Some Conservative guy went to Japan, where he had an out-of-body experience/found Jesus because man, the Japanese make a “mean toilet”! He bought himself one of these miracle machines immediately, of course:
So, my beloved Japanese toilet now finds itself ensconced in my bathroom — look, this is going to get personal, okay? — near my shower, which sports a sunflower-sized showerhead, which rains buckets and buckets of soothing water onto the bather, the entire room lit by hot-burning incandescent bulbs with 100 watts apiece of wake-up brightness.
My bathroom, in other words — which to me represents the pinnacle of easy livin’, the perfect intersection of raw technological innovation and empathetic human understanding — is an environmentalist’s nightmare. My dazzling and profuse showerhead, which turns a morning ritual into a moment of Zen, and my complex, computer-chipped, nozzled toilet, and the bright bulbs that give it all a clarity and visual snap — all of them are in the crosshairs of the eco-police. All of them are doomed.
Why won’t the Ecoterrorists leave this man’s Japanese toilet alone?
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The world is his ass; his ass is the world.
Yup, he's a Republican.
Why does Al Gore hate this piece of fine conservative ass?
And here I thought the headline meant the Moonies had finally sold the Washington Times.
All he needs now is his Lazy Boy re-clin-er, teevee, and one of those cute little fridges for his beers… and we'd never have to see his dumb ass again.
Dude, it's OK if you like getting jets of hot fluid blasted into your ass. You don't need to rationalize it as some kind of ecological counter-revolutionary movement.
Time for an Inconvenient Poop.
What's worse? There's nothing but bluefin to wipe your ass with.
i can't decide if this guy is more of a dildo or a twat.
Today we are all Harrison Bergeron.
Real Conservatives don't use toilets. They prefer to take a shit directly on reason/the Constitution/poor people/etc.
TOTO I don't think we are in Tokyo anymore.
http://www.totoneorest.com/?#/neorest/
Wow. I spontaneously shit just watching that.
Toilet training issues!
Actually the funniest bit of this dude's rant? No Real Merkin average Joe Shitpack teabagger is able to afford to import his own specialized magic number-two-time terlet throne.
But hey, if you're a conservatard trooper, you are compelled to fight for the right of tubby authordudes to have the most comfortable poopies ever. Just as the founding fathers intended!
If conservatives spent half the time on simple math that they did on their bodily excretions, the movement would see how bankrupt it was and voluntarily cease to exist. Therefore, in order to promote this outcome, we need more poop-centered math books.
Paging the hot chick from The Wonder Years.
Math doesn't suck.
Everybody Poops and Pays Taxes
Less poop! Lower taxes!
Hahaha, Wookies said "the movement."
Poop-centered math: Number one. Number two. And the turd.
A) We should probably make sure nobody tells him that there's a Frenchy word for those types of toilets. (Well, more Frenchy than toilet, maybe?) I suspect he'd be less thrilled if he knew he had just bought a "bidet".
B) Also, I have on Very Good Information that Real 'Merkins wipe their asses with paper, because they love murdering trees even more than they love wasting water.
I have this sneaking suspicion that his bathroom is more "green" than he knows and he'd be "pissed" if he ever found out. Nothing like wasting resources if you can!
Don't knock a Washolet until you try one. It will change your life.
He also wrote "Also, it took me the entire week to make it through the user’s manual…."
I'll bet he read and endorsed the Patriot Act quicker.
I'll bet he read and condemned health care reform bill quicker.
But, to be fair, that's faster than Bush read "My Pet Goat" on 9/11 while the nation was under attack.
Is that a metric toilet?
Just too much dumbfuckery in this story to even make heads or tails out of.
Some people won't shut up about their BMWs, some people won't shut up about their Harleys, some people won't shut up about their sailboats.
This guy? Well, he has a righteous toilet.
Some people won't shut up about their BMs.
"This fixture is the BMW of BMs; the Cadillac of crap; the Porsche of poop, the Rolls-Royce of rolling a log…"
…the Duesenberg of dropping-off-the-Cosby-kids-at-the-pool….
…the Bearcat of the Bristol Stool Chart….
so, does a douchebag require douching?
Oh, go on now. Let the man have his form of masturbation. You know how finicky conservatives are about their forms of masturbation.
Do you need a wide stance to use a Japanese toilet?
Those wacky environmentalists and their "thinking ahead" and wanting "clean air" and "enough water"! Why worry about tomorrow when Aryan Jesus is coming so soon now?
And continue to make the greens mad by leaving your windows open while your HVAC goes full blast! Buy the car with the worst gas mileage you can find!
In fact, just drive along the highway throwing dollar bills out the window! That'll show 'em!
Dude, the BP oil spill is an environmentalists nightmare, not your fucking stupid toilet and your heat lamps.
What a fucking self-absorbed maniac. Get some therapy dude.
Well…you know what they say…Incandescent lightbulbs for incandescent douchebags.
A. Why was this article written? B. Why did W. see fit to share it with us? C. Why did I read the thing? D. Why did I comment on it? Why the fuck are YOU reading my stupid comment? So many questions, so little time. So, I've got THAT going for me.
"My dazzling and profuse showerhead"
"my complex, computer-chipped, nozzled toilet"
Not to mention his luggage carrying abilities.
Is this is a plant Riley? You know, page views and all. Right?
Then he can get John Edwards to represent him in a lawsuit against the Nippon Toilet Company.
"And then I loofahed with a baby seal skin and jerked off with high fructose corn syrup and watched Rush Limbaugh on a TV I bought from Wal-Mart and I did a whole bunch of other things that TOTALLY mark me as one of the people you hate, librulls! Bring your handcuffs and cart me away! Throw me in one of your lefty dungeons! I dare you! Oh God, I'm eating industrial-processed chicken and dowloading Sheryl Crow songs from iTunes AND THEN DELETING THEM??? HOLY CRAP you HATE ME SO MUCH, DON'T YOU? You're going to bring your Gestapo Baton and totally force me to have gay sex with a yoga instructor aren't you? GOD, I'm PRAYING to a CREATIONIST JESUS, WHY AREN'T YOU DRAGGING ME FROM MY EXURBAN MCMANSION, HATEMONGERS?????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH"
I figured that Wags was describing Briebart's bathroom since they're such good friends. Andy's going to be pissed that Riley's in some other guy's pooproom.
I wonder if killing a panda in my bathroom would somehow make it more comfortable, too. Freedom demands it!!!
I can almost see the smug expression on his chinless baby face.
Wah, mother fucker , wah!
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