America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they’re going to do from now on, because Americans are dumb and visual aids are the only thing they can understand. The Blaze, which is basically just an Internet treehouse of children who tell stories about how cool Glenn Beck is, saw this and decided this was STOLED from Glenn Beck, who uses a chalkboard, which is a similar kind of board.
Imitation is the best form of flattery, and apparently Barack Obama is watching Fox News at 5pm and taking notes because he’s breaking out a chalkboard of his very own.
Except this is a whiteboard, not a chalkboard. And the rest of the blogosphere seems to think this is more like a UPS commercial without the animation. But yeah, PRETTY CIRCLES. PERSON DRAWING PRETTY CIRCLES ON THING ALWAYS RIGHT.
And now Democrats in Congress will be forwarded this video by their constituents (we guess that’s the strategy here?) and suddenly stop being cowards and bring this to a vote. Because that’s how YouTube works: “viral videos,” “blue balls,” “change.” [The Blaze]
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HMMM?!?!?! Why does NOBAMA use an elitist WHITEBOARD insteads of the traditional southern BLACKBOARD, MAYBE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KILL ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE PROBABLY??!?!
Yes, it's a well known communo-socialist-nazi Kenyan custom for anti-colonialist fathers to sneak into their son's beds at night and whisper black things in their ears like "You have a deep seated hatred of White people" and "Never admit that you are a muslin." and "Allow the 10 years of Bush tax cuts to the oligarchs and plutocrats expire when they are scheduled to!" Horrible! Dreams of my father indeed.
Beck has a blackboard and Obama has a whiteboard.
What does it all mean?
Americans have a negative view of politics?
Beck is white like barry's whiteboard,
He's not black like his board is.
It's so vivid!
Yeah! Why isn't Beck's board gold-colored?
Things that make you go …. duuuuh
Good call, Blazers — because before Glenn Beck came along, blackboards were just these big flat things that were too heavy to play ping-pong on and you couldn't eat off of them because they'd give you the marrow shivers when you scrape anything on 'em. If that fuckin' genius discovers fire soon, he could save humanity.
I'm going to call my next band The Marrow Shivers.
That is a great name. I liiikke it.
SWEET!
A Wilfrid Wilson Gibson tribute band!
I'm going to start a Wilford Brimley tribute band. It'll be all about the Diabeetus and Helpin' You Live a Better Fuckin' Life.
it’s his new economic guru Austan Goolsbee trying to do his best Glenn Beck impersonation.
Well, since Goolsbee didn't bust out the tears, screeching, and sheer lunacy, I'd say his impersonation pretty much sucked both red and blue balls.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again:
Fuck Glenn Beck's chalkboard — I have Wonkette's whiteboard!
(Good times, Suds. Good fuckin' times…)
Oh yes, I remember those pre-"p" days when switchng monikers was a click away. Hehe.
Thank you for the clicky-clicky! My laughter is echoing down the hall as I type this! Good fuckin' times indeed…
Glenn Beck got blue balls watching viral videos? Can Christine O'Donnell give him a hand?
Sadly, no. She, uh, doesn't have a, uh, hand to, um…. um… um… spAARRRRRRREeee. Ok. Chrissy'll see you know, Glenda.
I totally imitate Glenn Beck every single day in my own life! I totally inhale air, exhale air, consume food substances, and excrete wastes!
Someday, I will totally get good enough, just like Beck, and I will also walk upright! Until then, being Rascal-bound isn't so bad. I will continue shredding on the Obamuslin administration, as I was trained to do, at Beck U.
I like my political messages displayed on multicolored lite brites. Whiteboards and blackboards are not racially transcendent.
And Etch-A-Sketch is just too nihilistic.
How about edible body paint? Would that work too?
The guy in the UPS white board commercial is number two on my hit list – right after Stephanie Courtney of the painfully endless Progressive Auto Insurance ads. And then there's that fucking gecko. I'm not joking – look what happened to Billy Mays.
I approve of said list.
Stephanie Courtney. So that's her name? Thanks, it will help my voodoo doll work better.
If the word "oligarchy" is ever needed on the white board as it was on Beck's blackboard, you can bet your paycheck (if you have one) that it'll be spelled correctly.
Screw it. If people need shit spelled out on a simple white board before they understand anything, then by all means bring on the fucking white boards people.
If a white board would have spared us the last two years of "Obama Kenyan Communist Death Panel Birth Certificate Blarghaggle!" I would have ordered the damn things in bulk.
