IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:30 am October 6, 2010

White House Denies Proposed Three-Way

by Josh Fruhlinger

  • You can also surrender to me, if you'd like!Our war against the Taliban is going so well that the Taliban leaders are negotiating their surrender to Karzai’s Afghan government! Yes, that’s it, “surrender” is what it is, when your high-level officials join the government that was trying to destroy you. If there’s any consolation, they’re only doing it because their own underlings are starting to freak them out. Anyway, just to show that the fun isn’t ending, the Taliban blew up some NATO fuel trucks in Pakistan. (Did we mention that NATO would be out of Afghanistan and Pakistan, after the Taliban surrender?) [AP/NYT]
  • Who will save Barack Obama and the Democrats come November? Not Latinos, it turns out! [NYT]
  • Jimmy Carter is feeling better and telling everybody that he said something mean about George W. Bush in 2001, so, yay? [WP]
  • The only thing standing in the way of Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton switching jobs in 2012 is that Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama are opposed to the idea. But other than that. [AOL]
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Serolf_Divad October 6, 2010 at 8:37 am

Wait… you mean when Obama responded to the Arizona law proclaiming it illegal to be a Latino by rushing National guard troops and predator drones to the border, that move did not endear Hispanics to the Democratic party? Gosh, who'd a think it?

Well, at least Obama now has the support of the Tea Party movement and is thus assured huge Democratic gains in November.

LionelHutzEsq October 6, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Still, we had to do something about the lawless tribal border regions of Arizona.

kenlayisalive October 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Arizona: America's Kyrgyzstan.

Zvi_Bleindmeis October 6, 2010 at 8:37 am

Now, see, here's the Hope we all voted for. A three-way with the Taliban would NEVER have occurred during the Bush years. The only sex position W would have considered is "96."

chascates October 6, 2010 at 8:39 am

We're declaring victory in Afghanistan!

V572625694 October 6, 2010 at 8:50 am

God I hope so. We need more troops for the war on Pakistan or Iran or someplace w/brown people.

kenlayisalive October 6, 2010 at 8:50 am

Hopefully the Taliban will allow our shipment of "Mission Accomplished" banners to make it to Kabul unscathed.

freakishlywrong October 6, 2010 at 8:53 am

Ah Jeez…2012- looks like PUMAS, pantsuits and cankles are back on the menu, boys.

elpinche October 6, 2010 at 8:54 am

Latinos not voting this time around after Sotomayor and Arizona's Get-the-Fuck-Out -You-Dirty-Spics law ? Hahahahaha Ok. I guess they love surprises.

V572625694 October 6, 2010 at 8:56 am

NYT: "In a sign that the government was continuing to distance itself from the attacks, the police chief in Quetta, Malik Muhammad Iqbal said it was not the responsibility of the government to provide security for the convoys. In the past few days, senior police officers have said the safety of the trucks lay with the fleet owners who had signed contracts with NATO."

The Afghan government has learned the most important secret of war in modern times: sub it out, and blame the contractor.

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2010 at 9:29 am

I was construction manager on a number of projects in Afghanistan back in 07-08, including a new Afghan Army Air Corps HQ/base on the north side of Kabul Int'l Airport. Because they were not locally procurable, we had to have some of the larger structural steel components (hangar roof trusses etc) manufactured in Turkey and trucked across Central Asia and through Afghanistan. A number of these trucks were hijacked by the Taliban on the road between Herat and Kandahar, and they would call up my contractor and offer to release the trucks for a sum of $$$, which we would not pay. On a couple of occasions we would receive reports that the bad guys were out on the side of the road cutting up the trusses with torches so they could sell the steel for scrap value. I could never understand why we couldn't just send in a couple of A-10s or F-16s to get their attention and maybe discourage this kind of behaviour, but it never happened. We did eventually manage to get the base built, but of course it was behind schedule and over budget (your tax dollars at work). Very frustrating.

V572625694 October 6, 2010 at 9:35 am

I heard a guy who was going to be commander of the Afghan district of the US Army Corps of Engineers speak a few years back. He said they'd found that Afghan recruits tended to desert after a few months because they couldn't bear to be away from their families. So he was going over there to build US-military-style family housing for the Afghan army. It's hard to even begin to understand how many things are wrong with that well-intentioned idea. At least it probably worked out okay for KBR, Louis Berger, etc. We build: they blow it up. We build more. How can this not succeed?

BaldarTFlagass October 6, 2010 at 10:01 am

Yeah, the recruit problem was pretty bad. Plus, these kids would come into the army having never seen running water or flush toilets or HVAC. They'd light fires in the corners of the barracks room for heat in winter. But the officers would want gold-plated faucets in their bathrooms. My takeaway after 4 years working in that part of the world is we should just stay the fuck away, those people aren't culturally adapted to democracy or indoor plumbing.
Our catchphrase was "We're building a new infrastructure for the Taliban." Which is exactly what will be the case after we leave.

V572625694 October 6, 2010 at 10:20 am

An Afghan recruit in an American-run army would do about as well as I would if you plunked me down in the mountains in Afghanistan, told me, "You're a member of this tribe now, don't piss off the leader, do whatever he says, and no he doesn't speak English," and gave me a Koran and a prayer rug and said, "Okay kid, you're on your own! I'm sure you'll do fine, and you can eat whatever you kill!"

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2010 at 12:50 pm

BP picked up on that pretty quick, too.

cheaphits October 6, 2010 at 8:57 am

This will work out soooo very well – the Taliban will join the government of President Hamid Karzai , NATO will withdraw, the Taliban will preempt Karzai and Afganistan will be right back where it started – only with more dead people.

