OH BOY  8:26 pm September 29, 2010

Mark Foley Joins His Pal Justin Bieber On Twitter

by Jack Stuef

UMMWow. Congressional-page connoisseur Mark Foley is on Twitter. Is he legally allowed to do that? Who knows, but it turns out Foley has been on Twitter since March. He only has 181 followers right now, despite being rather infamous. When he joined, did he have to alert his new Twitter neighbors he’s gotten in trouble with the law before for messaging underage boys on the Internet? That joke is actually a legitimate question, because Mark Foley is “following” a half-naked 15-year-old boy on Twitter right now. We are completely serious.

How would you like to work in the halls and secret basement rooms of Congress, young fella? IM ME.
Leave this kid alone, gays. THAT MEANS YOU, FOLEY.

Et tu, shirtless 15-year-old boy?
That’s funny, because Mark Foley LOVES the Jonases! Opposites do attract.

'Spinylobstr' was actually Mark's old AIM account.
Oh look, another shirtless guy on Foley’s Twitter. Weird how they just pop up like that.

HEY! OVER THERE! You guys have AIM?
Life’s simple pleasure: staring at teenage boys fishing from a distance and taking photos of them, especially when one of them is shirtless. (This isn’t actually water they’re fishing in, it’s Mark Foley’s drool.)

'I'm, umm, here to support the Kiwanis.'
Also a pleasure: gay bois in full metallic body paint paddling in your drool.

He's on top of the world. Always on top. Always on top.
Hey hey! Almost like a real politician!

TOO OLD. MOAR 15 YEAR OLD.
While you’re in a gay mecca like New York, you may as well spend a tremendous night with at least one aging gay pop star.

Gay-friendly please.
And now it’s time for a grand tour of pure Mark Foley pathos! This is his job now, we guess.

Foley's into dog stuff too?
Here are the only friends he has left.

'Communicate by IM, not angry voicemails, you guys! It's the future!'
Ah, memories…

Candle party / we'll see where things lead...
Oh, that wasn’t sad enough for you? Mark Foley also has a candle business to help make ends meet. We dare you to call him and have him make custom hand towels for you, sarcastic nymphs.

Twitter hustlin'!
Jesus Christ this is just depressing.

But especially people who ask pages about their masturbation habits on AIM.
And, finally, acknowledgement.

DON'T CALL IT A 'COME BACK'
But don’t worry, pages. Mark Foley will be back in Congress very soon. [Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 70 comments }

Crank_Tango September 29, 2010 at 8:35 pm

I just woke up from a nap, but I would like to insert a joke about Mr. Foley and the Dicksy highway. Something about whistling dicksy perhaps?

elviouslyqueer September 29, 2010 at 8:40 pm

WTF!!!!! im getting so many damn gay folowers. AHHH..

Dude, you're shirtless, pouty, stupid, and wearing fucking eyeliner. If Helen Keller were gay, she'd be following you.

Also, Foley's pooches are pretty cute. But that still doesn't mean I'd read any more of his twats.

Crank_Tango September 29, 2010 at 8:55 pm

I think he meant FTW, not WTF…

deelzebub September 29, 2010 at 10:27 pm

He also looks waxed and has both ears pierced. Why would gays think he plays for their team?

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2010 at 11:11 pm

I think that translates to "WTF — my parents are following me too, assholes!"

smokefilledroommate September 30, 2010 at 2:04 am

Or "WTF — my parents are following my asshole!"

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:53 am

All Mark Foley's two pooches are missing is the cup.

Sgt_Biyatch October 1, 2010 at 8:25 am

If Helen Keller were gay, wouldn't she be following Janet Napolitano?

indecencycmdr September 29, 2010 at 8:40 pm

yeah, why is that kid getting followed by gay guys? guy guys don't usually go for sarcastic nymphs, I mean buff shirtless teens w/ earrings.

Kitty_Galore September 29, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Geesh! Now I'm following the hunky teen…

Delicious_2 September 29, 2010 at 8:52 pm

I checked Mark Foley's followers and that "15-year-old boy" is one of them. He doesn't look like your typical teen from Bangalore, India (his supposed location). But who knows. We can all dream!. Another Foley follower is @BigSpankinDaddy. He says he is "Following and hoping to spank some of the worlds most spankable MEN."

