Ben Quayle Points Gun At ‘Wife,’ Forces Her To Talk Into Camera

by Jack Stuef

THIS GUY AGAIN? Go back to being the villain in that first Christopher Nolan Batman movie.Jesus, why does Ben Quayle have to be so creepy in every ad he makes? What is even going on here? Oh, we see, he’s stuck a gun into this woman’s back and told her to read the cue card. That’s why her face organs are projecting pure, doe-eyed fear at the voters of Arizona. “Tiffany Quayle” is telling us she and this man next to her come from very different backgrounds, because he is the son of an idiot vice president and she is the daughter of a Marine. Why? So people like her better than her silver-spoon husband? Or so the people paying the ransom know this is really her?

Yes, this music may be soothing now, but it doesn’t work in the five seconds after this video cuts off, when “Tiffany Quayle” is in a dog kennel, holding up a newspaper. [YouTube]

 

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{ 90 comments }

ManchuCandidate October 4, 2010 at 4:43 pm

No gun. She's a Stepford Wife.

Jamie_Sommers October 4, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Her battery is running low.

That's why. she needs. to pause. after. every. second. sylab.

ul.

nounverb911 October 4, 2010 at 4:45 pm

No gun. Butt sex.

4TheTurnstiles October 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

the only buttsecks in that house involves Ben dressing up like "Aunt Peggy" if you follow me

slappypaddy October 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

no sex. gun butt.

OneDollarJuana October 5, 2010 at 11:01 am

butt no. sex gun.

natoslug October 4, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Jesus. Shouldn't he hire a woman to play his wife? Trannies are great and all, but I think he's sending the wrong message here.

JMPEsq October 4, 2010 at 4:46 pm

It doesn't sound like their fathers were all that different; after all, Ben's dad was also a veteran and bravely guarded the coast of Indiana.

bumfug October 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

Christ! He looks likr the guy on Law & Order who breaks down on the stand when the gay lover who helped him hide his wife's body walks in from the hallway.

WarAndGee October 4, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Ben Quayle's resemblance to the antagonist in American Psycho makes we wish I could vote for him even more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnmzcHSCn0c&fe

spurious_george October 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

I was just thinking that. If he scares *us* this much, imagine how much fear he could strike into the hearts of America's enemies!

4TheTurnstiles October 4, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Am I alone in assuming that Ben Quayle is the kind of masochist who likes to wear his mom's underwear and be verbally humiliated by male authority figures?

SayItWithWookies October 4, 2010 at 4:50 pm

That's exactly the vapid, vacant gaze that Jane Krakowski has tried so much to perfect on 30 Rock. The woman's isn't so bad either.

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Son of a chickenhawk and the daughter of a marine.

Ducksworthy October 4, 2010 at 5:09 pm

But if they mate will the union produce fertile offspring or mule like sterile hybrids?

Preferred Customer October 4, 2010 at 5:55 pm

We can only hope the line ends here.

CrazyLikeFox October 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Dan Quayle wasn't a Marine!

bearperney October 5, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Exactly, plus, there are no "champagne battalions" in the Marine Corps. !
.

Qatarded October 4, 2010 at 4:54 pm

He looks like the emaciated test tube baby of Harold Ford, Jr. and Carolyn Besette-Kennedy.

Limeylizzie October 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm

I was going to say he's like an even whiter Harold Ford Jr, but you are absolutely right.

chascates October 4, 2010 at 4:54 pm

It's bad enough when the talentless offspring of show business people try to ride their parents coattails (Melissa Rivers for starters) but when the talentless offspring of a talentless politician tries to start a public dynasty things have gone too far.

Ben can bulk up his resume by moving to Pakistan and trying to help our interests over there. Or North Korea. North Korea would be good.

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2010 at 4:57 pm

You have to give him credit for wanting to be more than the useless sack of shit he really is.

Rotundo_ October 4, 2010 at 5:13 pm

What a perfect analogy! Ben Quayle is the Melissa Rivers of politics! I envision that Ben's contribution to the body politic of this country will have the same effect Melissa had on the entertainment world: Millions of people asking the question "Who the fuck is this, and why are they here?" . Followed by: "Oh, thats their kid?". Followed with a final: "What a fucking idiot!"

SudsMckenzie October 4, 2010 at 4:54 pm

It reads the words on the promptor or else it gets the hose again.

marionetta October 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm

She looks like Ben's mommy, the ever cool Marilyn: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Marilyn_Qu

badseeds October 4, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Damn it, this is where I was going.

"You will be like Mommy. You will! YOU WILL!"

