Rock out with your cock out!Barack Obama had a party in Philadelphia yesterday for Christoper Columbus, the ancient sailor who accidentally stumbled across North America and then very purposefully slaughtered everyone and took their Goldline treasure. And things got a little out of hand! First of all, someone threw a book at Obama? Rude. But more importantly: A man from Staten Island named Juan J. Rodriguez got in his birthday suit, shouted Obama’s name a few times and then waved to the President, with his junk. Juan J. Rodriguez did this for a large cash prize; he was not trying to be a malicious naked person. On the contrary, Mr. Rodriguez thinks Obama is great (you think Juan would get nekkid for someone he dislikes?). Juan is even willing to donate some of his winnings to the charity of Obama’s choosing, which of course will be Hamas or maybe Center for Death to America.

“I didn’t do anything that hurt anybody,” he said.

As for people in the crowd who might have been offended, he said he didn’t feel it was a big deal. “It’s just the human body,” he said.

He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

“I think he’s a great guy. I think he’s doing a great job for this country,” he said. Rodriguez offered to contribute some of the money to a charity of the president’s choice.

Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery. Someone owes this hero a million clams/Ameros. Please cough ’em up. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

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  • 4TheTurnstiles

    And where's Brian Doherty to defend this Islamo-Messican from statist class warfare?

  • If the Demrats had the balls to do public option (not that they could have voted it past the top bottom team of Nelson/Lieberman) then it would reduce the amusement of rich guys everywhere to make not rich people wave their dongs at the Preznit.

    Then he has to ruin it by talking about needing the money to not buying trickle down items like hookers, blow and fast cars but shit like helping his family.

    • Right on. Taxes are definitely too high when the rich can barely afford to pay poor people a million dollars to flash the president.

  • valgal2342

    Larry Flynt needs to cough it up for this guy!

  • rafflesinc

    "Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery.

    Oh Wonkette, you buried the leade.

    • JoeMamased

      If it ain't buttsecks, how can it be the lede?

      • trondant

        His sister needs a vasectomy – that's NEWS!

  • Another reason for comprehensive health care reform–pudgy guys from Staten Island could keep their clothes on and still pay for operations for their sisters.

  • JMPEsq

    And here I just figured he was a 70s acid burnout having flashbacks to the month streaking was trendy.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It's a living.

    • Chet Kincaid

      Spoken like a true baby mammoth vacuum cleaner.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yabba dabba doo, Chetrock Flintcade.

  • JustPixelz

    I'm sure there's some strident blogger writing about how Obama has diminished the office of POTUS to the level of fraternity pranks. (I'm looking at you Malkin.) No one got nekkid for George Bush, right? Only a few (dozen) women got nekkid for Bill Clinton.

    But fewer Americans and soldiers died under the Demoncrats Nude World Order. The clothed and ironically named Bush administration was quite deadly. Hmmmm.

    • JMPEsq

      No one WILLINGLY got naked for George Bush; someone seems to have forgotten Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib.

      • JustPixelz

        how right you are! But it undoes my Nude World Order gag. oh the pain, the pain.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Maybe Juan's money would be better spent on a tummy tuck. Bless his little pudgy heart, also.

    • Extemporanus

      Streaky Gonzales ees too fat for us, señor!

  • Smells like ass around here.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Yeah, I was thinking someone more along the lines of Salma Hayek. Or that girl that was Spitzer's whore, who is already a pro in the naked-for-money field. She'd have done a bang-up job.

    • V572625694

      mmm….Salma Hayek nude and running….mmmm. This Wonkette day is off to a good imaginary start.

  • bumfug

    Who else is pissed that Hispanics are coming over here taking all the fat-guy streaker jobs?

    • rafflesinc

      It's hard to outrun the SS guys on a Rascal(tm).

    • V572625694

      They're just doing the streaking that Americans are too lazy to do themselves!

      • Kidneys4Sale

        'I gotta tell ya, I didn't think at these wages I could get quality nekkid folks runnin around my house, but those beaners really give you your money's worth.'

