Wake up, West Coast dope hippies! If voters approve California’s Proposition 19, everything will be ruined for Mexico’s farmers, soldiers, and cops! Thus speaks Don Pito Calderone, the top narco-capo of the República de México who moonlights as a Napoleonic president. Here’s the shocking headline from the Guadalajara daily Informador: “Calderon: Problems for Mexico if California Legalizes Marijuana.”
Mexico’s President, Felipe Calderon, said Thursday that if the U.S. state of California legalizes marijuana in November, “it’s going to put Mexican authorities in a serious bind. It’s going to put us in a difficult problem to solve. It’s going to have an impact on the Mexican market, and I don’t know in what sense, frankly, it’ll have to be examined. It’s really very difficult for a government to jail a farmer who is growing marijuana for sale to the Californians.”
The “five families” have called a meeting to make you an offer you can’t refuse. Don Santos, godfather of the Colombian syndicate, has a plan:
Other Latin American heads of state, such as the Colombian Juan Manuel Santos (the new president of that country) have also expressed their concern about the possible legalization of marijuana in California. Santos even set forth the option of a joint reaction with Mexico and Peru if that drug is legalized in the United States.
“A joint reaction!” Ha ha. But yes, if California legalizes it, the Latin American bosses will make you an offer you can’t refuse, and this is it:
Oh noes, gente de Alta California, if you’ll only vote Yes on 19, then Mexico will be paradise again! Peaceful! Happy! Drunk and stoned! And then nobody will want to cross the border to pick your silly Mary Jane crops up north. And then you’ll have to do “the work even Mexicans won’t do.” Better sign up the kids with a UFW union card, and hire the last Zapatistas in the U.S. to train them to walk a picket line and chant “Huelga!” and “Sà se puede!” That, and to sing, “Feliz Days Are Here Again.” [El Informador]
{ 79 comments }
Que lastima! Que malo. Pero tengo las lagrimas del cocodrilo.
Hey. Did you just tell us we all will be tangoing with bad crocodiles? Man. Serious consquences here….
What about BC? Have you Granola head hippy dippy Kalifonyans thought about the thousands of folks who grow BC Bud if you legalize pot?
Don't worry, Mexico…there will still be plenty of work for the meth labs.
dey tuk r jerbs, also!!!
And let's not forget that somebodies anuses have to be used to transport cocaine.
Glen Beck can't be allowed to detox!
Why is this a problem? The California Pot Growers will need plenty of farm laborers with experience with the crop.
Impact on the Mexican market? What does he mean by that? There'll be fewer dead Mexican gangsters to bury? Sales of ammunition and caskets will go down?
Californians will still keep buying up South American cocaine, so Columbia's exports shouldn't be hurt too bad.
People still buy Mexican pot? How terribly sad for them.
No kidding. The best part of this is hopefully reducing the amount of shitty Mexican weed.
Highschoolers have to start somewhere
Don't worry. The kids will be alright. Somebody here in the states will take on the burden of growing the Natty Light of weed. USA USA USA
I thought the same thing. It's been awhile, but if I had my choice between some Humboldt Country Sinsemilla or Mexican Skunk Bud, I'm buying American.
Viva seedy twiggy half composted brown!
California needs the jobs that will come with legalization. Many California families are living on hobo beans and unable to afford even the most basic sex and drugs.
I thought that's what missionaries were for?
At least that's their position.
"It’s really very difficult for a government to jail a farmer who is growing marijuana for sale to the Californians."
"So I guess we'll just gun him down in Ciudad Juarez."
Passage will lead to the immediate collapse of the Mexican jet-ski pirate industry.
Maybe angry spouses will have to go back to inventing a fake black guy to blame.
Or some Puerto Rican guy.
Is that Catherine Zeta-Jones in that blingee? Isn't she originally from Wales?
Indeed. Wonkette must be sharper than this. While it's obviously true that all fatties on hoverounds are teabaggers it is not necessarily true that all dark eyed beauties are from Mexico.
Psst – I think it's a reference to her role as a drug dealer in Traffic.
Yes. But just seeing a pic of CZJ and Salma together fills my mind with lesbian three-way fantasties. Ay caramba, indeed.
Boobs, also.
She will be forever known as Zorro's daughter… and lover. ! Ay chihuahua !
Wales is Engliand's messico? I think that even the name "wales" is one of the few gaelic words to survive the anglo saxon conquest, and it originally meant, "land of the furriners"…
Ha ha, so the wingnuts are now supporting the Messicans.
it's going to be a problem for california, too, unless it secedes. do the people who live there know marijuana will still be illegal in the united states? and do they know california is one of the united states? i sense a failure in public education here.
Judging by all the wingnuttery, public education failed a long time ago…
I think the Justice Department (department?), at least under the current administration, already stated that it would not push for prosecution in CA pot cases. The teabaggers should be happy with this as a states' rights win, right?
right. at least, under the current administration's current policies.
States' rights.
Like, Like, Fucking Like. States' Rights!
Don't tread on weed!!!!
No jack booted thugs have been sent to raid the medical marijuana facilities already operating here for a decade…
Please! Won't someone please think of the Mexican drug lords?
Arm Humboldt County!
We've already had some people discussing brand recognition and creating a growers' cooperative here. HC, overall, welcomes legal pot. Good times are here again . . . we hope.