CapnFatback October 4, 2010 at 4:57 pm

@:16 Magic nose sneezes out "QuayleForCongress.com," retracts in surreptitious olfactory glory!

chickensmack October 4, 2010 at 5:00 pm

From one ad to another he grew facial hair! This truly is the Boy Wonder.

natoslug October 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Are you sure that's not santorum rather than facial hair?

fuflans October 4, 2010 at 8:52 pm

where can i get that cat costume?

Weenus299 October 4, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Dang. It looks like he's just going to roll out his 2-foot-long tongue and start rasping it all around her neck.

Not what I want in a Quayle.

Tigersmistress October 4, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Oh Damn! At first glance I thought this was going to be one of those K-Y commercials!

dittoBot3000 October 4, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Beneath that creepy glare, he's thinking, "That's it, my pretty. Read the cue card and you might not get the hose again."

ph7 October 4, 2010 at 5:03 pm

To drive the point home further, she charges forward like her father the Marine, while he steps obediently in line like his father the second fiddle.

Also, notice they are the same height in this photo. He must be standing on several phonebooks in the campaign clip, to assure voters he dominates his wife.

Preferred Customer October 4, 2010 at 5:51 pm

After seeing that picture, though, I understand why she insisted on the bizarre mug shot-esque camera angle here–it's to hide her nose. Is she a professional boxer?

bearperney October 5, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Probably not an ex-boxer. It is just that Marine Corps kids tend to not take any crap from anyone and often show the results of that principle on their beaks.

chascates October 4, 2010 at 5:03 pm

The brother of a friend of mine was an Air Force One pilot during Quayle's vice-presidency and this is his story. The first time Quayle flew cross-country he looked at the time they would leave and the time they would arrive. Apparently not realizing the difference in time zones he told the crew he expected to get a full eight hours of sleep and didn't want to be woken up for anything.

iburl October 4, 2010 at 5:05 pm

I think he may creep me out more than any other politician, at least now that I don't see very much of that other Republican boy-prince-who-has-no-eyelids Steve Forbes.

inedal October 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm

is he dumber than his dad?

PuckStopsHere October 5, 2010 at 12:51 am

That is one tough call to make. If you flipped a coin to decide, nobody would bat an eye if it landed on edge.

zhubajie October 5, 2010 at 9:42 am

Sure gives that impression.

Radiotherapy October 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Celine Dion and Over Earnest.

smokefilledroommate October 4, 2010 at 6:03 pm

Celine Dion and Hey Vern, it's Ernest.

OkieDokieDog October 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Can't wait for her Real Housewives of Arizona show!!

charlesdegoal October 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Effete emaciated heirs running on a third-party platform have been only moderately successful in American politics in the past.

badseeds October 4, 2010 at 5:08 pm

Also, she's not bad for a RealDoll.

JMPEsq October 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm

After listening to Tiffany talk, I believe he'll be able to have an ad featuring their child when his team has likewise finished constructing their daughter V.I.C.K.I.E.

Boredw/Gravity October 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Does Quayle have the fake math to prove that this is the real mother of his pretend children?

Ducksworthy October 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Well we know who's NOT getting either a blowjob or buttsechs No wait, maybe the rubber butsechs. That looks probable.

SudsMcKenzie October 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm

It reads the words off the promptor, or else it gets the hose again.

Ducksworthy October 4, 2010 at 5:17 pm

The son of a vice president and the daughter of a marine and my first reaction was, OK do I have to guess which one is which?

CrazyLikeFox October 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Ben Quayle is the worst husband in history.

Preferred Customer October 4, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Eh, I think OJ might still have a lock on that one.

mrblifil October 4, 2010 at 10:11 pm

In OJ's defense, they were separated at the time…

doxastic October 4, 2010 at 5:28 pm

So, that's all being the Joe Francis of Scottsdale will get you? Pass.

WigFlipper October 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

It ain't a weirdo Quayle video if he doesn't walk off screen.

GuanoFaucet October 4, 2010 at 5:32 pm

How long before this innumerate asshole pulls this ad because, instead of his wife, this lady is some random person he grabbed off the street, kinda like when he tried to pass off those two girls as his daughters in that other dumb ad?

jakegittes October 4, 2010 at 5:47 pm

He looks a lot more like his mother than he does his father. And remember how creepy Marilyn Quayle looked?
http://tinyurl.com/22uj35k

BarackMyWorld October 4, 2010 at 6:15 pm

How much better would politics be if politicians weren't allowed to use their relatives as props?

LetUsBray October 4, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Quit insultin' Trig!!!!1!!

emmelemm October 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

Alt-text: I think you're either insulting Liam Neeson or Cillian Murphy, and either way, I won't have it.

Buzz Feedback October 4, 2010 at 6:25 pm

titz or gtfo

JustPixelz October 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm

You can't even see his lips move when she's talking. Is it a camera trick?

