and ladies we bet he's single!

Arizona Guy Finally Has Enough Bumper Stickers For Freedom

This proud American is going to play “Cowboys & Muslims” by … let’s see, what did Cowboys do to their enemies, in the movies? (Because in real life, as we all know, cowboys just fuck cows and cry for mama.) We are pretty sure pretend cowboys lynched their enemies, the Native Americans or Mexicans or escaped black slaves. So, what’s your message, person in a very expensive Saudi-crude-guzzling pickup manufactured by Obama’s government car company?

This patriot already sent the government $50 for his dumb personalized plate — $25 for the special message and $25 for the comical “Freedom” design — and he’ll presumably keep renewing this socialist name tag until he finally loses the truck to the Mexican repo man. And while a few of these stickers seem to be of the “my neighbor printed ‘em out on his ‘puter” variety, the rest probably cost a couple of bucks a piece. Using math estimates, we’re guessing this guy already spent approximately $239 to ruin the paint job on his dumb “Silverado.”

Who wants to bet he lost his construction job in 2008?

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. Doglessliberal

    There's a car that parks right outside the place we get caffeine every morning with an "I Support Arizona!" bumper sticker on it. It makes the chai curdle in my stomach. I am hoping the owner is not the very nice Korean guy who runs the place.

    1. mumbly_joe

      Because, honestly, the important thing to remember is that he did win, so eat that, you fucking rednecks.

      1. obiwanacracker

        Nope. It means that just like in the great state of wherever it is I live, the fucker was too cheap to spring for the "letters only" plate and opted for the less expensive "letter/number" combo. The real question is, how far up their collective ass does the DMV or Sec of State's office have their head, to allow a plate like that at all? Did the cracker have to convince them that the truck was named after his Auntie Nobama, or that he matriculated from North Bama U.?

        1. Left_Leftie

          In California a couple of years ago they revoked a woman's vanity plate. THe loved tofu her plate was TOFU<3

    1. notsailing2002

      I think there must be a web site selling these stickers that offers discounts on ammo or meth with volume purchases of stickers because I saw an almost identical truck in Michigan.

  2. DoctorAwesomus

    His bumper stickers reflect an urgent fear that Obama is going to have the buttsex with him. I wonder what that could mean.

  3. slappypaddy

    projected self-loathing doesn't get much more obvious. bet he hates his daddy, too. and his mommy. also.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      They're probably there, just out of frame down under the bumper. Or maybe hanging from the rearview mirror.

    2. problemwithcaring

      Not to mention there are 2 or 3 spots left on the truck without an anti- Obamar sticker at all. Why does he coddle terrorists in this way?

  4. Respitetini

    A couple of syntax mistakes, grammar's a bit sketchy, but the spelling's spot-on.

    Who's been educating the fucktards? It starts with learning to spell, next they're going to learn how to think, and then where will we be?

    (That said, I'd've paid the man's fee just for him to put the "R" on "NOBAMAR")

    1. Redhead

      "next they're going to learn how to think, and then where will we be?"
      Without teabaggers. Either their heads will explode, or they'll join the liberals.

  5. PhilippePetain

    This guy has a bumper sticker for every single little winger meme of the last six months. "Keep McChrystal…Fire Obama"? That's not even a slogan. I'm guessing this guy just doesn't have the prerequisite mousy churchlady wife at whom to bark his rhetoric over the dinner table?

        1. emmelemm

          HA! I gave you a thumbs up despite the fact that you missed the forest for the trees. (Better get your eyesight checked.)

          I have good eyes = I don't NEED the Vision coverage (that actually is provided to me by my employer, bless his heart) = nobody should need the Vision coverage = why are MY TAX DOLLARS buying someone else's glasses?? Mothertruckerz.

  6. DashboardBuddha

    The "carbon footprint up your liberal ass" reminds of a bumpersticker I saw on a neighbor's truck:

    "By the turn of the century we'll be hunting liberals with dogs"

    Awesome people…really awesome. Fuck them all.