Ruhe October 6, 2010 at 9:16 am

It's easy to see how a coalition Karzai/Taliban government will function. They will easily find compromises on all the important issues like education for girls, clean shaves for men, equality for women and porn for everyone. Karzai will push for these issues and the Taliban will assent under one condition: girls can go to school when they're dead; men can shave when they're dead; women can get jobs when they're dead and everybody can watch porn so long as they're already dead. No problem. Democracy works!

PsycWench October 6, 2010 at 8:59 am

So what, Jimmy Carter? 52% of the population said mean things about Dubya in 2001.

PsycWench October 6, 2010 at 9:03 am

I propose that Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton SHARE the vice-presidency for Obama's next term. According to countless TV sitcoms, this type of unlikely pairing should pay off in laughter and moments of mutual understanding, not unlike the Odd Couple, Sanford and Son or Bert and Ernie.

PuckStopsHere October 6, 2010 at 9:05 am

So much for wise Latino women. And, it appears, men also.

Sepatown! October 6, 2010 at 9:05 am

Today, we are all NATO fuel trucks.

JackDempsey1 October 6, 2010 at 9:12 am

re the pic:
the serving of unbuttered whole wheat toast is a White Glove Event?

JoeMamased October 6, 2010 at 9:19 am

It's breakfast specials all day at the White House of Pancakes!

Terry October 6, 2010 at 9:14 am

Hillary would have to be crazy to swap jobs with Biden. What does a vice president do? Stand next to the president for photo ops? Be handy in case the president goes under anesthesia? Bang a gavel on Capitol Hill on occasion?

Steverino247 October 6, 2010 at 9:23 am

I don't know. It might be fun to hear Hillary say something was a "Big Fucking Deal" every now and then.

Cat_Damon October 6, 2010 at 9:36 am

"What does a vice president do?"

You've managed to answer this question on Wonkette better (and more correctly) than our most recent VP runner up. Congratulations. Now, how long does it take you to write Face book posts?

Terry October 6, 2010 at 9:39 am

Mere seconds. I am truly a marvel, I know.

JMPEsq October 6, 2010 at 9:59 am

The Vice President can also actually secretly run the country while an ostensibly affable idiot acts as a figurehead (see: 1981-1989, 2001-2009).

MarieDeGournay October 6, 2010 at 9:21 am

I have never understood the 'I'm unhappy so I'm not voting fucking waa!!!" mentality. The fact that we have such low turnouts is the reason we have so many douches in Congress.

LetUsBray October 6, 2010 at 10:10 am

And we keep having such low turnouts because all the douches in congress never go away – an endlessly self-renewing and self-sustaining cycle.

It's fascinating how the second law of thermodynamics never applies to crap.

JMPEsq October 6, 2010 at 9:22 am

With the Taliban and the Karzai government joining together, they've married rigid hateful religious fundamentalism to raw overt political corruption. Bush must be so proud; he's created a country in his party's own image.

charlesdegoal October 6, 2010 at 9:31 am

The Taliban know which side their nan or doday is buttered. With the Karzais raking it in, no wonder they want a piece of the action. The problem is that the moolah is generated by the war against them, so that their current plan is self-defeating.

JMPEsq October 6, 2010 at 9:56 am

They can always go back to making money from Afghanistan's greatest natural resource, opium.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2010 at 1:01 pm

When did they stop?

kenlayisalive October 6, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Yeah, I don't know why it is so hard to get though. I'd gladly be part of America's opium epidemic.

LionelHutzEsq October 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm

The Taliban were Teabagging before Teabagging became popular.

Steverino247 October 6, 2010 at 9:25 am

Karzai's head would be on a stick within two weeks of a NATO withdrawal. Unless the peace deal includes the Taliban delivering the heads of Osama bin Laden and his merry band, it would be political suicide for Obama to have anything to do with it.

mumbly_joe October 6, 2010 at 9:49 am

Re the title:
White House Denies Proposed Three-Way

And no party involved was more disappointed than Carla Bruni.

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Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2010 at 11:57 am

Barry has lost the backwards hat wearing, tattooed Raider fans. That's what, 60% of the country?

LionelHutzEsq October 6, 2010 at 12:07 pm

The only thing standing in the way of Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton switching jobs in 2012 is that Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama are opposed to the idea. But other than that.

Wasn't this a plot for Three's Company back in the 70s? Except Jack and Chrissy were going to switch jobs?

SarcasticNymph October 6, 2010 at 1:08 pm

There are also rumors that Karl Rove and Satan will swap jobs in 2012.

DemonicRage October 6, 2010 at 2:20 pm

What are we doing in Afghanistan? The Taliban planned the 9/11 attacks there 9 years ago? That's why we're there? The Karzai government is so corrupt that there are 3 full pages in The New York Times today spelling out who in the Karzai family is getting all the money we are sending there, and the head of the Government, Big Mr. Senior Karzai, is supposedly bipolar? Why are we sending American men and women to die there? It's all over the Internet that the Pakistani government told the insurgents where to attack our troop convoys. You can go to the usual political news sites and see photos of our trucks in flames there. This is so pathetic!

harry_palmer October 6, 2010 at 9:07 am

Yes, unfortunately it's Osama bin Laden's plan!

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2010 at 12:51 pm

AC130 or GTFO

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 6, 2010 at 2:38 pm

When you absolutely, positively have to have destroy everything.

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