CALIFORNIA ÜBER ALLES  7:21 pm September 28, 2010

Liveblogging the Jerry Brown-Meg Whitman Heat-Wave Death Match

by Ken Layne

Day of the Locust.Should we liveblog the Jerry v. Meg death match? Well, we just held an election on Twitter and we won with 99.7% of the vote! So join us at 6PM California Death-Heat Time for the California Gov Debate, starring the Jedi monk Jerry Brown (of California’s famous 1970s) and that person whose face is on every commercial and Internet ad, because she is literally spending hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars to run for governor of a bankrupt state everybody is fleeing, Meg Whitman (of the 1990s Dot-Com bubble).

As an experiment, this post is going to use Hollywood Magic to transform from a pre-debate statement of intent to liveblog into the actual liveblog, at 6PM Pacific and 9PM Eastern. There is no way in Hell you will want to miss this! California leads the nation in Trends, after all! (Those trends are bankruptcy, natural and man-made disasters, both gay-marriage laws and anti-gay marriage laws, impossibly fat illiterate children everywhere, collapsing infrastructure, unemployment, residential and commercial real estate foreclosures, and BMI/tattoo ratios.

Let’s use California time, for an appropriate novelty-style change.

4:20 PM — Ha ha, it is time to smoke our marijuana, see you at 6PM just like we said.
6:00 PM — “LIVE … FACE TO FACE ….” ABC 7 is your Southern California warblog station and you can watch it also at abc7.com.
6:02 PM — Answers will be less than 90 seconds, rebuttals will be less than 30 seconds, so nobody watching this will be able to follow the answers or rebuttals.
6:03 PM — After all these wonderful Internet remnant ads, here’s Meg in the (video) flesh!
6:03 PM — Wow she’s terrible.
6:04 PM — She’s going to attack welfare and government! And this is how, uh, she’s going to help the unemployed.
6:05 PM — Jerry Brown has become a funny old Jewish man from the Bronx.
6:06 PM — “I know a lot of things.” — Jerry Brown, 9/28/2010
6:06 PM — Now Meg Whitman is … oh lord she’s just going to recite talking points she so painstakingly practiced. This is going to be another one of those rebates: One person tries to have a debate, for good or ill, and the other reads things off her mental hand.
6:07 PM — We are also typing shit on Twitter if you just can’t get enough shit.
6:09 PM — Please stop the terrible smiling, Meg. You look insane, especially when Jerry Brown is talking about the death penalty.
6:10 PM — So, Jerry Brown is attorney general and he prosecutes death penalty cases even though he says clearly he wishes it wasn’t necessary. And Meg Whitman reads her mental hand notes about how Jerry Brown is a liberal.
6:12 PM — Wow. Who ever thought we’d be saying this, but here goes: We miss the dignity that Arnold Schwarzenegger brought to the GOP race for governor.
6:14 PM — She was Rick Perry the other day!
6:15 PM — It would be interesting for Meg Whitman to explain why all of this Terribleness happened with a Republican governor, and under pretty much a Republican governor every couple of years since Jerry Brown was governor, and also before he was governor, but after his dad was governor. (Reagan was the one between the Browns, hahaha.)
6:17 PM — Interesting: Jerry Brown’s campaign is sending me updates and ready-to-paste quotes by email every few minutes, even though Wonkette waited until what, an hour ago to say we would be doing this Local Liveblogging From California? Nothing from Whitman’s Gazillion Dollar Campaign Operation.
6:19 PM — But maybe Meg’s people are emailing the bloggers in Texas, as she can’t seem to stop talking about that miserable goddamned place.
6:24 PM — Read this comment for other Live Video Stream ideas, as the teevee-station websites seem to not know how to keep this going online.
6:25 PM — What assurances can Jerry Brown give to California that he’s still old and won’t run for president when he’s 80?
6:27 PM — His answer? He is too old to close down the bars in Sacto like he used to do, with Linda Ronstadt.
6:28 PM — Ha ha now Meg Whitman is blaming Jerry Brown as the cause of the 1981-82 Reagan Recession. Why does Meg Whitman poop on the grave of Ronald Reagan all the time?
6:30 PM — Guess which candidate just said “I care about California’s intellectual and civic future.”
6:33 PM — Amy Chance from the SacBee says Internet fact-checking blogs say all of Meg’s ads are lies.
6:34 PM — Meg replies that at least one of her ads actually had a fact in it.
6:36 PM — Whitman stands by her one ad that has a fact in it. Jerry Brown stands by his ad that says Meg Whitman is a lying puppet from a dumb movie.
6:38 PM — Gah, it’s heartbreaking to hear this talk about H. Jarvis and Prop 13, the idiot proto-teabagger bomb thrown at what was once the nation’s finest school system.
6:42 PM — SHE JUST SAID SHE’S GOING TO ELIMINATE SAN FRANCISCO!!!1!
6:45 PM — We wonder if she thinks “You know what?” is her “You betcha.” And then we just hang our head in shame, for her.
6:48 PM — Meg Whitman’s going to “boil the ocean” in Sacramento? Jerry Brown is wary of “shark-infested waters” in San Francisco. Well SF has beaches on the ocean, at least. But still, what are you people talking about?
6:51 PM — LAST QUESTION.
6:51 PM — Water: We don’t have enough! Would Jerry Brown build a new canal to steal all of Northern California’s water so the slobs in LA can hose down their driveways?
6:52 PM — Jerry Brown will try to let people have water.
6:53 PM — That was kind of a “what?” on the Central Valley immigrant kids getting the terrible birth defects, WELL LET YOUR EDITOR TELL YOU, oh dear god, your editor once spent a year working on these cases, with a researcher/doctor in Oakland (Emeryville, actually), and those autopsy pictures will NEVER wash out of the brain, never.
6:54 PM — Meg Whitman is giving a very lovely closing statement. It is horrific to watch.
6:56 PM — “I am a very great believer in the power of many.” Meg keeps saying that. It is … meaningless?
6:56 PM — Jerry Brown just walks around watching people get murdered.
6:58 PM — Yeah and to HELL with Meg Whitman for even jabbering about messing with AB 32, which is a very good thing that’s actually getting “green jobs” to people and good lord do people ever need jobs here, the end.
7:00 PM — THANK YOU FRIENDS, for reading and especially commenting and hanging out. Don’t forget to vote, whenever that happens!
7:07 PM — Oh, and here you go!
Actual photo of California going bankrupt.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 130 comments }