  7. freakishlywrong

    Wow. Imagine what could be accomplished if all that energy poured in to that ignorant hatred could be harnessed?

    Easily enough lecktricity to power all his friends trailers for a lifetime.

    I want my fucking country back.

  8. OkieDokieDog

    I don't advocate vandalism, but if I saw someone with a can of black spray paint doing a bit of repainting on the back of his pick'em up, I'd just smile, nod, and keep on walking.

    Hope he lets his Eastern Bloc mail order bride out of that tool box for a daily walk.

    1. Doglessliberal

      It might be better if you stood there and warned him when the armed, insane wingnut saw and aimed. Just stand a bit away and shout duck when needed.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    It's too bad he covered up that nice paint job of the burning twin towers and the "Everything I need to know about Islam I learned on 9/11" when he moved from VA to AZ.

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      Maybe it's just me, but if you look closely at the background behind the stickers, it appears to be a desert scene. Below the "One Term" sticker appears to be a pair of desert combat boots and the shadow to the right would appear to be someone pointing a large gun. Ergo:

      A) Why does this guy hate the troops by covering them up with stickers?
      B) Is it one of those "Halo" gaming thingies (he doesn't seem the WoW type)?
      C) I've started hallucinating

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      The Mother Truckers is actually a pretty good band. Teal Collins is hot.
      I did make out a Marines sticker on the back window, which explains much. Down here in Texas, when you see a vehicle with this much bumper sticker coverage, the subject matter is usually Jeebus. The political righties down here are more into the whole brevity thing and usually have only one or two.

      1. Ducksworthy

        Marine sticker but my guess is his service was peacetime and therefore not recent ergo there is probably a NovoNorDisk stick on one of the windows.

  10. TimeCubist

    There's some tool driving around our little village with a sticker proclaiming "My son is kicking afghany [sic] ass!" My 16-year-old daughter's only comment was "That's just … embarassing."

    1. Fare la Volpe

      My current sex toy gentleman friend just got back from Afghanistan and reports that the only Afghanis he ever encountered were male prostitutes offering to rub his tallywhacker. Unless our lovable wingnut's son has a boot 20 meters long, the only thing he's doing to Afghani ass is pounding it.

    2. HELisforHEL

      You have reared well, sir. Kudos for bringing up what appears to be an intelligent young lady.

  11. dittoBot3000

    "Bend over this is gonna hurt"? "Moron"? First of all, genius, taxes are at their lowest level since the 50's. And Moron? Obama earned his ivy league bona fides- it wasn't bequeathed to him by James Jebediah Bush XII. Makes me wish we lost the Civil War.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      What DOES it say under "Bend over this is gonna hurt"? I assume it has something to do w/ his bloated prostate, but I can't expand the image enough to read it.

    2. Sassomatic

      You are clearly not paying attention. Uneducated people are smarter because they have common sense. That book learnin aint good for nothin cept makin litards outta people. Also, drop the south bashing. Have you ever been to fucking MAINE? Makes Mississippi look progressive.

  12. I_Kill_Zombies

    Where's the bumper sticker that says, "I'm a whiny ass loser that shits his pants every time Rush Limbaush tells me something bad is happening"?

  13. OneDollarJuana

    He didn't buy the truck, he leased it. And boy is he gonna be surprised when he tries to get his money back when the lease is done.

  14. x111e7thst

    This assclown has never had sex of the sort that involves another human. Still the blowup dolls of the world will be happy to know he will henceforth spare them his attentions.

  15. DoctorAwesomus

    Also, the irony that his truck is adorned in more Obama logos than even the libtardiest Prius in Cambridge, MA circa '08 is totally lost on him.

  16. notreelyhelping

    Probably the guy you have to follow by three car lengths in city traffic because you never know when he's going to drift right and send side mirrors flying. "And you shall know them by the trail of roadkill…."

  17. Wadisay

    Several thoughts here:

    1. I can't read all of the bumper sticker, though maybe that's not a bad thing.
    2. Why does everybody assume it's a guy? Even money it's Jan Brewer's state limo.
    3. "I don't need sex" isn't necessarily good news for anything but the palm of his hand.

