sweeping out sleeping in

Meg Whitman’s Illegal Mexican Housekeeper Was Illegal, Mexican

FALSE! She doesn't have TIME to hire a housekeeper! She spends all her time going to Justin Bieber concerts with her girlfriends!Gloria Allred, one of those high-profile controversial lawyer people, shoved Meg Whitman’s former illegal immigrant housekeeper into the limelight today, because now is a pretty good time to do that. Nicky Diaz–Santillan worked for Whitman for nine illegal years, but was apparently fired when Whitman was preparing to run for governor because she was illegal. So how often did Meg Whitman beat this woman during those nine years for not illegally doing her job correctly?

“When I met with Meg Whitman on June 20, 2009, I asked her for assistance,” Santillan said. “I explained to her why I came to the United States. I explained that I was married and our economic situation in Mexico was very bad. We had no job, no food, no place to live and for that reason we made the decision to come here.”

“Ms. Whitman just laughed,” Santillan said.

Haha, illegal immigrants, hilarious. But, unfortunately, there are no allegations of physical abuse in all of this, unlike in that lawsuit filed by those employees Whitman shoved. Well, unfortunate for the media; fortunate for this housekeeper.

Whitman’s people responded by saying it was “curious” these allegations are just coming out now a little over a month before the election. What? No, it’s not curious. People want to beat Meg Whitman, so they found her illegal housekeeper. There’s nothing curious about that.

There’s also nothing curious about hiring an illegal housekeeper in California. Have you ever tried to hire an army of housekeepers for your mansion without any of them being illegal? Well, no you haven’t, as you are not a rich CEO. And you can’t pay for background checks and such, whereas Meg Whitman can.

And now Meg Whitman will be made into a taco and eaten by California’s illegal housekeeper population, because, as we learned from Michelle Malkin, all crime in this country is committed by illegal immigrants and illegal immigrants will commit any crime. [CNN]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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112 comments

    1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

      One can only hope…

      I'm just pissed this came out the day before the debates. Would have been fun to watch her try to tell us how they do it in Texas.

    2. CessnaDriver

      If she could, Meggie would be slitting open alien children and putting her feet inside their bodies for warmth in the winter.

      It's cold in Silicon Valley in the winter.

      If you use two small illegals, you can wear them like slippers!

    3. lumpenprole

      It's Al Checchi all over again. So much money results in so much TV exposure that the candidate hasn't a clue that no one actually likes her.

  1. natoslug

    This is why I never fire illegal immigrants. If you bury them under the pool instead, you never have to deal with this sort of shit.

  2. Sassomatic

    Ha Ha. She took pity on a poor immigrant and gave her a job, and now she's gettin' screwed for it. Welcome to America, bitch.

      1. Sassomatic

        Yeah it's the same way Glenn Beck takes pity on downtrodden white people who have to live with the shame of having a black president.

  3. jus_wonderin

    Whoa. I didn't see that coming. Okay, well, maybe I did. Hiring an illegal cuz it costs less; firing an illegal cuz they are a liability to a potential campaign. Geez, Santillan should thank her lucky stars she was not wrapped in an expensive duvet and trucked out to the desert.

  4. ClownCrusade

    From Meg's web site, on how to deal with evil people who hire illegal Messicans:

    "Modeled after drug seizure raids, Meg will insitute a system where state and local law enforcement agencies conduct inspections of workplaces suspected of employing undocumented workers."

    Quick, read the rest before this section "accidentally" disappears from her site! http://www.megwhitman.com/platform_topic.php?type

    So when can we expect to see the National Guard pull up to Meg's house to conduct an "inspection?"

      1. ClownCrusade

        Yeah, hey, how come eBay never asked to see my birth certificate before letting me conduct business on their site? I could be, you know, a terrorist! Or even a Messican.

    1. mumbly_joe

      What does "modelled after drug seizure raids" mean in this context? Breaking into the building at 4AM, shooting a startled night janitor to death, and then planting a gun on him?

  5. metamarcisf

    How come when I go to the search function at Breitbart and type in "Vitter prostitution scandal ad", all I get is "No results found"?

  6. user-of-owls

    If you really want the dirt, check Whitman's phone records. Dime to a dozen she had "El Pozolero" on speed dial. Sra. Santillan is very lucky that Meg's 'cleaning service guy' got put out of business.

    Infamous drug trafficker Santiago Meza Lopez, 45, was recently arrested. Known as "El Pozolero" (The Stew Maker), Lopez gained notoriety for dissolving the bodies of approximately 300 victims in bath tubs of acid over a ten year span.

