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Naked Guy Promises To Share His Streaking Prize With Obama

Rock out with your cock out!Barack Obama had a party in Philadelphia yesterday for Christoper Columbus, the ancient sailor who accidentally stumbled across North America and then very purposefully slaughtered everyone and took their Goldline treasure. And things got a little out of hand! First of all, someone threw a book at Obama? Rude. But more importantly: A man from Staten Island named Juan J. Rodriguez got in his birthday suit, shouted Obama’s name a few times and then waved to the President, with his junk. Juan J. Rodriguez did this for a large cash prize; he was not trying to be a malicious naked person. On the contrary, Mr. Rodriguez thinks Obama is great (you think Juan would get nekkid for someone he dislikes?). Juan is even willing to donate some of his winnings to the charity of Obama’s choosing, which of course will be Hamas or maybe Center for Death to America.

“I didn’t do anything that hurt anybody,” he said.

As for people in the crowd who might have been offended, he said he didn’t feel it was a big deal. “It’s just the human body,” he said.

He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

“I think he’s a great guy. I think he’s doing a great job for this country,” he said. Rodriguez offered to contribute some of the money to a charity of the president’s choice.

Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery. Someone owes this hero a million clams/Ameros. Please cough ‘em up. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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  1. ManchuCandidate

    If the Demrats had the balls to do public option (not that they could have voted it past the top bottom team of Nelson/Lieberman) then it would reduce the amusement of rich guys everywhere to make not rich people wave their dongs at the Preznit.

    Then he has to ruin it by talking about needing the money to not buying trickle down items like hookers, blow and fast cars but shit like helping his family.

  2. rafflesinc

    "Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery.

    Oh Wonkette, you buried the leade.

  3. donner_froh

    Another reason for comprehensive health care reform–pudgy guys from Staten Island could keep their clothes on and still pay for operations for their sisters.

  4. JustPixelz

    I'm sure there's some strident blogger writing about how Obama has diminished the office of POTUS to the level of fraternity pranks. (I'm looking at you Malkin.) No one got nekkid for George Bush, right? Only a few (dozen) women got nekkid for Bill Clinton.

    But fewer Americans and soldiers died under the Demoncrats Nude World Order. The clothed and ironically named Bush administration was quite deadly. Hmmmm.

  5. Lascauxcaveman

    Yeah, I was thinking someone more along the lines of Salma Hayek. Or that girl that was Spitzer's whore, who is already a pro in the naked-for-money field. She'd have done a bang-up job.

      1. Kidneys4Sale

        'I gotta tell ya, I didn't think at these wages I could get quality nekkid folks runnin around my house, but those beaners really give you your money's worth.'

        – Meg Whitman

  6. JMPEsq

    Where else but the area with the highest douchebag/square mile ratio on the East Coast could the guy have come from? OK, maybe Jersey.

    1. prommie

      Oh, trust me, Jersey has nothing on Staten Island, thats where the worst of the yahoos at the shore come from.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        Oh my…I was born on Staten Island. I hope that doesn't make me automatically a yahoo or douchebag.

        1. prommie

          Only because the mafia moved down here in the 1960s, after the King assasination riots caused a tidal wave of white flight. Italian white flight.

          1. JMPEsq

            A lot of the Philly mob also moved there after the Latinos and Asians started moving in to South Philly.

  7. Umbrageofsnow

    What kind of surgery are we talking about here? Because the way he says it, it sounds like he wants to pay for his sister's boob job.

    All the better to streak Obama with I suppose.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    So Julia Roberts plays a prostitute marrying a rich asshole for money and everyone gushes about saying studid shit like "it's the American dream," and a real dude from Staten Island goes to Philly to streak for a million bucks and people condemn him. Welcome to Tuesday in America, early 21st Century.

    1. V572625694

      You can forgive Julia Roberts for "Pretty Woman," but "Eat, Pray, Vomit" was a crime against cinema. Plus, no tenía la desnudez femenina.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      Because that's what every little girl dreams of: to be seen for her entire adult life as nothing but a sexual object, until that day when a rich, condescending asshole can sweep her off her feet and snap her fingers in a jewelery box.

      So dreamy~

      1. V572625694

        What? Are you saying that isn't the way women think or the world works? Better tell Bristol quickly before she makes another mistake.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Bristol's mistake was she didn't wait until the jewelry box. Or the money. She just saw "asshole" and figured that was enough.

          1. JMPEsq

            Here I thought Bristol's mistake was not paying attention to the part in Pretty Woman where the hooker demands the rich guy use a condom.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        "Pretty Woman" was notable for the gritty, hard-hitting realism in which it portrayed the life of an average prostitute.

  9. SheriffRoscoe

    We seem to have skipped over the part where you explain about where these winnings are coming from, Riley. Either that, or someone has torn this crucial piece of the story out of my copy of Wonkette this morning.

  10. Tommmcatt

    This guy is the patron saint of nudists. God bless you, sir, and your dangling johnson for showing us that opportunism does not have to be selfish.

    USA! USA!

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    "Erin Brockovich" was good too, for completely different reasons. Special effects brassiere, and the scummy rich guys got it in the end, sorta.

  12. CapnFatback

    He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

    I could see why; it's gotta be tender, flopping around in the Indian Summer breeze.

  13. HELisforHEL

    "…and then waved to the President, with his junk."
    I just want to thank Riley for this hilarious post that has helped brighten my otherwise foul mood today. No snark.

Comments are closed.