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A Children’s Treasury of Teabagger E-mails Against ‘Baby’s Snatching’

The always original Nazi attack.Oh no, this whole Brian Doherty thing is just getting sad. Almost immediately after your afternoon editor took him down yesterday, Doherty went back on his blog and attempted a rejoinder. The crux of his new argument is that, one, “I had no intention of saying [Wonkette] should spend their time proving their objectivity by making fun of other people for having their baby’s [sic] snatched.” So he continues not to understand sarcasm, and despite being a middle-aged blogger, he still doesn’t know the plural form of “baby.” And secondly: “glad to hear that no mother anywhere deserves any sympathy for having their baby taken from them, as long as someone accused the dad of something.” Oh, he IS learning that perhaps you shouldn’t have sympathy for a woman who continues to live with a man that continually abuses and neglects her children. And finally, here’s from an e-mail with a cable news show Reason writers often appear on: “So we just heard back from Reason and they’re not available.” Oh no! We were looking forward to going on that show with them! So at this point, it’s just not worth it to pick on Brian Doherty. But your afternoon editor has received some interesting e-mails!

Here’s one from “W P”: (aww, the Post hates us too!)

hello
you sir are a world champion asshole, i have met many of them in my travels but you sir are a cut above the rest and don,t worry you don,t have any contenders so your crown will be safe for a very long tiome, not only are you a world champion ass hole but also a fucking coward for attacking a women who just lost her baby to the cps criminals, i,m sure your mommy is real proud of a denginerate like you.

Thanks for that, Wife of Bath.

Related video

From “Jordan C.”:

Jack,

To write such a naive article and spread it amongst your intellectual equals is not surprising, in the past (and in my ignorance) I would have joined in on the fun, but you know this is a cheap shot. I hope you do more research the next time you spread hate like this, which is what the liberal element of society is always protecting… minority rights/ perspectives, this time you chose to jump on the bandwagon and like a child you make fun of a family being torn apart, unlawfully, without merit. This article highlights your immaturity and ignorance on any subject relating to guns or tea-partiers.

It’s okay to spread hate as long as you do your research first, okay?

From Steve H.:

Yeah, this picture speaks a thousand words. Just a lonely, clueless, spoiled, leftist Nazi hypocrite who thinks it’s funny to crack on peoples sorrow & loss? It’s not so funny when the state comes down on your Nazi ilk, but you, in all your mindless hypocrisy, will laugh at the torment of those who you merely disagree with?
How do you sleep at night?
How do you face yourself in the mirror everyday?
How do you live with yourself?

Hey, we thought your afternoon editor was a Jew. Which one is it, Teabaggers? Is he a Jew or a Nazi? [Reason]

Related

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

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258 comments

  1. natoslug

    While I wish Dick Cheney a slow, painful and debilitating death, he did have a way with words. I think his famous senate address "Go fuck yourself" pretty much says it all as an appropriate response to each of these e-mails.

      1. natoslug

        As long as he suffers greatly, he can die. Please let it be painful, although I would also like drooling lack of bladder and bowel control and maybe some blisters in unpleasant places.

    1. CrankyOldBatt

      I'm thinking even that would mystify the first email writer unless you come up with a way to put commas in strange places.

      Commas in Strange Places. That sounds like a frat band name.

  2. deelzebub

    The gubbermint tells WP to uses apostrphes, but he/she will use commas if he/she damn well wants to.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      I understand that hanging an American flag upside-down issort of the universal symbol for distress, you know, "something is terribly wrong in here! HELP!"

      Apparently WP's apostrophes are trying to tell us something.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      Any time I improve anyone's grammar these days, that's always the response I get: "I'll write (or punctuate or spell) as I damn well please and no elitist is going to tell me what's correct!" The same people who are always yelling against "political correctness" apparently also can't stand language correctness and are doing their best to destroy any uniformity we might enjoy in our means of communication. But that's the least of our problems.

      They seem to have added child abuse to the many things that are now open to free-form creativity. "You call it disobeying a court order; I call it my right as an American. You call it uncontrolled anger; I call it righteous indignation. You call it battery; I call it appropriate discipline."

      We're facing anarchy, folks. People thought conventions were being assaulted in the 1960s? They ain't seen nothin' yet. Abby Hoffman was a Victorian prude.

      1. mumbly_joe

        It's not anarchy, Jukes, and don't you *dare* accuse a libertarian of being an anarchist; after all, they totally believe there's a couple of things that it's important for government to do, like provide for the public safety, like police and fire depa…

        …oh.

      1. deelzebub

        WP has eaten way too much "food" from C.M.O.T. Dibbler's cart. It has unfortunately affected his/her brain.

        1. PresBeeblebrox

          WP might also be one of those people who use commas instead of periods and spaces at the end of their sentences,,,kind of like this,,it,s sort of an artistic touch don,t you agree,,,

        2. BerkeleyBear

          Hey, now, no one put a gun* to his head and made WP buy a Dibbler pie.

          *At least I assume so, seeing as how Lord Vetinari only licenses thieves to use knives, and unlicensed violence tends to be dealt with rather harshly by Sam Vimes and the Watch.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Shit. I got into this hot topic late (by an hour–fastest way to get wonkeratti responses is to attack our editors. That's our job). Thusly, I am way fucking late on the comma/apostrophe confusion of this hopeless moran.

      Great comment on this, wookies. You really inspired us.

