Your former morning editor has had thoughts of Wonkette bopping around her brain for many months now, honestly, but has ignored old Ken Layne’s repeated commands to just write a goddamned column about something because, well, a bunch of things. Number one, the news isn’t exactly at the top of yours truly’s radar these days, unless it has to do with poisoned baby food or the toys that rip your child’s genitals off. (So much in the news about those things, though!) Number two, the only thing happening in politics seems to be some Delaware person who (sound of quiet vomiting/sleeping).
Here is a brief take on what’s happening in world events right now, from somebody who does not follow the world events:
- You know how before they get the operation, transsexuals have to spend some time just dressing and looking like the opposite sex? Have you noticed how the male-to-female transsexuals tend to have sort of awkward haircuts that are a result of their hair growing out, and somehow the hair lies mannishly against the skull, like it’s just not used to being that long or being parted that way? That is what Meg Whitman’s hair looks like.
- You hear a lot of “Wah wah wah President Obama PROMISED us 8.5 percent unemployment if we passed the stimulus and now unemployment is way worse, Obama is Hitler, QED,” which makes you just want to rip the face off whatever Obama staffer ran around promising 8.5 percent unemployment back in the day. Except that apparently nobody was promising that, and it was just some heavily caveated projection in a report somewhere.
- Those Real World shows on MTV are twenty different kinds of horrible, but there is something weirdly compelling about Jersey Shore. It has to do with The Situation being a tragic character. You know how Warren Buffett likes to say stuff like “I was sort of wired for capital allocation, and being wired for capital allocation two hundred years ago in Nebraska wouldn’t have meant a thing”? Something about The Situation suggests he is like Warren Buffett in Nebraska two hundred years ago. He was born into the wrong time, or the wrong culture, and probably would have been a perfectly nice and even thoughtful person (and maybe he is?) if he weren’t forced to mimic the folkways of retarded orange vodka-gerbils.
Yaaay that’s all for now, we will check in again maybe in a week or two or twelve!!!
Sara K. Smith was Wonkette’s morning editor from January 2008 until about six months ago, when she left us to have an Obama Baby. Perhaps she’ll write things on a regular (weekly?!) basis if you harass her mercilessly in the comments or via firstname.lastname@example.org.