• May 26, 2012

Charles Krauthammer Blasts Obama For Opposing Perpetual War

by Jack Stuef  

Can only get off to the thought of empire.A muddy stack of legal pad paper held together by stalactite goo arrived at the Washington Post headquarters this morning: It’s Charles Krauthammer’s latest column! Today Krauthammer wants us to know that Barack Obama does not want to be in Afghanistan forever, even though, as commander in chief, that is his ONE job! Obama doesn’t “have his heart in” staying in this country for all of time, even though he is currently running the war over there. SCANDAL!

What kind of commander in chief sends tens of thousands of troops to war announcing in advance a fixed date for beginning their withdrawal? One who doesn’t have his heart in it. One who doesn’t really want to win but is making some kind of political gesture.

Yes, what kind of commander in chief would not want to leave his troops in a country forever? Barack Obama does not want to win this war because losing wars is always good politics.

First, isn’t this the party that in two consecutive presidential campaigns — John Kerry’s and then Obama’s — argued vociferously that Afghanistan is the good war, the right war, the war of necessity, the central front in the war on terror? Now, after acceding to power and being given charge of that very war, Obama confides that he must retreat, lest that very same party abandon him. What happened in the interim? Did it suddenly develop a faint heart? Or was the party disingenuous about the Afghan war all along, using it as a convenient club with which to attack George W. Bush over Iraq, while protecting Democrats from the charge of being reflexively antiwar?

Umm, what happened to wanting to leave countries after they are relatively stable and able to fend off insurgents? There is a point when wars stop being a “necessity,” Krauthammer. The goal is not to keep shooting the world’s brown people until they’re all dead.

And also, “protecting Democrats from the charge of being reflexively antiwar”? Being “reflexively antiwar” is what human beings actually are supposed to be. Really, are you saying we should be reflexively prowar, Krauthammer? We should just bomb and take over any country that does anything we dislike ever, no matter how small the issue? If the UK sends us a bad shipment of fish and chips, we should immediately shoot over some nukes? Yes, you probably do think that. Never mind, fascist.

“He was looking for choices that would limit U.S. involvement and provide a way out,” writes Woodward. One can only conclude that Obama now thinks Afghanistan is a mistake.

That? That is the only thing one can conclude?

Fair enough. But in that case, what is he doing escalating it?

See, Krauthammer would not be so fucking confused if he understood some people want to WIN wars and THEN GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY THEY WERE FOUGHT IN. But he doesn’t. Because he lives in a hate cave far away from all of civilization. [WP]

{ 115 comments }

slappypaddy October 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

the only acceptable course for america in afghanistan is to stay there until thoroughly thrashed. bankrupted, too (as if that hasn't already happened). only then will stalwart patriots be able to hold their heads up high.

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Dude needs to stop watching "Patton" so often.

deelzebub October 1, 2010 at 3:50 pm

But then to what would he spank it?

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 4:23 pm

300

CthuNHu October 1, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Never before have I seen a sentence containing the phrase "spank it" carefully structured so as to avoid ending with a preposition.

Kupos to you, sir.

deelzebub October 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm

I am a girl, but thank you. I had a moonshine-brewing troll of an English teacher that would haunt my soul if I used incorrect grammar.

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Stupid Boomers and their WW II fascination.

sati_demise October 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm

My idea of bringing all the troops home and tasking them with developing sustainable energy in America may take the place of endless war, amirite?

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Or, Charles, maybe he thinks going into Afghanistan was the right thing to do but the way it was fought was a a giant clusterfuck. I seem to recall that our main goal was to catch some guy, can't remember his name, did we get him or not?

H Curve October 1, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Nope, we still haven't got him. Another missed connection. We never called, so now he's totally blowing us off in the press, calling for clean drink water, or some such bs. Psh. Man, I tell ya, love is war…

savethispatient October 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm

bad shipment of fish and chips
Surely, there's no such thing! Way to make straw men for your argument, Stuef!

Jack Stuef October 1, 2010 at 8:01 pm

Shut up, hoodie.