      G**dammit. Now I have to go to a meeting for Jesus, when sitting on wonkette being vulgar is far more fun.

    2. Extemporanus

      ♪♫ When tha pimp,s in the crib' ma
      Drop it like it,s hot
      Drop it like it,s hot
      Drop it like it,s hot…
      ♪♫

    3. comrad_darkness

      In this old creature's defense, the ' and , keys do look the same, on the face of it. Clearly never reads what s/he types before hitting send. But we knew that.

    1. Not_So_Much

      I fucking hate Jewish Nazis. Well, them and Illinois Nazis.

      (Isn't the correct usage "Nazi,s"?)

    2. iburl

      If you can have a "leftist Nazi" you can have a Jewish Nazi. It,s pretty amazing how limbaugh and the rest have actually brainwashed these stupid ,baggers Into believing that the Nazis were liberals.

    1. KathrynSane

      You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

  3. jus_wonderin

    "How do you sleep at night?"

    In the nude.

    "How do you face yourself in the mirror everyday?"

    Usually forward so I can see myself, again, in the nude.

    "How do you live with yourself?"

    You really don't want to know my answer to this one.

    1. bubberella

      I tried evicting myself, once, when I couldn't pay the bills. Didn't work — everywhere I went, there I was.

  4. Fare la Volpe

    You know, I really didn't think it was possible to be so utterly degenerate that you would defend someone who's been thrice indicted for child abuse and neglect just because he agrees with you politically. These Paultards are the card-carrying, rat-fucking cartoon villains of tomorrow.

    1. awesome_dude

      This is the SASQUATCH ISREAL of child abuse.

      "Oh so it turns out I was wrong from the beginning, but that doesn't change the fact that people who disagree with me are dangerous sociopathic Nazis who should have their rights taken away."

    2. DoktorZoom

      On the contrary, they are morally bound to assume that the charges are false, because, after all, they Know For A Fact that CPS is on a crusade to take patriots' children away. The fact that there appears to be a long case history is proof, not of parental abuse, but of the government's disgraceful record of lies and deceit.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        First they attacked the Humane Society, now Child Protective Services. I swear to God these beasts are just a few weeks away from carpet bombing a Christian Children's Fund village. They really are monsters.

      2. scientivore

        What Would Confederates Do? People are naturally the property of their betters. Therefore, children are clearly the property of their parents and it is immoral for anyone to interfere with your private property rights over their bodies. As such, CPS is inherently illegitimate. QED

    3. franklin555

      I was under the impression that this was Mr. Irish's first child. If you have a link to the source of his previous indictments, I would be very interested. That surely would be cause for concern. Not cause to take a child before they had even been abused or neglected at the hospital, hours after their abuse, but definately something a CPS worker would keep an eye on. Hit me back with that.

  5. the_problem_child

    Delighted to be considered your intellectual equal, Jack. (Although considering the source, maybe not.)

  6. Blendergoathead

    Yeah, I bet the trophy for "World Champion Asshole" is much more kickass than that puny thing Riley came back with from Karaoke night with the Cougars.

  7. chickensmack

    Brian Doherty, now that we know we have your attention, I'm going to ask a favor.

    1. Go visit RedState.com and — ignoring the articles — read the comments. Any of them will do. You're not going to find erudite thoughts, or even plain speaking; you're going to see avarice and contempt. And it will read like opening notes on a high school debate team, with more emotion than ideas.

    2. Go to WorldNetDaily, and — again, ignoring the substance — notice how quickly any extended commentary on an Obama article gets reduced to another person bitching about a birth certificate.

    3. Remember that your original discussion was about a seriously indefensible character, and that you're just re-hashing all of this because you got your ass handed to you by a bunch of liberals — for defending a dick.

    4. Come back here, pour a glass of cabernet sauvignon, and realize that the Wonkette article (and all the commentary) is funny — and that's because it spites the moron you wrote about.

    1. chascates

      Don't forget the Breitbart site as well as almost any place that allows comments. The 'patriots' are incredibly vulgar and asinine in their comments but can't stand being called out for it.

      1. GOPCrusher

        And thank God for that, otherwise we would be lumped in with the World-Class Assholes that run this place.

    2. V572625694

      Must disagree w/item 4. A pinot noir is much more settling to the spirit. After Mr Doherty quaffs enough pinot, he could attempt to write a response in the spirit of the original attack, skewering the pretensions of Wonketteers and exposing their hypocrisy.

      Somehow I can't see this happening, though.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        And a Pinot Noir has the 'eau de barnyard' with which Mr Doherty is likely most comfortable. Like his mom's basement.

    3. DustBowlBlues

      A tribute to "our" wonkette as moving as it is eloquently expressed. You've enable me to lift my esteem off the metaphorical floor these morans put it on and look myself in the mirror and sleep with myself. Handy, since I don't have anyone else to look at and as for sleeping with myself, meh–let's just say after a long evening surfing porn, the old man snores.

      1. thecryingeagle

        Not to be an utter whore (like I've never been accused of that), but yours truly actually maintains an entire blog with comments from places like Red State. These Patriot Discussions© are generally pretty horrifying. The link is on my profile page. Your Welcome America.

    4. doxastic

      Hey now, my high school debate team would kick the shit out of Red State commenters. You probably shouldn't be using as an example the kids in school who wanted to learn as an extracurricular.