  18. fuhrius

    "It's time to play cowboys and muslims!"- hands down best shit ever. If you ever wanted a snapshot of the infantile mind of the "patriot," there it is. Motherfucker's wearing it like a badge of retard. How about, "I heart the fake war of terror because it reminds me of other childish games we once played as children."

    1. JMPEsq

      And you know who else advocated for genocide against a religious minority…?

      Oh wait; this one's too accurate to really be a joke.

  19. north_of_moscow

    This guy's in my book club, but the only thing he ever wants to talk about is "Blood Meridian." It's getting old.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Nah, I'm sure there's plenty of wrinkly hag-bag barflies with nicotine-stained teeth and hair down at Chester's Roadhouse that'll bump uglies with him. Them bumper stickers make them moist. I mean, given how many of them are out there, it's obvious that these people have at least figured out how to procreate.

  20. i_AM_ready

    Oh great it's a Chevy ….I'm imagining him stranded by the side of an Interstate right now, with cars roaring past him at 70 mph as he tries to figure out why his busted transmission is Obama's fault….

  21. SilverFox

    So. In 2006, when he was still white trash and and his life still sucked, who was he blaming via bumper sticker?

    1. DoctorAwesomus

      Even money his previous Silverado had at least one "Boycott Jane Fonda — American Traitor Bitch" sticker.

  22. prommie

    There is one comforting thought, regarding this person, and the so many like him. Every single day, each and every single day, that the sherrif is near, eats and gnaws at him, fills him with anger and resentment and angst. Every tick of the clock, is like a bell tolling out his misery, and his constant frustration and rage, for every second that the US has a black man as president, for every second that he has to cope with the knowledge that the sherrif is near, he is in hell. He pastes his pigfucker slogans to his truck in a desperate effort to feel as if there is actually something he can do about it, but there is nothing, nothing he can do, he is utterly powerless and impotent, he cannot do anything but just sit there and seethe and take it, just fucking eat it, every day, the hateful fact that the sherrif is near, its like a spear in his side, a spear thrown by that spearchucker in the whitehouse, its a burning rage born of his frustration and impotence.

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      "Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter ever' last injun in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker'n any injun. I am depressed. "

  23. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’ll assume this guy’s name is Bob.

    Bob’s next door neighbor: “How’s it going Bob?”
    Bob: “NOBAMA!”
    Neighbor: “That’s nice, wife and kids?”
    Neighbor:” Mmhmm OK, looks like you finally got your crabgrass under control.”
    Neighbor: “How long has that vein in your neck been like that? You should get that looked at.”
    Neighbor: “So that’s what that noise was last night.”

  24. prommie

    To continue with the comforting thing about this, its so important to remember this dude is in the emotional state of a tantruming child who has not yet learned that the world doesn't revolve around him and he just isn't always going to get everything he wants. There is no pain like the pain of the immature, borderline personality narcissist who is not getting his way, and that is this pigfucker's pain. Every moment of every day. Its worse than being a Notre Dame fan.

    So thats a happy thought, huh?

      1. prommie

        the only thing that gives me more joy than contemplating the suffering of Notre Dame fans is contemplating the suffering of Eagles fans, and Giants fans, and all Texans, no matter what they are fans of.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I'm actually rooting for the Rangers over the Rays in the ALDS, but its a dilemma. Eww… the team from Florida or the team form Texas?

          I guess I'm not really rooting that hard. I always save the best for whoever is against the Yankees.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Or the fact that our tax money is going to keep this one alive when their organs crap out due to all the impotent rage. Assuming they have not done so already.

  25. SheriffRoscoe

    Dude wants to play with your butt, is the takeaway from several of those bumper stickers, if you take them literally. He's like some sort of fetishist.

    1. prommie

      If you anger a southerner, trust me, 9 times out of 10, their response will be to threaten to anally rape you. It is comically predictable, get into a dispute with a pigfucker redneck, and the first words out of his mouth will be about sticking something up your ass; "I'll stick my gun up your ass," "I'll put a boot up your ass," "I'll shove your fancy yankee (fill in blank) up your ass." They are all about the angry ass-raping, down there. I am not joking, not at all.

