IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:48 am October 1, 2010

Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person

by Riley Waggaman

Rupert! How did you get such a sexy young wife? Oh right you 'bought' her, with all your money, ha ha.

  • Rupert Murdoch testified to Congress about immigration. Are television comedians the only people now who are allowed to testify about Mexicans? Let’s hope so! Anyway, Rupert Murdoch is “pro-immigration,” even though his teevee network is constantly reminding Real America that the brown people are stealing all the white women, and forcing them to eat tacos — tacos that might have “vegetables” in them. (Vegetables!) Rupert is of course an expert on immigration because he was a drug mule once himself, way back when, during the Weimar Republic or something like that. Rupert Murdoch is old. [NECN]
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a law that will create a “health insure exchange” in California. What is a health insurance exchange? “You give us granny, and in exchange we will kill her.” [Sacramento Bee]
  • Obama is angry at Republicans for blocking all his wise Latina judge nominees. [The Caucus]
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ManchuCandidate October 1, 2010 at 8:53 am

Least favorite Aussie import ever.

Too bad buying citizenship isn't legal, right Rupie?

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2010 at 9:07 am

You've obviously forgotten Yahoo Serious.

Terry October 1, 2010 at 9:31 am

What about Paul Hogan? No, Yahoo Serious and Murdock are both WAY more annoying and offensive than Crocodile Dundee.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 9:23 am

Actually, it pretty much is; the cost is $500,000, and is probably how Rupert got his citizenship.

C'mon, this is America; you didn't really think we'd treat rich immigrants as shittily as we do poor ones, did you?

cheaphits October 1, 2010 at 9:31 am

Murdoch should be before Congress only for his deportation hearing.

Pragmatist2 October 1, 2010 at 10:25 am

Oh, come on. Olivia Newton John takes this contest in a cakewalk.

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 10:37 am

Mel Gibson would be worse, except his parents were actually American immigrants to Australia so he was born a citizen.

PsycWench October 1, 2010 at 8:56 am

Perhaps if Murdoch is so "pro-immigration" he should migrate himself back to where he came from. It's not like they have a jackass limit in Australia, y'know.

chascates October 1, 2010 at 8:57 am

And his News Corp gave $1 million to both the GOP Governors Association and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce this summer.

Badonkadonkette October 1, 2010 at 8:58 am

I thought Fox 'n Fiends get their panties in a bunch when sham newsmen give congressional testimony on immigration?

MsElla October 1, 2010 at 8:58 am

I don't think even Murdoch has the chutzpah to come out against other immigrants. At least not publicly. And why bark when he has Fox "News" to do it for him?

freakishlywrong October 1, 2010 at 9:09 am

Brown or Muslin immigrants need not apply however. Woof!

nounverb911 October 1, 2010 at 12:08 pm

What about his Chinese wife and their anchor babies?

x111e7thst October 1, 2010 at 11:17 am

"why bark when he has Fox "News" to do it for him?"

A tactic Rupert von M almost certainly learned during his service with the Wehrmacht.

SarcasticNymph October 1, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I doubt Murdoch "hates" much beyond personal poverty. Fox screams about immigrants because it draws in their target knuckle-dragger demographic. It's like W and gays. He doesn't seem to hate them himself, but that didn't stop him from running the most horrificly anti-gay campaign in history (2004) to draw his supporters out the polls. They are simply a convenient, disposable tool. It's not personal.

charlesdegoal October 1, 2010 at 8:59 am

The Pommie makes sense. Americans think there are too many immigrants like tourists think there are too many tourists.

snoopyfan2010 October 1, 2010 at 1:18 pm

So true. Were it not for immigrants (both the willing and unwilling kind, ahem), most of us would not even exist.

freakishlywrong October 1, 2010 at 8:59 am

That horrible, evil, ancient goblin is running the country. We're doomed.

Rotundo_ October 1, 2010 at 9:00 am

Of course Rupe is pro immigration, it gives his "journalists" plenty of fodder to keep the bubbas frothing and fuming over the brown folks while Rupe suckers them into slitting their own throats at the ballot box and lining the rich folks pockets. Even Rupe doesn't believe the Faux News line, he just uses it to make money.

GOPCrusher October 1, 2010 at 12:37 pm

I heard that rumor too, that Rupert is actually a liberal and he set up Faux Noise as the Ministry of Propaganda for the Republiklan Party because it would make him billions of dollars.
But I never took the time to confirm it.

Rotundo_ October 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm

I don't think Rupe thinks in terms of "conservative" versus "liberal" or any of that. He is looking for suckers to buy his "product" and vote for policies that benefit him. If liberal policy benefitted the wealthy, Faux would be flying rainbow flags, advertising for planned parenthood, and railing against christianist influences in government. The only side Rupe is on is his own.

ShreditorsDesk October 1, 2010 at 9:01 am

Can't we just 'build a bridge and make him walk back'?