Buzz Feedback October 1, 2010 at 3:48 pm

In his next column, Chucky will call for resumption of Operation Linebacker II.

qwerty42 October 1, 2010 at 3:48 pm

…Really, are you saying we should be reflexively prowar, Krauthammer? …
Yes, yes he is. Charles cannot get enough war. There just is never enough. Maybe, maybe next time it will be Iran. Charles will be sooooooo happy then.
He is depraved.

moldilox October 1, 2010 at 3:50 pm

he backs perpetual war because the kraut is secretly working to increase the handicapped population, check out the number of assisted mobility devices at the tea bagger rallies. he's building majority from the ground up– thats just the way he rolls.

SexySmurf October 1, 2010 at 3:59 pm

His fan base is mostly people with traumatic brain injuries.

BornInATrailer October 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm

"…thats just the way he rolls."

<coughs>

H Curve October 1, 2010 at 4:36 pm

Dude! (HAhahah) that's so (HAHAHA) co- (HAHAHA) ld!

Lost_Teabaggers October 1, 2010 at 9:03 pm

OMG! hahaha…that was fucking awesome, every word of it…even the affirmation was somehow offensive hahaha. Whence he has gained his majority of brain addled handicapped scooter riders the Kraut can name himself emperor and stand proud (…uh not really) well he can peel out to "Flight of the Valkryies", finally.

Maladjusted_We October 1, 2010 at 3:51 pm

To be fair, when I eat a bad shipment of fish and chips there is a high likelihood that a bombing of sorts will ensue.

axmxz October 1, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Despite what his last name might suggest, Krauthammer's only frame of reference for war are MMORPGs. Why would you want to portal back to town when there are still monsters spawning? How else are you going to collect enough guilders for that green plus-6 to stealth plus-25 hit points breastplate?

SexySmurf October 1, 2010 at 4:01 pm

And if we run out of money we can always borrow it from Chinese gold farmers.

axmxz October 1, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Or start more quests!

BornInATrailer October 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Roll a 1d20 saving throw vs. paralysis, Charles.

Lost_Teabaggers October 1, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Ouch…I guess we know how that saving throw roll went for ole' parala-tits…

Extemporanus October 1, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Charles Krauthammer can eat a colostomy bag of lightly-salted poison rat droppings.

Gleem_McShineys October 1, 2010 at 7:10 pm

Just one?
Guess you're right. He doesn't need to spoil his dinner of festering herpes-sore-covered whale anuses with a side of batter-dipped chimpanzee taint. And his slurry.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2010 at 3:55 pm

The goal is not to simply keep shooting the world’s brown people until they’re all dead.

Umm. Yes it is.

If you're a neocon, like Krauthammer.

bumfug October 1, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Yeah, why are we so much weaker than all those other countries that WON their wars in Afghanistan?

zhubajie October 1, 2010 at 7:27 pm

What country was that?

bumfug October 1, 2010 at 7:37 pm

bingo!

JMPEsq October 2, 2010 at 12:42 am

Macedon, under Alexander; and uh, that's kind of it.

pooterhead October 2, 2010 at 12:52 am

and he hardly lived to take his victory lap around the Parthenon, or write his book.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Why isn't this gimp fighting for his country in Afghanistan? I'm sure they could find a use for him. Passive mine/IED detector would be my first pick.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm

"I think I found…""

LionelHutzEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Krauthammer, the evil little gnome of Conservatism, has never forgiven George Washington for stopping the war against the Brits. We should have taught them a lesson when we had the chance.

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:18 pm

They would never have come back in 1812 if it we taught them that lesson.

Bluestatelibel October 1, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Can't we just get this guy to watch reruns of tragic Vietnam movies over and over to satisfy his insatiable blood lust? And the rest of us could just convince him that it's all happening now in real time–" Don't worry sweet Charles, somewhere a soldier, maybe even an innocent civilian, is being hideously mangled right now, you can sleep easy tonight."

metamarcisf October 1, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Standing up for the war mongers seems to be Charlie's strong suit.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Well. Not literally.

metamarcisf October 1, 2010 at 4:50 pm

I'd respond cleverly, but I'm limiting myself to one Krauthammer joke per story.

BornInATrailer October 1, 2010 at 5:37 pm

You mean something like:

Of course he's backing the war mongers. Neocons don't carefully weigh the decision to engage the military, gingerly testing the waters with a toe. They just dive right in.

metamarcisf October 1, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Now you're rolling!

