinclair October 13, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Palin/O'Donnell 2012. Oh yeah.

MiniMencken October 13, 2010 at 6:59 pm

urbandictionary has three definitions for pudding cup and none of them are pretty.

Tundra Grifter October 13, 2010 at 7:45 pm

That's what you get for looking!

[A life lesson you may often use.]

Beowoof October 19, 2010 at 8:30 pm

I am thinking it is number 2 or 3.

Tundra Grifter October 13, 2010 at 7:44 pm

A moaner, huh?

Like the song says, "Don't fall in love with a screamer…"

nachoproblem October 13, 2010 at 8:53 pm

Okay, so that's obviously a spell that she or some other witch scrawled in her yearbook. It's probably not traditional to conclude an invocation with "Bye Bye Beaner!" but I'm sure that witches have to flow with the times too… or whatever that is.

Actually the only thing I find insane about her is running for office on a "Jeebus hates your genitals" platform. Otherwise she seems like any ordinary lapsed Catholic with a life. For that matter, the Christian rocker who gets to ride her like a little tractor ain't got such a bad thing going on.

fuflans October 13, 2010 at 9:07 pm

god good. all i wrote about in my yearbook was playing snoopy.

HempDogbane October 13, 2010 at 10:20 pm

The reference to "Grain" ties her to Jack's Teabagger correspondent who referenced GMO. And then we have the "farmer" on the tractor. When these people take over you elitists will be working the land.

PublicLuxury October 13, 2010 at 10:43 pm

"Bright Yellow and Orange couch" Jeebus do they live in Puerto Rico?

slowhansolo October 13, 2010 at 11:30 pm

Yellow and orange flowers?

And I'd bet even money his bit can't reach the bedrock.

slowhansolo October 13, 2010 at 11:34 pm

What I meant to say was: No wonder she hates sex.

Left_Leftie October 14, 2010 at 3:21 am

pudding cup beard, sounds like what pedo-bear would call it

randcoolcatdaddy October 14, 2010 at 7:23 am

It would somehow make sense that O'Donnell would want sexytime with a dumpy hipster Christian rocker – a dumpy hipster Christian rocker with a tractor fixie.

Oblios_Cap October 14, 2010 at 8:19 am

The list is Christine's own Kama Sutra.

Bye, Bye Beaner is obviously her favorite position to use with Hispanics.

NorthStarSpanx October 14, 2010 at 9:53 am

This guy just has to be getting farm subsidies.

capitolhillblly October 14, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Guy just has that rockstar look. Chuck Berry eat your heart out.

CUNextTuesday October 15, 2010 at 9:40 pm

Heh. You said "Butt officers."

Hagar7 October 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Needz moar Stryper.

widestanceroman October 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

This note was a draft for a speech later transcribed onto her hand (but not her favorite one).

HistoriCat October 13, 2010 at 5:18 pm

monage = menage? Hello??

One_who_wanders October 13, 2010 at 9:39 pm

I am somewhat disconcerted that I figured out it was a
Yearbook signing before the editorial addition. Proud yet ashamed.

V572625694 October 13, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Along with "Irish twins."

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