Moments later, this 9/11 truck ran over a baby Panda, causing another 9/11.Hey, remember in 2008 when you voted for America’s Next Top President? Many people voted for “Barack Obama” but also a reasonable number of folks voted “John McCain” (Yours Truly voted for “Bart Simpson,” the real candidate of Change). According to a Venn diagram over at the Daily Beast, people who live in states that voted McCain are constantly killing themselves (and other McCain voters) in automobile accidents. Did you vote for Obama but live in South Carolina? Too bad, some drunken hick will surely run you down with his dirt bike. (Or, if you are a Minority, the hick will shoot you in the head first, then tie your dead body to his dirt bike’s Dirt BikeNutz so he can drag your corpse around his swamp yard, to make sure you are dead. This is the “other” kind of automobile accident.) Isn’t life awful?

What was more surprising: how the breakdown between states with more dangerous drivers and safer drivers fell almost completely along the lines of the 2008 McCain-Obama election, with the Republicans again coming up on the short end. Nine of the 10 worst-performing states went for McCain, while nine of the 10 best performers voted for Obama. (Delaware and Mississippi were the respective outliers.)

(Take a few moments as a smug liberal to gloat about this statistic.) The reality, of course, is that Automobile-Related Death is the silent 9/11 that happens hundreds of times every single day in this sad, SUV-haunted land, paved with asphalt and roadkill innards. [The Daily Beast]

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  • LeDucViolet

    I'm guessing the Mississipi stats don't factor in drunken steamboating mishaps.

    • Few in Mississippi can afford wheels that run. House mobile, vehicles not so much.

  • JoeMamased

    Isn't the obvious answer to give every Red Stater a car and let nature take its course?

    • natoslug

      This would be great news for Ford. They could finally sell off that last warehouse-full of Pintos. I'd ask that they remove the seat belts first, though.

      • SarcasticNymph

        Remove the seat belts FOR FREEDOM !!!!111!!

  • elpinche

    One would think liberals would be swerving into oncoming traffic with all that explosive firey Michael Bay awesomeness on wingnut's tailgates and bumper stickers.

    • Extemporanus

      My bumper sticker says "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA".

      • elpinche

        Speaking of awesomeness, I'd like one of those.

      • Good swing and arm extension Reverend Pedo. Hit that succah way into the cheap seats.

  • Tommmcatt

    Oooh, neat. Now do one with Wonkette commenters and methamphetamine-related tennis elbow.

  • jus_wonderin

    I am sorry. If we simple rebooted to 1890 the world would be free of automobile accidents and we'd die at 40 as we were meant to by GOD. Maybe, with luck, in our sleep though I am sure my demise would be by wheat thresher or some horrible Victorian steam device with gears and pistons (and happen before I had my first cup of morning coffee).

    • indecencycmdr

      before coffee? that's just cruel. a fate worse than death!

  • OkieDokieDog

    I take this as more reason to legalize marijuana.

  • chascates

    HuffPo had a map today of the 10 poorest states. All in the south. Ditto with the 10 most obese states. Watch them secede and then ask for U.S. aid.

    • nounverb911

      Let them fend for themselves.

  • Eve8Apples

    To improve the overall level of intelligence in the US, we must mandate Red States to give out celebratory cases of beer and bottles of Jack Daniels to all drivers renewing their licenses. In case they swerve and miss, we should also require shotguns be kept in all automobiles registered in Red States.

  • JustPixelz

    Take a look at the "Marriage & Divorce: A 50-State Tour" survey on pewresearch[dot]org. Basically, the bluer the state, the more stable the family. Family values red staters are more likely to be divorced. Perhaps that's why they fear non-heterosexual marriage, because their own marriages are more tenuous. Or maybe they just do everything drunk.

    • jus_wonderin

      Or maybe they just do everything drunk.

      That has two possible meanings. Especially if it is possible to get a sheep drunk.

