Joe Manchin is West Virginia’s governor. That’s right, they’ve got a governor! And here we all thought West Virginia was just a welfare district of the Senate, because literally the only income ever generated in the state’s history was from Robert Byrd and, to a lesser extent in the 1920s, moonshine sales. But look at this fancied-up hillbilly with his gun and the Deliverance music! This is the new face of Democrats.
We actually don’t know anything about Joe Manchin because who cares, but he is apparently a very popular governor with those West Virginians who recently got telephones so they can answer pollster questions. (Robert Byrd bought these telephones.) And now Manchin is going to get the government off West Virginia’s back, so it can return to its natural condition — which is not to say “environmental nature,” because he will shoot the fuck out of that, with his manly rifle.
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, though, because he’s three points ahead of his Republican opponent, and you all know how much desperately poor people on government aid tend to love the Republican candidates for anything in this Nation of Morans. [YouTube via WV tipster “Dana R.,” who should not be embarrassed because your editor’s paternal family is all from West Virginia and look how good he turned out!)
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The beautiful, majestic mountains of the Appalachians; I remember them.
Too bad there was coal under there. But we needed it for something or other.
Cutting the tops off of those mountains brought coal and a place for new walmarts.
Well the long-term future of the state's natural resources, not to mention the health of its residents, is nowhere near as important as the ability to make a little bit of money right now.
Isn't West Virginia's long-term future better served if the State is flattened? Won't that make road building and other construction projects easier?
Couldn't they give West Virginia back to Virginia?
It's kinda funny that West Virginia was, inexplicably, the part of Virginia that didn't run to join the Confederacy, who were basically the teabaggers of the 1860's. (The teabaggers of the 1850's were called "Know Nothings", because they didn't like answering questions about their political views, especially to the librul lamestream 1850's media)
They also didn't "masturbate".
How 'bout this: West Virginia gay marries Virginia, then Northern Virginia splits off and gay marries DC and southern Maryland. Win-win-win!
No way — bringing West Virginia in the fold would be a massive setback for West Virginia. After all, I haven't heard any stories about West Virginia's attorney general investigating climate change scientists. And I think West Virginia's governor is mostly OK with women working.
So this guy is running for, what, waffenleader?
No no, that was that guy in Ohio.
I always liked West Virginia, but always thought it needed to be shootier. C'mon candidates; let's get more shootier.
And Magin is just the Democrat. I think the wingnut candidate called Magin a fag for not shooting his friend in the face.
Fellow Democrats, I'll give you my vote when you take it from my cold, dead hands.
I preferred the Robert Byrd version, where he would just fiddle Cap and Trade to death.
Or burn it at a Klan rally.
I've heard of blue dogs, but this guy is like a dark indigo navy dog.
Chairman Mao would be proud.
It really is a bad sign how far the line between Democrats & Republicans has been shifted to the right that this guy is the Democrat running on an NRA/repeal healthcare/fuck the environment platform. The Republican's knuckles must actually touch the ground.
It dawned on me some time ago that in today's political environment Dwight Eisenhower and our old friend Dick Nixon would both be considered radical commie leftists. Even Reagan wasn't as bad as the current crop.
The Reagan that actually existed, sure; but the mythological Reagan of the wingnut mind was a pure conservative, who would never have rescinded many of his tax cuts, cut and run in Lebanon, passed amnesty for "illegals", or negotiated with the Soviets.
It's true. Plus, he healed me of leprosy while I was walking along the road.One day Reagan the savior will come back to judge us.
I'll be standing next to a mountain
Chop it down with the edge of my hand
west virginia, my home skeet home
As my dad frequently says, Manchin is the best republican the democrats could fine. Politics here in WV is really fucking depressing.
"Robert Byrd bought these telephones.) And now Manchin is going to get the government off West Virginia’s back"
So, he's going to give pay the Federal government back for all the pork project brought to his State by Byrd? He's going to refuse all future earmarks?
Just like governors always refuse Federal disaster relief after floods, earthquakes, and mudslides . . .
What the hell. Let's just change the name of the state to Manchinland and call the citizens Manchins. Maybe Christine O'Donnell could paint herself green and make a fundraising appearance down there.
Only one problem, though. The only wizards in that state are the guys who wear sheets and pointy white hoods.
Maybe Christine O'Donnell could paint herself green and make a fundraising appearance down there.
In a perfect world, somebody would also drop a double-wide on her. THIS COULD HAPPEN, PEOPLE.
…like she was the wicked witch of the West (Virginia)?
Alert the National Weather Service!!!
This reminds me of one of my older son's favorite insults: "You're just pissed because somebody dropped a house on your sister."