Dr_pangloss October 2, 2010 at 8:54 am

Why can't we train arm and ship off all the chickenhawks off to afganistan and win the war for us. I'm sure Darth Cheney and ole no neck will win over/kill all the afganis' in a week. I mean that was Rumsfelds plan for Iraq right?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2010 at 3:57 pm

It is amazing that these chicken hawks can, in the same breath, demand continuous war and scream about their taxes being too high. Hey Chuck, how about you give all your money to the war effort or maybe we strap a couple guns to your wheelchair and send you out on the next plane to Afghanistan?

weejee October 1, 2010 at 3:58 pm

being reflexively antiwar
In our extended family those most willing to send in the troops were never in the military, while those members least willing and most circumspect about putting our youth (mostly) in harm's way have lots of medals and CIBs somewhere in boxes in the attic. Just sayin'.

samsuncle October 1, 2010 at 4:08 pm

I couldn't agree with you more. My dad spent 3 yrs. in the Pacific in WWII and is the most anti-war person you will ever meet. I had an uncle that won a bronze star in France and noboby knew he had even won the medal until after his death and his kids were going through his things.

Bluestatelibel October 1, 2010 at 4:16 pm

"Those who talk about it the most do it the least" seems very appropriate here, considering the only heavy action necons like Charles probably have ever seen is their Lexus dealership on a Saturday.

dittoBot3000 October 1, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Krauthammer looks like Palpatine's little brother… with a terrible haircut. He is reflexively anti-Obama. Nothing coming out of his creepy, noxious mouth-hole will ever be positive about any of the administration's policies. Even though, in this case, Obama gave the generals almost exactly what they wanted.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Coincidentally, I’m cooking a beer-can chicken tonight. I might just cut that sucker up with a hatchet to ease my Krauthammer induced stress. I’m sure our guests will understand.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2010 at 4:21 pm

I'll call Gallagher and tell him to bring a watermelon.

natoslug October 1, 2010 at 4:05 pm

"what happened to wanting to leave countries after they are relatively stable and able to fend off insurgents?"
Considering everyone since the first slime thing crawled out of the primordial sea has failed to create a stable and insurgently fendish Afghanistan, you're saying Kraphammer is right? Or are you saying I need to cut back to just three Sheaf Stouts per lunch, as my grasp of words, let alone the keyboard, is a bit wonky at the moment?

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm

That didn't work out so well in Vietnam

natoslug October 1, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Getting drunk, or invading a country we really had no reason being in?

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Getting drunk is always good. Invading a country not so much (unless they have really good beer)

H Curve October 1, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Belgium? Via the Maginot line? Let's plan this thing!

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 4:25 pm

According to neocons, the only mistakes in Vietnam were leaving and not giving soldiers enough leave to kill civilians and blow up villages; they think Rambo: First Blood part II was a documentary.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Oh yes it did. You have to take the long view. The Vietnamese are back to practicing their own weird brand of crony capitalism that they call communism and they hardly notice the tons of unexploded ordinance in the rice paddies and most of the seriously deformed children are dead.

SheriffRoscoe October 1, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I'm reflexively pro- military dudes drinking vodka shots off each other's butts.

So does this mean that I'm pro-war or anti-war?

savethispatient October 1, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Pretty sure those guys would be doing that with or without a war. I think it means you're just pro-Rugby.

kenlayisalive October 2, 2010 at 1:29 pm

It just means you should probably hire Jeff Gannon as entertainment at your next birthday party.

doxastic October 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm

But how will we know, numerically, how much America rules, if not by foreigner bodycount? America's greatest chickenhawk demands answers. It sure as shit isn't by educational attainment or broad-based prosperity…

transfatz October 2, 2010 at 9:50 pm

The only real backing for a currency is the intelligence of that country's populace. Our current lack of "broad-based prosperity" reflects what is so plainly seen in the teabaggers' posters. We are becoming a nation of fools.
The continued attempt to shore this place up with military action just shovels more fuel onto the fire sale.
Which is just fine with this neocon prick since he has no real interest in this country anyway.
OK, sorry, no funny. Maybe I could have made something out of "broad-based prosperity" but Doloras might be listening.

H Curve October 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm

The goal is not to simply keep shooting the world’s brown people until they’re all dead.

