GOOD DEALS  10:11 am October 12, 2010

Naked Guy Promises To Share His Streaking Prize With Obama

by Riley Waggaman

Rock out with your cock out!Barack Obama had a party in Philadelphia yesterday for Christoper Columbus, the ancient sailor who accidentally stumbled across North America and then very purposefully slaughtered everyone and took their Goldline treasure. And things got a little out of hand! First of all, someone threw a book at Obama? Rude. But more importantly: A man from Staten Island named Juan J. Rodriguez got in his birthday suit, shouted Obama’s name a few times and then waved to the President, with his junk. Juan J. Rodriguez did this for a large cash prize; he was not trying to be a malicious naked person. On the contrary, Mr. Rodriguez thinks Obama is great (you think Juan would get nekkid for someone he dislikes?). Juan is even willing to donate some of his winnings to the charity of Obama’s choosing, which of course will be Hamas or maybe Center for Death to America.

“I didn’t do anything that hurt anybody,” he said.

As for people in the crowd who might have been offended, he said he didn’t feel it was a big deal. “It’s just the human body,” he said.

He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

“I think he’s a great guy. I think he’s doing a great job for this country,” he said. Rodriguez offered to contribute some of the money to a charity of the president’s choice.

Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery. Someone owes this hero a million clams/Ameros. Please cough ‘em up. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 57 comments }

4TheTurnstiles October 12, 2010 at 10:14 am

And where's Brian Doherty to defend this Islamo-Messican from statist class warfare?

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2010 at 10:19 am

If the Demrats had the balls to do public option (not that they could have voted it past the top bottom team of Nelson/Lieberman) then it would reduce the amusement of rich guys everywhere to make not rich people wave their dongs at the Preznit.

Then he has to ruin it by talking about needing the money to not buying trickle down items like hookers, blow and fast cars but shit like helping his family.

kenlayisalive October 12, 2010 at 11:36 am

Right on. Taxes are definitely too high when the rich can barely afford to pay poor people a million dollars to flash the president.

valgal2342 October 12, 2010 at 10:21 am

Larry Flynt needs to cough it up for this guy!

rafflesinc October 12, 2010 at 10:23 am

"Juan J. Rodriguez also wants to use this money to help pay for his sister’s surgery.

Oh Wonkette, you buried the leade.

JoeMamased October 12, 2010 at 11:40 am

If it ain't buttsecks, how can it be the lede?

trondant October 12, 2010 at 2:00 pm

His sister needs a vasectomy – that's NEWS!

donner_froh October 12, 2010 at 10:23 am

Another reason for comprehensive health care reform–pudgy guys from Staten Island could keep their clothes on and still pay for operations for their sisters.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 10:24 am

And here I just figured he was a 70s acid burnout having flashbacks to the month streaking was trendy.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 12, 2010 at 10:25 am

It's a living.

Chet Kincaid October 12, 2010 at 11:02 am

Spoken like a true baby mammoth vacuum cleaner.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Yabba dabba doo, Chetrock Flintcade.

JustPixelz October 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

I'm sure there's some strident blogger writing about how Obama has diminished the office of POTUS to the level of fraternity pranks. (I'm looking at you Malkin.) No one got nekkid for George Bush, right? Only a few (dozen) women got nekkid for Bill Clinton.

But fewer Americans and soldiers died under the Demoncrats Nude World Order. The clothed and ironically named Bush administration was quite deadly. Hmmmm.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 10:39 am

No one WILLINGLY got naked for George Bush; someone seems to have forgotten Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib.

JustPixelz October 12, 2010 at 10:58 am

how right you are! But it undoes my Nude World Order gag. oh the pain, the pain.

elviouslyqueer October 12, 2010 at 10:27 am

Maybe Juan's money would be better spent on a tummy tuck. Bless his little pudgy heart, also.

Extemporanus October 12, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Streaky Gonzales ees too fat for us, señor!

mrblifil October 12, 2010 at 10:28 am

Smells like ass around here.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2010 at 10:30 am

Yeah, I was thinking someone more along the lines of Salma Hayek. Or that girl that was Spitzer's whore, who is already a pro in the naked-for-money field. She'd have done a bang-up job.

V572625694 October 12, 2010 at 11:03 am

mmm….Salma Hayek nude and running….mmmm. This Wonkette day is off to a good imaginary start.

bumfug October 12, 2010 at 10:31 am

Who else is pissed that Hispanics are coming over here taking all the fat-guy streaker jobs?

rafflesinc October 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

It's hard to outrun the SS guys on a Rascal(tm).

V572625694 October 12, 2010 at 11:02 am

They're just doing the streaking that Americans are too lazy to do themselves!

Kidneys4Sale October 12, 2010 at 11:18 am

'I gotta tell ya, I didn't think at these wages I could get quality nekkid folks runnin around my house, but those beaners really give you your money's worth.'

