Should we liveblog the Jerry v. Meg death match? Well, we just held an election on Twitter and we won with 99.7% of the vote! So join us at 6PM California Death-Heat Time for the California Gov Debate, starring the Jedi monk Jerry Brown (of California’s famous 1970s) and that person whose face is on every commercial and Internet ad, because she is literally spending hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars to run for governor of a bankrupt state everybody is fleeing, Meg Whitman (of the 1990s Dot-Com bubble).
As an experiment, this post is going to use Hollywood Magic to transform from a pre-debate statement of intent to liveblog into the actual liveblog, at 6PM Pacific and 9PM Eastern. There is no way in Hell you will want to miss this! California leads the nation in Trends, after all! (Those trends are bankruptcy, natural and man-made disasters, both gay-marriage laws and anti-gay marriage laws, impossibly fat illiterate children everywhere, collapsing infrastructure, unemployment, residential and commercial real estate foreclosures, and BMI/tattoo ratios.
Let’s use California time, for an appropriate novelty-style change.
4:20 PM — Ha ha, it is time to smoke our marijuana, see you at 6PM just like we said.
6:00 PM — “LIVE … FACE TO FACE ….” ABC 7 is your Southern California warblog station and you can watch it also at abc7.com.
6:02 PM — Answers will be less than 90 seconds, rebuttals will be less than 30 seconds, so nobody watching this will be able to follow the answers or rebuttals.
6:03 PM — After all these wonderful Internet remnant ads, here’s Meg in the (video) flesh!
6:03 PM — Wow she’s terrible.
6:04 PM — She’s going to attack welfare and government! And this is how, uh, she’s going to help the unemployed.
6:05 PM — Jerry Brown has become a funny old Jewish man from the Bronx.
6:06 PM — “I know a lot of things.” — Jerry Brown, 9/28/2010
6:06 PM — Now Meg Whitman is … oh lord she’s just going to recite talking points she so painstakingly practiced. This is going to be another one of those rebates: One person tries to have a debate, for good or ill, and the other reads things off her mental hand.
6:07 PM — We are also typing shit on Twitter if you just can’t get enough shit.
6:09 PM — Please stop the terrible smiling, Meg. You look insane, especially when Jerry Brown is talking about the death penalty.
6:10 PM — So, Jerry Brown is attorney general and he prosecutes death penalty cases even though he says clearly he wishes it wasn’t necessary. And Meg Whitman reads her mental hand notes about how Jerry Brown is a liberal.
6:12 PM — Wow. Who ever thought we’d be saying this, but here goes: We miss the dignity that Arnold Schwarzenegger brought to the GOP race for governor.
6:14 PM — She was Rick Perry the other day!
6:15 PM — It would be interesting for Meg Whitman to explain why all of this Terribleness happened with a Republican governor, and under pretty much a Republican governor every couple of years since Jerry Brown was governor, and also before he was governor, but after his dad was governor. (Reagan was the one between the Browns, hahaha.)
6:17 PM — Interesting: Jerry Brown’s campaign is sending me updates and ready-to-paste quotes by email every few minutes, even though Wonkette waited until what, an hour ago to say we would be doing this Local Liveblogging From California? Nothing from Whitman’s Gazillion Dollar Campaign Operation.
6:19 PM — But maybe Meg’s people are emailing the bloggers in Texas, as she can’t seem to stop talking about that miserable goddamned place.
6:24 PM — Read this comment for other Live Video Stream ideas, as the teevee-station websites seem to not know how to keep this going online.
6:25 PM — What assurances can Jerry Brown give to California that he’s still old and won’t run for president when he’s 80?
6:27 PM — His answer? He is too old to close down the bars in Sacto like he used to do, with Linda Ronstadt.
6:28 PM — Ha ha now Meg Whitman is blaming Jerry Brown as the cause of the 1981-82 Reagan Recession. Why does Meg Whitman poop on the grave of Ronald Reagan all the time?
6:30 PM — Guess which candidate just said “I care about California’s intellectual and civic future.”
6:33 PM — Amy Chance from the SacBee says Internet fact-checking blogs say all of Meg’s ads are lies.
6:34 PM — Meg replies that at least one of her ads actually had a fact in it.
6:36 PM — Whitman stands by her one ad that has a fact in it. Jerry Brown stands by his ad that says Meg Whitman is a lying puppet from a dumb movie.
6:38 PM — Gah, it’s heartbreaking to hear this talk about H. Jarvis and Prop 13, the idiot proto-teabagger bomb thrown at what was once the nation’s finest school system.
6:42 PM — SHE JUST SAID SHE’S GOING TO ELIMINATE SAN FRANCISCO!!!1!
6:45 PM — We wonder if she thinks “You know what?” is her “You betcha.” And then we just hang our head in shame, for her.
6:48 PM — Meg Whitman’s going to “boil the ocean” in Sacramento? Jerry Brown is wary of “shark-infested waters” in San Francisco. Well SF has beaches on the ocean, at least. But still, what are you people talking about?
6:51 PM — LAST QUESTION.
6:51 PM — Water: We don’t have enough! Would Jerry Brown build a new canal to steal all of Northern California’s water so the slobs in LA can hose down their driveways?
6:52 PM — Jerry Brown will try to let people have water.
6:53 PM — That was kind of a “what?” on the Central Valley immigrant kids getting the terrible birth defects, WELL LET YOUR EDITOR TELL YOU, oh dear god, your editor once spent a year working on these cases, with a researcher/doctor in Oakland (Emeryville, actually), and those autopsy pictures will NEVER wash out of the brain, never.
6:54 PM — Meg Whitman is giving a very lovely closing statement. It is horrific to watch.
6:56 PM — “I am a very great believer in the power of many.” Meg keeps saying that. It is … meaningless?
6:56 PM — Jerry Brown just walks around watching people get murdered.
6:58 PM — Yeah and to HELL with Meg Whitman for even jabbering about messing with AB 32, which is a very good thing that’s actually getting “green jobs” to people and good lord do people ever need jobs here, the end.
7:00 PM — THANK YOU FRIENDS, for reading and especially commenting and hanging out. Don’t forget to vote, whenever that happens!
7:07 PM — Oh, and here you go!
GIVE US MONEY! -