  • /snark off

    Is anyone really surprised that the truknutzis are killing themselves (and others, I haz a sad) at a greater rate the brie-addled edjumacated libtards?

    What really frosts my ass are the douches like Andy Schlafly, who has a "certificate" (what ever the fuck that is) from Princeton in Engineering Physics and a JD from Harvard and prattles-on about evolution and that relativity is a hoax promoted by the vast lefty conspiracy. He absolutely has to know what he's putting out is horseshit.

    At least Alaska's Clown Prince Levi Johnson doesn't try to blow great clouds of smoke up everyone's ass. He knows enough that he's got a few months to milk his celebrity, even iffin' he doesn't realize being mayor of Wassilla requires a skill set way beyond his level.

    /snark on

    • Redhead

      "who has a "certificate" (what ever the fuck that is) from Princeton"

      I have a certificate from the Sorbonne in Paris. It means I took a 6-week course in French language and was definitely closer to being fluent than when I arrived and then came back here, where no one speaks elitist french and think it's dirty to even say "french fries," and haven't used it since. But! I have pictures at the Eiffel Tower to remember it by!

      • Crank_Tango

        Alors tu ne parles plus le français ? Dommage !

        • Redhead

          I think you're asking if I no longer speak French (rough translation – et qu'est ce que c'est dommage?) It's a shame, eh.

          • Crank_Tango


          • Lascauxcaveman

            Whut? (Pardon my French.)

    • ttommyunger

      I hate to be so shallow as to judge by appearances, but fer Chrissakes, have you SEEN Andy Schlafly? He makes the Elephant Man look like George Fucking Clooney.

  • Extemporanus

    Another interesting statistic from the article:

    "94% of McCain voters were driving 10 miles per hour with their right turn signal on at the time of their accident."

    • user of owls

      Filled are the bowels of the earth
      with pestilential dust once flesh and bone,
      once animate bodies of man who sat upon thrones,
      decided cases, presided in council, commanded armies,
      conquered provinces, possessed treasure, destroyed temples,
      exulted in their pride, majesty, fortune, praise and power.

      Vanished are these glories, just as the fearful smoke vanishes
      that belches forth from the infernal fires of Popocatepetl.
      Nothing recalls them but the written page.

      King of Texcoco (1431-72)

      …and that's the last I'll speak of the new Wonkette.

    • Crank_Tango

      …trying to run down that cloud that had hovered over their lawn.

    • Yer on a roll this afternoon!

  • jus_wonderin

    I have to wonder if Ford would be happy to have it's logo smack-dab in the middle of the 9/11 buildings.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I scoff, even living in Redstate 10th-worstest Texas. I spent 7 months driving in Kuwait and it was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Most places in the Middle East have shitty drivers, but the roads are pretty crappy so they can't get up a good head of steam, but Kuwait has a real nice modern freeway system and it's Katy bar the door. There are no fender benders, only totals. Red Asphalt big time. I can't count the number of times I've been passed by an Escalade or Expedition or Leviathan or whatever the hell, going 120 with a Baby on Board sticker in the back window and 2 or 3 kids climbing around the inside like it was a jungle gym, even in the driver's lap. Or Disposable Wife unbuckled and changing baby's didie in the back seat from the passenger seat. Shit, my rental car was some weird Australian Chevy with a 375 hp V8, like something out of Mad Max, powerful as hell, so them people drive that way because they can, plus gas is subsidized by the govt and at 85 cents a gallon who gives a fuck if you only get 12 mpg?. It's an abject lesson in what happens when you go from riding camels to driving Ferraris in a generation and a half.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Holden, FTW!

      • ttommyunger

        Sounds like Atlanta, only with better drivers.

      • mayor_quimby

        Word, those Monaros (Pontiac GTO in the AMurica) are death machines if you do anything but go straight. ' Hey what's that coming up next to me? O Shit! It's my rear fender!)

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          I was getting ready to buy a Pontiac G8… you know, before they went out of business.

  • Steverino247

    Just look at all the beer bottles strewn along every state highway in Texas if you don't believe that.