  7. randomsausage

    To be fair, Meg hired a completely legal lesbian to be her secretary at eBay. Wait a mo, that won't go down well with the base either! Shit!!!!!!!

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      HA! I grew up watching Dick the Bruiser (he's from my hometown!) and you, Sir Meg, are NO Dick the Bruiser…I bet she's never even bruised a dick (although I hear she loves to hit the strap-on pretty hard?!) also

  8. Rambone

    In Meg's defense, it's well-nigh impossible to get someone here legally to dress up in one of those sexy-french-maid outfits . . .

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It's not *that* hard; you just have to pay them a lot more than your average maid.

      And they don't do windows.

  9. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Ya' know what pisses me off? LA Times this morning had nothing on last night's old man/fat lady smack down of death. At least not that I noticed while trying to find out how the McCourts' divorce is proceeding.

    That is why I get all my information from Wonkette!!1!!

  10. problemwithcaring

    Damn! $25 an hour to clean houses. Why did I ever leave Palo Alto?!?

    Oh yea — couldn't afford the rent on my cardboard box in EPA.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    No, Meg couldn't have done anything that stupid — when you're a CEO you automatically have infinite intelligence and foresight, along with the ability to control the weather. At least that's what's written on the Invisible Hand.

  12. CherryGarCAhhh

    This is one of the few advantages there is to being Hispanic in this country. No one ever asks you about that guy out back raking your yard. Oh, him? That's my Tio Pancho. I just ran into him in the parking lot of Home Depot.

    Tough luck, Meg!

  13. seppdecker

    When somebody who hasn't voted in 28 years decides to "get involved in politics" (i.e. buy the governorship and lower her personal tax rate), you can probably expect boneheaded stunts like keeping an illegal immigrant on the payroll for 9 years.

    She's not any smarter than Christine O'Donnell. She just spent less time at Bible Camp.

  14. twogoats

    Don't you just hate it when we're on the same side as Gloria Allred?

    No? Okay, but I still feel bad for Tiger.

  15. SaintRond

    This sulking, baleful simian creature is so blatantly vile that it seems absurd that actual proof of said vileness is even required, when her vileness is so apparent after only a few seconds of watching her speak.

    Sharon Angle looks like she could bite through human skulls. O'Donnell humping everyone's lower leg. Fiorina who is the spiritual incarnation of the word "cunt" and all the rest of them. Jesus Christ, we're in danger of being up to our ears in fucking cunts!!!

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Wait! I have never used that word and socked my own husband in the jaw (I could have aimed lower) when he called me that during a fight. This deeply offends me . . .(What? Whom did he say it about? Them?).

      All right then. Just don't call your wife that.

      1. SaintRond

        Hey, the word is in common vernacular and it's use in a disparaging manner has an origin. But, in fact, in our house it's a term of endearment.

    2. TX_Bluebonnets

      And that's not even misogyny, people, in this case! This fish fest is run by the spiritual children (sister wives?) of Phyllis Schlafly.

      Be proud! It's 2010 and you still make 78 cents on the dollar!

  16. JoshuaNorton

    Meg picked her up after taking in a matinee of "The Bride and the Burro" in Tijuana. She also caught the bouquet.

  17. finallyhappy

    Gloria Allred went to the Philadelphia HS for GIrls. So did Elena Kagen's mom and during my time there, one of our vice principal's was Rev. Wright's mother. Further, one of my classmates(when Rev. Wright's mom was there so I blame Rev. Wright for this) was a lover and associate of JIm Jones- and she escaped the massacre(with a lot of money, I heard). What is the point of this? It is Wonkette- it doesn't need a point.

    1. Crank_Tango

      at least do us the service of connecting the dots…kagan, wright, jim jones= obama, koolaid, lesbian, something.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Actually i kike to hear of my fellow Wonkettes' connections to the famous, outre and notorious. I personally met Jimmy Carter, Judy Collins, Julio Iglesias and Mr. T, all in about a week and a half.

      1. DoktorZoom

        I once "bused Harrison Ford's table," if you know what I mean….

        Yeah, OK, I just cleared the dishes off it after he was finished eating.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Ah, a fellow service employee. That reminds me, I once searched Huey Lewis' carry on bag when I was working airline security. There was a ton of cassette tapes (?!) in that bag. This was in 2001.

          Anyway, I expected him to be taller.

  18. Wadisay

    Unless the Megstress mows her own grass, cleans her own pool and does her own roofing work, I am guessing Santillan is not the end of this.

    1. TX_Bluebonnets

      Instead of shooting the security guard, could we please, please, shoot the cow that claims to own the place?

      "She was coming right at me, Sergeant…and that face looked like a loaded weapon."