Fuck Toad September 28, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Is this a "town hall type" debate? Could someone please ask Meg not to sell my mama's cheese?

blinky_twinkie September 28, 2010 at 7:28 pm

If I promise to watch the debate and click the live-bloggy, will Meg Whitman then melt into a blond Pinocchio-shaped puddle and disappear forever, never to return? It's not personal. I just hate her and want her to spend all her moneys and then still lose. Because capitalism hooray and also cocktails.

Terry September 28, 2010 at 8:30 pm

If you click, a bucket of water is thrown at her and she melts, leaving nothing but a broom.

slappypaddy September 28, 2010 at 7:29 pm

watch the unqualified and the irrelevant fight to lead the ungrateful through the unspeakable.

Lucidamente1 September 28, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I'll only watch if Linda Ronstadt is there.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 7:52 pm

Apparently you haven't seen Ms Ronstadt in a while.

chascates September 28, 2010 at 9:26 pm
V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 9:28 pm

But what a voice. She could sing to me forever.

Limeylizzie September 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm

She looks like Billy-Jean King

Beowoof September 28, 2010 at 10:21 pm

I guess giving up coke was not the right diet move.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 28, 2010 at 11:13 pm

I think this one works better: http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/500/10979483/Li

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2010 at 9:52 am

Ahhh…if only we all could look like we did in our 20s. Except me of course. I have actually gotten better looking over the years. I still look like crap, but you should have seen me then.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2010 at 7:54 pm

I wonder if she can still fit in to a Cub Scout uniform?
Maybe she just snacks on Cub Scouts.

