SHARE

Horrifying Billboard Image Formerly Known As Prince
According to Wonkette operative “Stan J.,” this horrifying billboard is gracing the skies of Spokane, Washington. There are just so many catchphrases here! Of course the best and most important one is “Constitution means freedom,” a definition from a sign creator who obviously does not own a dictionary. But why are these seemingly unrelated things arranged in such a way? IT’S A SECRET MESSAGE, one that can be decoded by those weird Hebrew rainbow bracelets from a couple weeks back.

Remember this image?

Came with directions.

See, there is supposed to be a sign in the clouds, and here it is. And by rainbow, they mean George Washington’s gay face. Why else would that scary goth Jesus be there taunting us with his wispy Shakespeare facial hair? He is letting us know that he is right next to the rainbow.

THIS IS A SIGN THAT GOD WANTS US TO ELECT ZOMBIE PRESIDENT GEORGE WASHINGTON TO A THIRD TERM IN OFFICE. As all Teabaggers know, that guy was really good at paying down trillions of dollars of accumulated national debt during a recession. Give the country back to the founders and their Teabag friends! Or else!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Are those FIVE Twin Tower's behind "VOTE"???

    Voting Democrat would be 2.5 times worse than 9/11???

    I have one question for the Teabag crowd… If the "founders" were so smart, why doesn't the Constitution ban commercial aircraft from flying near Manhattan or the Pentagon????

    • dittoBot3000

      2.5 times 9/11? Why, that would be . . . 2,277.5!

      Obviously, the framers of the Constitution wanted 9/11 to happen so that we could kick brown people ass!

    • mumbly_joe

      I actually tried asking a Teabagger this, once. He answered my question with a question of his own: "Oh yeah, well if you're so smart, where in the Constitution does it say that the government is supposed to provide for the general welfare?"

      I told him that said that right in the Preamble, and he then responded by saying "Fuck you" 87 times in a row.

    • natoslug

      And Jimmy Carter, who is almost 911 years old, fell ill during a flight today. Coincidence? I think not! It's all coming together, people. If only you knew the words, you too could be saved by George Jesus Washington. If you act now, I'll teach you how to survive the Constitutional Pre-Cum, as pre-ordained in the RainbOw PaMphlet. Only $9.11 or the next 20 minutes.

    • facehead

      OF COURSE THOSE ARE FIVE TWIN TOWERS!!!!

      Lemme explain this so that even a muslin can understand.

      George Washington, i.e. the virgin Mary, gave birth five times after having post-marital non-gay sex with Jesus making him the quintomom of ancient mesopotomacania.

      Lamar, an archaic Texan name for 'St. John' reveals the date of the next 9/11 in the lower left hand corner of the billboard.

      Now stop asking dumb questions and VOTE the way Jesus God intended.

      • transfatz

        Mesopotomacania is brilliant.

    • transfatz

      Ha! Now those rascal terriers will have to play whack-a-tower. George and Jesus both cheat by connecting their USB to those high tension lines. USA! USA!

  • GuanoFaucet

    Diabeetus is love
    Rascal means freedom
    Save our fat racist asses
    Eat

  • smokefilledroommate

    You can read that up, down, and sideways and it still would make sense to the Teatards.

    God is freedom
    Love means country
    Save our Constitution,
    etc.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      "America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag."

  • That's what it looks like inside a teabagger's head. All that stuff just kind of floating around and bumping into each other.

    • V572625694

      And when Snowbilly opens her mouth, it just flows out.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I tell you, it's actually easier to the eyes than Sarah 'articulating' it to our ears.

  • DemonicRage

    NY TImes has a review of a 900 page biography of Washington by the same author who wrote a book about Alex Hamilton. Among the details: Washington used to buy the teeth of slaves, possibly for re-use as dentures. What an amazing soul that man had!

    • V572625694

      Surveyors are all alike.

    • prommie

      Tooth transplants were done in those days, they're pretty low-tech, if you just put a fresh tooth in the socket of a tooth that fell out, sometimes it will work. Aristocrats would sometimes buy teeth from peasants. But then it was discovered you would wind up catching all the diseases of your tooth-donor, usually syphillis, so it fell out of fashion.

  • BTW, I'm going to tell the Republicans on my local Zoning Board to show me WHERE in the Constitution it says anything about an accessory building being no higher than 18 feet.

    Sharia law couldn't be worse than NJ Building Code.

  • lochnessmonster

    I just don't know what to say.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Words fail, do they not?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    They should only get a permit to put that sign up if they score 15 out of 15 on the religion test we atheists all love so much.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I scored 127%

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Agnostics try harder.