Man-chins? You mean like the dad on Family Guy with the scrotum chin?
Seriously, is there a need for any further proof that voters in these states have no fucking idea what they're supporting beyond a hick accent and a slogan (and a guy who's no black)?
You've got this guy and Joe Miller both promising to cut Federal spending. Joe Miller, is running for Senate in Alaska, the state that receives more Federal aid per capita than any other state in the nation. And, here, West Virginia, a state that gets back $1.75 for every $1.00 it sends to Washington in Taxes.
It's like walking into a titty bar on Friday 10:00 pm and loudly annoucing a moral crusade against alcohol and pornography and having all the patrons cheer and whoop when you do it.
not only is he no black, he has a gun. that's what the democrats need, is moar gun. but imagine how the porcine right would squeal if a black democratic candidate made a campaign ad where he both carried a rifle and appeared to know how to use it. panties would be pissed in all across teabagland.
and panties will be pissed in all across teabagland if these morans actually get their wish and fed spending is cut. they have no clue, but that is no news.
fuck it, it's all going to come crashing down like a wood-frame house eaten out by termites, anyway. are we all ready for civil war and military dictatorship? are we ready for a united states disunited and split into a dozen warring regions? because that's what we're heading to getting with these stupid politicians who at best are ineffectual and at worst do nothing but lie and pillage.
damn, i think i just pissed in my–well, i don't have panties, i'm a cat. damn. what a mess, all over the kitchen floor.
The sad thing, of course, is that we are headed toward nothing quite so dramatic. Rather, we are headed toward absolute soul-crushing banality and lingering pathetic malaise. Nothing nearly as redemptive as civil war, I'm afraid.
I'm with you slappypaddy. I've been scaring my wife lately with my dire depressed ravings alternating between inevitable civil war or revolution, neither of which is a good prospect. Or maybe Seattle will have that magnitude 9 earthquake they've been promising to take our minds off our real problems.
I'm pulling for the big Yosemite eruption. That would shake things up.
By god, I think that's a damn good proposal and worthy of further research! Think we could get a gov grant to fund the "study"? I happen to be free and know the perfect titty bar….
needs moar blacklung
Only pussies use scopes when hunting paper….
As if we needed proof that Dems are pussies.
I was about to say: "A scope? At THAT range?"
Faggot.
[Whoops. Thought I was writing for the Washington Post. Sorry.]
Asshole.
[Whoops, again!]
well this is all very well and good, but does he have trucknutz?
He haz gun-nutz.
This is another one of those it's classist-to-make-fun-of-dumb-people-who-aren’t-wealthy posts that I've heard so much about, isn't it?
Moar.
Nothing to do with wealth. The key word is "dumb."
I am classist against anyone with less pee-points than me.
Shit! I want my pee-point back, you classist!
Pee-points are allocated by the free market; you don't expect me to give you a handout, do you?
As a resident of West Virgialaska, I'm s'possed to get back 1.75 pee-points for eachin' I give. No more, no less. Sarah splained to me how Anne Rand's visible handout works, so don't try to trick me with that Kenyan black magic socialism – I know what I'm 'titled to! I understand if I gotta wait for it to trickle down, 'cause I watch Glenda Beck — that saintly man's like a skool teejer!
That's not REAL Virginia.
Symbolic thought, the ability to think in symbols that represent the objects, and to put together these symbols, words, in logical, meaningful statements, and then communicate them, this is, umm, well, this is what humanity developed some couple of hundred thousand years ago, its what separates us from animals, ok, they have some awareness, but humans have dramatically more so. In West Virginia, it appears, people have lost this capacity, either they do not understand symbols, or are unable to distinguish the symbol from the reality it represents. For his next ad, I assume he is going to go into a cave, and draw a picture on the wall, in ocher and charcoal, of himself, winning the election, and perhaps spearing a mastodon as well.
That would imply that he has a level of artistic ability similiar to the cave dwellers of Lascaux, which I seriously doubt.
Snark off.
The Lascaux paintings are actually amazingly gorgeous and powerful – exquisite form, beautifully nuanced shading and fully three-dimensional in realization (cave walls are not flat). Realizing the artistic depth of such "primitive" people was, for me, an overwhelming emotional experience.
Snark on. Full speed ahead.
You guys, all three of you, have taught me something very important, and I will never forget it. Its a grave insult to cro-magnons, to compare them to West Virginians. I apologize to all of our cro-magnon ancestors.
He should totes hire me for his campaign's Art Director position.
West "By God" Virginia – still putting the "dumb" in "Freedumb".
It appears the Great Society programs to improve that area of the country did not succeed.