Fred_Wertham_Jr September 28, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Jerry Brown boned Linda Ronstadt at the peak of her boneability so don't underestimate the man. I think he's going to fuck Meg too.

Beowoof September 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Oh that would be sweet if he would do her in the ass in front of the Coit Tower.

natoslug September 28, 2010 at 7:30 pm

Ha! My kids are skinny and literate, and we just moved back INTO California, with jobs. We're such rebels. I feel so superior.

Lucidamente1 September 28, 2010 at 7:33 pm

I'll only watch if Meg Whitman performs an unnatural act with the corpse of Howard Jarvis.

LetUsBray September 28, 2010 at 9:46 pm

I believe she's planning to use the corpse of Howard Jarvis to perform unnatural acts on the people of California

OneDollarJuana September 29, 2010 at 1:37 pm

I just watched "Airplane" with my daughter and wife (who is from Michigan). When Howard Jarvis was abandoned in the cab I tried to explain in between jokes who he was and why it was funny, but had to give up. Besides, it's just too sad what economic terror his philosophy has wreaked upon poor California. Just like the Tim Eyman initiatives here in Washington (look him up).

Steverino247 September 28, 2010 at 7:42 pm

I predict the Jerry will beat the living shit out of Meg. He will shove his agenda up her ass and drop talking points until the cameras go click on her sad face.

Nobody fucks with the Jerry!

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Nobody's going to win a mind game contest with a former Jesuit novice, that's for sure. Slice her up, Jerry.

Cruz Bustamonte: this could have been your night!

Steverino247 September 28, 2010 at 8:54 pm

Very true about the Jerry being much better at Jesuit mind tricks. Nobody can turn brains inside out better than they can.

JustPixelz September 28, 2010 at 9:30 pm

Cruz Bustamonte? Either one of those mid-20th century intellectuals. OR, former lieutenant governor who lost to The Arnold and Mary Cary a few years ago.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 9:33 pm

The latter. What a joker. I voted for him. Don't hate me.

Texan_Bulldog September 28, 2010 at 7:48 pm

Jesus, the word "nude" should never be in close proximity to Jerry Brown or esp.(!) Meg Whitman. Gahhh…..

iburl September 28, 2010 at 9:08 pm

Why do you think they call him Governor Moonbeam anyway? (hint: the shiny naked ass)

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 28, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Interesting factoid: Governor Moonbeam came about because Jerry wanted to use satellite communication between state offices. And of course Republicans, those of the Internet Tube variety, saw no sense in such silliness.

harry_palmer September 29, 2010 at 12:05 am

I thought Mike Royko named him that. For being a spaced-out Californian (who was boning a hot chick with a gorgeous voice, which Royko took as proof of the absurdity of life).

imissopus September 28, 2010 at 7:50 pm

California let it's Tea Party-adjacent anger get the better of it a few years ago when we recalled our then-Governor Gray Davis and replaced him with the Governator. Now we are collapsing faster than Joan Rivers' face. America beware! This is what you get!

On the plus side we might legalize weed in a few weeks so none of us are going to notice the Apocalypse anymore.

hooray4anything September 28, 2010 at 8:42 pm

We'd be in the same mess even if Gray Davis was still our Governor. Like most things in life, the downfall all started with Ronald Reagan.

imissopus September 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm

That's probably true about Gray Davis. I was thinking more about giving in to the inchoate I'm-mad-as-hell-and-I'm-not-going-to-take-it-anymore rage of a certain portion of the electorate that does not know what it wants, just that it wants it yesterday and will blame the most visible politician for his failure to give it to them.

Also the recall movement began with Darrell Issa and his money, much like the Tea Party has the financial backing of wealthy right-wingers. Fool me once, and so forth. Though I know I'm preaching to the converted on Wonkette, unless Harry Tuttle goes for a return engagement.

hooray4anything September 28, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Ah, yes….. the old "I'm going to vote for Jeffrey Dahmer this year to send a message to Washington DC because they haven't gotten the message I sent in the last election when I voted in Harry Potter because I thought his wand would be able to cut government spending."

