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DURPRemember when Levi Johnston went and made some dumb music video? Of course you do, because this fact is important to your survival as a living being on Earth. Well, now this music video is available on an Internet box, so you can watch Levi Johnston humping some 50-year-old woman who is supposed to be Bristol Palin while some 52-year-old woman who is supposed to be Sarah Palin looks on in hatred. Will you watch this video? Yes, you will. You don’t want to get eaten by a cheetah. You have to watch this dumb video. It’s what separates us from the beasts.

DURP
“Did we do a good job, terrible 50-year-old singer lady?”

DURP
“Yes, acting.” [Mediaite]

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  • Rambone

    Nihilism is looking better all the time . . .

  • ttommyunger

    Just threw up in my own mouth.

    • GunTotingProgressive

      This is better than someone else throwing up in your mouth. Please don't ask me how I know this.

      • Radiotherapy

        Consensual emesis?
        New Yorking?

      • ttommyunger

        OK, if you don't ask me how I know it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

  • chascates

    Levi is the new Warren Beatty. Or the new Ned Beatty.

    • Hillbilly: I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!
      Bobby: Weee!
      Hillbilly: Weeeeeeee!
      Bobby: Weee!

      • Oblios_Cap

        It looked like Levi enjoyed that scene where the cop bent him over the car.

        Weeeeeee!, indeed.

      • W88

        Mountain Man: What do you want to do now?
        Toothless Man: [grinning] He got a real pretty mouth ain't he?
        Mountain Man: That's the truth
        Toothless Man: [to Ed] You gonna do some prayin' for me, boy. And you better pray good.

  • Lucidamente1

    Will Lawrence O'Donnell have him back on for a follow-up interview?

  • PsycWench

    They let Amy Winehouse out of rehab just for this video?

  • spooked911

    needs more ladyboyjuice

  • Kidneys4Sale

    Next up: Buttsecks w/Hootie.

  • mannacler

    He most definitely should be mayor of Wasilla. The acting career might not work out.

  • Chris Isaak scoffs at this piece of shit. At least he got to frolic on the beach with Helena Christensen not Levi Johnson.

  • Failed_2_Menace

    The warranty on Brittani Senser's fake bake was about to expire, so she brought in a specialist to impregnate her career.

  • Bargain-basement Mandingo.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I watched the video and I'm glad I did.

    Otherwise there would be a 0% chance that I'd ever know that there is someone in this world whose name is "Paffrath." Which is kind of awesome.

    • Mindblank

      She's cute!

  • OkieDokieDog

    That's about as hot as a 2 day old burnt match.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Not watching the video…not watching the video

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Agreed. I would like to find the human form attractive in my future.

    • Radiotherapy

      I did the obligatory 14 seconds, with no audio of course.

  • lulzmonger

    tp;dw

    (too putrid, didn't watch)

  • DashboardBuddha

    Aw fuck…I watched it. Didn't listen though. Quick question. Is this autobiographical for Levi? The Wasilla cop hood slams Levi so Sarah (played by whoever the singer is) hands him the results from the Bristol's paternity test?

    • NorthStarSpanx

      If it were more true to life, Sarah would have made Levi do her in the back of the Police cruiser.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    This video is just unbelievable. The image of Levi making love to a sinewy grandmother type of lady flies in the face of the fact that he prefers his women young and plump. We have his love child to prove it folks.

  • user-of-owls

    I'm waiting for the Scratch 'n Sniff version.

  • nounverb911

    If Levi had made the video before having Bristol, then he wouldn't have made Tripp.

  • Extemporanus

    The unrated version of the video includes a super hawt sex scene where Levi Johnston and Tank Jones double-team Brittani Senser's wet, gaping nostrils.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Bitch won't do anal, but she'll do nasal.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Nose fucker

      • GunTotingProgressive

        Will she do aural?

        • SheriffRoscoe

          What did you say? Sorry. Couldn't hear you with this cock stuck in my ear.

  • SexySmurf

    Why does Levi have his name tattooed on his arm? Does he have trouble remembering it.

    • XOhioan

      Less expensive than getting him chipped.

  • alt text fail
    good taste fail (but has that mattered in the last 25 years?)

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well I got disgusted after about ten seconds — when you need a dramatic intro for exposition to your music video, you have failed as an artist. But then when your life is a side plot to The Beverly Hillbillies Meet the House of Atreus, that's pretty much a foregone conclusion. I'm gonna watch that horrible PETA video now and cleanse my palate.

  • DemonicRage

    If he becomes Mayor of Wasilla, I think he should make a deal with the cruise ships that go to Alaska. They should bus 50 year and older tourists to a bar in Wasilla and, on the bar, he , Levi, will hump a woman, the two of them on a sofa. (Or a man, for "special" cruises.) In this way, with the Cruise ships kicking in money, Wasilla will become a wealthy village or town or whatever the **** it is. And the tourists will have a relief from having to look at glaciers.

  • chickensmack

    I told my children, many years ago, that if must "suffer children who sing, I will suffer children who sing well."

