SUCK ON THIS LUKE RUSSERT  10:28 am October 8, 2010

Here Is a Video of Wonkette Singing About Masturbation

by Riley Waggaman

if you don't think this is adorable you are probably a jerkBob Schieffer hosted a karaoke fundraiser event for drunk newscasters and other drunken media types. Team Wonkette won Best Worst Performance, and here is the video that proves it:

In the red belt-gown is Wonkabout Food & Booze expert Arielle Fleisher. On the left is the glamorous Liz Glover, who was more or less propositioned by Luke Russert later that night. They were both dressed as Christine O’Donnell sex witches. In the middle of this threesome is your Riley Waggaman, dressed like a Hare Krishna and wearing pantyhose on his head — which was supposed to symbolize a meatball but obviously nobody “got it.”

Dave Weigel gave a star performance but was CHEATED out of a Karaoke Trophy. (Luke Russert apparently “won.”) But seriously, Weigel rocked and even had all these dancing biddies up on stage with him. But did Weigel even pretend to care about these women? Of course not. He gave them all paper-cuts with his WaPo severance check and then danced with Team Wonkette instead.

Special thanks to Dawne Langford for being our special Wonkette cameraperson, and also many thank yous to Amanda Moran, who was in charge of Wonkette makeup/powdering Riley’s honker.

But the real hero is videographer extraordinaire Liz Glover, who not only provided all the costumes but also edited this Best Worst Performance video. Obviously it was impossible for her to edit out “all the embarrassment” but c’mon people, it’s karaoke! Yay Liz!

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Lucidamente1 October 8, 2010 at 10:35 am

When Bob Schieffer touches himself, does he think about Riley or Arielle?

JustPixelz October 8, 2010 at 10:45 am


H Curve October 8, 2010 at 10:53 am

Or does he think about a Rilelle sammich? Hm?

doxastic October 8, 2010 at 11:07 am

John Edwards definitely does…

dizzeeboy October 8, 2010 at 11:24 am

In what respect, Lucy?

Katydid October 8, 2010 at 10:43 am

Riley seems to know the words pretty well, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

harry_palmer October 8, 2010 at 10:46 am

Riley, did you learn those contortions you were going through at Liz Glover's yoga studio/ S & M dungeon?

WarAndGee October 8, 2010 at 10:46 am

Well Miss Chatelaine! Riley strikes me as the next KD Lang. Er…resemblance-wise.

Rambone October 8, 2010 at 10:48 am

Riley had a little Boyz II Men/Vanilla Ice dance-move going there.

Go white boy! Go white boy! Go white boy! Go!

weejee October 8, 2010 at 10:49 am

Sniff. Touching, that was just so touching, sniff.

Badonkadonkette October 8, 2010 at 10:51 am

Riley, your scarf, it was apricot.

Katydid October 8, 2010 at 11:07 am

That Riley, he's so vain, he probably thinks this comment is about him.

Troubledog October 8, 2010 at 10:52 am

Riley won't rest until he takes everything, from all of us.

Umbrageofsnow October 8, 2010 at 10:54 am

Pretty sweet dance moves there too. I think we need to get embedded on Dancing With The Stars to keep an eye on Bristol and to be prepared for whenever the next republican joins the competition.

My money is on Michael Steele. He hasn't done enough embarrassingly hilarious things lately.

natoslug October 8, 2010 at 10:59 am

Wait, are we allowed to play marry-fuck-kill with this picture? If so, I need more categories. Riley can be my houseboy, I'm going Mormon just so I can marry Arielle and Liz, and I'll call Dave when I need some plumbing done. Someone's got to be there to Weigel in my excrement . . .

Monsieur_Grumpe October 8, 2010 at 10:59 am

Sing what you know about.

mdotsota October 8, 2010 at 11:02 am

Liz's head looks like it is floating away in that picture. She never should have dabbled in the witchery.

Terry October 8, 2010 at 11:03 am

Oh, bless your hearts. Just bless your hearts.

Katydid October 8, 2010 at 11:09 am

It's all fun and games until this song comes on the radio when you're singing along to the music, with your 9-year-old in the car.

Fare la Volpe October 8, 2010 at 12:30 pm

And she knows all the words.

prommie October 8, 2010 at 11:10 am

You kooky kids. You're making me feel old, with all your youth and youngness and not being old and probably lots of enthusiastic youthful sex all the time and being young and youthful.

awesome_dude October 8, 2010 at 11:10 am

has Permanent Intern Riley always been so great, or is he awakening some deep part of me that I was previously unaware of?

Fare la Volpe October 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

It's okay to have these feelings, a_d. There's nothing wrong with them. Riley's awakened many a young man's budding sexuality. Just ask Breitfart.

awesome_dude October 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

It's good to know I have support out there. I need to be sure though, so you and I need to make out immediately.