The loading and firing of that gun is so damn…sensual. I was biting my lip gently as he slid that brass-sheathed bullet into the perfectly formed and welcoming chamber and holding my breath as he took aim.
By the time the bullet hit whatever that thing was (boring commie crap about clean water or whatever), I was a quaking, exhausted mess.
I refuse to comment until I hear what Brian Doherty has to say about this.
West Virginians are so poor they hunt paper for food.
"Got 'im right between the subclauses."
Don't shoot 'til you see the dots of their i's.
"The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the pulp of papers & documents."
New State Motto: "Montani semper charta liberi" ("Mountaineers are always paper-free.")
But this just sets up a conundrum for the conservatards as they despise recycling.
More proof that our ancestors bred with Neanderthals. Stone age furries raht here in Murka.
Real WV-ers are a-shootin' at things what got legs and can dance around a bit afore keelin' over. A bit of blood-spurtin' might be nice, too.
Piles of rubble — West Virginia
Once were mountains, Now pollute our rivers.
Life is old there Or that's just how it seems
When your body's twenty Your lungs are seventy.
Unpaved roads, break my bones
Avalanche — crush my home
Mountaintop mining — heavy metals
Leaching down those unpaved roads
I hear a voice like a strangled cry of warning
Drowned out by explosions and heavy machinery
'Cause fixing up our messes is a hidden tax on industry —
Industry
Unpaved roads, break my bones
Avalanche — crush my home
Mountaintop mining — heavy metals
Leaching down those unpaved roads.
The best Ted Nugent song evah….
Sigh…almost heaven, Wooks!
I love the idea of shooting legislation with a .22; it really gets my cock up. (and the bile)
actually, I take that back. Manchin is a pussy; real men shoot .275 or higher. and breach load? how you gonna stop the turrists loading your rounds one at a time like that. get a magazine, pussy.
(yes, i'm another liberal gun-nut, just like Manchin!)
Oh, a .223 will do fine for varmints (small teabaggers), but you really need a .308 for big game. You need greater penetration to take out the Rascal motors.
and that healthcare bill was so thick, i wouldn't go at it with anything less than a .350 (remington lever action, laser-sight, 225 grain)
Oh, just wait for Neilist to chime in on this. I’ll defer to his authority on this matter before I say anything stupid.
Yeah, where is he? I may have given him an earful about $75 fire coverage, but I'll defer to him on this one.
I can't wait to see Jay Rockefeller's campaign ads in 2014 ("When Father first took me shooting on Pocantico, the family estate, I learned an important lesson–talking up guns will keep you crackers voting for me forever")
"That there's the governor's mansion, it's a DOUBLE-wide!"
He'll shoot the tops off of mountains and bring coal home to the family.
He's no REAL man until I see him chopping wood and torturing some cityfolk tourists.
West Virginia is not for lovers.
West Virginia IS for cousin-lovers
What the Christ are these Reputation scores? I make 2 modest comments and my score is higher than Serolf David's and Wookie's? They're men among boys and I don't mean it THAT way.
We can all vote your score down, if you'd like.
Crazy isn't it? I just talk about pussy, in general, and big tits, mine in particular, and I have insane 'p" scores.
Bless your heart!
photo's please?
You got 43 thumbs on one post, and have only posted 4. Clearly the algorithm is about averages more than volume. Retire now, and your place in the Hall Of Fame is secure–any further posts would just be reckless interceptions and dick pictures.
Hey, reputation is abbreviated "p" — that's all you need to know about how accurate and helpful these things are. Best not to take 'em very seriously.
Hey, fuck you! Each and every one of my yellow-green p-diamonds is insanely valuable, at least in my head, and if I have to fight Zombie Roosevelt himself to keep my p-gold, so help me, I will.
How about this for a bumper sticker:
"Everything I Ever Needed To Know About West Virginia, I Learned From Bugs Bunny."
The part that makes people smile will be the way it wraps the truth into a nice big, generalized bundle.
The funny thing is, all I need to do is list statistics on W. Virginia's obesity rates and education and I wouldn't even need to say anything further. But I won't do that.
Thats classist, to notice that the hillbillies are fat and stupid, you classist you. Here, put these blinders on, and tell them they are so smart and good looking, and its all the fault of the messicans and browns that they are poor and ignorant and inbred.
Just whatever you do, don't blame it on the corporations that feed them crap loaded with corn syrup, keep them in homes contaminated with lead paint, and keep well-paying blue-collar jobs out of their hands, so that many have to crawl into narrow caves filled with noxious gases that could collapse on top of them at any moment; that would be class warfare.
