'NIFTY PAC' WAS ALREADY TAKEN MAYBE  12:56 pm October 6, 2010

Monstrous Sociopath Dick Morris Has New PAC With Dumb Name

by Josh Fruhlinger

Super pooperYou might think that it would be “cool” to have access to the Wonkette tip line, because you’d be privy to all sorts of political insider-y things before they hit the news! But in fact all you get are endless poorly spelled/punctuated screeds from nobodies and has-beens. One of the has-beens we hear from most often is Dick Morris, who used to be Bill Clinton’s Karl Rove, but then got fired for sucking prostitute toes, then went on to become a conservative gadfly for reasons that make sense to, well, him, we guess. Anyway, it took a long time for Dick Morris to notice that all the cool kids are starting PACs these days, but now he’s caught up and conned someone sober into filing the paperwork to start his PAC. All you need is an unrealistic goal and a name! Anyone have a name? A name for this … super PAC?

Oh, hell, let’s just call it the “Super PAC!” Wait, will people think it’s a Super PAC for Iran or something? Super PAC for America it is!

From the Desk of Dick Morris

Dear Fellow American:

America is at a crossroad, perhaps the likes of which we have never seen in our history.

That whole Civil War business was CHILD’S PLAY compared to this midterm election that nobody will remember ten years from now! Then it’s a bunch of blah blah blah about how Republicans can get a veto-proof Congressional majority if only you give Dick Morris money, which he 100 percent guarantees will not be spent on hookers with sexy toes.

Also, there is a picture of Ronald Reagan!

I'm dead, but I still approve this message

Dick Morris should be put in prison for degrading the good name of the word “super.” If this mediocre PAC/shell corporation is allowed to call itself “super,” how will PACs that actually have a chance in hell of achieving their goals differentiate themselves? By calling themselves “Super Duper PAC for USA America #1?” ["Super" PAC for America]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 78 comments }

edgydrifter October 6, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Dibs on Mega Awesome PAC.

CZL October 6, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Of course the current climate is worse than the Civil War. Now black people can participate in politics too, so White America has to be extra vigilant. Or something.

SmutBoffin October 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Super PAC for America: it's what the electorate craves!

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2010 at 1:06 pm

It has Electrolytes?

Lazy Media October 6, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Electoralytes.

kenlayisalive October 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Should be called "Special" PAC, considering the retard who is running it.

Buzz Feedback October 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Bitchin' PAC. With a pic of Leona Helmsley instead of Le Gipper.

ManchuCandidate October 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

I figured it would be Toe PAC or Footlicker PAC.

Super PAC sounds like it is the Super Tuber of PACs or some subtle title for a gay porn.

DashboardBuddha October 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm

I guess Motherfucking Toelicking Asshole PAC was taken?

OneDollarJuana October 6, 2010 at 2:41 pm

How can "Dick" Morris even say the name of his PAC with all those toes in his mouth.

JoeHoya October 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Dick Morris's motivation today is what it's always been: $$$$.

HistoriCat October 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Hell, that's my motivation too. How can I get in on this racket?

prommie October 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm

How about "Teens Against Santorum," an organization devoted to teaching and encouraging proper preparation and hygiene before anal sex? We could get funding from the lube and enema manufacturers. I believe it is possible to stamp out the scourge of santorum-stained sheets, no more mud on the helmet.

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Hey, if you're gonna use the back door, you should expect to get muddy feet.

prommie October 6, 2010 at 1:11 pm

You and I know that, but a lot of the ladies are put off by the mess, we need to "clean up the image" of ass-fucking.

ttommyunger October 6, 2010 at 2:54 pm

The way to avid shit-stained sheets: wipe your dick with the curtains.

Beowoof October 6, 2010 at 6:27 pm

But then you would lose the opportunity to use FudgePAC.

Dr_pangloss October 6, 2010 at 9:36 pm

No more mud on the helmet is my new life mantra.

aguacatero October 6, 2010 at 1:03 pm

GrossFetishyFatOldWhiteLecherMercenaryToolPac was taken?

prommie October 6, 2010 at 1:10 pm

For a second there, I thought you were talking about me. Whew.

bfstevie October 6, 2010 at 1:25 pm

As a gross fetishy fat old white lecher I ask that you please note my objection to your comment.

aguacatero October 6, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Fine — but no one would call you a mercenary or a tool!

