While our FLOTUS would surely order the hanging of fat slobs who eat donuts from gross chains such as Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts, those who feast upon Gourmet Doughnuts — perhaps topped with artisanal bacon — are (like the rich) different. True, fancy doughnuts are still fried in grease and packed with sugar, but they’re served as part of a square meal known as brunch and brunch changes everything. You do know that, right?

Gourmet doughnuts are everywhere in DC. Some come topped with pork product or toffee or chocolate, some have citrus flavoring, and almost all of them come with some sort of sugary dipping sauce. They’re all served hot and no one seems to be the least bit concerned about just how ridiculously unhealthy these doughnuts must be. They also all happen to taste delicious.

Where to find gourmet doughnuts in DC:

  • Birch and Barley: They serve toffee-bacon, lemon-poppy glazed and bittersweet chocolate doughnuts (pictured above). $6 for all three.
  • Darlington House: Their doughnut holes are dipped in cinnamon and sugar and are served warm with chocolate and caramel dipping sauces (pictured at right). $7 for about a dozen.
  • 2 Amy’s: Their fresh, handmade doughnuts are only available at lunch on Saturdays and Sundays. The doughnuts are “Italian style,” and have a light orange scent! $1.50 each.
  • Tabard Inn: Tabard Inn serves easily some of the best gourmet doughnuts in the city. Their doughnuts are fried to order, and dipped in cinnamon and sugar. They’re served with whipped cream. $1.50 each.
  • Poste: The doughnuts at Poste have such delightful fillings as chocolate ganache, lemon curd, and jam. They’re served warm and come with a warm chocolate sauce. $13.
  • A.M. Wine Shoppe: These ecstasy-producing doughnuts (they are that good) are sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and are only available on Saturday mornings. $3 each or four for $10.
  • Eola: [PDF] Simple glazed doughnuts. $2 each.
  • Founding Farmers: Perhaps the most decadent of all the doughnuts in DC, the doughnuts at Founding Farmers are fried-to-order and glazed with either Vanilla Rum, Semi-Sweet Chocolate or Caramel Bacon. $8 for about a dozen.
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • JMPEsq

    Donuts topped with bacon sound like a food for the obese real 'Merican, not a fancy elitist gourmet meal.

  • My town is so poor, even the Krispy Kreme shit the bed and closed up. Take THAT.

    • Doglessliberal

      Eh, they are not real donuts anyway. They are way too sweet. Real donuts are dense and cakey. Best I ever had were from the bakery in a tiny Maine town: pumpkin. They made them starting at 4 am and you had to get there by 6. They were insanely good: warm, slightly spicy like pumpkin pie, not greasy at all, and not too sweet. You could probably convince yourself they were healthy, too, because of the Vitamin A and fiber from the pumpkin.

      • Sassomatic

        What? What? Not real donuts? Next you're gonna tell me Popeye's ain't real fried chicken. Boy you don't know what you're talkin' bout.

  • Doglessliberal

    Minor quibble: It is "Tabard Inn". One "b".

  • Katydid

    Bacon? On donuts? Why not just stab yourself in the carotid artery and pour in Baconnaise, it's faster.

  • slappypaddy

    you can't hang fat slobs, the ropes will break. the thing to do is take the batteries out of their hoverounds and tell them, "fend." then, charge admission to the spectacle, hire ushers and food service people and janitors, and voila! recession over, tea party eviscerated (literally), and obesity problem solved, all at the same time.

  • Arielle, does this mean the rich don't do like everyone else and choose their donut shoppe by which one has the most squad cars parked in front?

    • Ariellle, do you get free TrukNutz with ur dozen donutz at Founding Farmers? Also, too.

    • buytechnology

      vote yes on prop 19 please.

  • Lucidamente1

    Eating bacon-topped donuts: why, it's better than touching yourself!

    • x111e7thst

      It is possible to do both at the same time. Actually it's unavoidable.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    I'm sorry, but EVERYTHING tastes better with a little bacon on it.

  • GOPCrusher

    Chocolate covered eclairs with Bacon Bits sprinkles. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    Shh…don't tell Michelle but there's a couple framed pictures hanging on the wall of the Dunkin' Donuts at Eastern Market of her hubby buying donuts there…

  • Voodoo Donuts all the way!

  • transfatz

    Fat pills. I can't eat those things anymore. By the second bite my conscience kicks in. I've tried to cut a one quarter piece out but the act of doing this has the same effect.
    (Looks around nervously), um, I still deep fry shrimp though. Once the pre-BP frozen gulf shrimp in the freezer are gone, that's it. I promise. Really.

Previous articleDemocrats Can Rejoice: Fewer Than 100,000 Jobs Lost In September!
Next article42 Million Americans On Food Stamps Now; Need Rising By 20% Per Year