        – Meg Whitman

    • He is a very good Hispanic streaker, but it will all come to naught when he explains how Jews control all the nudity in this country.

  • DashboardBuddha

    You're from Staten Island?

    • No. But the place has enough problems as it is.

  • JMPEsq

    Where else but the area with the highest douchebag/square mile ratio on the East Coast could the guy have come from? OK, maybe Jersey.

    • prommie

      Oh, trust me, Jersey has nothing on Staten Island, thats where the worst of the yahoos at the shore come from.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Oh my…I was born on Staten Island. I hope that doesn't make me automatically a yahoo or douchebag.

      • JMPEsq

        Overall, yes, but parts of South Jersey are just as mafia-owned as Staten Island.

        • prommie

          Only because the mafia moved down here in the 1960s, after the King assasination riots caused a tidal wave of white flight. Italian white flight.

          • JMPEsq

            A lot of the Philly mob also moved there after the Latinos and Asians started moving in to South Philly.

  • neiltheblaze

    This is a pretty round-about way to break into the porn biz.

    • Fare la Volpe

      So true. John Wayne Bobbitt's was much better.

  • Umbrageofsnow

    What kind of surgery are we talking about here? Because the way he says it, it sounds like he wants to pay for his sister's boob job.

    All the better to streak Obama with I suppose.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So Julia Roberts plays a prostitute marrying a rich asshole for money and everyone gushes about saying studid shit like "it's the American dream," and a real dude from Staten Island goes to Philly to streak for a million bucks and people condemn him. Welcome to Tuesday in America, early 21st Century.

    • Oblios_Cap

      it's the 21st centurty already? We had better get to work to bring the country into it, then.

    • V572625694

      You can forgive Julia Roberts for "Pretty Woman," but "Eat, Pray, Vomit" was a crime against cinema. Plus, no tenía la desnudez femenina.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Because that's what every little girl dreams of: to be seen for her entire adult life as nothing but a sexual object, until that day when a rich, condescending asshole can sweep her off her feet and snap her fingers in a jewelery box.

      So dreamy~

      • V572625694

        What? Are you saying that isn't the way women think or the world works? Better tell Bristol quickly before she makes another mistake.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Bristol's mistake was she didn't wait until the jewelry box. Or the money. She just saw "asshole" and figured that was enough.

          • JMPEsq

            Here I thought Bristol's mistake was not paying attention to the part in Pretty Woman where the hooker demands the rich guy use a condom.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        "Pretty Woman" was notable for the gritty, hard-hitting realism in which it portrayed the life of an average prostitute.

  • johnnymeatworth

    The cast of Jersey Shore was either busy filming or in jail? or filming in jail?

  • mereoblivion

    If it weren't for Columbus, Juan J. Rodriguez wouldn't be living on Staten Island.

  • The_Great_Gazoo

    Brett Favre's got nothing on this guy.

  • e_z

    When you feel the funk, just wave your junk.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    We seem to have skipped over the part where you explain about where these winnings are coming from, Riley. Either that, or someone has torn this crucial piece of the story out of my copy of Wonkette this morning.

  • Tommmcatt

    This guy is the patron saint of nudists. God bless you, sir, and your dangling johnson for showing us that opportunism does not have to be selfish.

    USA! USA!

  • mavenmaven

    He was hoping to share the Nobel Piece Prize.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    "It is what it is."

  • Lascauxcaveman

    "Erin Brockovich" was good too, for completely different reasons. Special effects brassiere, and the scummy rich guys got it in the end, sorta.

  • CapnFatback

    He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

    I could see why; it's gotta be tender, flopping around in the Indian Summer breeze.

  • Sepatown!

    Today, we are all naked Staten Islanders.

    • finallyhappy

      I'd rather be a witch

  • HELisforHEL

    "…and then waved to the President, with his junk."
    I just want to thank Riley for this hilarious post that has helped brighten my otherwise foul mood today. No snark.

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