Virginia’s George Allen may be the most brilliant legislator to ever play with a football on the Senate floor, but unfortunately, he also likes to use old-timey racial slurs of which nobody has ever heard, so he was defeated in 2006 for saying “macaca” on YouTube. It was an important moment in American history, according to what all the pundits said at the time, because it was the first time voters elected an Internet meme to Congress. But now George Allen is planning to run in a 2012 rematch against Jim Webb. And he has even joined this “social media” thing that once destroyed him!
POLITICO has learned that Allen, the Republican who was ousted from his seat in 2006 by now-Democratic Sen. Jim Webb, recently huddled with National Republican Senatorial Committee Chairman John Cornyn to discuss a prospective bid. He is also burnishing his profile through a series of public events, spreading cash through his political action committee and has even launched a Facebook page.
Oooh, he “huddled!” That’s a football thing! He will be fine if he continues to trick himself into thinking every part of the political process is exactly like a football game, correct?
Dan Allen, a George Allen adviser, said the Republican was “fully focused on this year’s elections in Virginia and once the races are wrapped up he’ll start to turn his attention to the future and what his role would be.”
We love how even a guy who hasn’t had a job in four years is allowed to say he’s just focused on this election, like he is the man in charge of making sure Republicans win the midterms or something. “I’M GEORGE ALLEN, AND I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT JOB, AND THAT JOB IS STANDING BEHIND MARCO RUBIO AS AN APPLAUDING MEMBER OF THE CROWD.”
Allen may face Eric Cantor in 2012, because that would be hilarious. Which goon do you want, Virginia? Those are such good candidates! It wouldn’t be harder to choose if Jesus Himself was in the race.
Let’s take a look at this social media presence. As you can see, mostly George Allen concerns himself with “picking” sporting events.
His blog is approximately half sport predictions and half reminiscing about things he did in office 15 years ago. It’s pretty sad. But George Allen seems very excited about it! So excited he could yell a racist epithet at a college kid! So good for him, we guess.
George Allen also has his own YouTube account, despite whatever lingering resentment he may have for his life being ruined by that site. According to the account, he’s only 26 years old. Wow, George! That makes you pretty hip, but that’s not old enough to run for the Senate.
The videos are pretty boring, but YouTube continues to hate Allen, because it gives him the worst screen caps for his videos, as you can see.
And he has a book out called What Washington Can Learn From the World of Sports. Yes, that’s the change we need in Washington. GEORGE ALLEN 2012: DOUBLE MACACAS. [Politico/Twitter/YouTube]
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Mac-asshole
I love Alexandria, and I love my house and garden, but damn, I more and more want to move to DC. That being said, I am not sure a Gray Aministration is going to be Happy Times, either.
NFL and NASCAR picks? I was expecting Glee and Real Housewives recaps.
He couldn't be more obviously going for the redneck vote if he put on a Colonel Sanders suit.
Or a bedsheet with a nice hood…I must be getting cynical but I'll just say this: George Allen, you lying, moronic, corporatist, racist Klan loving American Taliban…go fuck yourself and no that child doesn't want to play Pink Rocket.
…with a beat up trucker hat and a flannel shirt, naturally. No thin stripes.
george and eric and jesus. all of them good jewish boys.
Good lawd. This twatwaffle is even holding a football on the cover of his book!
Is football-frottage a recognized form of paraphelia? 'cause I'd like to have it entered into the record, under "Allen, George".
Wait until he proudly and unironically adapts "Glory Days" as his campaign theme song.
Imma just leave a few chapter titles here, for hilarity's sake.
"A Tie Is Like Kissing Your Sister"
"No One Pays to See the Officials Officiate" (WUT?)
"Never Punt on First Down"
"A Locker Room Divided against Itself Cannot Stand"
Just livin' Daddy's legacy. He certainly doesn't have one of his own to live on.
Oh, a Facebook site. That's really serious. And what of these 'bit.ly' NASCAR picks? IT MEANS HE'S A LIBYAR TERRONIST!
But does he have "Macaca Mike" Steele's support?
Maybe he can get Lou Dobbs' endorsement.
"We love how even a guy who hasn’t had a job in four years is allowed to say he’s just focused on this election, like he is the man in charge of making sure Republicans win the midterms or something."
He IS focused on it. He sits in his basement rumpus room in his undershorts watching cable news and wondering how that guy in New York can still be in the governor's race after sending lots of racist emails, when poor Allen was out for simpling saying "macaca".
Allen may face Eric Cantor in 2012, because that would be hilarious.
Well there goes the entire Jewish vote.
It's funny how, in a few short years, calling someone a racial slur has gone from being a detriment to running for Senate to actually being a prerequisite to obtaining the GOP nomination.
Yes and imagine how big of a bounce in Southern Virginia this racist cockminder will get when he shows up bedecked in full Klan attire.
That poor kid does NOT want to be dragged to the bathroom by the fatfaced smiley man.
Betwixt this arrogant jock, and Cantor or Webb, quite frankly that's a race to the bottom. None of the above, please.
Hey, that was years and years ago. Many and many an e-mail has been sent since then with watermelons on the White House lawn, many (well, some) people have been indicted for financial malfeasance (is there such a thing as bonfeasance?), many a Senator has paid many a hooker to have them change a dirty diaper or make love in a cemetery.
