RICK'S LIST  11:01 am October 4, 2010

Will Donald Trump Save the Republicans From Themselves?

by Ken Layne

Wah! Spy is fired!With an embarrassing personal life, multiple bankruptcies and a repulsive physical appearance, Donald Trump would seem to be an ideal Republican candidate for president. And that’s why New Hampshire GOP voters are being polled on a potential candidacy by The Donald! But Trump denies he has anything to do with the poll, telling CNN, “It’s not something I talked about or consider.” He’s really terrible at speaking — other than saying a worn-out catch phrase, we guess? — so it’s hard to figure out what he means through that mouth full of marbles and dumbness.

CNN reports on a CNN interview with Donald Trump regarding this CNN story about a poll perhaps mentioning Donald Trump:

CNN — Business mogul Donald Trump is making clear he had nothing to do with a mysterious poll in New Hampshire that, accordant to TIME Magazine, asked Granite State voters about a potential Trump presidential bid.

“I never heard of this poll but I’m anxious to find out what it says. I do not know about a poll taken in New Hampshire,” Trump said Monday on CNN’s “American Morning.”

Okay! So maybe Trump won’t be covering what’s left of America in vulgar gold-tinted apartment towers and hideous casinos financed with junk bonds.

We are forced to assume Sarah Palin commissioned this poll because she’s “pretty sure Donald Trump is Newt Gingrich, whoever that is.” [CNN]

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Hola wonkerados.

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BaldarTFlagass October 4, 2010 at 11:03 am

other than saying a worn-out catch phrase, we guess?

Drill baby drill?

JadedDissonance October 4, 2010 at 11:04 am

ugh. read this right after Matt Taibbi's Rolling Stone piece on "Tea and Crackers." I have no appetite now.

NorthStarSpanx October 4, 2010 at 11:22 am

That and The Village Voice's "White America Has Lost Its Mind." Finally, LSM articulating what we've all been trying to elucidate in Wonkette fashion.

GeneralLerong October 4, 2010 at 12:34 pm

The cartoons accompanying those articles are minor masterpieces, too.

Taibbi's "Tea and Crackers" title rulz. or rules. or rlz…. I forget how it's spelled these days. I blame green tea.

JMPEsq October 4, 2010 at 11:06 am

The sad thing is, the Donald would probably be a better President than any of the Republicans actually running. And he'd be pathetic.

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 11:39 am

Trump 2012: America Deserves a Pathetic Future!

MagicCookie October 4, 2010 at 11:11 am

Gotta love that opening sentence. Kinda puts it all in a nutshell don't it?

JoeMamased October 4, 2010 at 11:40 am

Ken left out the defamation suit against the guy who alleged Trump was only a millionaire and not actually a billionaire.

But these are the values/principles/whatever that we need in government! Hell, keeping a bankrupt casino in operation is exactly the same thing!

Lascauxcaveman October 4, 2010 at 12:08 pm

"Bankrupt casino?" When did this become a discussion of the housing industry?

Failed_2_Menace October 4, 2010 at 11:12 am

His decisive handling of controversies within the Miss USA pageant leads me to expect that this is a role in which he will thrive, so long as the issue at hand has to do with the discovery of a secret stash of Angela Merkel self-diddling videos.

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 12:04 pm

"Angela Merkel self-diddling videos."

So much for lunch.

ManchuCandidate October 4, 2010 at 11:15 am

The Fat Fingered Vulgarian can be preznit if he changes that comb over.

Chet Kincaid October 4, 2010 at 12:54 pm

It's "short-fingered vulgarian". I still got all my Spys in boxes down in the basement. I miss my 20s.

transfatz October 7, 2010 at 2:08 am

I can't get TV here so I never watched "The Apprentice". I always thought it would be worth being fired to point and laugh at that comb over though. Actually I can't imagine making it through a meeting with that arrogant moron without doing that.

iburl October 4, 2010 at 11:22 am

My mom told me that she watches The Apprentice to "learn about the business world" so, I think that sums up the potential danger here.

metamarcisf October 4, 2010 at 11:25 am

Donald Trump is said to be livid over rumors linking him to cattle mutilations in the southwest.

DashboardBuddha October 4, 2010 at 11:29 am

Grasshopper…you can be president only when you remove the dead gopher from your head.

BaldarTFlagass October 4, 2010 at 11:33 am

I thought we were an autonomous collective.

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 11:41 am

Anarchosyndicalism is the new Real America.

Ducksworthy October 4, 2010 at 12:07 pm

How can you tell he's a king?

Krugmanic Depressive October 4, 2010 at 11:36 am

Oh, let Rick's List be a running feature, plz.

Oblios_Cap October 4, 2010 at 11:40 am

They still print Spy Magazine? Cool. No Sacred Cows.

aguacatero October 4, 2010 at 11:43 am

Following on the heels of the mysterious poll, someone devised a mysterious slogan:

"He renovated Central Park's Wollman Ice Rink, now he will renovate America!"

Lucidamente1 October 4, 2010 at 11:43 am

Spy Magazine's epithet for the Donald was "short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump."

johnnyzhivago October 4, 2010 at 11:44 am

This would be GREAT!

Rename the White House the "Trump White House", "Trump Capitol", "Trump Supreme Court", "Trump Camp David Golf & Spa Resort", turn the Pentagon into a casino (The Trump Casino & Hotel at the Pentagon), run the country like a reality TV show (which it really already is).

Weenus299 October 4, 2010 at 11:46 am

Oh sweet, I'd vote for the fucker. The audacity of audaciousness is just the dude we need to stick light- and medium-rail transportation in South Carolina. After he fired the state.

SudsMcKenzie October 4, 2010 at 11:48 am

That poll is going to be HUUUUUGE!

donner_froh October 4, 2010 at 12:00 pm

One problem–he isn't at all outrageous as a candidate when compared with the "real" candidates for the Republicans.

If you play Which One Don't Fit with rethug names Trump doesn't really stand out. For example:

Palin, Romney, Trump, Paul;
Huckabee, Trump, Gingrich, Barbour/Pawlenty

Fits in perfectly

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 12:03 pm

"One of these wings is not like the others…"

fatoots October 4, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Maybe he'd tell Boner and McConnel "You're Fired!"

GeneralLerong October 4, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Well, he can't tell Palin that, she'd simply say, "You can't fire me, because I just quit!"

Ducksworthy October 4, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Donald Trump is a paragon of the rightness of our being ruled by the superior intelligence of our reptilian overlords.

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 12:05 pm

And Rand Paul? Rand Paul stayed flat.

RunnyRose October 4, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Given the penchant for female craziness these days, I'm assuming Omarosa will be his running mate?

chascates October 4, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Warren Buffet/George Soros 2012

user-of-owls October 4, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Jimmy Buffet/George Thorogood 2012!

ttommyunger October 4, 2010 at 12:57 pm

This, from a man who doesn't even know how to wear a merkin.

Dimitrios_M October 4, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Don't knock him.

Trump can make all of New Hampshire's problems disappear beneath a Vermont comb-over.

Tundra Grifter October 4, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Sharon Angle, Ron Paul, Palladino, McConnell, Jindel, Barber, Huckabee, Romney, Boner – how can one nation be so lucky?

Hell, it's practically 1776 Philadelphia all over again.

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