Issa, by the way, is already listing the various investigations he's going to start with if the Republicans win. For those of you who miss ACORN conspiracies, well, they could be coming back for a sequel.

OneDollarJuana September 29, 2010 at 1:41 pm

My mom worked for a mental hospital during the Reagan era. She would come home fuming because Reagan was turning the poor mentally-incompetent out into the streets (literally) to save money. Unfortunately, those nuts got elected as Republicans.

zhubajie September 29, 2010 at 7:07 am

I don't believe it. Puritans are too strong in America to let weed ever be legalized! Probably alcohol prohibition (again!) is more likely. :-(

fuflans September 28, 2010 at 7:54 pm

well won't this be special?

GuanoFaucet September 28, 2010 at 8:01 pm

Hey Ken, for the liveblogging festivities can you please use that picture of the oompa loompa, the crying rabbit furries, and the person with gunt (fupa?) on the gurney?

Damn I miss that lovely picture.

Ken Layne September 28, 2010 at 8:15 pm

Oh hell yeah we will break that out.

GuanoFaucet September 28, 2010 at 8:22 pm

Yay, thanks pope cat!

PocketsTheClown September 29, 2010 at 1:14 am

My EYES GAAAHHH

fuflans September 28, 2010 at 8:34 pm

california dreamin

not that Dewey September 28, 2010 at 9:43 pm

I believe it's called a "pannus" or, if you prefer, "panniculus".

blinky_twinkie September 28, 2010 at 10:23 pm

I prefer "gunt," thank you very much.

not that Dewey September 28, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Gunt is nice.

Lascauxcaveman September 29, 2010 at 2:27 am

A gunt is NOT nice.

Sheesh, you people! GAAHHH, MY EYES!!!

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2010 at 9:46 am

On a somewhat serious note – just what the hell IS that picture? What's the story there…costume party, a GOP caucus gone wrong, what?

cymchikster September 28, 2010 at 8:07 pm

Well shit. And me with no pot. I suppose I can open the sliding glass door and breathe deeply. There's bound to be neighbor kids smoking it somewhere around here. I'd befriend them, but I can't stand kids. I could hardly wait for my kids to grow up.

Crank_Tango September 28, 2010 at 8:36 pm

my entire neighborhood smells like skunks and there isn't a skunk for miles. gotta love california.

Lascauxcaveman September 29, 2010 at 2:29 am

You sound like a wonderful mother. (You don't make them smoke crack to put them to sleep at night, do you? That would not be a very good thing, I think.)

OneDollarJuana September 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm

You must not be parent. Crack wakes 'em up. Demerol puts 'em down.

cymchikster October 27, 2010 at 7:53 pm

My kids are in their late-twenties. They're responsible and thoughtful people. So don't worry your pretty little head.

Gleem_McShineys September 28, 2010 at 8:13 pm

As a Californian, working in the Bankruptcy industry, right here in the very capital, I can say, work has been great lately! It's like totally a way-hawtt trend and stuff!

Looking forward to after the election where Meg has to concede, then has to file Chapter 7.

Buzz Feedback September 28, 2010 at 8:18 pm

Brother Jerry is starting to look like Marshall Applewhite.

loquacioustunes September 28, 2010 at 8:28 pm

Is that really Carly in that picture on the far right? Jesus. Jerry Brown had better watch his feet.

Terry September 28, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Let's send Carly to live and work in Bangalore, mkay?

hooray4anything September 28, 2010 at 8:38 pm

I'm wondering if Meg is going to answer any questions or is she just going to throw gold coins into the audience.

elpinche September 28, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Ultimately, it's a battle between Captain Stubing and Henrietta Zombie …DEAD BY DAWN, DEAD BY DAWN!! Gutbutt LadyMan.

weejee September 28, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Will Meggers come in wearing high heels or platforms and pat Jerry on the head?