StrangelyBrown September 29, 2010 at 8:56 pm

I can't believe you went through @shark_slys's tweets and you didn't post the mother of them all:

@shark_slys well MY HAMSTER IS DEAD!!!! :*( :*( :*(
2:58 PM Aug 5th, 2009 via Echofon

This is probably the search term that got Mark there in the first place.

smokefilledroommate September 29, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Poor thing, covered in doodoo feces inside its Habitrail tube. What an awful way to go.

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:41 am

R.I.P. "Augustus Poop"

outragedcitizen September 30, 2010 at 7:55 am

Or Augustus Balls. Damn, I miss you, Inspector Clouseau!

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:43 am

Mark has "HAMSTER" on his ASS feed.

GOPCrusher September 30, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Why is this hamster wrapped in duct tape?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 29, 2010 at 9:09 pm

This must be the gayest Wonkette posting ever. Well done Jack. Well done.
I expect an equal amount of boobies to keep things balanced.

SudsMcKenzie September 30, 2010 at 5:22 am

If you scroll through that post really quickly its like an alternate gay ending to 2001 Space Odyssey.

jus_wonderin September 30, 2010 at 12:44 pm

LOL

PsycWench September 29, 2010 at 9:12 pm

Does one have an avatar on Twitter? If so, Mark Foley's should be Pedobear, because of truth in advertising.

the_problem_child September 29, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Nice to see he has developed new interests.

Radiotherapy September 29, 2010 at 9:17 pm

A matching lavender shirt, tie, and handkerchief is gay.

Crank_Tango September 29, 2010 at 9:30 pm

i'm sure he was just dressing for the concert–he probably wears full leathers down at bike week too…

emmelemm September 29, 2010 at 9:30 pm

I'm struck dumb by the pouty, shirtless, overly muscled 15 year old boy complaining about his gay followers.

user-of-owls September 29, 2010 at 9:31 pm

You just know he's been desperately trying to friend Vladimir Putin

Radiotherapy September 29, 2010 at 9:42 pm

Oye dé la bienvenida atrás a mi amigo emplumado fino. (∞)
Ahora, hágame reírse.(∞)

user-of-owls September 29, 2010 at 10:29 pm

je je je!

WhatTheHeck September 29, 2010 at 9:40 pm

He’s baaaack. You just can’t keep a good man down.

BlackRhino September 29, 2010 at 9:50 pm

I think it’s “you can’t keep a down-low man good”

GinnehRED57 September 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm

Can Vitter win? Depends.

BrentKockman September 29, 2010 at 9:52 pm

remember when he asked that little boy if he "spurted" into a towel? he was just doing market research!

barkingspiders September 29, 2010 at 10:04 pm

He hasn't sunk low enough for me to be interested in him again. Someone should gift him a wet suit and some dildos.

PresBeeblebrox September 29, 2010 at 10:23 pm

Why is his avatar an egg? WHAT IS MARK FOLEY HIDING?

trondant September 29, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Something something Matt Drudge something.

EdFlintstone September 29, 2010 at 10:45 pm

I believe that's his smooth shaven, left nut.

GuanoFaucet September 29, 2010 at 11:27 pm

I'm thinking a couple of leather-clad, ball-gagged sex slaves housed underneath his newly-purchased commercial center who send him naughty missives every other minute. The egg obviously represents the ball gags.

seppdecker September 29, 2010 at 10:34 pm

No mention of a Dancing With the Stars audition? That could be just the shot-in-the-arm his candle/ fancy hand towel business needs.

EdFlintstone September 29, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Should we all strip down and get relaxed now?

Buzz Feedback September 29, 2010 at 10:58 pm

Bring on COCKTOBER.

chascates September 29, 2010 at 11:06 pm

So we've become the Thailand of the developed world. Ideally, the hidden hand of commerce would confine this to a common chat room but our social networking is now our destiny.

Besides being the world's granary we can provide it vapid addled celebutants and right-wing Oscar Wildes. Either that wallpaper goes or Charlie Crist does.

transfatz September 30, 2010 at 3:28 am

"hidden hand of commerce"
Needs more p-points.