- Meg Whitman

kenlayisalive October 12, 2010 at 11:40 am

He is a very good Hispanic streaker, but it will all come to naught when he explains how Jews control all the nudity in this country.

DashboardBuddha October 12, 2010 at 10:33 am

You're from Staten Island?

MLHencken October 12, 2010 at 10:38 am

No. But the place has enough problems as it is.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 10:36 am

Where else but the area with the highest douchebag/square mile ratio on the East Coast could the guy have come from? OK, maybe Jersey.

prommie October 12, 2010 at 11:04 am

Oh, trust me, Jersey has nothing on Staten Island, thats where the worst of the yahoos at the shore come from.

DashboardBuddha October 12, 2010 at 11:14 am

Oh my…I was born on Staten Island. I hope that doesn't make me automatically a yahoo or douchebag.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 11:17 am

Overall, yes, but parts of South Jersey are just as mafia-owned as Staten Island.

prommie October 12, 2010 at 11:53 am

Only because the mafia moved down here in the 1960s, after the King assasination riots caused a tidal wave of white flight. Italian white flight.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 12:14 pm

A lot of the Philly mob also moved there after the Latinos and Asians started moving in to South Philly.

neiltheblaze October 12, 2010 at 10:36 am

This is a pretty round-about way to break into the porn biz.

Fare la Volpe October 12, 2010 at 11:08 am

So true. John Wayne Bobbitt's was much better.

Umbrageofsnow October 12, 2010 at 10:43 am

What kind of surgery are we talking about here? Because the way he says it, it sounds like he wants to pay for his sister's boob job.

All the better to streak Obama with I suppose.

SayItWithWookies October 12, 2010 at 10:51 am

So Julia Roberts plays a prostitute marrying a rich asshole for money and everyone gushes about saying studid shit like "it's the American dream," and a real dude from Staten Island goes to Philly to streak for a million bucks and people condemn him. Welcome to Tuesday in America, early 21st Century.

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2010 at 11:03 am

it's the 21st centurty already? We had better get to work to bring the country into it, then.

V572625694 October 12, 2010 at 11:05 am

You can forgive Julia Roberts for "Pretty Woman," but "Eat, Pray, Vomit" was a crime against cinema. Plus, no tenía la desnudez femenina.

Fare la Volpe October 12, 2010 at 11:10 am

Because that's what every little girl dreams of: to be seen for her entire adult life as nothing but a sexual object, until that day when a rich, condescending asshole can sweep her off her feet and snap her fingers in a jewelery box.

So dreamy~

V572625694 October 12, 2010 at 11:12 am

What? Are you saying that isn't the way women think or the world works? Better tell Bristol quickly before she makes another mistake.

Fare la Volpe October 12, 2010 at 11:14 am

Bristol's mistake was she didn't wait until the jewelry box. Or the money. She just saw "asshole" and figured that was enough.

JMPEsq October 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Here I thought Bristol's mistake was not paying attention to the part in Pretty Woman where the hooker demands the rich guy use a condom.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2010 at 12:21 pm

"Pretty Woman" was notable for the gritty, hard-hitting realism in which it portrayed the life of an average prostitute.

johnnymeatworth October 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

The cast of Jersey Shore was either busy filming or in jail? or filming in jail?

mereoblivion October 12, 2010 at 11:07 am

If it weren't for Columbus, Juan J. Rodriguez wouldn't be living on Staten Island.

The_Great_Gazoo October 12, 2010 at 11:11 am

Brett Favre's got nothing on this guy.

e_z October 12, 2010 at 11:23 am

When you feel the funk, just wave your junk.

SheriffRoscoe October 12, 2010 at 11:39 am

We seem to have skipped over the part where you explain about where these winnings are coming from, Riley. Either that, or someone has torn this crucial piece of the story out of my copy of Wonkette this morning.

Tommmcatt October 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm

This guy is the patron saint of nudists. God bless you, sir, and your dangling johnson for showing us that opportunism does not have to be selfish.

USA! USA!

mavenmaven October 12, 2010 at 12:14 pm

He was hoping to share the Nobel Piece Prize.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2010 at 12:15 pm

"It is what it is."

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm

"Erin Brockovich" was good too, for completely different reasons. Special effects brassiere, and the scummy rich guys got it in the end, sorta.

CapnFatback October 12, 2010 at 12:25 pm

He said he hoped Obama “didn’t take it that harsh.”

I could see why; it's gotta be tender, flopping around in the Indian Summer breeze.

Sepatown! October 12, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Today, we are all naked Staten Islanders.

finallyhappy October 12, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I'd rather be a witch

HELisforHEL October 12, 2010 at 3:02 pm

"…and then waved to the President, with his junk."
HA HA HA HAHA HAHA HA HA
I just want to thank Riley for this hilarious post that has helped brighten my otherwise foul mood today. No snark.

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