If you are anything like most of the world’s Muslims, you spend your days leafing through Dwell and Architectural Digest, wondering just how you will achieve the correct interplay of light and shadow in your third second home in the Berkshires. Thus, you and your Mohammedan friends will surely be thrilled to learn of the fabulous design plans for the infamous “Nieuwe Amsterdaam Mosque,” which some Real Americans argue is located uncomfortably close to Anthony Bourdain’s Les Halles Downtown. Also, it is Superman’s ice-diamond house owned by Marlon Brando?
Visitors to the upper floors of the Muslim community center planned for near ground zero would walk through lofty spaces — for art exhibitions, for contemplation and prayer, for programs on interreligious dialogue, for a 9/11 memorial — as sunlight streams through irregularly shaped windows between white crisscrossing beams.
Yes, the proposed interior of this particular Islamic cultural center combines the peppy good cheer of Jennifer Aniston’s beachfront bungalow with the sexiness that only monotheism can offer. But wait, there’s Moor (HA!):
A sketch of the façade shows a latticework of white starlike designs, echoing patterns that can be seen in Islamic architecture and decorative tiles across the Middle East.
The design was meant to show “hints of tradition,” while the use of modern materials and glass panels would give an impression of translucence and “moving toward the future,” Sharif el-Gamal, the project’s developer, said in an interview last week.
Surely when these elements of design are explained in tiny, tiny words to the shit-filled skulls that sit atop the fat, sweaty necks of the center’s opponents, all will be well. This will undoubtedly discourage the protesters who visit the neighborhood where CERTAIN PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE AND NEED TO GET TO THE SUBWAY ON TIME THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH YOU IGNORANT OOZING PUSTULES, YOU HUMAN TUMORS.
So, you know, that’s good.
But is it actually Superman’s house, or is it a message to the Space Aliens who are just looking for an excuse to bomb us, from space? We just received this anonymous note in the Wonkette tips box:
park51 mosque design is giant secret message visible from space. we are all so fucked.
Also, the Daily Mail says it’s covered in Jew Stars of David! Does Rick Sanchez know about this? And why did all the 9/11 terrorists live with him in Florida?
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Holy shit! The Muslims are Jews! Worse–Cryptojews!! Everything suddenly makes total sense!
Dear God, if the Muslims and the Jews are together, can we possibly survive as a Nation?
What's left, the Hindus? This is almost like having a parliament!
Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria! Even Dr. Venkman would be concerned.
So long as we remain one nation under a groove! Cause you know "those people" can not dance.
Aha….aren't whole sections of the Q'ran lifted directly out of the Bible??!?
The Muslins did 911. The jews did area 51.
Actually, whole sections of the Qu'ran are lifted out of the bits that got CUT from the Bible. Like those great stories where Jesus aged 6 makes clay birds and brings them to life for the lulz, I shit you not.
That's where owls came from, everyone knows that.
Do they have the passages where he killed a bunch of his playmates for silly shit, like bumping into him?
There was a bit where they thought he did but then he brought the kid back to life so he wouldn't get in trouble. No shit.
Shut up, he did that? That's fucking awesome. If they kept that in the fucking Bible I might still be a Catholic.
Tikkun?
I'm surprised that the article doesn't mention that visitors to the 9/11 Victory Mosque will have to pass under the Saddam's Hands of Victory monument (which has already been purchased and is in the process of being disassembled and shipped from Iraq) before entering the building.
More like Frank Lloyd Wrong.
REPORTS OF SARA'S DEMISE HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED, YOU PUTREFYING SHITSACKS.
Been incarcerated or something?
Then why isn't she listed in the Authors' section on the right? Is there a limit of one Sara displayed per site? This putrefying shitsack is too drunk to handle the return of SKS and the banishing of Sara B.
The authors' section has a rotating front-page listicle thing, but if you click through I am still there!
why is everything you say sexy/filthy? front-page listicle thing? why must you insist on driving me mad with fervor?
Thanks. I am infected with DustBowlRagWeedOfDeath and sat back down at the screen to type a polite comment about the fact that, although the Burlington Coat Factory Community Center is a modern, visionary example of tasteful architectural design, I'm sure wingers will find all kinds of secret messages in the windowed facade when suddenly all I saw were dueling Sara comments.
This new allergy medicine has fucked me up, yes, but for a second I thought it was warping the few brain cells remaining after I quit drinking 30+ years ago.
Nice to know it's just your fan base. And nice of you to explain it before these losers starting lobbing death threats at each other over who loves which Sara more.
Oh, thank goodness. I thought there might be a Sara quotient that could not be exceeded. You've been off the sidebar for me all day, and I need as many funny women in my life (even if only via the tubes) as possible.