Jack, I don't think you get Chuck K-ham-sammie. That there pretty much sums up the neocontard set's goal.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 4:52 pm

I disagree. I think Chuckie is sorry all those brown children have to get blown up but the point of perpetual was is more important. The point is to keep electing republicans so they can continue to distribute all wealth from the sheeple who pay taxes upward to those who do not.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 4:57 pm

It's very simple, really; they look at history and see how in Rome the constant state of expansionary foreign wars eventually lead to the demise of democracy and creation of the empire, and are trying to make history repeat itself here.

outragedcitizen October 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm

If Krautknocker has such a hard-on for perpetual war in the middle east, why doesn't he armor up his wheelchair and go fight the fucking thing himself. STFU, Chickenhawk!

Radiotherapy October 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm

It must be an endless war with him trying to get a woodie.
Shouldn't he be wasting his time concerned with the 30.000 traffic deaths a year in the USA. He could be the poster boy for wearing your seat belt and wouldn't waste our time with his bogie man mania. Or is that lib?

zhubajie October 4, 2010 at 2:11 am

Can he get a woodie? Or has he gone the penile implant route?

x111e7thst October 1, 2010 at 4:24 pm

When Krauthammer rolls his fucking wheelchair up to the Da Kherqa Sherif Ziarat where Mohammed's cloak is stored (central Kandahar) and twats us his precious wisdom from there, I may pay some attention. Till then I will concentrate on wishing that his hemorrhoids bleed copiously.

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:26 pm

I actually think Krauthammer is a plant by Obama because everytime Krauthammer writes something like this even the most critical people of Obama's Afghanistan policy has to think to themselves "Jesus, at least he's not crazy." Which could describe his Presidency in some ways.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 4:54 pm

That would make a great campaign slogan for the dems running for congress. "Hey. At least we're not crazy."

GOPCrusher October 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Worked for 2006 and 2008.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Given the popularity of Sharron Angle and Christine O'Donnell, shouldn't they be saying "Hey, we're crazy too!"

zhubajie October 1, 2010 at 7:30 pm

No, he was like this long before Obama. I can't figure how he (or any of them) got to be so influential.

Boredw/Gravity October 1, 2010 at 4:26 pm

"The goal is not to keep shooting the world’s brown people until they’re all dead."

******
Then how else can we create the lily-white world the conservatives want and need?

TanzbodenKoenig October 1, 2010 at 4:33 pm

There's still drowning

transfatz October 2, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Bleach?

zhubajie October 4, 2010 at 2:13 am

Who would the secret fetishists go to? You surely have some idea of white male racists who screw colored women every chance they get? They just don't want the colored men.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

If we aren't constantly at war we'll start thinking we should spend our money on education and housing and health care. That's just the kind of thinking that brought about the horrors of the hippie revolution. You let people get to well off and they start demanding rights. War, fear, control.

mrblifil October 1, 2010 at 4:33 pm

It's Cocktober. Hence the ravings of a dickhead.

prommie October 1, 2010 at 4:36 pm

You know which OTHER ex-superpower was mired in a 10-year occupation in Iraq which finally resulted in the complete political and economic collapse of that ex-superpower? Huh? I bet you don't know which ex-superpower it was.

I for one am expecting the Mexican Border Fence to fall down, and our government to collapse, to be replaced by a Norwegian-style socialist state, exactly at the moment when our occupation of Afghanistan reaches the length of time the Soviets were there.

zhubajie October 1, 2010 at 7:31 pm

Given how fat and unfit Americans are, we will probably have to fill the Army with Mexicans.

e_z October 2, 2010 at 2:24 am

"
You know which OTHER ex-superpower was mired in a 10-year occupation in Iraq which finally resulted in the complete political and economic collapse of that ex-superpower? Huh? I bet you don't know which ex-superpower it was"

Uh, actually I don't. Perhaps you meant to write Afganistan?

imissopus October 2, 2010 at 2:45 am

That will be soon. The Soviets were there for officially nine years and just under two months.

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm

I also wonder how many times Krauthammer showed any concern about the situation in Afghanistan between, oh 2003 and 2008 or is this another thing Republians have suddenly discovered that they cared about the moment Cheney was wheeled out of the White House?

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Chuckie Cheese Brain writes:
"This is the man (Obama) who made Berlin coo, America swoon and the Nobel committee lose its mind."

This explains it; Charles is jealous.

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 5:11 pm

What does that even mean? Does he think Obama should just waltz into Kandahar and give a few speeches?

