Hooray! World War I Is Now Over! USA! USA! USA!

by Jack Stuef

Germany is finally paying off the last of its reparations for World War I, so we can now close that chapter of world history with a bitchin’ victory party. Yes! We did it! Those Krauts paid out!

The principal representative of the British Treasury at the Paris Peace Conference, John Maynard Keynes, resigned in June 1919 in protest at the scale of the demands.

“Germany will not be able to formulate correct policy if it cannot finance itself,’ he warned.

Haha, GAY. Like that’s going to happen. So what do you say, boys? Now that we’ve won the war, how about going for a World War Two? That Germany still has some sport in them, eh? Should be an invigorating experience. [Telegraph]


Hola wonkerados.

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ttommyunger September 28, 2010 at 3:36 pm

No doubt the French are up to it! Hee, Hee!

Mumbletypeg September 28, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Now that we've co-opted their latest, "Ingot We Trust," I'm feeling especially optimistic and patriotical.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2010 at 3:49 pm

I'm glad they paid off that debt before it became some sort of flashpoint for popular resentment.

Dr_pangloss September 28, 2010 at 6:21 pm

I hear the Sudatenland is nice in the fall.

CessnaDriver September 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Lucky for us, the Germans are level-headed and not vengeful at all.

JMPEsq September 28, 2010 at 3:50 pm

We've already kicked their favorite Star off our little dance contest, so the Germans may be itching for revenge as we speak.

harry_palmer September 28, 2010 at 3:53 pm

The teabaggers warned us Obama would demand reparations, but did you libtards listen?

natoslug September 28, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Is it time to dust off the Mission Accomplished banner and take a few more pics? I can't wait for another bulging flight suit . . .

dr_giraud September 28, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Ha ha, that'll show the Kaiser.

CessnaDriver September 29, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Say what you want about the Kaiser, but I know for a fact that he never gave a left-handed hand job.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 28, 2010 at 4:01 pm

The repo-man that collected that debt must have some monster kahunas.

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2010 at 4:06 pm

The life of a repo man is always intense.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 4:08 pm

"Haha, GAY." I believe Lord Keynes was indeed a participant in alternative lifestyles there at that Bloomsbury joint. Along w/E M Forster, Virginia Woolf, Lytton Strachey and other boring personages.

emmelemm September 28, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Polyamory in the "stiff upper lip" crowd!

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 7:19 pm

"I'll show you something about decline and fall, Gibbon. Doff those breeches anon!"

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Brilliant, witty, charming, erudite, excellent company. But hot? I wouldn't fuck any of 'em with TS Eliot's dick.

V572625694 September 28, 2010 at 4:29 pm

This is the only place in my life where I get to converse w/people who have any idea what I'm talking about, at least when I talk about early 20th-Century academic circles about whom more books were probably written than the group itself produced.

James Michael Curley September 28, 2010 at 4:51 pm

I once walked past the Algonquin Hotel!

Wilson_Dizard3 September 28, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Note that after a long period of focusing on a diverse lifestyle during his university days and later, JM Keynes up and married a beautiful ballerina, if memory serves. As I recall, this change in lifestyle angered some of his former inamorata.

chascates September 28, 2010 at 4:13 pm

The Iraq/Afghanistan adventure will also take about 90 years to pay down.

4tehlulz_lite September 28, 2010 at 4:14 pm

The debt was repaid with gold from a vending machine.

CapnFatback September 28, 2010 at 4:15 pm

Big deal. Just wait and see how long it takes Germany to pay off its student loans.

Failure_Artist September 28, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Good, maybe we'll stop hearing from that German Workers Party. Didn't they recently change their name to something else and get some new guy to lead them?

Grief_Lessons September 28, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Now they can get on with paying for the Greeks.

imissopus September 28, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Take that, Kaiser Whatchamafuck!

Ducksworthy September 28, 2010 at 5:01 pm

If World War I is actually over, why am I still seeing Walnuts picture at the top of the page?

TanzbodenKoenig September 28, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Needs more Woodrow Wilson giving a PR stunt speech in front of a Mission Accomplished zeppelin

JustPixelz September 28, 2010 at 6:51 pm

There are still a few WWI veterans still alive. In 2110, someone will be writing on wonkette about the last surviving Iraq War veterans. When we "bring it on" with war, we obligate ourselves to honor those who died, care for wounded, pay the costs and remember what might have been. For years, decades and generations to come.

LibrulEleet September 28, 2010 at 10:04 pm

Now they can start paying the late fees.

transfatz September 28, 2010 at 10:59 pm

Slow news day?

7pilesofwisdom September 29, 2010 at 1:24 pm

As a token of our gratitude, can we give them David Hasselhoff?

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