Oh, Sara K. Smith is my favorite Wonkette Sara. Also, she has reproduced, while my womb is as yet a place where no life may thrive. It's tried, but I thwarted its efforts. Thank you Plan B!
"..sunlight streams through irregularly shaped windows.." except on cloudy days. Damn NYT, can't get anything right.
"…lofty spaces — for art exhibitions, for contemplation and prayer, for programs on interreligious dialogue…" Typical program of interreligious dialog: "All Jews must die! Wipe Israel off the map! Apostate heretics to the killing floor!" At least in Mike Huckabee's mind.
FORTRESS OF ALLAHTUDE!
Must be careful that the Smallville Teatarder Lex Luthor doesn't weave kryptonite into the prayer rugs.
"Fasting like a speeding bullet…
More prayerful than a locomotive…
Able to level tall buildings with a single bomb…
Look, down at Ground Zero!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's…SUPERIMAM!"
That's why you make the big bucks…
And that's why you don't tug on Superimam's cape…
Too Jewish!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UM9GjnTFIM
That'd just be redundant. God beat 'em to it.
Anything with the name "Les Halles Downtown" is about as far away from Real Murca as pork sausage is from Muslindon.
They do a nice "fitness" dinner there – five veggies, several ounces of lean steak, a few potatoes. What I'm basically saying is, you're absolutely right. Totally unMurcan.
Yeah, it's the least Murcan place, even though Anthony Bourdain is kind of super-Murcan in that he curses and likes to hang out with criminals.
You know what they say about people who live (worship or culturally recreate) in glass houses. They have to make sure they wear a robe. Believe me. I've awakened at the crack of dawn when "sunlight streams through irregularly shaped windows" only to realize my neighbor was out retrieving his paper. Needless to say, he got more than the morning news.
…he got more than the morning news.
He got the morning news
He got the morning olds
He got the morning blues
He got the morning bolds
He caught a crack of Jus-Wonderin cold touchin' his toes… *ahem*
Middle Easterners are frantically at work on a time machine so that they can deny navigation skills to the Portuguese, thus preventing Columbus from making his way to the New World. That sort of thing only leads to trouble.
You know, they could just show some respect and turn it into a Hooters.
I assume they received my letter of protest about the lack of a hamman and a cafe where an ordinary Joe can get a decent cup of mint tea and some baklava?
Mmmm… baklava.
Nice try terror babies, but "lofty spaces" is code for "die infidels". While "interreligious dialog" means "our victory was two block from here". And "white crisscrossing beams" is just another way of saying "hang your Jeebus anywhere".
'I don't think that once this thing gets built, anyone will be picketing,' said Sharif El Gamal, the project's developer.
This definitely wins the foresight quote of the year award. It's right up there with that Civil War general's quote, "Those idiots couldn't hit the broad side of a b-"
Or "Now that we've elected a black guy, there is no more racism in America!"
Er…WILL BE no more racism in America.
Oops — it was Union General John Sedgwick at Spotsylvania: "They couldn't hit an elephant at that distance." http://48thpennsylvania.blogspot.com/2008/01/famo...
Or that now Hopey has been elected, America is a good country and there will be no more snark or topics that demand irony.
Oh, I know the new Holy House of Terror will look just DIVINE! My interior decorator, Mohammad Schwartz, did the EXACT same thing with my breakfast nook.
Don't mean to harsh your mellow, but if half the US and all of Alaska got stupider, they'd be begonias. (No offense to begonias, of course.)
Man, that place is gonna be so dope… on weed
YOU IGNORANT OOZING PUSTULES, YOU HUMAN TUMORS.
this is very very good.
Thank you! It is how I feel often.
That's what I hear the earth saying every Earth Day. It says other things to me on other days… Nasty stuff like, "Dude, seriously, I think you'd really enjoy the comments on Wonkette…" kind of things. *shivers violently*
Rick Sanchez was an inside job.
Which room is going to house the incubation and birthing pods for the terror babies that we were warned about by that feeble-minded tinker gnome Gohmert?
The terrible movie you're referring to is "Attack of the Clones," and it is so uncool to refer to Yoda as a "feeble-minded tinker gnome."
Ken, is your cat dressed as the Pope for Halloween?
The Anti-Pope
Yeah, that is fucked. The only good part about any of those prequel shitshows is Yoda kicking ass and taking fucking NAMES, bish. Also Dagoba is now the name of a brand of organic chocolate, haha, nerds.
When you click on the link for covered in Stars of David, you find out the Rumer Willis has broken up from her boyfriend of more than 2 years. I find that is a reason why Demi Moore should not build a house near Ground Zero.
I, too, am surprised at how "Jewy" this design is.
Just wait and see the interior design and the huge mural of Streisand ( the Yentl Streisand, the uber jewy era).