    She's just horrible. It's so bad, I'm not even watching the sexytime…

  • MapleLeafsfordawin!

    It is amazing the way they captured Chris Isaak's original vision for Wicked Game.

  • Terry

    Are we supposed to believe that Levi has had sex someplace other than on the bench seat of his pickup truck or on Sarah Palin's tv room sofa?

  • the_problem_child

    I don't think Christine O'Donnell would approve of the way that woman keeps touching herself.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Video is blocked at work, but …is that Charo?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Needs more than just cheek kissing (can't get pregnant that way.) And high windows that look suspiciously like the Wasilla Sports Complex.

  • chickensmack

    Holy shit, now I understand why she looks so harsh. Her dad used to play football for the Vikings.

  • WarAndGee

    Needs a "Cleveland Steamer" to tie the story together.

  • BornInATrailer

    Odd, I would have thought the plot for an "After Love" video with Levi would have revolved around a trip to the free clinic.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    When Levi Johnston’s acting is the best part of the video you know you have laid one stinkin’ turd.

  • imissopus

    Needs moar dicks in a box.

  • elpinche

    Three words: Tactical nuclear weapon (TNW)

    The Johnstons and Palins must live with 10 miles of each other. We can end all this quickly and precisely. Neilist back me up on this.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    I think I'll go watch something on YouPorn instead and pretend it was this.

  • elpinche

    Is there a dirty sanchez finale ? If not, I aint watching it.

  • sati_demise

    Looks like she is on the Michael Jackson quest for the perfect nose.

    Note: having to wear a plastic nose when all you have left are a couple of holes in your face is one outcome of this quest.

  • BornInATrailer

    NANA, WHY?!?

  • Lazy Media

    Ms. Senser, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?

  • DashboardBuddha

    I have to say, I can't think of any family group that has done more to pollute our collective unconscious more that the Palins/Johnson tribe.

  • smokefilledroommate

    There's no fucking way that woman is 26.

    • PsycWench

      It's very possible that this is the result of way too much time in a tanning bed or on a beach. As a native of the NC shore, I have seen a lot of sexy tans on teenagers start looking leathery in one's 20's, and being so skinny doesn't help either.

      • smokefilledroommate

        Thank god I'm just a baby–I don't want to look like that. I guess I should stop smoking, however.

  • johnnymeatworth

    He's no Kevin Federline….

  • Sassomatic

    Umm, so Gramma's home health care nurse had Levi Johnston arrested for,what? Is it illegal to sex your own Gramma? Oh I guess it is.

  • Dimitrios_M

    Contrary to the media inspired myth, Levi does not have his name "Johnston" tattooed on his forearm. Come 'on folks! He's a functional illiterate. He has a picture of a Johnston tattooed on his forearm.

    Other than correcting that urban legend, the video was so bad I threw up a little in a perfect stranger's mouth.

  • gvvt

    So – the police can stop you for making a terrible "music" video? And why is it so long? Makes Anna Karenina seem like a comic strip. "All snowbilly families are disgraceful in their own way."

  • dyspathy

    It's all very Telemundo soap opera-y. Which is appropriate.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    I'm pretty sure this video proves we are below the beasts.

  • MiniMencken

    Brittani Senser is her porno actress name. Her birth name is Tiffany-Pérignon Mustang Heath and… OMFG!.. she's Bristol's cousin!

  • realmurkin

    Needs moar abortions, also.

  • chascates

    They missed out not hiring this actress to portray Sarah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x34G0h7R__Y

  • Failure_Artist

    Oh God I can't wait to see what the genius behind Johnston Checks In (http://www.somethingawful.com/d/levi-johnston/) does with this.

  • Thedongsofwar

    Wikipedia says this chick is 26 but damn, she looks a lot older.

  • philpjfry

    Please don't ever make me watch anything like that again

  • Wadisay

    After watching this video, in the future I intend to reproduce by dividing myself, like an amoeba, or by sending out shoots.

    • HELisforHEL

      A little late to the game, but this made me laugh so hard I started crying and had to run to the ladies room. I suspect my cube neighbors believe I just received awful news. I'll go with that to prevent a writeup.

      Thank you for threatening my livelihood with your fabulous comment. ;-)

      • Wadisay

        Haha, in which case, I can only hope you're a lady. Thanks!

  • loquacioustunes

    That's not rain. That's my semen.

  • fuflans

    oh come ON. this sucked ass but that chick is soooooo much hotter than any X chromosome that ever reared it's grifter head in wasilla.

    you can't blame a lad for playing along.

  • PrezCamacho

    yikes. WTF???

  • Veritas78

    So Bristol and Sarah are Messicans? Who knew they got that far north.

  • I don't object that the piano part is played entirely with the right hand, I object to the rationale behind why the left hand was unavailable at the time.

  • monty4prez

    I would say Levi is the new Stephen Baldwin, as in has no talent.

  • Crappy song, crappy video, crappy people.

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