      1. danceswithpalin

        I agree the comment was very unfair to High School debaters. Debate requires a lot of time research actual facts. That is something that no one who posts or comments on Red State or any of these right wing cesspools seem to be concerned with.

  8. jus_wonderin

    "you sir are a world champion asshole"

    Pleezzzz, tell me there is a trophy for this, or one of those huge belt buckles.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Or maybe he could drive the car in the old B Kliban cartoon (sadly, I can't seem to find it online), with a flashing yellow light on top, and a door sticker reading "ASSHOLE: Official Use Only."

  9. Rotundo_

    But there's so many wonderful ways to spell babies! They spell it babbies, baybees, babbiez, baebees, babbeez. Baby's is just one of many creative approaches that the teabagger mind takes to spelling and usage of the english language. Imagine what they could do to the constitution and to the framework of laws we operate under. Gosh I love creativity and innovation!

  10. weejee

    Jack is a liberal Nazi who keeps a kosher blog? Who knew? But hey, Mr. Stuef hasn't been pounding pork lately in his posts, and no you sillies not the fapping kind – the Byrd kind, so I guess you could deduce that he's trying to keep the blog kosher. And iffin' he has them, Jack hides his jackboots much better than that fellow in Ohio. But still, Steve H. haz given me a confused.

    1. valdemar

      Peace with honour (note the spelling – the original phrase was uttered by a British prime minister and prize idiot) is a singularly idiotic name to choose for anyone with a modicum of historical knowledge. Presumably you ain't got that modicum.

      1. foog

        yabut, "peace with honor" (note the spelling) is a rather clever name to use – along with that avatar there – on a snarky political WARBLOG full o sarcastificated librul shitdisturbers with a modicum of humour. Presumably etc.

    2. revmod

      Thanks for bringing us some quality teabagger spelling and capitalization – I was afraid I was going to have to follow some link back to crazytown to find some.

      I also drink my gin in the den, so I'm afraid the shoe fits.

  11. SmutBoffin

    Dude, "took him down" is not the preferred nomenclature, at least among those who know the lingo at Late Night Shots*.

    *Ha, does this still exist?

    1. H Curve

      Tuesday Night Take downs are nice ANY day of the week! High five! (Ew, what's that taste in my mouth?!)

  12. slappypaddy

    “So we just heard back from Reason and they’re not available.”

    reason's never available anymore, but irrationality is on-call 24/7.

  13. chascates

    …an unruly mop of hair and soft pudgy cheeks that look like they’ve been cultivated off a steady diet of Dr. Pepper and Cheetos. Now that's going too far.

  14. chickensmack

    I do wish there was an armageddon sometimes — but then I pull myself from that self-absorbed abyss and realize that if it did happen, these people would get what they always wanted.

    I really do wish to deny them that. Out of sheer spite.

  15. mumbly_joe

    Everyone knows that the real Nazis aren't the people who say we should putting the disabled or foreign-born in concentration camps, nor is it the people who wear Nazi uniforms and gush about how awesome Nazi Germany was, nor is it the people who fake shootings in the desert to gin up ethnic hatred against some group or another, nor is it the people who pick out an unpopular religious minority and claim that they're secretly part of a worldwide conspiracy to undermine the government and also are constitutive liars, every last one, and it's also definitely not the people who throw bricks through windows whenever they're upset about something, politically.

    No, the Nazis are the people who make fun of fuckwits for getting taken in by even bigger fuckwits. I'm glad we've sorted that out. Assholes.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Dang. I only grudgingly give thumbs up to peeple with higher pee than me, but I just bumped you up to 86pee, buddee.

      G_d Danm our entrenched caste system here!

  16. PsycWench

    I would like to provide Brian Doherty with links to stories of women whose boyfriends seriously harmed or killed the woman's children. He can take pleasure in these heartwarming stories because the children were not removed for the home by CPS.

    1. slappypaddy

      i'm just a cat, you know, but the man behind the curtain here in the house of slappypaddy asked me to pass on the info that he used to do work in the desolate fields where daddies raped their daughters and mommies put cigarettes out on the bellies of their baby boys and he invites the likes of brian doherty or anyone of similar ilk to dare to take a close look at what happens "TOO FUCKING OFTEN" (his words, and he asked me to put that in all caps) in homes before children are rescued by the state because, as he puts it, "that's the state's fucking job."

      aw, shit, the man behind the curtain looks upset at thinking about all this stuff again. i'm gonna go rub on his leg and purr.

      1. JadedDissonance

        I may be a talking pez dispenser, but the lady who married the blurry guy in the background may have worked in a similarly desolate pit of humanity. Toddlers with bruises on their tonsils. And that's all folks.

    2. mumbly_joe

      I can snark about the "Nazis" thing, but honestly, that's about it. I knew that "ACS is evil" is a common paultard trope, courtesy of a friend's idiot mother, but I honestly never had a sense of how pervasive the meme was, or how loud they were about it, and seeing it now literally sickens me.

      And as full disclosure, it's not simply a professional or academic stake I have here (though, I definitely worked with the mental health and family services community enough to have some war stories)- from birth until i was just old enough to remember, I lived in an abusive household. I was fortunate, in that most (most) of the abuse was directed at my mother, not me, but all the same time, it sends chills down my spine to look back, knowing what had gone on, and realize that there CPS supervised some parental visitations for a couple of months, but otherwise did jack shit.