        1. prommie

          During my time at Big Southern State U, I ventured off campus several times, only to find myself confronted by people in "Redman Chew" gimme caps, who would begin the freindly conversation with "well loookie here, looks like we got us a college boy." "You must think you're smart," "You think you're smarter than my fist," "are you bowing up," ("bowing up" is puffing up your chest and chest-butting, its a male dominance display of some kind), and eventually, there would be some kind of threat involving sticking something in my ass. Inevitably, I am serious, always, there was the threat of ass-rape. Sometimes very impractical threats, like "I'll wipe that smile off your face and shove it up your ass," or "I'll take your fancy-talk and shove it up your ass." And guns, apparently, the only way they shoot someone down there is to insert the gun in the victim's ass first, because thats what they told me, time after time.

  26. Redhead

    "I don't need sex," "Bend Over," "How about I put my carbon footprint up your liberal ass"

    Sound like he's carrying on the grand ol' Repugnicant tradition of teh ghey buttsecks

    1. lumpenprole

      I was thinking maybe a gay pride flag tucked in there might go unnoticed. Or any liberal, long-winded standard like the one about the Pentagon having a bake sale.
      Better yet, "Genuine Frontier Gibberish."

  27. Fare la Volpe

    Fifty bucks says he's against the inheritance tax, too — doesn't want the gubmint coming to take away his collectible Earnhardt plates.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Considering I thought you were a woman until just recently, I dunno… Besides, I'm pretty sure Katy staked her peggin' flag in that choice rump ages ago.

          1. JustPixelz

            Tried? Succinct, but obviously inadequate. That guy has more persuasive bumper stickers than your proposal.

            Howzabout, "Fare, whatever differences we may have in the real world, here on wonkette we are kindred spirits. And, when you think about it, isn't what someone's like on a blog more important than who they truly are on the inside? So will you make me the happiest avatar in wonkette's world of depraved cynics and be my wife/husband (depending on our actual genders and what state we live in)?"

  28. SilverFox

    So if this damn fine American is "NOBAMA1" that means there is the hero somewhere out there in Arizona with the original "NOBAMA" plate.

    We must find this true patriot. Logical starting points – parking lots of Walmarts and Jack in the Box.

  29. DoctorAwesomus

    Listen, you have to help now. I'm seeing the Obama logos and seeing all this about asses and they're getting confused in my head DO YOU SEE WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS

  30. PublicLuxury

    The poor little man. He is so angry about not haivng any sex that his sexual tension is escalating into politial hate.

    Mybe is he would just come out of the closet and admit he's a homosexual he would begin to heal with the benefit of getting laid.

    No doubt this blight is caring a weapon.

  31. Gopherit

    It's a treasure to see how outraged all of you are to see this kind of display on the back of a truck of a mouth-breathing twat. Here, in Arizona, we call it Thursday. It's nice to know there are places that find this shit offensive.

    1. Dances_For_Ham

      Yep. It is called Thursday in Kentuckazona and I'm driving north on the Piestewa Freeway. (Formally Squaw Peak Freeway)

  32. mavenmaven

    I'm going to guess that he/she doesn't need to place a "my child is an honors student at …" sticker anywhere on this vehicle.

  33. DashboardBuddha

    My office is right next to an adult book store and I once saw a similarly festooned Buick Century in the parking lot. I wish now I had taken a picture. I won't make that mistake again.

  34. Chet Kincaid

    I, for one, am looking forward to the annual home-and-home divisional series between the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Muslims. Because that is what the Infidel does you know–erects a sports team on his conquests.

  35. BaldarTFlagass

    I'd like to check the spelling and punctuation on the four that have the pistol, Uncle Sam, the American Flag, and the bomb from Stratego with the real tiny print. Even at 400% I can't make out shit.

    1. MadBrahms

      Is that what it is? I just imagined it as being lifted from that old clip of Adam West as Batman running down the pier with a giant bomb (of muslin terror) hoisted above his head.

