Anderson Cooper is keeping his job at CNN, at least until Larry King shows up at his studios with a gun and Cooper decides it’s no longer worth it to interview terror-baby activists and hilarious homophobe assistant attorneys general. But he is also getting a daytime talk show, because why not? You know how Anderson Cooper always gets that cringe face when he’s forced to talk about sensationalist celebrity pablum? That’s how it’s going to be for an hour every day, as he reads off Gawker posts about how totally gay he is to the audience and tries to keep the nation’s unemployed, retirees, and homemakers from killing themselves.
The untitled show will be topical, covering “social issues, trends and events, pop culture and celebrity, human interest stories and populist news,” the company said in a news release.
And Coop will wear pretty outfits? On the teevee? For the ladies at home?
Warner Bros. will be shopping Mr. Cooper’s program to prospective stations in the weeks ahead. Stations are busy rebuilding their daytime schedules in light of Oprah Winfrey’s plan to end “The Oprah Winfrey Show” in September 2011, which leaves a major hole in the schedules of her partner stations. Most of those stations are replacing Ms. Winfrey’s show with “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” “Dr. Oz” or a local newscast. In many cases, that means the shows are shifting to new time slots, creating vacant spaces that Warner Bros. hopes to fill with Mr. Cooper’s program.
Sounds like a plan! All Anderson Cooper needs now is a comedy sidekick. He could probably lure that Plinko board away from the Price Is Right, if the price is right. Now that would be a sidekick. [NYT]
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First show: DNA testing to see who Trip's biological father is.
Second Show: Anderson and Dr. Gupta do cleft palate surgery on a child underneath a pile of rubble in Haiti.
Third Show: Everybody gets a new car.
he and nate berkus should just band together for Nate & Andy In The Morning!
I would actually watch that!
Is AC okay with filling these scheduling holes???
Gay now!
oh god ellen and a. coop. can we put them back to back? the gays go wild!
Please, oh PLEASE let the show's title be "Top O' the Mornin'"
How about "Top o' the mornin', bottom in the afternoon"?
I just hope the set has a firehouse pole. It'll be like we're in Andy's living room!
Man, that would actually be AWESOME!
Remember how everybody thought it was great how Anderson sort of snapped when his news show was going to discuss either Lohan or Paris for like the second week in a row? I guess this is his karmic punishment for doing so.
This sounds less like a venture and more like a punishment for him.
What the hell is "Populist News"?
Is that like when CNN's token black guy reads breathtaking twitter punditry and reports on the tragic death of Jeff Goldblum?
Pop culture and celebrity? A. C. must seriously need the cash.
No, can't be that. Remember that his mother is Gloria Vanderbilt. He's the heir to the Vanderbilt railroad and shipping fortune, as well as the huge pile of money his mother made from selling really tight jeans. He shows no evidence of a major coke habit, nor of building bizarre personal theme parks, so I bet you he still has most of the money he inherited. A man can only use so many expensive suits, coats, and pairs of shoes.
Who's the mandatory bimbo?
Hopefully Larry King in a blonde wig.
Fag Hag Kathy Griffin.
Margaret Cho. Duh.
Did Andy come out of the closet? If not, that Blingee just outed the shit out of him.
Even worse. It outed him as a true Beleiber.
"Now, I've got a little surprise for our studio audience. Look under your chairs…
That's right, you guys!
YOU get a twink! YOU get a twink! YOU get a twink!
EVERYBODY GETS A TWINK!!"
If anyone doesn't want their twink, can I have two? It's a long-time fantasy.
If mine has a meth habit, can I send him back?
If mine can't keep his clothes on, can someone else take him?
If The Untitled Show With Anderson Cooper wants to fill the upcoming Oprah-sized hole in daytime TV, he'll need to learn to push obvious hokum like The Secret and cry on demand; he'll need to lose the part of the brain that experiences shame.
…he'll need to lose the part of the brain that experiences shame.
Oh noes. He has to register as a Republican, too?
No, the Orpah / Dr. Phil / etc. self-help and "spirituality" gobbelygook shamelessness is a different, more nurturing lack of shame than the Republican "fuck you, I got mine" shamelessness; both rest on similar pillars of shit from a male cow, but the end results differ.
Let us not forget that Andy made "Teabaggin'" a household term. The baggers are still steeping over that.
I have trouble imagining Anderson Cooper reading the latest update on a missing white girl every 15 minutes.
Hey y'all, I was just over at Nietzsche Family Circus, and this one popped up, and damn if it doesn't explain a lot about the world: "Madness is rare in individuals – but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule."
Now I am feeling naive for feeling shocked and outraged and sad at all the madness. Damn. This is all perfectly normal.
How about the Bear's Den w/ Anderson Cooper?
He could do a whole year of shows just based on his Vanderbilt heritage. Starting how his grandfather Reggie pretty much blew his entire fortune on wine, women and gambling until his liver exploded. How his great aunt kidnapped his mother. And how his cheapskate great grandma Alice sold off the family mansion so it could be torn down to build Bergdorf's.
Good times, good times.
"Hi, this is the Anderson Cooper Show and we're broadcasting live from Afghanistan this week with special guests Kathy Griffin, Maura Tierney, and Train."
HAHAHA!
You get an extra twink!
That Anderson Cooper is such a well groomed, articulate white man.
As my daughter would say:
ELMO!!!!!!!!!!!
Given the recent furor, the combination of this Elmo blingee and the hot & cold in the headline below keep making me think, "Katie Perry's breasts!!!!".
Everybody knows that fat, unemployed(able) white trash women love them some gay bois in the mornin'. if they get AC, with Ricky Martin as the bandleader and Richard Simmons as the "exercise" "consultant", it'll be ratings gold.
Daytime teevee or being impaled… a tough choice.
Do not revile the Silver Fox with snark. His story yesterday about the Assistant Attorney General of Michigan was one of the best mini-dramas posted on the Internet yesterday.
Night time show. Day time show. Doesn't matter, I'm still not going to waste my time. Although the interview with the closet, self-loathing gay ADA was pretty funny.
'The untitled show will be topical, covering “social issues, trends and events, pop culture and celebrity, human interest stories and populist news,” the company said in a news release.'
They ought to go all-in with something original instead. Like actual relevant world news, for people under 70. They'd have no competition.
My local CBS affiliate just scheduled its second HOUR of Let's Make a Deal. I'm not kidding — it's on from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. Cooper could film himself taking a dump and it would be more interesting than an annoying 50-year-old game show.
This may sound look too much serious praise, but Cooper is one of the only pretty talking heads doing anything that remotely counts for anything when you already consider Stewart and Colbert. His Elmers interview and the pathological event that was the Shirvell interview were what teevee journalism should be about.
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