Jukesgrrl October 4, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Produced by the same company that brought us the Tim James "Duzz it ta yew?" commercials? As Governor Brewer would say, "We have did everything we could do."

jjdaddyo October 4, 2010 at 7:27 pm

I can't believe nobody has made a "Vote for me or I'll shoot this dog" joke… maybe that's because she's got the hot Republican wife in hot rolled hair vibe going… was he married during his "Chest Rockwell" phase? Maybe there was some hot, hot Arizona swinging going on and we can hope for some crazy Jack and Jeri Ryan dee-vorce depositions….

jakegittes October 4, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Am I the only one getting sick and tired of the tendency in American politics towards nepotism, aristocracy and oligarchy?

transfatz October 4, 2010 at 10:36 pm

America and every other country. Supposed communist governments pass party leaderships from parent to child. Political dynasties abound worldwide. Since the scion is inevitably dumber and more incompetent than the stock, outside control is the norm.

The marionette party
Strings you can rely on

BeWoot October 5, 2010 at 11:02 am

Don't forget kakistocracy. Stupidity is the new statesmanlike.

el_donaldo October 4, 2010 at 7:56 pm

She looks like she spends a lot of time around horses. No, wait, I mean it looks like her mother spent a lot of time around horses.

Mort_Sinclair October 4, 2010 at 8:12 pm

Coupla things.

1. Hair doesn't come in the color of the stuff that's hanging off her head. What the hell is that? Taupe?

2. He has his dentures in upside down. Check out the pointy incisors that look like Everest on the bottoms. Must have been running late climbing out of his casket.

cymchikster October 4, 2010 at 8:51 pm

Does Benny at least let Tiffany choose the flavor of Kool-Aid she wants?

i_AM_ready October 4, 2010 at 9:05 pm

Poor retarded Ben delivers his lines so badly! It's like he doesn't speak English at all, and is just reading it phonetically. OUR PRIN.
SIHPULS OF LIM.

ITIDGOV.
URN.
MINT HAV BIN PUSHED TOO

THU FRINJ.

IS FORTOO LONG ITSTIME.
TO TAKETHEM.

BAK.

mrblifil October 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm

He seems particularly pleased with himself that he made it through a whole 60 seconds of having to stand in such close physical proximity to her.

valgal2342 October 4, 2010 at 10:13 pm

It's their creepy Halloween ad. So seasonal!

transfatz October 4, 2010 at 10:40 pm

His mother…she's…she's…
DON'T GO INTO THE SHOWER!

housbinfarteen October 4, 2010 at 10:55 pm

She's a blow-up doll.

housbinfarteen October 4, 2010 at 10:59 pm

She's a cross between Celine Dion and a porn shop blow-up doll.

OneDollarJuana October 5, 2010 at 11:08 am

Wait, they're not the same thing? No, you're right. Porn shop blow-up dolls are entertaining.

ttommyunger October 4, 2010 at 11:27 pm

I am completely repulsed, yet strangely aroused.

binarian October 5, 2010 at 12:17 am

Shit, she's a dead ringer for Kathy Griffin. Probably not nearly as funny.

Chet Kincaid October 5, 2010 at 8:49 am

"Ben's going to Washington to knock the dicks out of THEIR mouths!"

CessnaDriver October 5, 2010 at 12:31 am

Bennie's daddy was in the military, too.

At no time during his tenure did Ho Chi Minh attack the Indy 500!

Great military success for Danny Quayle!

NovembersMine October 5, 2010 at 3:36 am

Apparently only boys and girls with nothing better to do with their lives than make insidious comments about situations that are completely irrelevant to their sad little depression filled lives read these blogs. How sad and pathetic do you all feel that you make horrible comments about these people, and yet the shmuck running against him is far richer, far less articulate, and by all accounts a far greater scumbag than most of the politicians in office right now? So go ahead and project your sad "I wasn't breast fed" feelings on a blogsite that only several other random depressed sad souls read, while the rest of the world moves on with their lives, and their time, and deals with situations head on, and with a far less "if everyone would just listen to me while I scream obscenities I would be respected more" tone.

i_AM_ready October 5, 2010 at 10:41 am

For such a know-it-all, you're not very sensitive to context. The unstated protocol here is (1) brief and (2) funny.

OneDollarJuana October 5, 2010 at 11:09 am

Especially number (2).

jlr1076 October 5, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Dan? Who let you out of your playpen!?!

ShaveTheWhales October 5, 2010 at 11:39 pm

Harry Tuttle?

Mindblank October 5, 2010 at 9:19 am

He learned from his dad and STFU for half of it, at least. "If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure." Indeed.

GriperBlade October 5, 2010 at 10:40 pm

She's blinking out "I've made bad life choices" in Morse code, like Walnuts.

TheConfessor69 March 24, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Hey bonehead, what's with the "private" video?

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