Espionage heroine Christine O’Donnell took a break from dabbling in witchcraft and eating meatballs and not masturbating to get some super secret classified data from China! And what has she learned from analyzing these documents from Beijing? The Heathen Chinaman is about to invade America!! It’s a terrible burden, to know what’s going to happen to the United States! But Christine O’Donnell has accepted this responsibility, in that she blabbed about this classified spy info during a debate in 2006, when she was also running for a Senate seat.
TPM reports on the AP’s report on something somebody dug up from four years ago:
She said China had a “carefully thought out and strategic plan to take over America” and accused one opponent of appeasement for suggesting that the two countries were economically dependent and should find a way to be allies.
“That doesn’t work,” she said. “There’s much I want to say. I wish I wasn’t privy to some of the classified information that I am privy to.”
And where did she get this hot stuff? Basically, from the Bible. When her primary opponent — a Chinese-American professor named Jan Ting — challenged her on this asinine claim, O’Donnell said she got the spy papers from “non profit groups” who send missionaries to China. So, if this very reasonable story is to be trusted, Christine O’Donnell learned from a church group in Delaware of secret plans by Beijing to invade the United States. [TPM/Art via BlueGal via Wonkette Facebook]
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Sounds like someone confused the Red Dawn remake with a documentary.
She is personally familiar with a case file codenamed "The Manchurian Candidate."
Wolverines!!!
Ancient Chinese Secret!!!
"My husband, some wise guy!"
She can see Peking from her back porch.
Why would anybody be peeking from her back porch? It's not like she's masturbating or anything
You dream up a lot of bizarre crap when you reach that level of sexual frustration, or so I'm told.
Someone's got yerrow fever.
A Delaware churchgoer once told me that the chicken a-la king in the cafeteria was pretty ok, and I've never puked harder sans Wild Turkey. Do I see a pattern emerging?
At some point in time, don't we all wish we weren't privy to the confidential information we are privy to?
I wish I'd never found out what Human Centipede was about. (It's about Senate incumbency.)
I think she got her ideas from the privy.
Its good to validate to hostile regimes that innocent appearing missionaries are actually CIA agents committing espionage against host countries.
Can't imagine that the fallout from that revelation will cause her much sorrow, is not the death of many innocent do-gooders a small price to pay for a tea bagger victory?
You are actually expecting her not only to think, but to project into the future possible consequences of her actions? How out of touch are you!
You all can laugh at Agent Xine now, but soon, and for your lives, you'll be walking around in clothes made in China, eating off dishes made in China, letting your children play with toys made in China and working to pay taxes to service debt owed to China. She tried to warn us. "First they came with the cheap kaki pants, and I said nothing because I wear Levi jeans; then they came with the cheap dinner ware, and I said nothing, bevause we use Mom's old wedgewood, and so on…."
All billion plus Chineese will come across the Bering Strait with fists of IOUs in hand, all with the "mark" of GW on it.
Not to worry. They're just looking for a good Mexican restaurant.
Well, Americans COULD start saving money, living cheap, being close with their families….
…So, if this very reasonable story is to be trusted, Christine O’Donnell learned from a church group in Delaware of secret plans by Beijing to invade the United States.
Makes sense to me! Ken, I think you're a Chinese commie mooslem mosk type of person.
Hey, don't discount crackpot sources — if it wasn't for that schizophrenic Iraqi cabdriver, we would never have known about Saddam's chemical weapons on rail cars that were so dangerous. Not that Christine O'Donnell would ever mislead us — her God told her these sources are ironclad.
Hell, don't forget that Sean Hannity has insisted that we found the WMDs, but we were just being good sports and not telling anyone about it.
I'm sure this will be made clear at the upcoming Rally to Restore Hannity on October 30.
I thought that was the 31st, Halloween.
She's also uncovered a secret Chinese plot to contaminate our supply of Coca-Cola with pee-pee.
See, those fortune cookies now include tracking chips. And don't ask me what I found in my spicy egglant…
I encourage her to take-up masturbation so she has less time to read and repeat paranoid, wingnut babble to the press. Idle hands will get you in trouble, Christine.
Idle hands, indeed, are the devil's vibrating dildo.
She had a choice of going blind or going crazy. She's opted for #2.
Ahmed Chalabi was a Christian missionary? That explains a lot.
Sooooo, if she learned of an imminent Chinese invasion of the US from her contacts in a missionary group, did she report it?
She reported it to Agent Palin, who was so busy glassing those damn Ruskies from her front porch at the time that she forgot to send the message up the line. Shit. Anthr mssd oppty. O wll, onwrd Xtian sldrs… [End Transmission]
To some prophecy preacher no doubt.
Maybe this is the "happy ending" the asian gals at the massage parlor refer to.
If there's any truth to this, I should be able to get some action by calling the Chinese consulate and letting them know about all the awful potholes left over here in Omaha from last winter. Makes sense to me.
If only the CIA and Bush had sent Christian Missionaries into Afghanistan before 9/11, how different this world would be.