DashboardBuddha September 28, 2010 at 8:53 pm

God? Are ya there? Please let Jerry hand this lying charlatan her ass?

natoslug September 28, 2010 at 9:00 pm

ZOMG IT'S STARTING!!!! WHERE'S THE LIVEBLOGGING?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Anyone have a link to the debate stream?

chascates September 28, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2010 at 9:28 pm

thanks

bakenekoX September 28, 2010 at 9:07 pm

Try this one if you can't get a feed off of KCRA or KTVU:
http://www.mercurynews.com/california-governors-r

iburl September 28, 2010 at 9:45 pm

works nice √

Steverino247 September 28, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Reading off her mental hand? That would be the invisible hand of the free market, wouldn't it? If it's palm reading and Meg fucks up that Political Life line would stop right about now.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2010 at 9:13 pm

She likes to kill people. A lot.

HurricaneAli September 28, 2010 at 9:20 pm

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

HurricaneAli September 28, 2010 at 9:22 pm

Seriously, tho', Megs got a case of JerryLewisatosis from that Blingee decoupage; however, Blingees can be misleading!

HurricaneAli September 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm

Wait, I take that back. Blingees are not misleading.

Steverino247 September 28, 2010 at 9:23 pm

Let me state this clearly for the record: Fuck Texas and anything that makes California look like Texas in any way.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 9:34 pm

Jerry shoulda said, "Do you want to spend your vacation at Monterey or South Padre Island? Do you want to go skiing at Lake Tahoe, or…uh… I rest my case."

Beowoof September 28, 2010 at 10:27 pm

Hey Don't Mess with Texas, its not nice to pick on retards.

kenlayisalive September 28, 2010 at 9:24 pm

Ah yes "the taxpayers".

Radiotherapy September 28, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Especially the precious 1%. The job creating, overburdened, poor rich, they never did anything to you 1%.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Whitman just said, "We have to eliminate sanctuary cities, starting with San Francisco." Start the bombing!

weejee September 28, 2010 at 10:03 pm

SFO is our sanctuary city. Air fares there are sometimes so silly low they beat what it would cost my wife & I to drive from C'Addle to Portland (and no, we don't have a drive a Hummer). I suggest we bomb Orange County instead if bomb we must.

Limeylizzie September 28, 2010 at 10:14 pm

I am a part-time resident of Los Angeles and the only way I can stand to be there even part-time is if I go to San Francisco a lot.

Beowoof September 28, 2010 at 10:28 pm

Try Vegas, my future retirement home, nothing says happy times, like casinos to get my social security and hot enough to fry my fat ass.

chascates September 28, 2010 at 9:44 pm

So basically: drastically limiting property tax increases and easy, whackjob referendums have created a state that can never have enough revenue to be a viable state. One state that could by its GNP stand as a major country. Only the 'drown the gummit' brigade has kneecapped it. And someone would want to be in charge of this?

comrad_darkness September 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm

That's why governor of california is a perfect job for an actor.

Beowoof September 28, 2010 at 10:30 pm

Who to nominate next. I am in the Tom Cruise camp, I think it would be interesting to put the really crazy in power. I mean crazier than tea baggers. Oh think of his fellow worshipers he could add to state administrative positions. The possibilities are endless.

chascates September 28, 2010 at 11:37 pm

How's about Mel Gibson as Lieut. Gov?

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 9:56 pm

It's not even the property tax limits, although that's a factor. The dirtbags slipped in a requirement that it takes a 2/3 majority to raise ANY fucking tax rate, and a 2/3 majority in each house of the legislature to pass a fucking budget. My fellow Californicators just leaped at the property tax relief, and instantaneously turned the state into an ungovernable looney bin.

BTW, I owned three houses in 1986 and voted NO on Prop 13. But that's because I'm not stupid.

Oh, and I sometimes wish I believed in Hell, so that I could hope that Howard Jarvis and Paul Gann would rot in it for eternity.

savethispatient September 28, 2010 at 10:01 pm

You owned three houses in California? It's a pleasure to meet you, Senator McCain. Send our regards to your daughter!

weejee September 28, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Hopefully, s/he's paid-off the mortgages.