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:47 pm

"Coo"? Hilarious! He should do stand-up at the Apollo*

*He should be killed by a mob of African-Americans

transfatz October 2, 2010 at 10:57 pm

"Now if you will excuse me, I really must change my panties."

bitchincamaro2 October 1, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Since I don't see any evidence that Obama's pulling troops out this "good war", I see Krauty's argument as a classic ploy to get bitchincamaro2 to uncharacteristically defend the president's insistence on staying in Afghan. Chuck you, Farley!

anniegetyourfun October 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

I'm pretty sure the troops totally take that to heart, too. I'll bet that they're over there right now, going, "Now, why did the Commander in Chief send me over here if he's just eventually going to make me go home. This is bullshit! Make up your mind, NOBAMA!"

anniegetyourfun October 1, 2010 at 5:15 pm

The goal is not to keep shooting the world’s brown people until they’re all dead.

Well, maybe YOU don't think so.

SmutBoffin October 1, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Newell : Kristol :: Stuef : Krauthammer

:^)

Swampgas_Man October 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

I've been grousing that Obama's ONLY election strategy seems to be "Vote for me, I'm not THEM." And then one of THEM craps out something like this, and it all makes perfect sense.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Krauthammer: Put me down! Put me down!
James Bond: Oh, you want to get off?

007 theme plays

Naked_Bunny October 1, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Obama should stick to the Bush policy of not specifying any practical goals at all for military action.

seppdecker October 1, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Shorter Krauthammer: ANIMALS ARE TO BE BRED AND SLAUGHTERED!!!

rocktonsam October 1, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Peggy Noonan. Theres a name you don't hear much of lately.

Lost_Teabaggers October 1, 2010 at 9:14 pm

You know it would be so worth it for Obama to call up ole Chucklenuts the bitter and make this challenge: if he can rise and walk two steps, we'll keep the war going in perpetuity. Let's see just how much Chuckie really does believe in war…

transfatz October 2, 2010 at 11:06 pm

Just our luck Krauthammer is pulling a Guy Caballero.

BklynIlluminati October 1, 2010 at 10:58 pm

ASSHOLE nothing to win over there. We bought the Pinto/Gremlin Yacht of Wars.

Can we get a different pic of Kraut? Beer can chicken is badass and i love cooking it i feel shamed everytime i eat it now.

pooterhead October 2, 2010 at 12:58 am

thank you for introducing me to "Hate Cave." That is precisely where half of this country is living, spellbound by their own shadow puppet theater of fear and loathing and greed while everyone else is desperately trying to fix the mess outside.

imissopus October 2, 2010 at 2:52 am

Peter Sellers's family should sue him for this unauthorized parody of a parody.

What? He's serious? This wasn't taken from The Onion?

Dr_pangloss October 2, 2010 at 9:00 am

I thought we were at war with Pacifica?

7pilesofwisdom October 2, 2010 at 10:58 pm

To prove his point, Kraut will point to Alabama, where we won and have stayed for more than 100 years, in keeping with the Monroe Doctrine — no, the other one: the Bill Monroe Doctrine. Charlie's having a Foggy Bottom breakdown.

ReturnToMetal October 3, 2010 at 5:25 pm

And they call McConnell a turtle. Krauthammer has the tortoise look down.

tcaalaw October 4, 2010 at 9:14 am

Seems cruel to do that to a cat….

lumpenprole October 4, 2010 at 1:58 pm

It's like he's confusing war with cardio.

"What kind of person spends thousands of dollars a year for a gym that he goes to twice a month? A person who doesn’t have his heart set on developing the good habits he needs to maintain his weight. One who doesn’t really want to make the effort but is just trying …"

hooray4anything October 1, 2010 at 5:10 pm

That's what I was thinking. Start in Belgium and then go straight for Holland. I'd throw Germany into that mix (it is Oktoberfest after all) but it's probably too soon.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Is the goal more negative points? I'd mod you up but if you're trying for a low score…

metamarcisf October 1, 2010 at 5:52 pm

To answer your question, click on this link for one of my better efforts:
http://tv.breitbart.com/dem-strategist-threatens-...

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Why of why did I click through!??!?!?!

It was right there in the title!

Anyway, I'll start bringing you back to zero. Or not?

imissopus October 2, 2010 at 3:08 am

You, sir, are an American hero.

metamarcisf October 1, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Actually, I'm going for Absolute Zero, which works out to -460 on the Fahrenheit scale.

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