So he's going to repeal the bad parts of Obamacare. Maybe he'll repeal the parts that let insurance companies loot everybody and then kill them, and give us what every other modern nation and everybody in the US military already has : socialized medicine.
Hear Hear, but don't count on it. he is a D after all oh wait… What?
Dems need to adopt a plan to build gun ranges with stimulus funds. Many thousands of gun ranges so these folks can ejac– er, shoot their guns whenever they want. Sorry, you can't send your tots to school with their pistolas, but you can pop into the local gunnery and gun it up–free!!!! Guvmint paid!!!! Gonna make it shoot up in this ma!!!!
Oh, and you have to buy fucking health care. Because, you silly ape, you live here.
Actually, I'd go for gubmint-run ranges. Out here in the red California hills, all the legal ranges require you to join the NRA before you can play. Hence, I must skulk deeply into the boonies in order to shoot my popguns at paper.
Snarky but actually not a bad idea. If the Dems could get over the whole gun-control thing there would be a groundswell of support from working class folk who have a lot more in common with Dems than the GOP but are forever put off by Boxer, Feinstein, Shumer, Waters & Co. screeching about banning guns…
I wish he would worry about real issues like why I can't get ANY cellphone reception in WV.
You have to understand, this is what passes for enlightened debate in W. Virginia…this and arguing over whose cousin is hotter and more fuckable.
For some info on West Virginia, see John Cole at Balloon Juice. Basically:
"Manchin may not be covering himself with glory, but Raese would be a disaster. I know which way I am voting."
Just imagine, this guy is the less douchy candidate; it makes one weep for West Virginia's future, as well as that of all the states downstream from them.
Hi. I'm Manly Manchin. Like you, I'm highly insecure in a certain area of my life, and so must brandish this symbol of my manhood in order to pretend to have some sense of personal potency in the world, and to prove to you that I can transform my powerlessness into a sense of power simply by wrapping my hands around this long, smooth, psychological prop. I'll shoot a hole in anything, because it gives me the kind of satisfaction I can otherwise get only by digging a mine shaft into a soft, round, Appalachian hillside. I'm Joe Manchin, and I – *BLAM* – approve this message.
Oh man.
I was Manchin-less until I read your plea for my vote.
BLAM.
If he's the Democrat what is the Republican like?
Not that I really want to know.
And the ammosexual agenda claims yet another victim…
Is somebody about to invade W. Va.?
I can only pray this dickwad is pandering to the Banjo Crowd, nothing more.
OK, Nader 2000 voters, pay attention. This is the best example you're ever going to get to demonstrate your assertion that "there's no difference" between the major parties.
West Freakin' Virginia. That's what we call a failure of context.
So, isn't it time we gave the South back? We could say "sorry, our bad", print up a bunch of Confederate dollars and coupons for Double-Down sammiches and sweet tea as parting gifts, and then follow through on McCain's command to "build the dang fence". Only just a bit North of Mexico this time.
Evacuate all the black folks and college towns first, and your plan might work.
I don't live in a college town and I lack the pigmentation/soul/history of oppression to be evacuated … can I be a political refugee?
Federal Tax dollars received per tax dollars paid by WEST VIRGINIA: $1.76
Nice return on "investment", Joe. Maybe since you're so unhappy with all that "Federal Government on your back" you could just return all that loot. I'll be waiting for your announcement. Idiot.
First there were the Mama Grizzlys to contend with. Now Manchin will produce a crop of Mountain Mamas to unleash upon us.
As the N.W.A. almost once said:
"When something happens in West Virginia, nothing happens. It's just another legislation dead."
These are the sorts of commercials that make me want to hit myself in the head until I pass out.
I wish Obama would go nuts and say, OK, no more federal taxes for WV. (Yay!) But no more federal aid. (Wha?)
It would be fun to watch all the jerks like this guy squeal like pigs..
Got to love my home state.
Manchin's opponent's next ad will feature a bazooka.
So he lives in a state that recoups almost twice as much as it pays in taxes, brags about suing the EPA & thereby costing the gov't money to defend itself (and the regs reduce further federal expenditures for things like keeping W Va'ers from getting black lung, and treating them when they do get it, & all this in a state where the people are shit on by the energy industry), and he's threatening to repeal Obamacare which means more lawsuits the gov't has to defend (and less health care for people shit on by the energy industry). And all this passes for common sense. I guess it's about as much sense as the common American has.
"we actually don't know anything about joe manchin because who cares"
the tops of mountains, for one. also dead coal miners.
Unbelievable to think that that state gets the same quantity of Senators as California.
