RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  3:55 pm September 29, 2010

Teabaggers Embrace Silly Bandz Terrorism

by Benjamin Frisch

  • Gay Republicans are SO BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS for openly acknowledging the fact that gays can ONLY breed society-destroying criminals and welfare queens. [Gay Patriot]
  • Silly-Bandz whore Justin Bieber played a domestic terrorist on one of those CSI shows. Why does TV want to poison our impressionable tweens against patriotic terrorism? [Breitbart]
  • No one trusts the media because of people like us, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! [RedState]
  • One of David Horowitz’s self-important slave bloggers got into a catty fight in the comments section of a blog, DRUDGE SIRENS. [NewsRealBlog]
  • Yahweh loves Christine O’Donnell SO MUCH he will descend from heaven and anoint her queen of America, personally. [DailyKos]
 
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{ 33 comments }

natoslug September 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm

What (besides breasts and a vagina and some seriously eighties hair) does Christine O'Donnell have that I don't? God speaks to her constantly. But does he talk to me? No! He doesn't call, he doesn't write, and he hasn't taken care of the dent he put in my fender the last time he borrowed by truck. Bastard.

JMPEsq September 29, 2010 at 4:09 pm

So maybe Jesus appeared to her in the middle of her work (campaigning) day with six robed dudes and told her he was angry about the way Wonkette made fun of him…

phaVoom September 29, 2010 at 4:16 pm

…or she let him peek through her special curtains. Work what you've got.

Terry September 29, 2010 at 4:11 pm

A prescription for lithium?

JoeMamased September 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Have you tried getting breasts, a vagina and some seriously 80s hair?

natoslug September 29, 2010 at 4:20 pm

I don't think the world is ready for a female me. Besides, I'd spend the day fantasizing about myself and never get any work done.

nachoproblem September 30, 2010 at 12:12 am

It's because she never masturbates, obviously. God is probably more than a little resentful for the number of kittens you make him kill.

outragedcitizen September 29, 2010 at 4:02 pm

I wonder how many of Xtine OD's campaign staff are sitting around right now, wondering just WTF they were thinking when they hooked up with this looney?

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2010 at 4:38 pm

They're True Believers; whatever charges the lamestreammedia brings up just proves their Xtine is the Chosen One.

Prizepig September 29, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Beiber Fever is the new anthrax.

JoeMamased September 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I'l take the anthrax, thanks.

Ducksworthy September 29, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Poor Benjamin Frisch. Combing through the mountains of stinking filth that is the right wing blogosphere to find a few truly hideous bleats. I envision the poor Philippino garbage scavengers. What a nasty job.

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Yeah, today's internets feature a truly ghastly collection of crap. But don't worry, it'll be bad for a while, but things'll calm down after the election. Of course that was what I said back in 2008, too. Okay, nevermind.

Billmatic September 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I like that Alex Knepper outed himself as a "Belieber."

elviouslyqueer September 29, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Wow. There aren't enough plumbers in this world to clear out that pile of shit at Gay Patriot.

charlesdegoal September 29, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Another easily verifiable rumor on the Internets is that next Sunday's NYTimes Magazine will feature a profile of Glenn Beck as a reconstructed alcoholic, wherein it is disclosed that he may have had a spiritual awakening but also that there seems to be a problem with his being returned to sanity, which is taking inordinately long.

VaWyo September 29, 2010 at 4:25 pm

I feel awful now that I know Ann Coulter and the gay republicans think my heterosexual marriage is a sham. If someone had only told me that I had to have children to make it legit …

Now we know. No marriage for gays or DINKS!

elpinche September 29, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Sorry, I'm speechless, but NewsRealBlog has an ad with a heavily photoshopped picture Mann Coulter from 1986 which looks kind of hot. My dick is severely confused right now.

chascates September 29, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Agreed. She almost looks human.

Lascauxcaveman September 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Well, that was really early in her career. Remember what 20 years of living with the Dark Side of the Force did to Anikin Skywalker's boyish good looks?

ttommyunger September 29, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Sadly, human is not necessarily a prerequisite for the average dick…..whimper!

BaldarTFlagass September 30, 2010 at 8:17 am

Hey, I wouldn't mind getting me some more a that Arcturean poontang. Remember that time?

Yeah, Frost, but the one that you had was a male!

It doesn't matter when it's Arcturean, baby!

ttommyunger October 27, 2010 at 8:09 pm

Only one eye, no ears, no brain….Doomed!

elviouslyqueer September 29, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Just keep reminding yourself that the hair barely masks an Adam's apple the size of Staten Island. That should help deflate any possible chubs.

bringmeanaxe September 29, 2010 at 5:03 pm

So glad I`m gay. No Ann Coulter dick confusion here.

el_chupacabra September 29, 2010 at 4:34 pm

ugh, reading someone's blog about the convo they had in the comments section of some other blog is right up there with listening to people describe the dream they just had… interesting for about 5 seconds. it is also up there with describing the size of shit you just took, the amount of sex you accomplished in college and how long it's been since you ate meat/drank booze/killed a hooker.

ttommyunger September 29, 2010 at 4:50 pm

You WOULD NOT BELIEVE the size of the turd I just dropped!

bringmeanaxe September 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm

I just finished reading the comments section at the Gay Patriot site. Excuse me, but I have to go vomit now.

GOPCrusher September 29, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Damn it! I clicked on that RedState link.

Guppy06 September 29, 2010 at 5:07 pm

But the LORD hardened Christine's head, so that she would not let the people of Delaware be.

Dr_pangloss September 29, 2010 at 10:50 pm

Wow that gay patriot site is full of confusion. LGBT(q) people should be conservative because they have more money… Ooohhhkaaayyy.

aisai September 30, 2010 at 2:10 am

I for one agree with Alex Knepper, it's disgusting how CSI can display a right wing terrorist. Everyone knows terrorists only come in one of two flavors – Al Qaeda and secret muslin marxist nazi half-breed Kenyan. I'm sure there are no examples of people being inspired to violence by right wing activists in American history

politics_nerd February 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Well, thankfully God has made everything clear by tossing the election to Coons. Christine surely understands that He disapproves of her, her ideology, and candidacy, and moved the firmament away from her name on the ballot. Think she'll listen?

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