Badonkadonkette October 1, 2010 at 9:06 am

Fuck walking. Rats can swim.

DashboardBuddha October 1, 2010 at 9:25 am

Nicely said.

Toomush_Infer October 1, 2010 at 9:11 am

Why didn't they just ask him to submit his testimony in writing….? Pretty sure he was just "in character"….

JMPEsq October 1, 2010 at 9:19 am

Schwarzenegger made sure the new health care exchanges will all cover in vitro fertilization for men, along with cryogenic freezing for dying wives of mad scientists.

Toomush_Infer October 1, 2010 at 9:20 am

BTW, from the photo: who killed his puppy, Rosebud….?

FNMA October 1, 2010 at 9:21 am

Well, for one thing, Colbert and Murdoch are more credible than that jackass sheriff down in Arizona and the state's governor. Of course, that's not saying much.

Serolf_Divad October 1, 2010 at 9:28 am

I'd say 98% of business magnates are pro-immigration, while 98% of GOP politicians are ani-immigration. The businessmen like the cheap labor that immigration provides, whereas the politicians gain political power by playing to their base's innate bigotry. Of course, even if we managed to seal the border as GOP politicians and Teabaggers demand, we'd simply make up for the labor shortage by offering a similar number of seasonal and temporary work permits. It's all just a big game, but one in which undocumented immigrants suffer an inordinate amount.

PsycWench October 1, 2010 at 9:33 am

Immigration is therefore a lot like abortion: it can be exploited for voter turnout, but you really don't want it to end altogether because, hey, voter turnout. So you propose laws that will never be enacted and impose penalties or restrictions that cause more problems than they solve. I'm pretty sure this is on page 3 of the Republican playbook.

Guppy06 October 1, 2010 at 11:21 am

I think you need a distinction here: magnates are in favor of illegal immigration, because illegal immigrants can be subject to illegal labor practices. The GOP is against immigration and magnates like that because it keeps the workforce from getting legal rights.

thx11380 October 1, 2010 at 9:33 am

That whole "I have one foot in the grave" look works well for ya Murdoch!

LetUsBray October 1, 2010 at 10:01 am

There's never a banana peel when you need one.

MapleLeafsfordawin! October 1, 2010 at 9:35 am

He looks like the voyeur president at the end of Salo.

freakishlywrong October 1, 2010 at 9:36 am

Oh! And happy Cocktober Wonkateers!

Ducksworthy October 1, 2010 at 9:37 am

Came across this BBC documentary that explains why what Fux "news" does is so helpful to our reptilian overlords.

HedonismBot October 1, 2010 at 9:37 am

As California goes, so goes the nation. That's why everyone in my small town in rural Wyoming is gay marrying each other and buying organic hippie food. That's also why we're digging our own fault line. Next earthquake, and it's "Pacific Ocean, here we come!"

Dimitrios_M October 1, 2010 at 9:40 am

Up until I saw that photo, I was unaware that Aussie Aboriginals went in for head shrinking. I thought Rupert was merely a victim of brain shrinkage.

weejee October 1, 2010 at 9:43 am

One way to a green card / citizenship is join the armed forces and fight our wars for us (more politically acceptable than the nasty draft). The Murdochs of the world can buy one through the EB5 visa program where you invest $1M, or $0.5M in selected areas that are economically depressed, and create 10 jobs. Huzzah, we can save our economy by giving green cards to messican drug lords.

neiltheblaze October 1, 2010 at 9:48 am

My favorite part of Rupie's "testimony" from the clips I saw was when a congresswoman used the word "immigrant" in her question, and he heard "Democrat". Hilarious. Sometimes that damn filter gets clogged and anything can spill out.

Mindblank October 1, 2010 at 11:05 am

Wasn't Rupert one of the original convicts in the New South Wales penal colony?

BaldarTFlagass October 1, 2010 at 11:24 am

Yeah, he used to run with Ned Kelly & Captain Thunderbolt.

SaintRond October 1, 2010 at 11:09 am

Years ago I had a girlfriend who accidentally left this tiny bag of cocaine in her vagina for months and she almost got Toxic Shock Syndrome because of it. People forget stuff and what you don't know can hurt you. Really. Life isn't funny.

Guppy06 October 1, 2010 at 11:24 am

Can we extradite Murdoch to the UK as an escaped convict from their penal colony?

natoslug October 1, 2010 at 11:29 am


GOPCrusher October 1, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Because real immigrants are too busy making 50 dollars an hour picking strawberries and lettuce to go testify in front of Congress.

OneDollarJuana October 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Bread and Circuses. Well, at least we get the circuses now.

gurukalehuru October 1, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Tony Curtis is dead and this dessicated skinsack of evil is testifying in front of congress. Proof positive that there is no God.

a_pink_poodle October 1, 2010 at 12:55 pm

I want to be forced to eat tacos ._.

Please, no more OM NOM NOM NOM NOM can I use some hot sauce if it's alright OM NOM NOM NOM NOM

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