DEATH OF A GREAT BLOG  2:35 pm October 1, 2010

Gay-Stalking Michigan Asst. AG Takes Leave of Absence, Finally

by Jack Stuef

Damn Jew bigots always bringing down the genius who speaks his mind.Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell’s campaign to stop University of Michigan students from having a student body president WHO IS GAY is apparently over, and now he has taken a leave of absence from his job. That’s too bad! Shirvell’s Facebook profile and blog are now down too. And he will face a disciplinary hearing when he comes back to work. Just the other day, Shirvell showed up at a Michigan Student Assembly meeting and said he would “not back down.” That’s funny, because he just did! The radical gay student Nazi agenda wins again!

Also funny: Shirvell’s boss, Attorney General Mike Cox, went on Anderson Cooper’s show Wednesday night to defend his lack of action on Shirvell.

“He does satisfactory work and, off hours, he’s free to engage under both our civil service rules, Michigan Supreme Court rulings and the United States Supreme Court rule,” Cox said.

Cox did, however, call Shirvell’s actions “offensive.”

“He’s clearly a bully. Absolutely. And is he using the Internet to be a bully? Yes,” Cox said. “But is that protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution? Yes.”

But now when Shirvell comes back, Cox is going to actually do his job, something conservative attorneys general hate to do, unless those attorneys general decide consumers are being mean to businesses or ladies are being mean to fetuses. Cox just lost a gubernatorial primary against a random businessman running as “one tough nerd,” so he is actually super-against doing anything but sitting around the office in sweatpants, drinking Kahlua from the bottle.

Sometimes media pressure actually works when the people under pressure are not Sarah Palin! And now a college student will get to go back to doing his job being a college student. [Detroit Free Press]

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BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Let me guess: To spend more time, uh, stalking the object of his obsession?

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

More time to fap with his penis over pics of his obsession while playing "Every Breath You Take" repeatedly.

SudsMcKenzie October 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm

hmmm, I wonder what he will do with all that time off.

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2010 at 5:35 pm

My buddy reports anal beads are on sale at the Detroit Hustler. Sounds like a fun weekend ahead!

second_gen October 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Awesome music video some guy on youtube made for Andrew Shrivel

weejee October 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Mmmmm, since this is Cocktober. Someone posting some tawdry bit with photos showing Andy Shirvell is totally ghey in 3, 2, ….

Terry October 1, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Yeah, I'm expecting a photo of him in ass-less chaps to appear online any moment now.

randomsausage October 1, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Pretty unfortunate for a gay guy to be named Shrivell…….

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

And Cox no longer wants anything to do with him.

CthuNHu October 1, 2010 at 4:02 pm

So, no Shrivell-Cox gay wedding, I'm guessing.

And thus no hulking future ax-murderer child nicknamed Tiny.

sati_demise October 1, 2010 at 3:18 pm

oh, you have that one right.

gaydar in the red zone. with a whif of Mark Foley

randomsausage October 1, 2010 at 3:44 pm

Mark Foley was/is a happy gay. Loves Elton John. And young cock.

Shrivell is more of a Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, self-loathing kind of gay.

Troubledog October 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm

He's "absolutely 100 percent straight" out of a job.

problemwithcaring October 1, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Does that mean he is really gay for it?

PsycWench October 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Maybe, horrible as it was, Tyler Clementi's suicide did accomplish one thing previously thought impossible: taking gay-bashing seriously. Case in point. Sorry, am working up to snark.

HELisforHEL October 1, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps now people will begin shouting down assholes like this clown and those heinous little bullying turds at Rutgers and they will be the ones to jump off a bridge. I will not shed any tears for any of them. I just hope they take the entire republican party and the teabaggers with them.
Yeah, low on the snark with this subject today.

PsycWench October 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

May it be so.

bitchincamaro2 October 1, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I thought it was the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard 12 years ago that was supposed to persuade folks to take gay bashing seriously. How soon they forget.

Kitty_Sanchez October 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

I'm utterly snarkless here too. The spate of publicity on gay-teen bullying and suicides is making my soul sick.

Shirvell actually tried to tell Anderson Cooper that his harassment of a college kid wasn't "personal" but "political." And so he felt his behavior was justified. I was stunned by the utter lack of humanity this disturbed creature demonstrated for this kid. It's frightening to see it so blatantly on display.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 1, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Off to grow a beard.

Oh, and note to Mr. Cox: Patron Café is MUCH better than Kahlua.

It's Coxtober!