Ok, totally O\T, but dammit – I get sooo excited\jealous when Rachel does this show-from-a-local-bar schtick … I'm a left-coaster, and ya'll in DC prob saw this 3 hours ago, but, DAMN, I wanna hang with those Delawarians drinking and watching live Maddow Show. Do I gotta move to NOLA, or what?
Copernicus and Gustav Mahler were right! The revolution will be Symphonized! And, also, revolve around the the 6-pointed star w/ the crescent next to it. I want to "front page" your "listicles"! And, also, also, how much "tequila" is "too much"?
This design says "co-exist" to me, which means everyone is going to hate it.
With an "Evolve" walking fish next to the Mondale-Ferraro bumper sticker.
They're hiding nuclear death lasers in the latticework, you fools!
This design apparently does not include any minarets at all, any pointy-dome archways, or any mosaic work or gaudy decoration. It's totally contemporary, blessings and peace be upon it.
I'm guessing they will employ an iMuezzin to text-message or tweet the call to prayer to the faithful.
AHAHAH iMUEZZIN! I likes it.
Yep. It's a real killer app.
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Don't talk to me about the fucking subway. Fucking Wall Street tourists were bad enough, now this?
More importantly, how did this affect O'Donnel's attendance at Pagan Pride day?
Also, lobsterbacks, *snif*. Nothing personal, Sara, but I just missed Newell for a second. The SKS comeback got me all nostalgic there. I know you and your tits are awesome still. Good post.
O'Donnell, too. And trucknutz. I'm drunk.
This is not Sharia I can believe in.
LOL LOL LOL
Pam Gellar is already having yet another hategasm over the design details. Her deep analysis is, of course, that "falling Stars Of David" in the design mean that the Debbil Mosk is programming New Yawk Muzlins to destroy Israel with their secret stash of sharks with frickin' lasers on their heads. Every time she drops another IQ point, an angel gets its wings.
Pam Gellar….Pam Gellar….Pam…..Gellar, oh right, now I know who she is! She's that fat sack of pus and hatred that fell off Glenn Beck's ass and named itself! If that is true…wouldn't it be more proper to refer to Pam as an it? Seriously though, I can't see why she's so afraid of Sha'ria law or whatever she's wetting herself over. In Sha'ria they make every woman cover up so busty, delectable women like Wonkette's own Sarah Benincasa can no longer hypnotize us with their racks and Michelle Bachman impersonations and therefore a big, fat bag of shit would have a chance at more guys. So yeah, fatty must hate sex…or just wants to be a fag-hag to some closeted wingnut (yet again).
Yes you know damn well "the Blaze" and "Beerfart.com" are going to be all over this buildings facade decrypting it's "secret" (oh yes, always SECRET) signals to mean it's trying to brainwash all who see it into allowing President Obama to impose Muslin-Socialism-Fascism-Communism-Sha' ria-ism on all fat, pasty white people. Being a non-fat but still pretty pasty white guy, I'm all for it…especially if they get Beck and Limbaugh.
Really nice how it blends in with the neighborhood…
It sort of looks like one of those Iraqi ministry buildings AFTER it was struck by a cruise missile.
I'm sort of an aficionado of interesting architecture, but this is kind of so ugly and stupid looking that I almost regret putting so much energy into supporting the thing.
While we are at it, we need to make sure that those opposed to the mosque understand that fat, old, white, banker Americans weren't the only people who were killed that horrible day. There were many other religions and nationalities and age groups that were in those towers and made up the 3,000+ that lost their lives.
Dear Good Muslims,
Fine, have your mosque.
But don't finish it before we get our 9/11 holiday monument building done or that will be a real stick in the eye…or shove down our throats…and then I'll have to fly back out to your libtard town in my sleeveless tshirt with a floppy piece of cardboard and purple sharpie and start huffing and puffing shit about all you Islams and your headless Messican terror babies.
In other words, don't ever finish building yours cause we're never going to finish building ours.
Sinsurly,
War And Gee
Wait, so while Barrack *Hussein* (!!!) Obamar is drawing power from the yellow sun (from solar panels, on the white house), the 9/11 victory mosk is building a "fortress of solitude" in the middle of groud zero. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE, before sekrit Muslin Alien MAObaMAO (or, as he's known on his Kenyan Birf certificate, Barry Sorentor-El) incernates the Constition with his heat vision!
PS. You know who else called himself "the man of steel"? Mao, I'm pretty sure it was. Or Woodrow Wilson?
PPS. HENGGHNGNNNN, also, too. Also.
Man, that place is gonna be so dope… on weed
Read more at Wonkette: Area 51 ‘Mosque’ Design Is Frank Gehry By Way of Ayatollah & Superman
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