  36. PalinPussyPower

    You guys go ahead and mock this great American patriot. He doesn't care. He gets plenty of hot, sweaty, cheese-covered geriatric tail with that truck o' love. Any woman who can get her Hoveround up into the truckbed is in for some serious lovin'.

  37. Konjibhu

    Jan Brewer told her husband to keep the Silverado in the garage until AFTER the election, but he just HAD to go bowling with his pals RIGHT THEN, DIDN'T HE!? And now this photo is ALL OVER THE INTERNET. Good work, JOHN.

  38. NorthStarSpanx

    I'm a bit troubled by observing that his stickers appear neat and orderly instead of balls-out-crazy jumbled. OCD wingnut?

    One of my crazy neighbors gave up on commercial stickers and prints out large CAPs and bold faced legal sized papers and taping them on in an urgent appeal to taking our country back.

  39. Tommmcatt

    More than a few cowboys made sweet love to Indians, and to each other, incidentally. Particularly in my rich fantasy life.

    Just sayin'.

  40. Dances_For_Ham

    Half the bloated pick-up trucks in Phoenix have some conservative / reactionary meme on the back of their truck. My favorite is the dumbass I see every now and then driving north on Cave Creek Road. In the back of his pick up truck are two large flags on 8 foot poles, one the confederate flag the other the US flag. Flappity, flap.flap, flap.

    Last spring I saw some guy driving a bloated F-350 with an 8 foot crucifix in the back of his lifted truck. I drove up beside him and got his attention, when he rolled down his window I told him if he was a real christian, he would climb up on the cross and have his friends drive up and down the freeway. Told him that would be a good look for him. He couldn't exactly tell me to fuck myself because he was operating under the auspices of the holy spirit. His poofy haired girlfriend / wife leaned across and told me "Jesus loves even you". Which is christian code for go fuck yourself.

  41. Gleem_McShineys

    I do love the way the intarweb is kind of like a zoo, keeping the dangerous wingnut behind a thick safe pane of my monitor's glass so it cannot harm or bite me, but I can peer at its most strange and baffling behaviors… like the way it ingests feces, and then regurtitates it upon its property, probably as a mating call to other wingnuts. Most curious!

  42. lulzmonger

    Think of them as his free PSA to people with three-digit IQs: THIS PERSON DRIVES LIKE THEY THINK – USE EXTREME CAUTION.

  43. Tim

    Just musing, but if I were carting a few hundred kilos of coke in an F350 through the glorious southwest, it would be done up just like this. DARE stickers just don't work anymore.

    I have to add, it takes no bravery to do up your truck and nutz like this. If I reduced my own opinions to little jingos plastered on the back of my vehicle, I would be terrified of getting pulled over and having the crap beat out of me by the police.

  44. JMPEsq

    The cowboys secretly paid off the Indians not to release their hostages to embarrass their rivals?

  45. ReturnToMetal

    Wait a minute! Where's his "IMPEACH OBAMA" sticker? … Whoops, hold it, it's at the top right.

    It's official then. He's a patriot. (And if this is what it takes to be a patriot, please let me be a communist.)

  46. ReturnToMetal

    When does he start pasting his B.S. B.S.'s on the sides of the truck?

    As soon as someone stupid comes up with something idiotic to put on another bumper sticker.

  47. voodooeconomics

    an excellent area to place a handful of human feces. It would match the quality of his ideas and it would enhance the colorful display.

  48. monty4prez

    The good news here is if he's not having sex then at least he's not breeding. Well with humans anyway.

  49. rocktonsam

    depending on what part of Arizona that truck is in, his truck has way to much readin for those folks in traffic.

  50. DebC2

    I've seen several "Obama Is A Douche" bumper stickers on the back windows
    of monster trucks in Phoenix. Really? Then what am I lookin' at driving that
    jacked up piece of shit??

  51. Jocelyn

    Methinks this is the vehicle of the morbidly obese naked hirsute gentleman in front of his computer that's so popular in the intertubes.

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