      So, hearing these assholes prattle on about children being "kidnapped" or "stolen", really, really makes me want to start punching faces.

      1. deelzebub

        Reading stuff like this pisses me the hell off, too. I'm sure these soulless pieces of shit would sing a different tune if they spent a decade with an abuser, always wondering when the next explosion would occur or what would trigger it. In closing, fuck my parents sideways with something rusty.

        1. waitforsugar

          Non snarky hugs to you both. I grew up in an unpleasant household as well. I call CPS/local police whenever I see anything sketchy and always get the license plate.

      2. PsycWench

        Jeez, that's awful. I hate that children have to live through something like this. There's a case study I use in abnormal Psych where the woman goes through awful, awful hell and develops some serious disorders…but she does recover. Students ALWAYS ask where CPS was, why didn't anyone do anything and I don't have much to tell them other than they're really busy and sometimes their hands are tied by the likes of pautards.

        1. mumbly_joe

          Eh, honestly, I lucked out, personally- like I said, I was barely old enough to have memories of most of the pre-separation stuff, and my mother kept me in the dark about it- I was actually oblivious to pretty much anything except the vaguest tone of apprehension whenever she dropped me off for overnight visits, and that there was a reason the hand-offs happened right across the street from the police station.

          It wasn't until I'd gone off to college that my mother filled me in on the full context, as well as some of the finer details of how marital status intersected with criminal law, in the 1980's, and specifically what sorts of things weren't considered crimes when done to a spouse, back then, even in New York.

          Like I said, chills.

    3. natoslug

      Brain would argue that that's just the free market at work. Once those kids are old enough, if they have grievances, they can always hire someone to break daddy's legs. Until then, what doesn't kill you . . . fuck it, I can't continue that line of (lack of) reasoning. He probably would take pleasure in the stories is the problem.

    1. twogoats

      In fairness, before they put floride in the water, we didn't have blacks in the White House. (Except as servants, of course.)

      1. 4TheTurnstiles

        oh, shit bro… the fluoride really is a problem, if it put a literate guy in office AND turned him Kenyan

    2. problemwithcaring

      Yea, I read the comments in the first article and it was like Lord of the Flies – eating their own, etc. I noticed that Cicada valiantly tried to interrupt their puke stream with "facts" but it was a complete waste of logic.

      Being Libertarian, it's clear to me now, is a disease white men catch that gives them selective dyslexia. They are only able to read the words and phrases that reinforce their existing word view. Everything else is magically filtered out.

      (Is this snark? I've seen too much over there.I don't fucking know anymore.)

      1. H Curve

        (Is this snark? I've seen too much over there.I don't fucking know anymore.)

        You poor bastard.
        He's flat lining! Snark levels bottoming out… CAN SOMEBODY POUR PWC A LARGE G&T! STAT!

    3. spooked911

      First of all, the Denver airport is weird. Second of all, people who think the conspiratorial view of the world best explains the way the world works are a highly diverse group who don't simply believe *everything*. You're unreasonably lumping a lot of people together, and then slandering them as racists.

      1. DoktorZoom

        Excellent point–we really do need to recognize–and even celebrate–the diversity within the Fucking Insane Whackdoodle Community.

      2. Gunner Asch

        For some reason this reminds me of the Mel Gibson line in Conspiracy Theory where his taxi driver character spews rants nonstop and then someone says he was right, there is a plot. Puzzled, he replies, "Which one?"

  17. glamourdammerung

    Brian Doherty sure is on a crying jag about defending a scumbag before knowing what the facts were, even though enough facts were available at the time for any reasonable person to realise what filth these clowns are.

    And this nonsense was sad even before Doherty's additional screeching due to a simple lack of the morals to admit they were in the wrong. And calling for backup trolling here is not going to change the fact that these clowns all are siding with child abusers simply because they think it makes their political stance look like it would work in real life.

    But I guess I am just an elitist for not beating children and not having to get by on government hand outs unlike Brian Doherty's hero in New Hampshire, John Irish.

    1. AngryGeometer

      It seems he just assumed that anybody who hates paying their fair share in taxes as much as he does must be good people. Nobody who votes libertarian could have sociopathic tendencies!

  18. el_donaldo

    Man. All joking aside, I thought Reason prided itself on the high intellectual quality of its readership (which is admittedly very, very small) and its flavor of libertarianism. And I read it from time to time myself. But those emails are just sad. Distressingly sad. Now every time I check out what people are saying on Reason I have to imagine the handful of engineering undergrads that read it painfully sounding out each word as they read along with me.

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      Agree. I cringed at the emails and the comment threads of Doherty's posts. And we haven't even addressed the piss-poor reasoning skills demonstrated by Brian Doherty in this episode.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Alas, Reason. As I painfully discovered at the end of my own libertarian days, there is no "there" there. This jerk who abuses his girlfriend's kids is just an extremely low-IQ jerk; nothing else, really. Nearly subhuman. Why try to make a hero (or even a victim) out of him? He's just a problem for the rest of the world to surmount.

      Simple selfishness dressed up as an ethos is something one has to grow out of, if one is to grow at all.

  19. Fare la Volpe

    Okay, which of you delightful smartasses wrote this gem?

    On October 11, 2010 at 8:46 pm HamSchlomo@starswars.net said:
    I’m not familiar with Stars Wars movies? Do rednecks abuse their wives and children in it?