Terry October 1, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Apparently Shirvell lives in the Ann Arbor area. He's also trying to lead a boycott of a pizza parlor in town that has a rainbow flag sticker on it's door.

mumbly_joe October 1, 2010 at 7:18 pm

Of course, since those stickers are often used to identify Safe Spaces, it's entirely plausible that Shirvell and any tards following him boycotting might well be a win-win proposition.

Assuming, of course, there's no harrassment, which, let's be honest, there probably will be, if the rest of the crap he's doing is any indication.

deelzebub October 1, 2010 at 2:50 pm

He's really focused on doing what is right for the University of Michigan. I'm only ever that fixated on someone I want to fuck…..oh wait, now I get it.

Kitty_Sanchez October 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm

Yeah. Seriously — how obvious is it that this guy is desperately fighting to destroy something he sees in himself? The self-loathing has killed his soul. He is now incapable of seeing this kid as a human being.

Frankly, Shirvell scares the hell out of me.

second_gen October 1, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Tweet from yesterday:

"Great, someone found my house and took a dump on my welcome mat… HUMAN FECES.. ON MY WELCOME MAT!! :("


BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Wonder if he went out and wriggled around in it.

dittoBot3000 October 1, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Another hilarious Shirvell tweet: "All I wanted to do was promote my appearance on AC360 and I am being pounded from every angle." Male gangbanging is 100% not gay.

SudsMcKenzie October 1, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Surely AC wouldn't "Pound" him.

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Of course not. Coop's a bottom.

SexySmurf October 1, 2010 at 2:59 pm

This reminds me of the scene in Pink Flamingos when Divine opens the package with the turd in it, and says, "Someone sent me a bowel movement!" What I'm saying is if they make a movie about this dude John Waters should direct it.

Extemporanus October 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Heckuva a job, flaming brownie!

T_Party_Pickens October 1, 2010 at 8:53 pm

How does he know it was human? Did he taste it?

kenlayisalive October 2, 2010 at 2:37 am

Just compared it to the smell of his rubber fist

Monsieur_Grumpe October 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

He’s probably spending his time trying to figure a way to duplicate and repeat the process of internet broadcasting of college student’s romantic rendezvous with the intent of driving them to jump off of bridges. Everyone needs a hobby I guess.

SayItWithWookies October 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Nice to know that Mr. Cox has such stringent standards of behavior for the people in his office enforcing the law: bullying, stalking and harassment are fine — right up until it gets national attention. Let this be a warning to all his future DAs to keep it local.

PuckStopsHere October 3, 2010 at 1:42 am

Cox is a dick.

TheInternet October 1, 2010 at 2:56 pm

If PeeWee Herman was both evil and deeply closeted, this is what would happen.

GOPCrusher October 1, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Instead he had his life ruined for whacking it in a gay porn theatre.

neiltheblaze October 1, 2010 at 2:56 pm

You only stalk the ones you love. He wants to play kiss the lizard with that boy so bad he can almost taste it.

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Maybe he can team up with Rick Sanchez to write that book on the conservative value of intolerance.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:00 pm

Well he couldn't let that college student go around presidentin' while being all openly gay and stuff; why, it could give people the idea that non-closeted homosexuals could be productive members of society, which would lead to more coming out and less pretending to be straight and slinking off to public men's rooms for anonymous encounters.

neiltheblaze October 1, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Which would, in turn, destroy Shirvell's entire sex life.

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2010 at 5:45 pm

Naturally. There's no way this guy could get a date through anything other than a gloryhole.

DCHatesMe October 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Looking and acting gay is not just for gays anymore – or – Closet … you're standing in it.

ChurchofRealism October 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Meet your new Fox News ragebot. Trust me, this will happen.

SarcasticNymph October 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Nah, they want pot-belied old guys with constipation and young blonde bimbos. My guess is Fox will use him as a way to attack civil servant free speech reguations.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 6:04 pm

"We go now to our chief legal affairs analyst, former Michigan Assistant Attorney General…"

I see it happening.

smokefilledroommate October 1, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Too gay.

Kitty_Sanchez October 2, 2010 at 12:31 am

Wait — too gay? You've seen Dick Morris on Fox News haven't you?

elviouslyqueer October 1, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Quoth (ahem) Cox: “He’s clearly a bully. Absolutely. And is he using the Internet to be a bully? Yes,” Cox said. “But is that protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution? Yes.”