The real uproar will be when a political figure starts using a SmartBoard. Russ Feingold? Get a jump on it!
Plus, also, http://www.glennbeckwarned.us/
Where's your
Koranchalkboard, Glenntards? Dude, you have NOKoranchalkboard!If I hate Glenn Beck's blackboard, does that make me a racist?
No, it makes you an erasist.
That lil' bit o' wit made my day. Thank you!
Beautiful, Extemp!
And it makes a chunk of the internet e-racist.
Snark aside, that was a pretty good way to simply explain the whole tax cut biz, to dumb voters. Apart from the guy sounding like he's talking down to me ("GOD you guys; how many times to I have to go OVER this shit!?"). It makes me a bit angry at those richies for hogging all the giant-size cherry pies when we plebes just get these dinky blueberry tarts.
And what is really frosting on the
cakeass is the overall tax burden is lower than anytime since 1950 – yet taxes are too high. In 1950 combined taxes took 9.2% of all personal income, while in the first 3 months of 2010 they only took 8.8%.In 1950 the maximum income tax rate was 84.4% on income over $200K, and that $200K would be just under $2M today in CPI adjusted Ameros. Today the max rate is 35%, a good bit lower than the 84.4% maximum rate in 1950. Iffin' we cut the Bushie tax cuts on the top end, then the max rate will sky to 39.6%, which is still less than half what the maximum was in 1950.
Neilist, we need gunz & ammo.
Think you can maybe put all that on a whiteboard or something for me?
Huh. The way YouTube works for Democrats is kind of like the way things work with "entertainments" involving Republican men:
"viral infection," "raw balls," and "change escort services."
Laura Ingalls Wilder called and said Glenn Beck is just a big ol' copycat!
That and she wants her gunne sax dresses back from Glenn's closet.
Ebony and Ivory make things simple for simpletons on teevee. Side by side on a black dry erase board, OH FUCKIN' GOD WHY CAN'T WE???????
Fine. Now every single person in the country go up to the board and write "I will not be a moran" 1,000 times.
This whole congress is giving me blueballs.
That means you want to have teh sex with teh congress but it won't let you, amiright?
actually, i don't know what it means other than i fucking hate congress right now. But yeah. Blueballs or something.
I know what it means and you are SO RIGHT. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all.
OMGZ. Our local teachers use chalkboards and whiteboards. They must be copying Beckers and stealing his ideas! Shut down the schools! (Before they start raping and murdering young girls!)
I'd like to see the White House present its messages through interpretive dance. Lots of young people wearing brightly-colored tights and big, floaty handkerchiefs to wave around. The message might get lost, but we all need an excuse to stop for a while each day and say, "Oooh, pretty!"
Producing a musical version could work as well. Sure, it doesn't have mass appeal but it could be fun. "Our Message: Glee style"!
Too ghey
I have been convinced for the last little while that the best way to explain the current economy is through pole dancing. The characteristic upside down twirl towards the ground is particularly a propos.
I think you are on to something with the dance thing–especially the pole-dancing, uh, initiative. Just out of curiosity, got a webcam?
Blueballs suck. And why no mention of Hobo Beans?
And now he's dead. May the tradition continue.
But not to Austen Goolssbee.
But especially to wide-stance Jim.
And I thought it was Mr. Wizard.
His point lost a little clarity when he deplored giving the richies a "goose egg"…goose egg meant zero last I heard. Oh well, points for getting in the game.
He sounds like Jon Gruden and he doesn't write anything on the board. It doesn't matter anyway, Red Balloons, Red Balloons.
We needs bigger balls. Moar, too.
First they let Black people use White boards. Next they will want to marry our sisters. You have to draw the line somewhere. But not on a whiteboard.
1) white boards 2) white broads
Waaah! Waaah! THEY'RE GOING TO TELL!
I hope Beck isn't using chalk mined by members of the United Chalk Miners Union.
Do Truck Nutz come in blue? Thank you, thank you very much.
Glenn Beck has a blackboard while Barack Obama has a white board.
It sure is lucky I don't notice colour.
Immediately after watching the video I sent all my money to Goldline.
So that proves that Osama bin plagiarizing.
Imitation is the best form of flattery, and apparently Barack Obama is watching Fox News at 5pm and taking notes because he’s breaking out a chalkboard of his very own.
Imitation? Flattery? Maybe it's mockery.