    Get over here so I can give you a big ole bj trouser friendly kiss.

  20. twogoats

    This whole damn Country is becomming one hot mess. And I say that with regret and deep emotion because, now, on account of these T-baggers, I am going to have to learn to spell and/or punctuate correctly to avoid being confused for one of them. A life time of avoidance reduced to ashes.

    Today, we are all jewish Nazis.

  21. glamourdammerung

    So am I the only one that wonders if Doherty is a certain poster here of the mustard persuasion?

  22. DoktorZoom

    One should never denigrate a degenerate as a "denginerate." Now, as to generating or engineering gin in one's den? I'm down with that.

    1. DCValleyGirl

      If it's the latter, color me denginerate, particularly if I can make some that's on par with Hendrick's. (BTW: my spellcheck is furiously fighting me on "denginerate." How elitist.)

  23. GuanoFaucet

    Well, I didn't think it was possible, but randtards/paultards are more obnoxiously idiotic and humorless than PUMAs. Christ on a crutch, I need a drink.

  24. chascates

    Some background from http://www.theliberalheretic.com/blog/node/1161

    Why would a newborn be taken from a woman who says her job is "caring for my kids" and who seems to be a stellar mother, for no other purpose other than the father of her baby belongs to Oath Keepers?

    If she has other kids, as her job title implies, where are they? Why only take the newborn?

    If they are so concerned for their kids, why does the father have the time to contact the media, appear on Alex Jones' show, and not have the time to contact an attorney, Child Protective Services, or the police?

    The father, Jonathan Irish has a history with police, who have been called out to their residence more than once regarding Irish and firearms, including possession of concealed weapons without a permit,

    A 21 month investigation against both of them for child neglect which also led to a trial to terminate their parental rights. They are awaiting that decision.

    In order to regain custodial rights of Stephanie Taylor's children, Jonathan Irish was required to attend Ending the Violence with Scott Hampton, a simple course on how to not abuse your loved ones. It must have been too difficult for Mr. Irish to bother with, because he never attended, and Stephanie Taylor's kids are still in state custody.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Mutual love of meth. Bless his little redneck heart, John Irish has a nose for meth. And beg, borrow or steal, always manages to bring it home.

  25. Radiotherapy

    Me? I'm waiting for that 'one world government' thing, oh yeah, and flying cars….Where is my flying car?

    1. mumbly_joe

      While realizing that neocons and paultards are very different types of asshole, it's amazing how much overlap there is amongst idiots, and how many people who are so worried about that there "one world govmit" also think it's a good idea to have US America keep killing brown people overseas until all the surviving brown people have the right political and economic systems.

      Almost as though the "one world govmit" thing wasn't actually anti-government paranoia at all, but rather had some sort of strange anti-furrner undertone to it, or something.

  26. Gleem_McShineys

    Hey rugged individualist/tea-partier whinebags? Walk it off. Man up. Even Muscular Butch Jesus of the AFA says you better stop your fucking mewling, or he's going to burn your fucking house down.

    Look, it is simple, wingnuts: your media manipulators, such as the dailypeeparty.com, or the pudgeblogger Brian Doucherty, took a calculated risk in presenting you with an issue so overstuffed with emotions, in order to play the "Gubmint = Evil" card, without ever checking on who they were propping up, or what they were glossing over, or why even the Gubmint might actually be acting in the best interests of everyone by removing the child from the dangerous environment.

    Those bloggers are precisely the jackasses, in this whole mess, who ought to have done "more research," as you mention in your pule.

    But of course, being a kneejerk follower who is led by the nose by these media manipulators, it is your very lot in life to virally spread the contemptful fingerwags, yes? GUILT ON, SHAME-WARRIORS! Lob all of your emotional grenades!

    1. V572625694

      Ha ha, teabaggers think surfing the Web is "research." You hear them on the radio all the time saying, "Glenn, my research shows that Child Protective Services is a liberal-socialist plot to steal our children and brainwash them in gay re-education camps."

      Research, ha ha ha….

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        Oh yes! That's right! The "research" in the original "stoled babby" peeparty article heavily relied upon surfing the couple's Facebook pages. "Their pictures look normal." Very in-depth research, right there! That is the kind of journalism we expect from high quality sources, so opposite from crummy newspapers.

        Why doesn't CPS just search for Facebook profiles featuring pictures of beaten children? Think of all the tons of tax money that could be saved!

    1. obiwanacracker

      And the interwebs are abuzz with quotes from friends, relatives and neighbors who KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG but were too libertarian/lazy to do anything about it. At least she was spared the horrors of the nazi CPS in her short, sad life. Assholes.

    2. PuckStopsHere

      Let's not rush to judgement here. The little girl looks pretty normal in those photos. So there. I've done my due diligence.

  27. GuanoFaucet

    Hey Brian Doherty, and the rest of the idiot assholes over at reason, I've been trying to figure something out in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is batshit crazy, as you clearly are, do you know that you're batshit crazy? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo" and "Atlas Shrugged", masturbating in your own feces and Cheeto dust, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking batshit crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?

  28. horselover_fat

    Ayn Rand would have no sympathy for the fucking baby, what with it being born to two world-class sociopaths! If that baby had truly and responsibly understood the nature of rugged self-made individualism, it would NOT have turned to a coercive Collectivist government for relief, but rather it would have snatched itself.