I'd like to say that his boat has sailed, his window of opportunity has closed, he lost his place on the varsity squad while he was sidelined, but unfortunately I think he understands his constituents pretty well and his comeback is well timed.
That is to say, most voters are dumber than rocks and can't remember anything that happened more than 2 weeks ago.
Yes….I'd agree with that; the GOP has morphed so heavily that now they let the racism fly and it's calculated to get them more white voters. I can't believe that previous sentence is true but if you look at wingnuts they follow whomever is the "whitest" as their salvation (currently Glenn Beck). What kind of cynical society do we live in where a piece of shit racist like this who once decorated his office with nooses even before Macaca could have a comeback? I don't like Webb much but if this guy wins…fuck it, I give up; stupid fat ass scooter ridin' inbred honkeys, they've just drained too much energy from me…
We need to come up with a name for the football this time around. I'm going to suggest "Tai."
His blog is actually kind of revealing.
"Allen estimates this plan will cost $1 billion dollars over a 10 year period; however, Legislature suggests a $2 billion dollar tab. The money for this expansion of 27 new correction facilities is not from new taxes or cutting spending on education or transportation; but by borrowing the money, if the voters approve."
His third post down proudly proclaims his massive expansion of government debt. Splitting the difference between his and the Legislature's estimates, $1.5 billion in 1994 would be $2.15 billion today.
How much of s–tfit does he have, regularly, about government borrowing? Pot, meet kettle.
What is Macaca doing to the bum of that lad with his left hand? The
worldVirginia wants to know!My native state does not already have enough hateful shitheads occupying its highest offices, so hooray?
Oh, how refreshing — America has been waiting soooo long for an overprivileged legacy asshole to ride in on a white horse and solve all our problems with hackneyed sports metaphors. How long has it been?
Webb, Jim (D).
Washington can learn to hire underage hookers from LT… Hmmm… Nope, they know that one already.
Washington can learn to cheat on their spouse a LOT from Tiger Woods… Nope, got that one too.
Washington can learn to date rape underage drunken college girls from Ben Roethlisberger… Well, they probably have that one covered… If not they can learn it from some state pols I'm sure.
Maybe Washington can learn to run a dog fighting ring from Mike Vick! So much to learn!
His full Twitter username is, obviously, "GeorgeAllenVagina."
Haven't we learned anything from the California Tea Party sticking its nose in Alaska's senate race? No means No George!
Can't he just go for a milion bucks like Jimmy Johnson on Survivor or psuedo-sport celebrity endorsements for Ultra SlimFast like Tommy Lasorada?
No noose is good noose.
Maybe you could sign on to the idea that a football coach could become a successful politician or political leader — you know, leadership, team building, naked together in the locker room, emerging dripping wet from the steam shower wearing only a towel or nothing at….
Where was I? Oh yes: maybe a football coach could be a good political leader, although the Tom Osborne for President juggernaught seems to have slowed to a halt. But why would the son of the football coach best known as Nixon's döppelgänger/alter ego even be considered for any elective office?
Wake up, Old Dominionators: football ≠ life
UNfortunately, I heard a rumor that George Allen is a secret j00, which means he's already lost the crucial Rick Sanchez/Mel Gibson/George Allen vote that forms the backbone of his constituency.
He uses bit.ly on his Facebook page? And how long have you been in league with the Libyans, Senator?
George Allen always struck me as a dumber version of George Bush. So it's sad that were Allen to walk into a room filled with current GOP intelligentsia the room's collective IQ would jump by about 10%.
An election between Eric Cantor and George Allen is like choosing the evil of two lessers.
But does Allen's macaca do the macarena?
While eating a macaroon?
… with macadamias and macaroni?
Dear George,
If you're running, why haven't you endorsed my wife whose ass is on the line. Well George. I asked you a question?
Love Todd
Sent from my Mother-Humpin' Phone
His time has come and gone. Someone find J.D. or Coy Gibbs- the US Senate is calling.
I bet he doesn't reminisce about how he once claimed that he was going to knock Democrats' soft teeth down their whiny throats.
The most important part here is at the end of the post: He's got a book out. Who wants to bet that he has no real interest in being a Senator again, but this will stir interest in his book?
That poor little kid looks like he just shook hands with a creepy, loud-mouthed, redneck loser.
I personally like the "now-Democratic" tag on Webb. I realize Politico is mainly referring to the past, but if it looks like the GOP is going to take over Webb is a likely target to jump ship. Plus he's barely a Dem now.
Middle aged men making a big deal about carrying around a football remind me of the van guy in Napoleon Dynamite. That character would be a great teabaggist candidate.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …
"My daddy was a great football coach and an even greater right-wing nutjob. At least I topped him in one category."
Fun fact: 1 out of his 5 current YouTube followers with avatars uses a Confederate North Carolina flag as his avatar, uploaded Pat Buchanan's Culture War speech in four parts, and is an "America First Patriot who's dedicated to saving the liberties our Founder's intended for us by seeing the liberation of the South from our Federal occupiers. "
Another is named scorpioncheeto, whose sole (32-second) upload involves young scantily clad women, a long shot of the ceiling, and, uh, something unidentified at the end.
Another is a PUMA.
Looking at the two stills for the YouTube videos… does he always face to the right of the camera, with his head and eyebrows tilted like that?
To me, America is like the Cleveland Browns. I love my Brownies, but Jesus do they suck.
Two words: Nixon Comeback
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