Another C'Addler, eh?

savethispatient September 28, 2010 at 11:15 pm

Ah, yes, I am indeed! There appears to be a few around here these days. As you probably guessed, I'm also a furriner, but I've got better at saying C'addle instead of the terribly annoying See-aht-till of my compatriots.
I was one of the few wonketteers from our local meetup back when that O'Bama guy got elected. I drank a Wonkettini…. Don't remember much else…

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:28 pm

Ah, there was this divorce, so I only wound up with 1.5 houses. And I still wish I could parboil Jarvis and Gann.

iburl September 28, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Meg: Breaking Glass and Boiling the Oceans in Sacramento since 2011

comrad_darkness September 28, 2010 at 9:53 pm

Wait, I thought we didn't have Jerry Brown to kick around anymore?

mumbly_joe September 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm

I'm going to steal someone else's twatter comment here, but what do you call it when someone walks around repeating that "definition of insanity" quip over and over again?

chascates September 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm

I consider it 'waiting for a lightening strike' but it is a tired cliche, tired being extra tedious used with cliche.

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:29 pm

A meta-definition?

4tehlulz_lite September 28, 2010 at 10:01 pm

So basically Meg Whitman is running for governor of Texas.

Ken Layne September 28, 2010 at 10:02 pm

You think? She stuck to her script very well, but she didn't seem at all *engaged* to me, but I like openly crazy people like Brown.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 10:04 pm

She wasn't scary. Yes she was wooden with that rictus of a smile. But she could've done worse. I like Jerry too: mayor of fucking Oakland, because why not?

Left_Leftie September 29, 2010 at 12:45 am

Jerry was an great Mayor of Oakland, but he had his eye on the Governor's seat. Oakland was his way of easing back into the public eye before he reached for the DA job that made him such a "natural choice" as the Democratic governor candidate.

imissopus September 28, 2010 at 10:07 pm

I didn't watch it so all I want to know is this: did any airplanes mistake Meg's forehead for a runway and try to land on her?

Gleem_McShineys September 28, 2010 at 10:13 pm

That's a fivehead, at least.

Crank_Tango September 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Melon (whale):The melon is a oily, fatty lump of tissue found at the centre of the forehead of most dolphins and toothed whales The function of the melon is not completely understood, but scientists believe it provides a means of focussing sounds used in echolocation.
http://dolphins.jump-gate.com/start_page/dolphin_

imissopus September 28, 2010 at 11:53 pm

So Meg might be Daredevil?

trhindman September 28, 2010 at 10:09 pm

I just went through a bottle of wine, during the debate. Then, I promised (on paper) to move to Boston if she wins, and I hate Boston. So please, vote for Jerry Brown. I'm a lifelong Californian, I will die in the heat.

chascates September 28, 2010 at 10:16 pm

That picture is such a telling comment on the state of our republic right now.

Radiotherapy September 28, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Wait, did they talk about pot? Don't you need water to grow pot? My glaucoma is killing me here. Tax the ganja, wouldn't that fix the shortfall?

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Dunno, but I'm afraid Jerry is gonna have to be ambiguous. Something I've never completely understood is this: I'm 62, but I was a slow breeder, so my kids are 18 and 21. They're both okay with weed. I'm okay with weed. Somehow, there seems to be this mass of 30-50 year old parents who have it confused with heroin (TM Bayer).

The part I don't understand is, California has been full of stoners since I landed here in '72. Where did all these re-virginated parents come from?

KochFembot September 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm

I am not from California, but I ask Californians to PLEASE vote for Jerry Brown because the rest of us DO NOT want to see this ebay lady or hear her talk anymore. Please make her go away. WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

hooray4anything September 28, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Considering she's spent like a billion dollars of her own money on this election and was only slightly leading Brown before he even started campaigning is a pretty good indication about how well she's doing. The moment Brown started putting ads on TV, he moved ahead in the polls. Now, if he only he'd take her out at the knees like Boxer did to Fiorina

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:31 pm

I am from California, and I will not even charge you any Ameros for my vote for Moonbeam II.