  • cymchikster

    If we're going back to the original intend of the Constitution like the tea-baggerees want us to, would that mean Michelle Obama will have to start helping in the White House kitchen? Will our adorable First Chillens have to leave school and set about polishing the White House silver? I can't imagine the President would take too kindly to that sort of thing.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Ummm, if went back to the constitution of the foreskin fathers, what makes you think Obama would even be allowed to live?

    • snoopyfan2010

      The Constitution doesn't actually say anything about slavery.

      • RoyaleWithCheese

        It says a little something about slavery in Art. I, Sec. 2, but I think the real point here is that Button Gwinnett would have insisted that, as punishment for the sin of coloredness, Hypnobama be thrashed vigorously about the head and shoulders with a large wooden mallet until he expired.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This brings up an interesting question: when the teabaggers stop making sense to each other, how will anyone know?

    • Tommmcatt

      The gunfire, I think. And the sound of Pit Bulls, hunting…

  • Fare la Volpe

    Is that who's on the left? Jesus? I thought it was Magical Mr. Mistoffelees about to perform another magically stupid dance number.

    • JustPixelz

      Pretty sure it's Ted Neeley.

      • hooray4anything

        I think it's Albino Jesus

    • AccordionORama

      Magically stupid dance number? My God, it's the ghost of David Hasselhoff, out for revenge!

    • Amo_of_Bogio

      It's clearly sexy Jesus of Rock me Sexy Jesus fame (Hamlet 2)

    • smokefilledroommate

      Glam Jesus

    • One_who_wanders

      I was thinking it was the demon from "Once more, with feeling" who zombie George will have to defeat in a dance-off.

  • Jerri

    Evidently ignorance is strength.

    (If we're defining 'strength' as the ability to put up a stupid billboard, which I am).

  • seppdecker

    I keep expecting Racoon Jesus to yell "LEAVE GLENN ALONE!!1!"

    • Wonketti_Cat

      The real news, of course, is that Chris Crocker-Jesus continues to get work.

  • Troubledog

    Phase One: Collect Underpants
    Phase Two: ???
    Phase Three: Profit!

  • MsElla

    I swear that's a fluffy little lamb between Jesus and GW; its ear is on Jesus's cheek. I think it's a hidden message about Easter dinner.

  • petehammer

    Gonzaga and Whitworth.

    Thanks Spokane.

    • welfare_robot

      I'm not sure anyone with a college education is responsible for that mess!

  • WarAndGee

    Couldn't fit "Jesus is white," so they penciled one in.

  • slappypaddy

    if god is love then the rest of that billboard is pointless.

    simple logic.

    i do like to believe that god is love. too bad we killed her because she wouldn't do the whole team.

  • elpinche

    We can do this for days …

    George Washington is the dollar bill Washingon.
    Jesus is Greg Allman
    A bunch of Twin Towers = 9/11 heaven

    Where'd they get these images from ? the back of Trog Palin's spiral notebook?

  • PsycWench

    The repeated references to rainbows clearly means that God is in favor of the homosexual agenda and by extension so is George Washington. Therefore Bryan Fischer of the Family Research Council is wrong: The homosexual agenda equals freedom, Pat Robertson sucks and so does that James Dobson guy.

  • JustPixelz

    I assume these "votes" will "save our country" from the greed and indifference of a Repubican majority. (Though I'll be Washington's slaves would have disagreed that the Constitution Means Freedom".)

  • Carcuntz_R_Us

    George Washington was apparently made out of Legos? And had wooden teeth, too, also.

  • hooray4anything

    The only thing that I can think of that would explain all that weirdness on the left of the billboard is that it's a holographic type billboard that makes it all 3D and how if you look one way, you'd see 3D George Washington but if you look at it another way, you see 3D Jesus.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      What's worse is that the artist just guaranteed his sign is destroyed not by destruction of property or by graffiti, some red-neck is going to try and pass it off as cash at the nearest liquor store.

  • DangerHelvetica

    Is this the transcript of Palin's next palm crib notes?

  • gingergold

    Why is Voldemort stalking the Father of Our Country?

  • Dimitrios_M

    I think they're signing in tongues.

  • edgydrifter

    This sign brought to you by the same people who think G. Washington really DID commit vehicular manslaughter upon scores of redcoats in his super bitchin Dodge. America, fuck yeah!

    • Chet Kincaid

      Was wondering when that stupid pandering TV spot might come up on the wonkets.

  • PeaceWithHonor
    • Troubledog

      He'll save the children, but not the British children.

  • deanbooth

    This is actually one of those mechanical billboards:
    http://comicbooth.com/images/billboard.gif

    • OkieDokieDog

      I go to the Dollar General just to keep from going to the WalMart (and I'm still boycotting Target).

