Rick Sanchez Finally Reveals World's Secret: Everything Run By Jews

According to CNN's Rick Sanchez, Rick Sanchez is not an idiot, he merely came from a working class family. And that's why Rick Sanchez hates Jon Stewart: Jon Stewart is "bigoted" against him. And Jews like Jon Stewart "run" CNN and "all the other networks," so Jews aren't allowed to be a minority. Makes sense! That is a logical thing to say. "Wait a minute, this guy is criticizing me, but doesn't he realize I'm a minority ? You can't criticize minorities." Why does Rick Sanchez know he is a smart person? Because he said all these comments about Jon Stewart and the Jews out loud, on a national radio show.

If I did just sit there and read the teleprompter every day, Jon Stewart would never say a word about me. He’d say I’m a good Hispanic anchor, “Way to go, you’ve done a good job, stay right there.” … I am a complex human being, I’m not some moron to be…”

Rick Sanchez needs to spend the "time off" his Jewish overlords are about to give him writing a screenplay about his feelings, because he is a very complex human being. He is so very complex that he came up with the very original hypothesis that the Jews control everything, and now we are all stunned by his remarkable insight.

Very powerless people… [snickers] He’s such a minority, I mean, you know [sarcastically]… Please, what are you kidding? … I’m telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they — the people in this country who are Jewish — are an oppressed minority? Yeah. [sarcastically]

There is only one oppressed minority, and it is idiots who are paid millions of dollars to host a primetime CNN show. Rick Sanchez, unlike everyone else who has ever lived, is VERY REPRESSED.

Also, somebody sent us a tip (thank "Aris!") that Rick Sanchez said his first-grade teacher labelled him mentally retarded. But what do we know? We're all Jews. [ Stand Up! With Pete Dominick ]