Bush and his evangelical pal Franklin Graham were planning on sending tracts to all the survivors of the Shock&Awe campaign, inviting them to become Baptists. True! I heard Graham interviewed on BBC World Service about it.
Bush, Cheney, Rove and the CIA did end up sending Christian Missionaries, in the form of Blackwater and Jesus Rifles from Trijicon.
Also, Ken, 'Chinaman' is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
I think you mean 'Chinese-American'. If all of Asia could agree on who to invade, we really would have something to fear. Also, penis.
Maybe she knows who peed on our rug!
The Chinaman is not the issue here.
I'm sad that some Wonketteers appear to be ignorant of the cultural contributions of one Walter Sobchak.
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Urban Achiever!
In China, they are definitely zhongguo ren (China men/women/people). Chinese-Americans are hua qiao ren or hua mei ren.
These poor girls are such fun they know what God gave them their fingers for.
Fine, no one liked this. How about:
Maybe she will do a bit of spying
With microcameras hidden in her hair.
I heard a rumor they were getting married,
but someone left the papers in Japan.
There was hardly a raised eyebrow.
Actually, Ms. O'Donnell is lying here. Her real source is a Tickle Me Elmo doll that she found seeking asylum from China at her local Target.
She only tells the truth when there's Jews in the attic.
You're sure it wasn't the "Bugger Me Elmo" doll with the toilet plunger who got harrassed by NYC cops some years back?
I can understand the whole food-sex-religion thing that must go on in her head, but I'm unclear as to whether the chopsticks are for the meatballs or the masturbation, for Jeebus.
Is that the missionaries position?
I know if *I* had a secrect plan to invade the US, the first thing I'd do is run out and find me a missionary!
So in addition to a masturbation stance, Ms. O'Donnell has a missionary position.
(Rickshaw as military weaponry joke here)
I think China should take us over — with delicious, tasty take-out. One order of sesame chicken, please.
No need to invade. They already own us.
True; actually, it will be a foreclosure, not an invasion.
I gotta refresh more often.
For future information: "Classified intel" and "known by Christine 'Meatballs' O'Donnell" is a self-canceling proposition.
Or one of those oxymoron thingies.
Um, why would China want to start a war with their biggest customers? And since when can information that a group of missionaries publicly annoying people in China are allegedly able to discover be considered classified?
Right. Big Government has finally learned something from Big Business, and become Too Big To Fail.
Why invade when they can just repossess?
She's polling 16 points behind the Democrat. What really bugs me is that when she gets her ass handed to her on election day, her national supporters will claim "Usurped by conspiracy!" or "Liberals really hate Christians!" or "End times!!!1!! (without the Hal Lindsey narrative, so it's REAL THIS TIME)".
VOTER FRAUD! THERE WAS A BLACK GUY NEAR A POLL IN WILMINGTON OMGWTF11000110eleventyone1
16 pts? That's all? Damn dre, this talking sack of diapers should be 30-40 pts behind.
ACORN!! IT'S THE MEDIA'S FAULT FOR MAKING HER LOOK CRAZY!!
Is this a case where Sarah Palin called Delaware to order a crock pot and somehow she got a crackpot by accident?
Even more plausible: the Chinese are secretly plotting to get this dingletwat and Angle, Rand, Palin, Bachmann, and all their ilk in office in an effort to topple us from the all important #1 super power rating.
Some how the hobo beans taste better and the biker bar fund raisers for cancer patients are better when you know you live in the super powerest nation in the world and I'm gunna be kinda sad when we're not anymore.
WG do you live in Philly? Freaky we just had a cancer fund raiser at The Bike Stop for a local musician. I'm guessing the Firehall/biker bar fund raiser is getting so common it just seems like a coincedence.
She was dabbling in Taoism then. The Alvin Greene approach.
You laugh. Can you explain the myriad openings and subsequent closings of Chinese buffets in strip malls across America? It could very well be a “carefully thought out and strategic plan to take over America.” Only Christine knows for sure, but she ain't sayin'. . .
They get the scooter people hooked on the General Tso's Chicken and then keep loading them up and loading them up, more money goes to Type 2 Diabetes treatments, the government goes bankrupt, the Chinese invade, massacre the scooter people and market the corpses as North American Long Pig and feed them back to the folks in China. Christine knows her meat products, and now she knows the Chinese Final Solution. The genius of the right knows no bounds!
She's hoping to get them all shut down so they aren't any competition for the Italian restaurants. Girl loves her meatballs…
Our secret spies often cleverly disguise themselves as missionaries among atheists in order to blend in.
How do we not know she didn't get this information after sacrificing a goat on a Satanic Altar?
"Classified" means that the govt. decided that the secret info is crucial to national security. Missionaries spying for the CIA would not be new, but blabbing what they spied to a nutball political candidate would be a federal felony (were these the missionaries who stared at goats?). Lessee, pleasuring yourself is verboten, but breaching national security is okay? Sure glad I don't live on Planet Christine.