    1. Guppy06

      Wonkette: "They snatched this guy's kids because in a militia, and totally not because he beats all his other kids. /sarcasm"

      Doherty: "Wonkette and all the commenters over there are monsters for mocking this… um… wife-beater? Nobody could have known!"

      Wonkette: "Douche."

      Teabagger Email/Greek Chorus: "Four legs good, two legs bad!"

  29. Fare la Volpe

    I just went to youropenbook and typed in the names of the parents. I thought that maybe someone out there would actually show some sanity, and that this wasn't just teabaggers being their typical soulless selves.

    My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. Has this entire country lost its mind? Where are the days when child abusing scum like these were thrown behind bars and their children were sent off to people who would actually love them? These troglodytes are attacking Child Protective Services, one of the only government organizations that literally saves lives every single day. I'm absolutely speechless at this point.

    These monsters can go fuck themselves on rusty bayonets. I give up.

    1. horselover_fat

      You don't understand, that little baby woulda grown up lovin FREE MARKET JAYZUZ if only the liberal secular government hadn't sent its black-clad commandos in and spirited the child away to some sick den of, I dunno, education and love or something. Now, the kid will grow up not hating homosexuals, and might even feel okay actually being one, if it is thus inclined, and so the God of the Constitution cries and cries.

    2. Gleem_McShineys

      Don't be down. These are the people who try desperately to prove guilt-by-association with chalkboards and endless Ayers/Alinsky/Soros insinuations, yet here they are, doubling (tripling?) down on a story, defending "their own" whose guilt isn't even close to being a tenuous Beck-drawn link. It is not even a question.

      You can't possibly punish the kinds of shitburger-people, like Brian The Doughy, any more than they already are, just by being themselves.

      You will never have to say something like "I wish your personal politics were so abhorrent that the very best pinnacle example you could find as a spokesmodel for your beliefs was a court-sanctioned kid-abusing total shitbag" …. because they have done it to themselves.

      Take heart that these people are ALREADY fucking themselves with rusty bayonets.

      1. Kitty_Sanchez

        God, I hope you're right. I keep waiting for justice to catch up, and boy, it seems to be taking a long time.

      2. H Curve

        Take heart that these people are ALREADY fucking themselves with rusty bayonets.
        I don,t think Fare la Volpe,s statement was metaphorical…

      3. lumpenprole

        "You will never have to say something …[awesome]… because they have done it to themselves."

        That's the mighty engine pulling the WIN train that is this thread.

  30. imissopus

    To see what this is all about, see this highly updated post on a woman who had her kids taken from her because their father was accused of doing some bad stuff, as well as of being associated with Oathkeepers.

    I spent a few minutes last night looking for caches of the original post because I'm quite sure the Baboon Cocksucker has changed the first paragraph in such a way as to completely change his original thesis. Unfortunately Reason appears to not allow page-caching.

    But it's remarkable how badly he seems to still be missing the point. If this guy digs any deeper he'll strike oil. In China.

  31. V572625694

    That Gulf oil spill was looking like it might end all life on the planet, but it didn't quite work out, dagnab it.

    1. nappyduggs

      Oh, do stay tuned. The year 2012 is going to be the manmade disaster to end all manmade disasters- the biggest of which is, ironically, mankind as we have come to embody it. Neat!

  32. Gorilllionaire

    Used to be that loan sharks were gutter scum and we threw them in jail. Now they advertise on TV and charge you 30% interest to start. Used to be that the Humane Society cleaned up the strays and held nice fundraisers at our churches. Now the teabaggers say they are evil vegetarians trying to force us all out of our lucrative puppy mill jobs. Used to be that child protective services did the hardest work for the littlest pay and the Rotary Club honored them like heroes. Now the teabaggers say they are Orwelian socialists interferring with nice people's lives.

  33. jfruh

    Someone going by the original name of "p" just posted the following thing on the comments of my innocent apolitical comics blog:

    I read your blog for a long time, and it entertained me. I ignored that you wrote for wonkette. (I am a libertarian, I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat.) But now I am so disgusted with wonkette that I will not read anything someone associated with them wrote. I mean really, laughing about a family whose child is taken away by the state? And you’re just laughing because the family has right-wing tendencies? Fuck you.

    WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING JACK???

    1. iburl

      Wow, they are willing to forgo all the Crock and Crankshaft updates just because Wonkette believes firmly in baby snatching all libertarian babies from their innocent parents? I'm impressed.

      1. mumbly_joe

        To be fair though, if we're talking about Crock or Crankshaft (or, christ, especially Mallard Fillmore) we're talking talking about something like 99.9% of their readership.

        On the other hand, if we're talking about people who read Comics Curmudgeon to get their fix of those particular strips, we're also talking about people who are extremely confused about the purpose of that website, possibly because of senility (please note however that this still describes 90% of Crankshaft's readership)

    2. natoslug

      At least they were honest, admitting that child abuse is a right-wing tendency. Like hatred and hair color, it's something you get due to genes, not like that totally gay homosexuality that is a choice.

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      I'm surprised, Josh, that such a person would have enough of a sense of humor to even follow The Comics Curmudgeon. But I suppose there are those who just can't get enough of Apt 3-G, in any form.

      What a Foob.

  34. Fuck Toad

    Some clever boy in the comments over there just completely burned you, Stuef, by pointing out that there is a PETA ad in your sidebar and PETA IS TERRIBLE.