That's interesting. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if it were protected by the 1st, then why do 43 states say otherwise?

natoslug October 1, 2010 at 3:16 pm

That's easy, Cox must not be a big states' rights person. I wish I had more snark for people like this, but all I feel is sad that we're not allowed to beat some sense into people like Shrivel and Cox. Hmmm, sounds like a great name for a cop buddy movie: Shrivel and Cox, Stiff Justice III.

Lascauxcaveman October 1, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Oh c'mon. You can't expect a state Attorney General to know stuff about laws and stuff.

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Laws are gay.

JoshuaNorton October 1, 2010 at 3:06 pm

I see a restraining order in someone's future.

I hope Chris Armstrong doesn't have a pet rabbit.

outragedcitizen October 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm

I hope he has body guards. IMHO, Shrivel is a dangerous psychopath, particularly now that he has for all practical purposes lost his job. Which he will no doubt blame on the Homo-Nazi conspiracy.

Urban_Achiever October 1, 2010 at 3:09 pm

To paraphrase Bill Maher, if your assistant attorney general thinks that being gay is a sin, immoral, an evil temptation, or has any opinion stronger than "who gives a sh__" then your assistant attorney general is probably gay.

Also, to Mike Cox: YOU SUCK MIKE COX!

axmxz October 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm

You both suck, Shirvel, Cox!

petehammer October 1, 2010 at 6:05 pm

To Shirvel: "You suck Mike Cox!"

harry_palmer October 1, 2010 at 3:09 pm

He acted like a hard-on but now he's just shrivelled.

Buzz Feedback October 1, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Taking time off for Thelma & Louise-style roadtrip w/Ricardo Sanchez.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Does she live in Canada?

Troubledog October 1, 2010 at 3:18 pm

It's the same outrage that Christine O'Donnell is filled with. The fact that the gays are "getting away" with something.

O'DONNELL: But let me tell you something! They — homosexuals' special rights groups can get away with so much more than nobody else can!

COLMES: Well, what are they getting away with here, Christine? Tell me what you're seeing…

O'DONNELL: They're getting away with nudity! They're getting away with lasciviousness! They're getting away with perversion! They're getting away with blasphemy!

axmxz October 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm

She should start a campaign for legislation mandating that gays stay clothed at all times, even in the shower.

CthuNHu October 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm

This is why the gay agenda has to be stopped. These are the things that make our lives worth living, and I'll be damned if I'm going to just let the gays take them away.

GOPCrusher October 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

More of that "shoving it down our throats" business?

outragedcitizen October 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm

You can almost sense her getting all wet… with indignation of course.

JustPixelz October 1, 2010 at 6:15 pm

I gotta draw the line at blasphemy. Blasphemy is … is … is … GODDAMN IT I lost my fucking dictionary. Holy Christ on a popsicle stick this proves there is no God. A useful god would give us peace, long life and a DICTIONARY. Or at least a Thesaurus so we could make cinnamons. Fuckin' blasphemy.

transfatz October 1, 2010 at 9:56 pm

She needs to stone herself in the past. Come to think about it she need to stone herself in the present as well.

doxastic October 1, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Uh, Attorney General, cyberbullying is not in fact a constitutional right.

smokefilledroommate October 1, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Now he has more time to spend with his pr0n –the footage of Armstrong's house which he imagines entering, you know, coming inside.

[why is my zero not showing up in pr0n? weird..]

sati_demise October 1, 2010 at 3:23 pm

oh, he will end up on one of those Jesus fundie channels right before he gets caught doing ecstacy with a luggage handler.

HOFAH October 1, 2010 at 3:25 pm

That guy is so far in the closet, he can see Narnia.

BornInATrailer October 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Maybe that is the issue. He's so far back his only dating prospects are a talking badger or Mr. Tumnus.

johnnyzhivago October 1, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Can't imagine why you wouldn't want to have a beligerant, bullying jackass as an assistant DA….

You just know this guy is going to be found on the "satisfied customer" section of "Rent-a-Boy"

LionelHutzEsq October 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

The Socialist are controlling the Government, the Jews are controlling the Media, and now the Gheys are controlling are Colleges?!?

Thank God for the Tea Party so that we can put fat, stupid white people back in charge of everything!

prommie October 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm

This just goes to show that the white christian heterosexual male is the most downtrodden and repressed group in this country.

Lefty_Lucy October 1, 2010 at 8:01 pm

Really, REALLY repressed.

Failed_2_Menace October 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm

This is an ideal window for a leave of absence – great foliage on the Appalachian Trail.

