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Will Donald Trump Save the Republicans From Themselves?

Wah! Spy is fired!With an embarrassing personal life, multiple bankruptcies and a repulsive physical appearance, Donald Trump would seem to be an ideal Republican candidate for president. And that’s why New Hampshire GOP voters are being polled on a potential candidacy by The Donald! But Trump denies he has anything to do with the poll, telling CNN, “It’s not something I talked about or consider.” He’s really terrible at speaking — other than saying a worn-out catch phrase, we guess? — so it’s hard to figure out what he means through that mouth full of marbles and dumbness.

CNN reports on a CNN interview with Donald Trump regarding this CNN story about a poll perhaps mentioning Donald Trump:

CNN — Business mogul Donald Trump is making clear he had nothing to do with a mysterious poll in New Hampshire that, accordant to TIME Magazine, asked Granite State voters about a potential Trump presidential bid.

“I never heard of this poll but I’m anxious to find out what it says. I do not know about a poll taken in New Hampshire,” Trump said Monday on CNN’s “American Morning.”

Okay! So maybe Trump won’t be covering what’s left of America in vulgar gold-tinted apartment towers and hideous casinos financed with junk bonds.

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We are forced to assume Sarah Palin commissioned this poll because she’s “pretty sure Donald Trump is Newt Gingrich, whoever that is.” [CNN]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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40 comments

  1. JadedDissonance

    ugh. read this right after Matt Taibbi's Rolling Stone piece on "Tea and Crackers." I have no appetite now.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      That and The Village Voice's "White America Has Lost Its Mind." Finally, LSM articulating what we've all been trying to elucidate in Wonkette fashion.

      1. GeneralLerong

        The cartoons accompanying those articles are minor masterpieces, too.

        Taibbi's "Tea and Crackers" title rulz. or rules. or rlz…. I forget how it's spelled these days. I blame green tea.

  2. JMPEsq

    The sad thing is, the Donald would probably be a better President than any of the Republicans actually running. And he'd be pathetic.

    1. JoeMamased

      Ken left out the defamation suit against the guy who alleged Trump was only a millionaire and not actually a billionaire.

      But these are the values/principles/whatever that we need in government! Hell, keeping a bankrupt casino in operation is exactly the same thing!

  3. Failed_2_Menace

    His decisive handling of controversies within the Miss USA pageant leads me to expect that this is a role in which he will thrive, so long as the issue at hand has to do with the discovery of a secret stash of Angela Merkel self-diddling videos.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      It's "short-fingered vulgarian". I still got all my Spys in boxes down in the basement. I miss my 20s.

    2. transfatz

      I can't get TV here so I never watched "The Apprentice". I always thought it would be worth being fired to point and laugh at that comb over though. Actually I can't imagine making it through a meeting with that arrogant moron without doing that.

  4. iburl

    My mom told me that she watches The Apprentice to "learn about the business world" so, I think that sums up the potential danger here.

  5. metamarcisf

    Donald Trump is said to be livid over rumors linking him to cattle mutilations in the southwest.

  6. aguacatero

    Following on the heels of the mysterious poll, someone devised a mysterious slogan:

    "He renovated Central Park's Wollman Ice Rink, now he will renovate America!"

  7. johnnyzhivago

    This would be GREAT!

    Rename the White House the "Trump White House", "Trump Capitol", "Trump Supreme Court", "Trump Camp David Golf & Spa Resort", turn the Pentagon into a casino (The Trump Casino & Hotel at the Pentagon), run the country like a reality TV show (which it really already is).

  8. Weenus299

    Oh sweet, I'd vote for the fucker. The audacity of audaciousness is just the dude we need to stick light- and medium-rail transportation in South Carolina. After he fired the state.

  9. donner_froh

    One problem–he isn't at all outrageous as a candidate when compared with the "real" candidates for the Republicans.

    If you play Which One Don't Fit with rethug names Trump doesn't really stand out. For example:

    Palin, Romney, Trump, Paul;
    Huckabee, Trump, Gingrich, Barbour/Pawlenty

    Fits in perfectly

  10. Ducksworthy

    Donald Trump is a paragon of the rightness of our being ruled by the superior intelligence of our reptilian overlords.

  11. Dimitrios_M

    Don't knock him.

    Trump can make all of New Hampshire's problems disappear beneath a Vermont comb-over.

  12. Tundra Grifter

    Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Christine O'Donnell, Sharon Angle, Ron Paul, Palladino, McConnell, Jindel, Barber, Huckabee, Romney, Boner – how can one nation be so lucky?

    Hell, it's practically 1776 Philadelphia all over again.

Comments are closed.