F**king hippies, with all your co-ops and socialism 'n' stuff. Get a job! Cut your hair!
Just don't ask me to trim my nose hair dreads, man!
I recall reading somewhere that a lot of the growers weren't totally cool with legalization as they were worried big pharma/big vice would move in and co-op their co-op.
Why do hippies hate the free market???
Won't somebody think of the welfare of the illegal pot farmers?
He is not understanding the consequences, I think. He is worried, that he will not be able to enforce Mexico's drug laws, which, I mean, how could anyone tell if for some reason Mexico started doing a worse job enforcing its drug laws? Is it even theoretically possible for Mexico to do a worse job? But anywhoo, he seems to think legal pot in Cali will result in increased demand from mexican growers. Ha, I call Ha. It will result in cheap domestic hydroponic completely shoving imported out of the market, creating unemployment among the drug gangs, is what will happen.
They can always get jobs in AZ picking lettuce.
According to John McCain, it pays fifty bucks an hour. And you get to be outside in the sunshine all day too!
On the upside for Mexico, there will be fewer drunk, partying, American college kids trashing Mexican towns during spring break.
Nah; America would have to adopt a reasonable drinking age like Mexico and just about every other country in the world for that.
And besides, they don't go to Mexico because they can buy booze. They go because it's in a foreign country very far away from the parents. Just like the beach in Florida.
They're afraid that if CA legalizes weed, Mexico will lose the spring break crowd and Cancun will go under.
It’s really very difficult for a government to
jailshake down an arrested farmer who is growing marijuana for sale to the Californians."Fixed.
They're looking at the US government cash from the War on Drugs drying up, and subtly warning us that if we try to pull that bullshit they'll send all their criminals to the US like Castro did.
The US can then enlist said criminals in the US Army! Our own criminals are too fat and lazy to catch Afghans and whoever else our Fearless Leaders decide to attack!
If it passes, this will be a most excellent sociological experiment. Cause there's like ramifications and stuff.
Wait till the rest of the country stops smoking that filthy compressed brown nasty muletrain garbage and gets a taste of real marijuana, lovingly crafted by obsessive dudes in basements under clinical conditions. Now, if only we could figure out a way to prescribe it for the fucktards.
tell them it's tea.
I would think they'd leave their stuffy basements and homestead on the sunny and fragrant hillsides of Humboldt County. Fresh, air, sunshine, warm spring rains … I hear it's heaven on this very earth.
Chico is the new Humboldt, well the hills above Chico anyway…
Good to see the US set its feet for once against the overall trend of jobs disappearing beyond its borders, but real prosperity will come only when we snatch back the poppy franchise from Hamid Karzai.
Teh Californicating dope-crazed hippie witches are dancing around the pot singing
Double, double, no more law troubles
the weed burns and Calderon bubbles
"Aloha" Mr Calderon
I was in Mexico City when that piece of shit Calderone stole the election from our amazing mayor who'd actually won. And now anyone who complains about it too loudly gets their head sawed off and the whole thing gets blamed on pot dealers, like they do with union organizers and poets in Guatemala where the Guardia Nacional gives the heads to the Jurana Indians to be shrunken to the size of apricots and given as gifts to the politician's children which they use like little puppets on Christmas. How the children laugh and laugh.
We were going to go to Mexico City that week, but the street blockades kept us away. We did go the following year on the anniversary of the "election" and stayed on the Zocalo when Obrador had a huge rally to commemorate his efforts. He was still very popular.
Too late. The purple dinosaur cheeb is already made in the USA (or so I'm told). Cue Lee Greenwood.
So some Mexican dealers will be able to bring their growing operations out into the open instead of hiding them deep in the national forests and having the illegals who guard it shoot at any backpackers who wander too close to the fields? Que terrible!
Heaven forbid something happens that might alleviate this new civil war brewing in Mexico. I'd be worried less about the esoteric legal ramifications and more about the blood in the streets and the human trafficking, and where those two intersect.
On a side note, imagine if this country grew marijuana on the same scale we currently grow corn. That's Mexico's real worry.
Don't worry about civil war in Mexico! Worry about civil war in the USA!
Dude…Mexico's economy will completely crash – except for the meth labs – if Californians can get their dope on…
Because Mexico doesn't already have problems.
Sigh…
"It’s really very difficult for a government to jail a farmer who is growing marijuana for sale to the Californians.”
So there's a chance that someone will produce something valuable in Mexico? Jail him! Wait. What? Someone already dropped him in a big vat of acid and the cops who found his body were kidnapped, stuffed full of worthless pesos and then used as pinatas, Fallujah-style in downtown Juarez? Oh shit. I sound totally out of touch.
Uh-oh, this means illegal immigrants will have to smuggle something else in their pants on the way across the border.
LOL! Shit gets real.
Reagan's ghost wept.
Wait, this will make brown people's lives harder? Looks like the teabaggers have every reason to come out in full force for this, then? At least I'll be able to smoke the "kind bud" in peace while snowbilly contingent is running things.
I knew it was you all along, potheads. You broke my heart.
New Agrarian Economy YAY!
What about the Libertarians, who also seem to be overwhelmingly pro-pot?
That Blingee gave me epilepsy
Low-wage Mexican pot plantations will put the Californios out of business.
All those Californio pot-heads will need to hire Mexicans to do their work. Just like today!
Comments on this entry are closed.