good to know it's still only legal for girls to kiss sailors on the street

Hooray! World War I Is Now Over! USA! USA! USA!

Germany is finally paying off the last of its reparations for World War I, so we can now close that chapter of world history with a bitchin’ victory party. Yes! We did it! Those Krauts paid out!

The principal representative of the British Treasury at the Paris Peace Conference, John Maynard Keynes, resigned in June 1919 in protest at the scale of the demands.

“Germany will not be able to formulate correct policy if it cannot finance itself,’ he warned.

Haha, GAY. Like that’s going to happen. So what do you say, boys? Now that we’ve won the war, how about going for a World War Two? That Germany still has some sport in them, eh? Should be an invigorating experience. [Telegraph]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  1. SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad they paid off that debt before it became some sort of flashpoint for popular resentment.

  2. JMPEsq

    We've already kicked their favorite Star off our little dance contest, so the Germans may be itching for revenge as we speak.

  3. natoslug

    Is it time to dust off the Mission Accomplished banner and take a few more pics? I can't wait for another bulging flight suit . . .

  4. V572625694

    "Haha, GAY." I believe Lord Keynes was indeed a participant in alternative lifestyles there at that Bloomsbury joint. Along w/E M Forster, Virginia Woolf, Lytton Strachey and other boring personages.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Brilliant, witty, charming, erudite, excellent company. But hot? I wouldn't fuck any of 'em with TS Eliot's dick.

    2. V572625694

      This is the only place in my life where I get to converse w/people who have any idea what I'm talking about, at least when I talk about early 20th-Century academic circles about whom more books were probably written than the group itself produced.

    3. Wilson_Dizard3

      Note that after a long period of focusing on a diverse lifestyle during his university days and later, JM Keynes up and married a beautiful ballerina, if memory serves. As I recall, this change in lifestyle angered some of his former inamorata.

  5. Failure_Artist

    Good, maybe we'll stop hearing from that German Workers Party. Didn't they recently change their name to something else and get some new guy to lead them?

  6. JustPixelz

    There are still a few WWI veterans still alive. In 2110, someone will be writing on wonkette about the last surviving Iraq War veterans. When we "bring it on" with war, we obligate ourselves to honor those who died, care for wounded, pay the costs and remember what might have been. For years, decades and generations to come.

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