Worse yet we here in DC don't get any…
It's like the election in the Dust Bowl: Who's going to protect my (unthreatened) gun rights more? From gun rights to Sharia Law: Morans foam at the mouth over imaginary threats.
We can only assume that this is how Neilist feels while perusing the Walther catalog.
Too expensive. Walthers, I mean.
Give me AMERKIN, e.g., Barrett Arms.
Although, some of the most up-to-date NAZIs, and GOP Young Guns, wore Walthers.
Also, members of the real Wiking Division, e.g., Dr. Joseph Mengele.
'+1' for classic Neilist post.
Remember: It's only the FOOLISH consistency that is the hobgoblin of a little mind.
Remember that, and that Thomas Hobbs was a stuff tiger hauled around by a psychotic, homicidal small boy.
The latter sort of like Neilist, if he was much older, 6'3", and Heavily Armed.
Damn, where's Neilist on this?
Using a scope on any target under 100 meters (outside of combat, I mean) marks you as a Homo.
Or Washington Post Op-Ed Writer.
Same thing, really.
I know you people are waiting, with bated breath, for me to chime in on this . . .
In addition to the preceding comments, one more thought, in the "O tempora! O mores!" vein:
What the hell ever happened to the old .30-06 round?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.30-06_Springfield
That was a Manly rifle round; fired in Manly Rifles (the 1903 Springfield; the M-1 Garand); by Manly Men who WON America's wars.
Nowadays, all you see are Limp Wrist Homo rounds like the .308 mm NATO, or worse, the 5.56 mm.
I mean, you'd expect this kind of deviant behavior from the sort of West Virginian banjo playing Ned Beatty raping inbred that would be a Democratic Party nominee for high office.
But that DOESN'T make it RIGHT.
[I mean, come on: The 'Ought Six penetration tables used include listings for cinderblock and brick walls.]
Neilist
Wonkettee Ammunition and Bath Oils Editor
Lurking On Top of A Tall Building Or Campus Clock Tower Near You
("What he could see, he could hit.")
The 5.56 SAW is not for the limp of wrist.
But the .30-06 still does it all.
It was the first rifle I shot as a kid and I was really impressed at its ability to disassemble granite boulders.
That would be 7.62mm, .308 is inch measurement. And he's shooting something larger than 5.56, probably .308 or .270, deer rifle calibers… REAL Righty's shoot .50BMG at legislation!
Isn't it still bow season for hunting legislation in WV?
1987: Mountaineer Stadium, Pitt v. WV.
An enjoyable enough crisp autumn evening watching Jesus® playing college football. All of sudden the spell is broken by some yokel running around the stadium firing a musket. I'm like, WhiskeyTangoFoxtwat? Only in WV. And the cellphone reception still hasn't gotten any better. These fucktwads must be shooting all the tower workers or something.
Well, in fairness, they skin and eat all the tower workers they shoot.
Not only do West Virginia residents squeal like pigs: They taste like them, too!
Do you think he is trying to encourage tourism?
It won't be the Mountain State any longer without the government there to protect the mountains from greedy capitalists. The president of the alumina plant in Hungary was recently arrested. Why is the president of Massey Energy allowed to roam free?
West Virginia: The Tailings State
Ah, looks like Manchin has learned the most important campaign lesson of 2010: You can say absolutely whatever the fuck you like, true or false or anywhere in between, as long as it might give your voters a spontaneous pandergasm.
As a born and raised West Virginian, I strongly resent the tone of this article. There are MANY West Virginians who are against the further destruction of our land but unfortunately, the energy companies fill the politicians pockets and they get the say.
Hateful bashing and stereotyping of native West Virginians is in no way helpful and only serves to make the person spewing such filth appear ignorant and uncivilized.
It is not a racist filled state. It is not a backwards state. It is a state rich in culture and heritage and filled with natural beauty.
Please be intelligent and separate the people from the politics.
Do not further promote ignorant stereotypes that do not reflect the people of that state.
Tearing one another down does nothing to help us overcome the obstacles we face in our government and politicians.
Big coal
Big coal
Big cooaal
Big bad coal
Where are all the candidates shooting zip-guns at legislation or maybe just sticking it with a shank made from a piece off an industrial floor scrubber?
Well that's a fine bit of classist/regionalist bigotry. Did you also get to say the N. word and put down some other folks today based on race, gender, religion? You're a privileged bit of scum, Ken Layne.
Hey Ken Layne. Do you know what you look like when you write an article tearing down a group of people you seem to think are uneducated when you can't spell yourself?
"Nation of Morans"
Could you please define moran for me? Webster's is having trouble. This is obviously an old article, so allow me to salt your wounds some more. Manchin won by a landslide!
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