New 'Osama bin Laden' Video Urges Muslims to Drink Clean Water

ObamaOsama bin Laden has a new vlog! There is a very good chance that the man in this video isn't actually Osama, but for the sake of comedy let's just pretend he is. Anyway: Surely the reigning Hide-and-Seek Champion of the World has videotaped himself rapping mean rhymes about Western Infidels, yes? No, not even close! Osama bin Laden wants Muslims to stop drinking dirty water, because that's an unhealthy thing to do. Also he wants Muslims to invest in infrastructure. Death to America?

A message purportedly from al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden is urging Muslims to tackle famine, flood relief, and clean water -- stark problems plaguing parts of the Islamic world.

The message, which appeared on jihadist forums Friday, strongly urged Muslims to help Muslims by investing in infrastructure projects and developing awareness programs, such as how to deal with issues like water pollution.

Jesus Christ. "Thanks, Bono." (This has to be a hoax. But we hope more than anything that it is not.) [ CNN ]