    Advertising and editorial are joined at the hips/ass, right.

    And it only took about 30 or 40 posts before they stopped making "Wonkette is a dumb slut" jokes after someone mentioned five or six times that AMC has been gone for years.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Wingnut translation: PETA is terrible because it doesn't pay enough attention to me! Why don't I get people caring about me, HUH? Why do people care about stupid animals anyway? I think I'll go cry. But I'll be manly about it. More manly than those stupid animals!!

  35. DCHatesMe

    Can't the mother just pop out another 2 or 3 meth babies? She looks slutty enough to get laid. Hey, I'm not paid to be compassionate. I'm paid to troll for the Mossad.

  36. DustBowlBlues

    AMONGST? Isn't that a limey word? The second guy is sure proud of his correct grammar, and kudos to him for that. Reason has a sic I don't get, so I guess I'm not smart enough to be a libertarian. "Sic" on some esoteric style rule is, by the way, just someone being snotty.

    Back to that amongst: We need a call from Limey Lizzie. Are Yanks allowed to use that word?

    And lordy, where on earth did that first guy learn to use contractions? I've never seen anyone so hopelessly confuse them with commas.

    1. comrad_darkness

      among preposition ( chiefly Brit. also amongst)

      I'd say you called that one. Or it's just an olds who last read a book in 1950.

  37. obfuscator2

    i work in social services in illinois. these asshole reactionaries defending a couple of habitual child abusers are so staggeringly hypocritical that it truly boggles the mind.

    if a black kid in chicago dies as a result of abuse or neglect, there's always a backlash from concern trolls downstate. they use the tragedy as an excuse to criticize dcfs/liberals/chicago/goverment in general for not taking custody of the kid. most of the criticism is just anti-government bullshit. "the liberals are so scared of offending blacks and now a babby is dead!"

    my head hurts now.

  38. 4TheTurnstiles

    "Steve H" got one thing right, though: a "leftist Nazi" is in fact a "hypocrite." You know who else is a hypocrite? a "libertarian Christian."

    1. fishskicanoe

      Yes, yes and yes! I've always wondered how the Catholic Church can excommunicate people who defend a woman's right to control her own body and yet still make no moves against those guys on the Supreme Court who, between partaking of body and blood of Christ, drink deeply of turbid urine of Aynnie Rand?

  39. Fox n Fiends

    Here's the real problem: If the government takes away abused/neglected/unloved children and puts them in loving, stable homes, who will grow up to be Conservatives?

    1. elfgoldsackring

      Exactly! They can't reproduce themselves, that's why they need to 'recruit' vulnerable youngsters, to feed their vile insatiable appetites for 'new blood'.

  40. iburl

    The real problem here is that these gun toting violence addicts love to beat their kids and they don't want no Negro-Jew gubbermint interferin with their god gibbon rite to abuse their own wife and kids. And it's all the liberal Nazi,s fault.

    1. glamourdammerung

      As the other Oathkeeper currently in trouble with trouble regarding his actions towards children (Charles Dyer), one can see why they want the "government to mind its own business".

      There was also a lot of violence threatened against the court, police, etc. in that case as well. Funny since I do not recall raping seven year olds as a protected act under the First Amendment.

  41. deanbooth

    I was wondering why W P's email looked odd to me, something besides the commas. Then it struck me: 80% of the words are four characters or less.

    1. wondering where i am

      Finally, dahling, you're finally here! Make me a martini, please, one of those dirty ones.

  42. lumpenprole

    I hate it when leftist nazis are hypocritical about shit. I like my leftist nazis to be progressive in their policies and belligerent with human impurities.

    Don't even get me started on the hippie stormtroopers.

    1. H Curve

      You too?!? Man, I'm seriously about to fire ALL of my hippie stormtroopers. Those fuckers are really getting on my tits. I've lost count of the number of times the Alliance has escaped because these stoners are using their rifles to shotgun pot instead of liberals.

  43. Whatever

    Me, I just tried to ignore it all until JrBush. I then spent 8 years yelling "FUCK YOU."

    Now? I wake up every morning and think "What the fuck is gonna happen next?"

  44. DCHatesMe

    People often make fun of New Hampshire because they're not Massachusetts or Maine, just some welfare state full of Eminem fans and antique shops. But I just want to say what a great job the Concord Police and the D.C.Y.F. are doing. They saved this baby from a life of hell, of drug abusers, sexual abusers, and life threatening violence. The mother may be angry now, but she'll thank them too one day when she's sober.

  45. June_Cleaver2.0

    While the teabaggers are the real Nazis, they call blacks and Jews Nazis. But that's their con. The teabaggers know that Hitler's mustache belongs to them. That's their cultural heritage. That's why they're trying to pin it on the black guy. And the confederate flag is theirs too, which is why they're always sitting on, and wearing MY flag.

  46. loquacioustunes

    don,t worry you don,t have any contenders

    My sixth graders refer to apostrophes as "upside-down commas." I wonder if one of them sent this e-mail.

    Nope. They're all much more literate than that.

  47. finallyhappy

    When people(ok, semi-humans) can ask why was this baby taken away from this woman because it is her boyfriend(the father)- whom she won't leave- who has the history of abuse and violence and her two other kids were already removed from the home-where do you from there? Someone mentioned the two other kids are adorable(not sure how anyone has seen them)- yes- because for the last 20 months- someone else has taken care of them and kept them from being beaten or killed. These morans make me physically ill- they will let anything happen or defend anything in the name of their chosen idiocy. Sorry to be serious but the abuse of children deserves extremely severe penalties that are rarely given.