BarackMyWorld September 28, 2010 at 11:23 pm

As a fan of SNL in the late 80s (Carvey, Nealon, Hartman, Lovitz, and Dennis Miller when he was still funny), I used to often wonder if Jerry Brown was any relation to A. Whitney Brown. They always looked/sounded alike to me.

harry_palmer September 29, 2010 at 12:25 am

Dennis Miller was never actually funny, but HE was so impressed with his own cleverness that for a while a few others were fooled and thought they must be missing it.

Lascauxcaveman September 29, 2010 at 2:41 am

Eh, he was kinda funny. But he was no A. Whitney Brown, I will grant you that. (I have his book, it's very good, actually. It's called "The Big Picture" if you can believe that. )

DashboardBuddha September 29, 2010 at 9:50 am

Sigh…Phil Hartman. We hardly knew you. RIP.

fuflans September 28, 2010 at 11:41 pm

i know this is way shallow, but exactly how many wattles DOES meg have?

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:58 pm

I think it's fractal.

kittylittr September 29, 2010 at 1:54 am

She grows a new one each time she fails to vote in an election, so hundreds.

aguacatero September 28, 2010 at 11:46 pm

Ebay lady gonna lose — California NOT FOR SALE, you lowlife (or at least not that blatantly for sale).

ShaveTheWhales September 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm

Ken, I want to express my sympathy for you having to listen to this on our behalf. I don't have to listen to it, because the only way I would vote for Meggie would involve a disturbingly self-aware meteorite crashing through my roof and jostling my arm as I was filling in my vote-by-mail ballot and then hypnotizing me to forget it happened so I would mail in my vote. Wait — is this the Event?

Nah. Fuck (metaphorically, please, I have some standards) Meg.

Also, I confess to not knowing the provenance of the final photo, but I have copied it and will randomly proliferate it. Thank you for that, also, too.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2010 at 12:15 am

Sorry ladies, but it's a fact: Americuh trusts bald white dudes more than fat chicks.

Except Oprah of course.

Fare la Volpe September 29, 2010 at 7:37 am

You already said bald dudes.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 29, 2010 at 12:17 am

Oh please, everyone loves the IE. It's where all our great motorcyclist racers are bred. And the Central Valley!!! Come on, try saying "raisin" without a smile.

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2010 at 12:57 am

I'm sorry I missed this — what's weird is that twenty years ago if you spent the day telling Californians that in 2010 Jerry Brown would be the saner of the two candidates for governor, you'd've ended up stuffed in a dumpster behind a video store. Hell I couldn't believe that he rose from the grave to run for mayor of Oakland — but we live in strange times.

(Managed to spell "twenty" right on the second try. I love this edit feature.)

transfatz September 29, 2010 at 1:08 am

Oh shit! Jerry Brown is running against David Koch in drag?

Jukesgrrl September 29, 2010 at 2:00 am

Do I have a mental hand?

Jukesgrrl September 29, 2010 at 2:02 am

Oh, and thanks for the photo. 113 degrees, I guess the corpses do blow up real quick.

x111e7thst September 29, 2010 at 7:39 am

I am Governor Jerry Brown. My aura smiles And never frowns ..

That said GO JERRY!

Gleem_McShineys September 29, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I was listening to this very thing just the other day, thinking how cute that at one time there was some idea that Jerry Brown would usher in an era of what… hippie-fascism?

I guess back in 1979 our crystal balls didn't envision the rise of the Third Frysch, fructose-guzzling teevee-powered patridiots we have now.

doloras September 29, 2010 at 8:08 pm

Even Jello Biafra realised that a couple of years later (ref: "We've Got A Bigger Problem Now")

outragedcitizen September 29, 2010 at 8:31 am

My God, what happened to Meg Whitman? Why was she carried out on a stretcher? How can you leave us hanging like this?

neiltheblaze September 29, 2010 at 9:21 am

Christ – if Meg Whitman had on any more foundation, you'd be able to build a ground zero mosque on her face.

HistoriCat September 29, 2010 at 9:55 am

Are you sure she didn't say “I am a very great believer in the power of money” ? That would make so much more sense.

OneDollarJuana September 29, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Hmmm. Looks more like a "gutt" to me. Kinda like someone was lying on him and kind of melted in. Except for the rear end.

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