  • fuflans

    jesus looks like a team america puppet which means he's likely to get mauled by a small black cat.

  • zhubajie

    Washington was definitely not a born-again! He went to church a couple times a year (Xmas and Easter probably) and expresses Deist sentiments in his letters. Like the other Founders he had contempt for "enthusiasm", that is, the born-again movement of the day.

  • EdFlintstone

    Wait I thought Jeebus was all about hating on the homos, the Mexicans, and the Islamo-facists.

  • Beowoof

    I thought the constitution was to protect me from these assholes.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Amateurs!

    God is love.
    God loves guns.
    Guns bring us freedom.
    Freedom allows us to vote with your guns.

  • axmxz

    That Jesus seems to be missing a few chromosomes. Perhaps it's because his worshipers created him in their own image: severely inbred.

  • Extemporanus

    YOU HYPOCRITES!

    First cast out the billboard out of your own eye, and then shall you see clearly to cast out the billboardnutz numbers out of your brother's eye.

    BEHOLD…

    Psalm 2:4 — "He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision."

    Psalm 13:1 — "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?"

    JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU GODDAMN LAMARS, IT'S BIBLE CODE!

  • LionelHutzEsq

    God is Love
    Constitution means Freedom
    War is Peace
    Freedom is Slavery
    Ignorance is Strength

    • emmelemm

      Work makes freedom?

      (Sorry, had to do it.)

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    All caps makes it a little shouty. It needs to be balanced out with some exclamation points. Other than that it's just plain fucking stupid.

  • ttommyunger

    The lesson here is that Jeebus is always looking over your shoulder, whether you can see him or not, he is fucking THERE; so get your shit together and keep it together or he will seriously fuck you up. That goes for you, the same as it did George Fucking Washington back in the pioneer days with Davy Crockett and Fred Flintstone. Remember, God is Love, ASSHOLE!

    • I always had this feeling as if Jesus was keeping watch over my every move, but then I discovered my landlord had put a spy cam in my shower.

      • ttommyunger

        I know, it's actually a webcam, you little hottie!

  • But George was most likely a Deist.

    • Weenus299

      He certainly wasn't a dentist. Ar ar.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        What are you? An Anti-Dentite? Next thing you'll be saying they need their own schools!

  • Weenus299

    I remember driving through Richmond (very quickly, I might add) that there were some really depressing billboards visible as you're driving south of the city toward Petersburg. About where the old steel mill thing was in the 70s. Whatever factory/foundry produced that black smut that colored my youth in riding through Richmond in the days of butterfly collars and psycho killers.

    • AccordionORama

      that black smut that colored my youth

      Ahhh, I remember those newsstands too.

  • finallyhappy

    And when they told me how inexpensive it is to live in Spokane- I knew there had to be a reason.

  • CapnFatback

    Constitution means freedom
    Prostitution means $125/hr.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Oops, Jesus' eye make up brings out the Middle East in him.

  • comrad_darkness

    2010, the Year of the Word Salad

  • emmelemm

    Yeah, that's what I'm not getting about this billboard. It only tells me to vote. It doesn't tell me HOW to vote. So, yeah, I be votin'. Just not the way you want, suckas!

  • VinnyThePooh

    Jesus played by Liz Taylor.

    A RAINBOW encircled the THRONE
    Must be from the colon cleanse.

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    It's like that billboard has Tea Party Tourette's

  • user-of-owls

    Anybody else a bit baffled by the portrayal of G. Washington as a Maori warrior?

    • axmxz

      It's a little known fact that Baron von Steuben instructed the Continental Army primarily in war haka.

  • Some animals are more equal than others.

  • nobodyssweetheart

    George Washington is both puffy and shiny in that portrait. Like a Krispy Kreme.

  • transfatz

    That isn't Jesus. That's his brother Chuck Jesus. God or roundhouse kick Spookaloo!

  • kerem79

    That Jesus seems to be missing a few chromosomes. Perhaps it's because his worshipers created him in their own image: severely inbred.
    erotik shop

  • BombyMcGee

    Awesome. Another billboard to add to my collection of signs designed at Golden Corral.

  • ph7

    I'm digging the soul patch, Jesus. Your boss cool with that?

  • didumean2saythat

    Jeebus? I thought that was Greg Allman.

  • bureaucrap

    Since no one else has said it, I will — If constitution means freedom, and freedom's just another word for" nothin' left to lose," therefore —

    Constitution's just another word for "nothin' left to lose".

    That seems treasonous to me. Off with their heads!

  • axmxz

    APB on Jesús Nazareno.

Previous articleUpscale Restaurants Join the Fight To Keep America Fat
Next articleLiveblogging the Jerry Brown-Meg Whitman Heat-Wave Death Match