I'm pretty sure if Sarah Palin can use her hand as a teleprompter, BO can glom that chalktalk gimmick from that Dr. Beckenstein creature.
Beck only uses the chalkboard so he can drag his nails across it. It reminds him of Sarah Palin's voice.
so a brother is black and its assumed he "stoled" something.
Obviously Barack Obama is a guy with a deep-seated hatred of black boards.
when i see all you wonketteers with the blazing red badge of exclamation point negatives i am filled with shame.
you all have gone somewhere EXTRAORDINARY and i have just stayed here.
it's like a purple heart and i didn't go.
american_mutt is Wonkett's Pat Tillman
american_mutt is Wonkett's Pat Tillman
Hear. Hear.
metamarcisf is our triple amputee!!1!
Radio, american_mutt spent 5 1/2 weeks warblogging on Breibart's secret gay sites.. .5 1/2 weeks.
My respect for American_Mutt goes way back.
WE CAN CALL IT THE RED BADGE OF COURAGE.
I actually have an insurgency campaign going on over there now under a different nom de guerre
Support the Troops!
Our yellow ribbons are Trucknutz!
They also serve who fuck our warriors' women and take their jobs.
It was only a matter of time before it became a Whiteboard Jungle.
I already mentioned this once before but if anybody copied anybody with the blackboard routine it was Beck ripping off Dr. Eugene Scott, an eccentric O.C. evangelist tele-grifter who dominated several of the Southland community access cable channels for years. Blackboard ever at his elbow, he could always be found scowling, improvising demented half-muttered sermons in an empty studio, smoking endless cigars and doping out manic diagrams of scripture that looked exactly like religious versions of Beck's Latter Day Libertarian JUMBLE puzzles.
Scott was a lot more fun to watch. He wore a Panama hat, looked like he could have been Tom Petty's dad and filled up huge tranches of airtime with his silent, beady-eyed stare. On weekends he was often on for hours at a time, and he sort of became a comfortable staple of the channel surfing ritual.
Of course Beck's devotees are so ill-informed, insular and incurious that naturally they would not know anything that Beck didn't "originate" himself.
We've discussed his insane wife here too.
Although I would definitely hit her Greek speaking ass.
Laughing (and fapping) out loud! Thanks!
This clip is pretty long but the whiteboard work is just amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g
I read the post on the Blaze and I just hate everyone for being such ignoramuses. I don't care anymore if the death panels come for me or the Tea Baggers; either way I will no longer have to listen to any of their self-involved, deluded bullshit.
I'm kind of hoping Barry is the anti-Christ myself. Then the Koch brothers and Murdoch's $$ don't mean shit against Satan . Let's see who gets two million viewers a night when Obama, Lord of Flies turns his ass into a pot belly pig (to cleverly match Beck's pig eyes). It's kind of hard to use chalk with cute little Babe cloven hooves.
Whiteboards aren't elitist, it's those SMART boards you have hooked up to your computer that are elitist.
Aren't Whiteboards so 10 years ago ??
I'm glad to see our government has finally implemented Windows 95 and Net Meeting.
Powerpoint has become ubiquitous in the military. I saw this "poster" at an air base in Italy about 10 years ago and continue to see it in my travels to our imperial outposts around the globe. http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/200103...
I had no idea it would be expensive to give the big red eggs to wealthy people. Everything is illuminated now. But if it's expensive, why fagocrats let grand ole' honkeys keep eggs? we will need more dry erase markers.
I dunno…maybe Glenn could upgrade to whiteboard – he could still use the white chalk, though….
A whiteboard is not going to get the average American's attention unless you wrap it with cheese and bacon, dip it in batter, and fry it.
Remember to provide dipping sauce, too.
Tax cuts are NOT gifts to any one class of individual, rather tax cuts when used properly are to stimulate economic growth. They only way to effectively stimulate economic growth is to cut taxes of those who have the money to invest. The middle class and the poor DO NOT have enough money, even collectively, to stimulate economic growth. The rich upper class do. The rich upper class got rich by and large by their effective and efficient use of money (Kennedys and Kerrys are exceptions having either inherited are married up into money). Who better to trust the growth of the economy to than those who have a good track record in doing so.
Until we properly cut taxes (and drastically cut the federal budget and return social programs to the states where they belong) the United States of America will continue down the slippery slope to the next Great Depression.
Semper Snark!
or Semper Feist or Semper Fist
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