  19. carlgt1

    I'm always amazed that the filthy rich always seem to hire cheap illegal housekeeping staff. I mean, if you make $100 million a year do you really need to save a few bucks an hour difference from an illegal to a legal employee?

    1. TX_Bluebonnets

      Because paying them decently, providing benefits, etc., requires acknowledging their humanity and the fact that they perform valuable work and have intrinsic value beyond just that work. It calls into question the entire basis of modern American capitalism run amok…humanizing the 'customers' or 'temporary employees' means they might be like you…

      1. Ducksworthy

        And that, by implication, maybe there's no good reason for you to be filthy rich and them to be poor. This is a very scary thought.

    2. HistoriCat

      This wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have that pesky 13th amendment. Let the free market reign! If people didn't want to be slaves, why did they sell themselves? It's just the invisible hand at work.

  20. ttommyunger

    I have it on very good authority that the Housekeeper was actually fired for laughing at the Megster's tiny penis after accidentally surprising her in the bathroom. Completely understandable; I fired my last two Housekeepers for that very same reason; and I have no idea what Meg's penis was doing in my bathroom.

  21. piker62

    Part of her plan to raise employment levels in California involves dropping the minimum wage to $5 an hour, cash.

    1. ClownCrusade

      It makes perfect sense. If you are paying one persion $10 an hour, you can double employment figures by giving two people $5 an hour. FTW! You see how Meg is a genius with real solutions for the economy?

    2. jakegittes

      In addition, her plan to rescue the California economy involves outsourcing even more jobs to China and India, and insourcing even more low paying American jobs like housekeeping, janitorial, construction workers, etc., with illegal exploitable labor from the poorest most corrupt countries in the world. Then, all of those people who have lost their jobs here in the United States to this strategy will become customers of E-Bay who will be selling all of the remaining shit and junk stored in their garages to live. These newly-minted customers of E-Bay are the same people that VP Cheeeeeeny referred to during the Boooooosh Administration as "owners of their own businesses" making money buying and selling things on E-Bay.

      Win, win, win for Meg Whitman. But not for you Mr. and Ms. Merka.

  22. AlexisHidell

    Anybody heard about that movie where Leo DiCaprio is slated to play J. Edgar Hoover? Meg would make a MUCH more sensible choice!

  23. randomsausage

    We've established that The Megster has been cozyin' up to the illegalz and teh gayz. What chances she can go 3-for-3 and has some muslin friends? Wait a mo, Pierre Omidyar, eBay founder is Iranian. With a French first name no less! Huzzaahhhhhhhhhhh.

  24. PalinPussyPower

    What kind of two bit housekeeper was this woman? Clearly she didn't polish Meg's fivehead to a spit shine enough because I've noticed that until recent months it was looking mighty dull. You should be able to check for food in your teeth on that giant dome perched on her face.

  25. iburl

    Yes, isn't it curious that we find out about a crime AFTER it has taken place. Hmmmm…
    Thank god for this dirt, because after seeing grandpa Jerry's performance last night, I was a bit worried. Not that Moonbeam was in the wrong about anything, but he lacks the fashionable trite phrases and empty gestures and sops that make a success in the teabag era.

  26. Blendergoathead

    Also in Meg's defense: Have any of you ingrates EVER dealt with LEGAL servants? Ones that you can't pay minimum wage or below to, treat like crap, kick out the door for no reason whatsoever and, in general, treat like slaves? Ones that can seek legal recourse against you when you abuse them, because they don't have the threat of deportation hanging over them (by you)? It SUCKS. You don't get to be a gazillionaire by hiring help that can turn around and fuck you.

    However, in this case, it seems that the illegal help is doing exactly that; turning around and fucking Megs.

    Which is awesome.

  27. Neilist

    Good news! We can forget about "Global Warming."

    Hell apparently Just Froze Over — because Gloria Allred finally did something of which I approve.

  28. PrezCamacho

    Did't Bill Clinton went through like 3 female-Attorney General could-a-bees because they all had hired the hot latina illegal mamacitas babysitters? That's how we ended up with Salma Hayek lookalike Janet Reno as Attorney General. No babiez, No Illegal nannies needed. How can Whitman justify this??

  29. obfuscator2

    republican billionaire ceo firing her undocumented immigrant housekeeper right before running for office?

    christ, is she utilizing some kind of standard issue rich asshole playbook?

  30. mumbly_joe

    This never would have happened, if a previous governor had had the forethought to eliminate San Francisco.

  31. Pragmatist2

    I don't get it. Meg is tall enough that she could have hired a non-Mexican and still looked down at her.

Comments are closed.