Jukesgrrl October 1, 2010 at 3:37 pm

It would be very lucky for him if he's not gay. Because that photo just screams, "My wiener is cocktail-size."

7pilesofwisdom October 1, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Andrew needs the time off to decide which office he will run for after his grandstanding paid off. Welcome the David Duke of the North!

Jukesgrrl October 2, 2010 at 12:29 am

Or he could go for TV. CNN will have a time slot open next week.

kenlayisalive October 1, 2010 at 3:43 pm

This poor bastard is so gay he doesn't know what to do with himself. It is probably all the repressed feelings that erupted to the surface during the interview with AC.

This guy is such a gay volcano, his eruption formed a new beach on Fire Island.

Probably can't get his slacks on to go to work, his dick is so raw from the constant guilt-ridden self-abuse.

sati_demise October 1, 2010 at 4:43 pm

oh, he thought Anderson would be all cuddly and smoozy. How dare the closeted gays not stick together in tough times!

SecretMuslin October 1, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Most people I know that are this involved in the Alumni Associations at their schools are a bit deranged.

GeoffPeterson October 1, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Making a White Russian isn't that hard, dude. I mean, yes, you do have to buy milk, but still.

Katydid October 1, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Can you be so repressed you don't even know you're gay? How is that possible? But this guy's behavior is so pathological it's beyond disturbing.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Oh yes; I've certainly met gay people in total denial.

axmxz October 1, 2010 at 4:50 pm

There are no bounds to how intentionally self-blind a person can be under constant psychological siege by fears of divine retribution beaten into them in childhood. Shrivel is a sad, pitiful little guy.

Troubledog October 1, 2010 at 5:08 pm

One need only refer to The Strange Tale Of Eric Massa

Fare la Volpe October 1, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Honey, I've known guys with dicks in their mouths who've still insisted they weren't gay. Repression's a bitch.

Fox n Fiends October 1, 2010 at 4:43 pm


Hello ! October 1, 2010 at 4:48 pm

The assistant A.G. doth protest too much, methinks

marionetta October 1, 2010 at 5:10 pm

The hearing for a restraining order against Shrivel comes up on Monday.

I'm not kidding:

Jukesgrrl October 1, 2010 at 6:09 pm

I suppose Coxsy also thinks stalking is protected under civil service rules.

glamourdammerung October 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm

About time.

anniegetyourfun October 1, 2010 at 5:24 pm

"unless those attorneys general decide consumers are being mean to businesses or ladies are being mean to fetuses"

True words have never been written.

bumfug October 1, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Punctuation check: Shouldn't "Gay-Stalking Michigan Asst. AG" read "Gay, Stalking Michigan Asst. AG?"

Mort_Sinclair October 1, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Ugh. The attorney who couldn't maintain eye contact with a camera. Hmmm. Do you think he can maintain eye contact with his inflatable Caucasian male, approximately 21 years of age, with blond hair and blue eyes?

JustPixelz October 1, 2010 at 6:21 pm

I gotta side with Shirvell on this. Because basically, I could get fired or pressured for some of the things I write on wonkette. Especially because I write them when I'm supposed to be in some half-assed meeting with my half-wit boss implementing some half-baked idea. Idjits. Morans. Half-breed muslins. OH. Like I said, i could get in trouble at work too.

Mort_Sinclair October 1, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Are you a public official stalking a college kid on a webpage you maintain under your real name because you can't stop thinking about his sexuality? If so, yes you could get fired. If not, then who gives a shit what you post under a pseud on Wonkette?

smokefilledroommate October 1, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Then you'd have to forfeit your pee..

KennyCB October 1, 2010 at 7:10 pm

I know Mr. Shrivelled is supposedly "waiting for the right girl," but every time he opens his mouth a purse falls out!

transfatz October 1, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Repressed, downtrodden and soon to be restrained. Some guys have all the luck. Remember your safe word Andy.

imissopus October 1, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I don't get it. Why is everyone upset with Ari Fleischer's gay younger brother?

Pragmatist2 October 1, 2010 at 11:14 pm

It's a small step from "Michigan" to "Michigay"

Triscuits October 2, 2010 at 12:27 am

Hooray, now this asshole will more time to stalk gay student bodies! Oh…wait…

Seriously, though, I'm so happy to hear this. I hope Shirvell crawls back into his fap-cave and never comes out.

Plowmon October 2, 2010 at 9:54 pm


DaSandman October 3, 2010 at 3:25 am

Another sad portrait of self loathing. Just bedazzle the shit out of yourself Andy and come roaring out of the closet..

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