    • Redhead

      Wow. Here we actually dump the soda out of the plastic Wendy's cup and refill it with beer before calling it a road soda. Texas drivers are too lazy to even do that?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Not such a problem, ever since Stevie Ray Vaughan did the "Don't Mess With Texas" ad. There are now collection points and the empties are trucked over the nearest state line and dumped on the roadsides of Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and New Mexico.

  • Radiotherapy

    Everything I need to know about you I learned in seeing that Confederate flag display — you simpleton, racist.

    • DustBowlBlues

      On 9/11, yes, that 9/11, the guy who owned the okie dokie bait shop flew his Confederate flag at half mast. I think we can assume that he wasn't being ironic.

      • OkieDokieDog

        It wasn't me! I'm too liberal to put those poor worms on a hook. I prefer to Okie noodle my fishies. (ha! just kidding – I've never been drunk or stoned or both, enough to stick my hand in one of those holes looking for giant catfish)
        Plus – I have never nor will ever – own a Confederate flag.

  • Extemporanus

    Death Panel Race 2000!

  • awesome_dude

    Apparently McCain himself struck a person with his vehicle after a debate Sunday night. Some people might say it was his secret service bodyguard, but America's Senator would never waste taxpayer dollars like that or let someone else drive him around like some elitist.

    • ttommyunger

      I'm sure Senator Crankypants is an excellent driver, and his cunt wife, too, for that matter. What? His call, not mine, and he knows her better than I do.

    • bagofmice

      So he's finally downgraded from crashing planes to crashing cars?

      • awesome_dude

        I have it on the best authority that the person he hit was Vietnamese.

  • seppdecker

    Isn’t life McCain/Palin voters awful?

  • bumfug

    How the hell do they have so many accidents in states where 60% of the cars are on blocks out in the yard by the trailer?

  • EdFlintstone

    To be fair hoverounds don't offer a lot of protection in an accident.

  • Bluestatelibel

    There's an ironic sense of justice in these idiots finally proving that God does indeed exist.

  • ttommyunger

    Considering that I live and drive in deepest, darkest Dumfickistan (Georgia); I can't say much about driving. Or anything else; they know where I live.

    • bumfug

      I know what you mean, I'm in Augusta for two more weeks before I leave for L.A. I had to be real carefu what I posted online a couple of years ago while my Jag had vanity plates "BUMFUG."

      • ttommyunger

        Fuggitt, I'll be 70 in 6 months, debt-free and $$ coming in every month, not much, but enough. Don't need a job, don't much give a fuck.

  • SaintRond

    If I ever travel through Arizona again I'm going to be ready. If I see a Republican looking person who's been in a car accident I'm going to run over as fast as I can with a piece of French bread and sop up all the blood and take it back to my car for me and my family to eat with a nice Chianti and some cheese.

  • Guppy06

    Socialists believe in public transportation.

  • mumbly_joe

    You know, I really have to hand it to the owner of that truck, because that photo really does fill me with a sudden urge to stockpile guns.

  • Plowmon

    DUI and racially motivated violence are cultural touchstones down here, show some fucking sensitivity to traditional ways of life.

  • DCHatesMe

    We need to stop using the word "accident" for things that aren't unexpected. 'Accident' is too forgiving a term, like we should sympathize with their misfortunate circumstances that were entirely foreseeable and predict by Nostradamus 500 years ago. We need a word to describe thoughtlessness, like "stupid".

  • VinnyThePooh

    America's South has an almost inexhaustible supply of Crash Test FreeDummies.

  • Beanball

    Everything I need to know about the South I learned from reading this redneck's tailgate.

  • DoktorZoom

    Duh. Everyone knows that Volvos are safer, and that Prii don't go fast enough to get into serious accidents.

  • thx11380

    We still have not answered the most important question. Are there trucknutz hanging off that trailer hitch! America needs to know.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Well there you are, you had to be drunk to vote for McCain.

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