good to know it's still only legal for girls to kiss sailors on the street

Hooray! World War I Is Now Over! USA! USA! USA!

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Germany is finally paying off the last of its reparations for World War I, so we can now close that chapter of world history with a bitchin’ victory party. Yes! We did it! Those Krauts paid out!

The principal representative of the British Treasury at the Paris Peace Conference, John Maynard Keynes, resigned in June 1919 in protest at the scale of the demands.

“Germany will not be able to formulate correct policy if it cannot finance itself,’ he warned.

Haha, GAY. Like that’s going to happen. So what do you say, boys? Now that we’ve won the war, how about going for a World War Two? That Germany still has some sport in them, eh? Should be an invigorating experience. [Telegraph]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ttommyunger

    No doubt the French are up to it! Hee, Hee!

  • Mumbletypeg

    Now that we've co-opted their latest, "Ingot We Trust," I'm feeling especially optimistic and patriotical.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad they paid off that debt before it became some sort of flashpoint for popular resentment.

    • Dr_pangloss

      I hear the Sudatenland is nice in the fall.

    • CessnaDriver

      Lucky for us, the Germans are level-headed and not vengeful at all.

  • JMPEsq

    We've already kicked their favorite Star off our little dance contest, so the Germans may be itching for revenge as we speak.

  • harry_palmer

    The teabaggers warned us Obama would demand reparations, but did you libtards listen?

  • natoslug

    Is it time to dust off the Mission Accomplished banner and take a few more pics? I can't wait for another bulging flight suit . . .

  • dr_giraud

    Ha ha, that'll show the Kaiser.

    • CessnaDriver

      Say what you want about the Kaiser, but I know for a fact that he never gave a left-handed hand job.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The repo-man that collected that debt must have some monster kahunas.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The life of a repo man is always intense.

  • V572625694

    "Haha, GAY." I believe Lord Keynes was indeed a participant in alternative lifestyles there at that Bloomsbury joint. Along w/E M Forster, Virginia Woolf, Lytton Strachey and other boring personages.

    • emmelemm

      Polyamory in the "stiff upper lip" crowd!

      • V572625694

        "I'll show you something about decline and fall, Gibbon. Doff those breeches anon!"

    • SayItWithWookies

      Brilliant, witty, charming, erudite, excellent company. But hot? I wouldn't fuck any of 'em with TS Eliot's dick.

    • V572625694

      This is the only place in my life where I get to converse w/people who have any idea what I'm talking about, at least when I talk about early 20th-Century academic circles about whom more books were probably written than the group itself produced.

      • James Michael Curley

        I once walked past the Algonquin Hotel!

    • Wilson_Dizard3

      Note that after a long period of focusing on a diverse lifestyle during his university days and later, JM Keynes up and married a beautiful ballerina, if memory serves. As I recall, this change in lifestyle angered some of his former inamorata.

  • chascates

    The Iraq/Afghanistan adventure will also take about 90 years to pay down.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    The debt was repaid with gold from a vending machine.

  • CapnFatback

    Big deal. Just wait and see how long it takes Germany to pay off its student loans.

  • Failure_Artist

    Good, maybe we'll stop hearing from that German Workers Party. Didn't they recently change their name to something else and get some new guy to lead them?

  • Grief_Lessons

    Now they can get on with paying for the Greeks.

  • imissopus

    Take that, Kaiser Whatchamafuck!

  • Ducksworthy

    If World War I is actually over, why am I still seeing Walnuts picture at the top of the page?

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    Needs more Woodrow Wilson giving a PR stunt speech in front of a Mission Accomplished zeppelin

  • JustPixelz

    There are still a few WWI veterans still alive. In 2110, someone will be writing on wonkette about the last surviving Iraq War veterans. When we "bring it on" with war, we obligate ourselves to honor those who died, care for wounded, pay the costs and remember what might have been. For years, decades and generations to come.

  • LibrulEleet

    Now they can start paying the late fees.

  • transfatz

    Slow news day?

  • 7pilesofwisdom

    As a token of our gratitude, can we give them David Hasselhoff?