Rambone September 29, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Perhaps Mr. Foley can start a consultation business advising recently outed GOP members on enjoying their newfound gheyness? It seems like a growth market.

xzargo September 29, 2010 at 11:14 pm

Pull it out. Measure it. How long is it?

SayItWithWookies September 30, 2010 at 12:25 am

What do you know — deep down, Mark Foley has the soul of a real estate agent.

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:44 am

Mark Foley will NOT be under-souled!

DashboardBuddha September 30, 2010 at 8:52 am

Win!

Radiotherapy September 30, 2010 at 12:37 am

We here at Wonkette are 24 hour party people.

SudsMcKenzie September 30, 2010 at 1:20 am

The bitch, the bitch, the bitch is back, stone cold outed as a matter of fact.

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:25 am

It seems to me he lives his life like a chandler in the wind…

WALLYPIP September 30, 2010 at 1:22 am

My skin is crawling. Must exFoleyate.

Lascauxcaveman September 30, 2010 at 1:27 am

Joe the Miller of Alaska outed as a formerly promiscuous virgin, too, and also: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politics/20

(OK, former welfare slob, but same dif, since that's the main thing he's against.)

outragedcitizen September 30, 2010 at 8:05 am

Miller and his teabagger butties, sorry, buddies, have no problem with government entitlements that benefit themselves. It is when those entitlements are going to someone else that they see creeping socialism.

Manhattan123 September 30, 2010 at 1:33 am

Did he actually thank 30 Rock for a "shout out"? It was last week's episode when Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) bragged to Liz that he is considered a catch in the gay community:

Jack: "Have you ever seen my eyes, Lemon?"
‚ÄčLiz: "Yep. They're very blue, like a Mykonos sky."
Jack: "Mark Foley once called them 'piercing.'"

Quite a shout-out.

Extemporanus September 30, 2010 at 4:16 am

"Good to see you, Mark…why don't you post a tweet over there?"

Oblios_Cap September 30, 2010 at 6:14 am

I wish we could comment . I go away for a day and now it' s become NRO's "The Corner" sister site.

You damn Monster Nymphs!

BaldarTFlagass September 30, 2010 at 7:05 am

At this point, I figured this Foley guy would be spending all his spare time online looking at teen dick-pix over on Chatroulette.

One_who_wanders September 30, 2010 at 7:22 am

Give him time if he just discovered Twitter in March it should take him another couple of months to find Chatroulette, then watch out.

marycheney September 30, 2010 at 9:59 am

Hoo boy. Just wait until Miss Mark finds cam4.

Sgt_Biyatch September 30, 2010 at 8:23 am

The sad thing about the UN picture is that he waited until after the event and then asked a friend to snap the picture quickly. Poor Foley.

CablinasianDem September 30, 2010 at 8:45 am

EDITORIALIZE IN CAPS OR GTFO!

DashboardBuddha September 30, 2010 at 8:54 am

"He was tremendous tonight" – Well sure…with enough meth and viagra, anyone can be tremendous.

marycheney September 30, 2010 at 10:05 am

The highlight was Elton bringing him onstage to duet "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me."

simplyblue7 September 30, 2010 at 9:53 am

I remember being 15 and having my congressman at the tip of my finger (literally, hahaha).

I was with a sarcastic nymph once. told her to just fake it at least.

marycheney September 30, 2010 at 10:07 am

Gay folowers brighten everyone's day. Gay tulips, happy carnations, merry gardenias for all.

Sgt_Biyatch September 30, 2010 at 10:17 am

I'm imagining Foley in his basement having make believe House committee hearings with his two dogs, Mr. Fritters and Tummysticks, wearing bow ties and a flag pin.

randomsausage September 30, 2010 at 12:58 pm

This would be an awesome social media strategy if you were running for the presidency of NAMBLA.

michelle September 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Great. Mark Foley bought a strip mall near my parents' house!

populucious September 30, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Does Foley realize that when you write things upon the Inter-tubes, it can actually be SEEN by other people?

PartyMarty September 30, 2010 at 4:41 pm

When are we getting the Sarcastic Nymph t-shirts made?

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