Actually, "classified" seems to mean crucial to career security much more than national security.
Let's hope that this map doesn't fall into the Yellow Peril's relentlessly masturbating hands: http://gizmodo.com/5655338/a-map-of-the-gi-joe-ba...
She learned from highly-placed sources, when she was in elementary school, that the Chinese planned to play some kind of joke, involving the addition of liquid human waste to her Coke.
We need to love Christine even tho she crazy.
Dr, Miles Bennell (Invasion of the Body Snatchers):
"Look, you fools. You're in danger. Can't you see? They're after you. They're after all of us. Our wives, our children, everyone. They're here already. YOU'RE NEXT!"
“There’s much I want to say. I wish I wasn’t privy to some of the classified information that I am privy to.”
Don't stop now! You have almost dug your grave to China..
Actually, I think she's digging her own "privy".
Are we sure we heard her correctly? Could she maybe have said "va-China has a carefully thought out plan to take over America" which would totally explain her masturbation stance. Also.
Anyone who has ever seen all the fat ass Americans whizzing around WalMart on their electric fat carts knows that China has already invaded and they have won.
Confuscius say "Walmart shoppers not smart enough to know this intel".
Something tells me that if she's elected she'll want to give Cheney a medal for outing Valerie Plame.
Nobody mentioned that she dropped this bomb while running against a Chinese-American? No doubt had she been running against an Irish-American we'd be under siege from shilleleighs and potato-wielding mobs.
Someone needs to alert the developing world that those "missionaries" are generally CIA agents.
Except of course for the one who are stealing children.
Slow down Christine. I'm pretty sure we're safe thanks to far-sighted 19th century political leaders (aka "your peeps") when they enacted "The Chinese Exclusion Act" in 1882, upheld by non-activist Supreme Court in 1889. Granted it was amended by the Demoncrats in 1943 to allow 105 Chinese immigrants per year. Then changed again in 1965 (Demoncrats!) to allow "invasion forces" to immigrate. So all we need is to back to the plain language of the original act.
And she's likely to be the next senator from Delaware. Teabaggers just love this shit. I can hear Earl Gray, the eponymously name teabagger now: "And once we've finished with them spics, we can git started takin' care of the chinks. Oops, 'scuse me. Must be them brussels sprouts I had fer lunch."
Jesus, Joseph and Mary, now that poor, touched O'Donnell girl has earned the wrath of the heathen, rat-eating Chinee, a cruel race with a passion for vengeance! Oh, there'll be sorrows and tribulations in old Delaware, for sairtain.
She is just putting that story of the missionary group out there to throw us off the scent. The truth is she read it in a fortune cookie she got from the local takeout joint.
The Chinese Invasion is working out great here in Rochester. The asian market around the corner from my apartment has really cheap veggies and Prada bags, as well as cheese for 10 cents a pound. God bless their cold little lactose intolerant hearts!
Just so you know, she wouldn't be saying all this nutty stuff if she had my dick in her mouth where it belonged…just sayin.
U.C. Davis… bovine bingo…. ahhh, good times.
The thought of Tea Bagging lunatics automatically being granted security clearances when their trailers pull up to the Capitol is more frightening than the thought of Bristol Palin's next dance number. "Anonymous source" will soon be a dying profession.
On another note, what I wish I wasn't privy to: those freakin' nasty ads Wonkette keeps placing right next to these articles with pictures of skinned animals and eyeballs and intestines and all that shit that are supposed to scare us into being vegetarians. Downright nasty, Wonkette. Make it stop.
Really. My last blood test was FAR more gruesome (and much more likely to turn me into a vegetarian) than those gross ads.
This diabolical Chinese plot is actually true. I heard Michelle Bachmann say the same thing.
God, what an asshole. Such a complete and total asshole that she beguiles people from the real issue – billionaires who feel they're being treated like fucking pinatas and want what they're entitled to, because they worked really, really hard to become billionaires. Just imagine the overtime we're talking about here.
God, what an asshoe
It's like this, Christine old girl… When the U.S. Economy totally tanks (soon after your buddy the Witch of Wasilla is sworn in as POTUS), the Chinese will have no market for their exports, so their Economy will also crash (at which time there will probably be another proletariate revolution, so they won't be invading anyone – Little Red Schoolbooks, anyone?). As the Chinese will no longer have anyone to sell to – and will be killing each other – they'll stop making stuff, and therefore stop buying raw materials from us Aussies, at which time OUR Economy will go belly up. So you see, dear, we're all one big, happy family, really…
Check out http://www.endtime.com/ and Irvin Baxter. He's been preaching for years that Revelation predicts a nuclear war between China and the US. That might be Xtine's source.
001: License To Be A Moron.
Well, it's a real relief that, as Christine "Wharrrbllgarbbll" O'Donnell herself says in her latest ad, "all those things (I said) that you've heard about me aren't true" … because otherwise I'd have to conclude that God told her mercury is a vitamin.
Quite a large percentage of the Americans teaching English in China are not-very-secret missionaries. Spies? Who knows?
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