Fare la Volpe October 8, 2010 at 1:38 pm

To prove that you're gay or to unprove it? We may have some pronoun confusion here.

awesome_dude October 8, 2010 at 2:02 pm

For teh lulz?

MsElla October 8, 2010 at 11:13 am

What fun! (And I won't hold it against Arielle and Liz that they still have all their collagen.)

Buzz Feedback October 8, 2010 at 11:15 am

Going full O'Donnell on the pic.

BostonJerry October 8, 2010 at 11:26 am

OMG you guys sang karaoke with Charlie Sheen?!

freakishlywrong October 8, 2010 at 11:32 am

.Cutest pic evah!

JMPEsq October 8, 2010 at 11:37 am

So it sounds like Luke Russert's animal magnetism wasn't enough for Liz? Strange, I would think "my father died, and all I got was this lucrative career for which I'm completely unqualified" would be a great pickup line.

The other guy in the picture (Weigel?) looks like he's trying to make an Arielle-Liz sandwich.

spooked911 October 8, 2010 at 11:44 am

what is it about the wonkette that attracts such babelicious babes?

WhatTheHeck October 8, 2010 at 11:47 am

It’s good to see someone having fun during this recession/depression. Yet watching that vlog made me feel a little weird inside.

RedneckMuslin October 8, 2010 at 11:59 am

I thought Riley looked more like Ghandi. Danced like Ghandi and wearing shoes that only Ghandi would wear.

slappypaddy October 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm

that girl in the middle, the really short-haired one doing all the singing and dancing, she's a real cutie. those other two look dangerous.

Steven Allen Adams October 8, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Looks like it was a lot of fun.

kittylittr October 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I'm confused. Is this a trailer for the next Harry Potter movie?

finallyhappy October 8, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Damn you- I was going to write the exact same thing!!!!

twoeightnine October 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

The Official Wonkette Orgies® must be awesome once you get rid of the male Wonketters.

donner_froh October 8, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Liz Glover really knows how to work a crowd. Must have been a much easier assignment than interviewing a dog at the Republican National Convention.

Native_of_SL_UT October 8, 2010 at 1:09 pm

This is why some people should not drink.

DCHatesMe October 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Bob Schieffer scared the hell out of me. Why not dig up Richard Nixon's body and toss it at the audience? Too much trouble?

Nopantsmcgee October 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Needs more alcohol.

MiniMencken October 8, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Caucasian women of child-bearing age with bilaterally symmetrical features! Does it get any hotter than that?

Tobacky October 8, 2010 at 1:52 pm

Oh my, quite the chasm between the female/male level of attractiveness in that photo.

JoeMamased October 8, 2010 at 2:08 pm

needz moar Liz Glover, but really, what doesn't?

bringmeanaxe October 8, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Wow! That Krishna Smurf totally knows how to rock it!

ShaveTheWhales October 8, 2010 at 3:14 pm

I have to say, in all honesty, that was really terrible.

Of course, that is the true purpose of karaoke, so congratulations on having so much fun, you whippersnappers.

GOPCrusher October 8, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Was that supposed to be the Icky Shuffle?

Extemporanus October 8, 2010 at 4:17 pm

It looked more like Riley was doing the Icky Schieffer.

chascates October 8, 2010 at 3:35 pm

Needs moar top hat.

Extemporanus October 8, 2010 at 4:10 pm

Riley Waggaman, it's all downhill from here.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm

1. God bless Bob Schieffer. I hope I am half so cool at age 73.

2. Did Liz find her camera after all?

DeLand_DeLakes October 9, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Okay, I can no longer keep quiet about how I am totally sprung for Intern Riley. I'm a sucker for a skinny geek in lip gloss (which is probably why I relieved so many of them of their virginity in my teen years.)
How 'bout it, Riley? I'm slender, 1/2 blonde, and was born female! But if Breitbart has given you a ring, I'll totally understand.

rileywaggs October 9, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Do you know how many times I've been propositioned by so-called "women" on the Internet — and then agree to meet them in some deserted alleyway — only to discover that they are not actually "women" but instead are hairy old men/space Martians who abduct me and conduct cruel experiments on my pale & fragile body? Do you think I am gullible enough to fall for the ol' "slender, 1/2 blonde, born female" trick? Because I am, so where do you want to meet? I anxiously await your reply.

DeLand_DeLakes October 9, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Ah crap, that's the thing. I live smack dab in the middle of the flyover cow country that you bastards are always mocking, so our sexytimes will probably have to be isolated to Manhunt and Chat Roulette. But never fear, I am still quite capable of conducting cruel (psychological) experiments via electronic media, my tender flower!

rileywaggs October 9, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I can't do long-distance Internet relationships. I'm sorry. Besides, what if Andrew found out?!

Maybe we will meet in twenty years, on

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