  48. JMPEsq

    Jordan C. says the kids were taken "unlawfully, without merit". Besides not knowing what either a leftist or a Nazi is, these people don't seem to understand the concepts of "after trial", or "because of abuse and neglect".

    1. comrad_darkness

      Therein lies your problem. Just because they can copy and paste polysyllabic words, doesn't mean they can comprehend them.

  49. ttommyunger

    Baby Snatching now. What are we coming to? I long for the good old days when public officials kissed babies. Yes, snatch kisses, kiss snatches, snatch baby kisses. Speaking of "Blazing Saddles", rightards can properly be described as the "common clay", in the Gene Wilder sense of the term.

  50. war_on_xmas

    The only obvious libertarian solution is the privatize child protective services! This new world were companies can compete for who can provide the best CPS will give new definition to the term TOYS' R US kid.

  51. fuflans

    we just watched 'the secret of kells'. a timely and shatteringly gorgeous commentary on knowledge and beauty and how they keep darkness and ignorance at bay.

    huh.

  52. Pragmatist2

    I believe that a new record for "Wife of Bath" comments has been set.
    I also believe that the fans of "Reason" who have managed to spell "wonkette.com" correctly and come to this site are thinking "Wife of Bath" is some previously unknown liberal porn movie. While that is sort of correct, I believe that the number W of B references simply reflects the unemployment rate among English majors.

  53. ShaveTheWhales

    Ever since Al Gore invented the internet, I have been strongly in favor of maximum internet anarchy. You know — "the net sees censorship as a transmission error and routes around it" (even though that is, sadly, not really true).

    But for the last year or so, I have found myself wishing there was some over-arching regulatory organization that could take away the domain name from "reason", on the grounds of gross misuse of vocabulary.

    And punch them in the cock (or throat, if you prefer).

  54. DoktorZoom

    Uh-oh, Jack. They're on to you:

    Jack Stuef? Is there a reason his last name is an anagram of "fetus"?

  55. user-of-owls

    I was convinced the headline referred to an anti baby-snitching campaign and I thought, "man, the hoodlums are really taking this a little too far."

  56. Redhead

    Wait, someone's child got snatched/kidnapped? I missed that part.

    Did the guy also steal W P's caps lock, shift and apostrophe keys?

      1. Redhead

        That sounds sochalist. Why are you going to take a few caps locked sentences from the GOOD GODFEARING TEABAGGERS and give them to this guy? HITLER!!!!

  57. natoslug

    At this point, what's the difference between an anarchist and a Libertarian, besides the fact that an anarchist is much less of an asshole about everything?

    1. user-of-owls

      The world would be such a better place if Joe Stalin's guy had put the ice axe into Ayn Rand's head instead of Leon's.

  58. slowhansolo

    It's only a matter of time before Extreme Home Makeover shows up at the trailer, because there is nothing that can't be fixed by getting the shit off the lawn for a few months.

    And by months, I mean weeks.

  59. mumbly_joe

    This is way in the back, so nobody will see it, but can anyone who's not a paultard, and preferably one of our lawyer-folk, whether or not ye be complete assholes, tell me exactly how full of shit these Oathbaggers are about it being "unconstitshunul" to mention organizational affiliations in court documents?

    The reason I'm a Doubting Droopy here is that I'm familiar with some of the other pablum that the Oathbaggers attempt to pass off as constitutional- the implication based on their little manifesto is that they believe that nullification and secession are constitutional (see item 5), which itself is evidence aplenty that they're just neo-Confederate militia-movement retards who are propagating the legal equivalent of junk science.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I would think that all the threats made to everyone involved in this scumbag as well as Charles Dyer's child rape case would make listing that affiliation very pertinent.

      1. mumbly_joe

        Oh, don't get me wrong- they're obviously deplorable, and it's obviously pertainent that he's part of the group -which obviously claims that Obama's going to impose martial law and put everyone in concentration camps, and also obviously advocates secession, but does both behind a helpful screen of deniability ("we're not saying obama's going to declare martial law per se, we're just saying that when he inevitably does, we will refuse to go along with it")- and also, in light of those views, that he's stockpiling weapons.

        I'm just also curious as to precisely how full of shit they are when they say it was illegal to mention these things at all, particularly in light of the fact that they promote some extreme versions of the "tenther" nonsense that is itself has transparently flimsy legal basis to back it up.

        1. glamourdammerung

          If they can mention being in NAMBLA, gangs, etc., then I see no reason they could not mention being in a group that threatens to kill cops, judges, and everyone else involved each time they seem to have any issues with outsiders.

  60. YourBabyIsNext

    So you make fun of people who's child is torn from the loving arms mere hours after their beautiful baby is born?

    Is this the compassion you people have for your fellow citizens?

    Do you realize your political association with peaceful groups can one day be justification for your children to taken from you?

    You people are despicable and ashamed. I pray that this never happens to any of you.

    This is not America.

    And just so you all know.. the Oath Keepers are active duty Law Enforcement, Military and Fire Fighters.. That's who you are debasing.

  61. HistoriCat

    Death Panels for Freedumb!!1!
    Or maybe they can advocate getting rid of unwanted kids the old-fashioned way – selling them.

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