BombyMcGee October 6, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Everyone, please donate generously to the ROFLCOPTER PAC, for the lulz.

Preferred Customer October 6, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Sorry, I only support teh lulz. I am a single issue voter.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 6, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Whore-PAC!

Prizepig October 6, 2010 at 1:13 pm

The only PAC that you can really get behind.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2010 at 1:07 pm

SuperPAC is what's depressing about U.S.A. 'Murica.

JMPEsq October 6, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I remember SuperPac; it was far inferior to both the original and Ms. PacMan, and the flying gimmick was just stupid; Baby PacMan was better.

elpinche October 6, 2010 at 1:08 pm

WhoIsDickMorrisOhLookItsBristonOnDWSIWonderIfShesGoingToWin PAC

JustPixelz October 6, 2010 at 1:11 pm

[insert Reagan as PACMAN joke here]

Is it just me or does that photo of Reagan evoke the socialist realism style of the mid-20th century? I feel like the caption should say "Produce more iron and steel to send to the front lines of national construction".

freakishlywrong October 6, 2010 at 1:16 pm

I was thinking that too. And how do you instill any confidence in today's unhinged Conservatives to use ancient Zombie Reagan as your inspiration?

Preferred Customer October 6, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Socialist Realism would never depict a Hero of the American Union as being that old and wrinkly. It messes up the bold lines, it's bad for morale, and anyway most people in the USSR didn't live that long.

spinozasgod October 6, 2010 at 1:12 pm

I reserve six PAC for America.

MathIsHard October 6, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Dude looks like he's about to squeeze out a fat Super PAC'd Double-Down log.

Sparky_McGruff October 6, 2010 at 1:16 pm

He may be lick the toes, but it's clear that he really craves the cock.

Beowoof October 6, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Then as I mentioned in a different post the pac should be named FudgePAC.

Ruhe October 6, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Conservatards, Dick Morris has always been your ally. Support his new "Super Double Plus Good PAC". That is all.

forgracie October 6, 2010 at 1:22 pm

If by monstrous you mean 5'2" then yeah….

walstib October 6, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Dammit.

For the last time, the style guide clearly states you are to use "Hooker toes"

Get with the game or GTFO.

x111e7thst October 6, 2010 at 1:23 pm

To me dick morris always sounded like a street term for erectile dysfunction.
" I used to have the dick morris till I got some Niagra"

Ducksworthy October 6, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I was picturing more of a green fungus or the foreskin as dick morris.

x111e7thst October 6, 2010 at 6:00 pm

I suffer from the sad remnants of a classical education. So Dick Mortis – dick of death – dead dick.

V572625694 October 6, 2010 at 1:23 pm

It's not nice to make fun of people because of a sleazy, greasy appearance or an unguent voice that make your skin crawl with its patent dishonesty. The sole exception to this rule of polite behavior is Dick Morris.

And now I know why nothing I send to tips@wonkette.com ever sees the light of day.

SayItWithWookies October 6, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Because piggy-eyed greedy bastards don't get enough representation? Because Dick Morris doesn't spend enough time publicizing his interests on FOX News? Because the world doesn't suck enough without Dick shaking a few more bucks from Sean Assity's fearful, ignorant audience that he can give to his rich asshole friends who make odious commercials demonizing decent thinking people? To Dick there's nothing right with America that can't be fixed by what's wrong with America.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2010 at 1:32 pm

It does feel as though we are completely overrun by all manner of oily hucksters, charlatans and grifters. No wonder we're depressed.

grendelg October 6, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Yes, he is indeed a dick

ChurchofRealism October 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Dick Morris: Jerking off Ronnie Raygunz corpse until the end of dayz.

hagajim October 6, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Not sure – but I have yet to see Ass PAC

schrodingerscat October 6, 2010 at 1:46 pm

I was thinking: "Pleas let it be DICKPAC, please let it be DICKPAC" – but you beat me too it.

hagajim October 6, 2010 at 1:48 pm

How about Fudge PAC! I know its not original – but it fits this assclown

LionelHutzEsq October 6, 2010 at 1:51 pm

I'm surprised you are criticizing Mr. Morris' PAC. Prostitutes that will fuck something that ugly don't come cheap.

problemwithcaring October 6, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Sounds extreme to the max.

Pop_Socket October 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Sounds an awful lot like the Super Adventure Club.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/104278/supe

grendelg October 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Now we call it "Flippity Floppity Floop" PAC

SaintRond October 6, 2010 at 2:08 pm

FBI Special Agent Robert Kessler, the father of criminal profiling, wrote a number of papers about GOP operative Ted Bundy (the guy who popularized the bow tie look for young looking Republican males and emulated so successfully by the perpetually boyish Tucker Carlson). Kessler put a lot of focus on Bundy's foot fetish. He wrote that foot fetishism is a sexual attraction to body parts separate from actual human beings and that the end of the road for people who make a fetish out of feet is necrophilia.

Anyone who looks at Dick Morris knows he's looking at something truly vile and disgusting. But they should also know that this swollen little intestinal parasite of a man is also a wannabe corpse fucker.

Badonkadonkette October 6, 2010 at 2:11 pm

I was predicting Fudge PAC.

Or, for the Judy Blume fan in all of us, Super Fudge PAC.

Beowoof October 6, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Damn beat me to it and I used it above.

smokefilledroommate October 6, 2010 at 10:42 pm

If there's a SuperFudge PAC, there has to be a Deenie and/or BlubberPAC. Or just a big ol' PubertyPAC to cover all the bases.

mumbly_joe October 6, 2010 at 2:24 pm

So, we're saying that Dick Morris is a Super Pacman?

I mean, he's almost certainly rotund enough.

SudsMcKenzie October 6, 2010 at 2:24 pm

The fat mans Karl Rove

… he looks like a witch.

Beowoof October 6, 2010 at 6:33 pm

Karl is pretty tubby himself. Stephanie Miller has always referred to him as Tubby McTreason.

Mindblank October 6, 2010 at 2:25 pm

PAC++

transfatz October 7, 2010 at 12:54 am

You'll have to disallow garbage collection or Morris will disappear.

twoeightnine October 6, 2010 at 2:27 pm

I'm starting Tu PAC.

GunTotingProgressive October 6, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Dibs on TuPAC.

Extemporanus October 6, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Since DickPAC's already been called, I'm going with my dumb second choice:

ThisLittlePiggyPAC.

Preferred Customer October 6, 2010 at 2:49 pm

And isn't it "crossroads," because even though the "crossroads" is singular, you need more than one road in order for them to cross? You would think a conservative would know enough about crosses to avoid this kind of blunder.

ttommyunger October 6, 2010 at 3:00 pm

I can only imagine Ron "Crazy Eyes" Christy bobbing in and out of Morris' zipper trying to find his limp little goober…C'mon, you KNOW they're an item.

Beowoof October 6, 2010 at 6:34 pm

Another Gay governor from New Jersey, I am okay with that.

ReturnToMetal October 6, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Are we sure this isn't Tom Tomorrow's "Super Fun PAC Comix?"

Jukesgrrl October 6, 2010 at 4:46 pm

PickpocketPAC

user-of-owls October 6, 2010 at 6:12 pm

No news here. Dick's just toeing the party line.

Thedongsofwar October 6, 2010 at 8:17 pm

SUPER TOE SUCKING!

Dr_pangloss October 6, 2010 at 9:24 pm

What Amoral buttercreme filled douche PAC was taken? Makes me want to take up a defense for Zombie Reagan.

lulzmonger October 6, 2010 at 10:18 pm

This kind of thing calls for extreme measures.

As of today, I am announcing the emergency formulation of LULZPAC – an organization whose donors will be relieved to know is solely For Teh Lulz & thus has no political agenda whatsoever. Tax-receipts will be issued by messenger-bat from a rented post-office box in Bermuda, at least until The Man catches on – so take advantage of this SUPER opportunity while you can!

My Promise: Any & all LULZPAC funds will be strictly delegated to getting me massive quantities of killer weed, a harem of smokin'-hawt whores & enough fire-water to make WC Fields come back from the dead … rest assured, we will not sully our beautiful minds with matters political when there are so many finer things in life to focus on!

transfatz October 7, 2010 at 12:31 am

I'm thinking something Orwellian. Try…

Morris Less

Steverino247 October 7, 2010 at 12:54 am

This looks like a job for Super PAC!

caseoftheblues October 7, 2010 at 6:29 am

Hey your obowma is an idiot and you know it…reality bites doesn't it…getting harder and harder to pretend that your guys are not a bunch of corrupt self serving idiots with the unions as their masters…but hey whatever you need to do to sleep at night….good luck… just keep slinging your insults as we laugh and laugh at how upset you are!!!

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