Have you seen the New CNN? It’s probably way better than the old CNN, especially if this “CNN Justice” headline is any indication. Why did the Time Demons do something to a child, in America? [CNN]
NATION OF IDIOTS
September 28, 2010
CNN Shocker: Girl Vanished Nine Years Before Being Born
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Maybe she just wanted to avoid being the topic of a Nancy Grace yell-fest.
Maybe in another dimension she is Nancy Grace.
Is there a worse fate than being interviewed by Grace? I can't think of any offhand.
O'Reilly?
At least Bill's voice doesn't make me cringe; what he says does, as with Grace, but not the voice alone.
what about being her kid?
If Nancy Grace's kid ran away from home would she have to automatically accuse herself of murder like she does to other parents?
I don't see how the kid couldn't run away with that maniacal, accusatory bitch around.
"Why didn't you call?! Were you out murdering a child?!"
Nancy Grace is utterly misnamed. She's terrifying.
She's about the scariest person I can think of. If I had to be on a desert Island with her or Ann Coulter I'd have to go with … well actually I'd just kill myself with a coconut.
In texas, it's always 1989.
Hell, in Texas it's always 1889.
Gotta go further back. Like, prior to A Brief History of Time (1983) or general relativity (1905) or an awareness of gravity (1687).
Just no further back than the dinosaurs that baby Texans used to play with, because that encroaches on Jesus years.
So the most popular musicians in Texas are Paula Abdul and Milli Vanilli?
Phil Rosenbaum is obviously a product of Texas' fine educational system.
Are we sure Rupert Murdoch doesn't own CNN, too? With their journalistic standards, it's easier to understand why Fox News is so popular.
Hey, it's obvious that they just left a little bit out which made the headline seem misleading; obviously she was younger in 1989 when she disappeared because she was kidnapped by space aliens, and has spent most of the intervening years traveling at near-light speeds so that she's only physically 12.
Uh oh! JMPEsq, yer gettin' into that libtard conspiracy time dilation shit that Andy Schlafly has warned us about. The CNN must be trying to kill Jeebus.
OK then, maybe she was driving a DeLorean at 88 miles an hour, or hitched a ride on an old British police callbox.
If we allow 12-year-old girls to vanish nine years before they are born, then the Libyan terrorists have already won.
Great Scott! Get in the DeLorean!!!
TRUE FACT: Dr. Who is a licensed OBGYN.
Makes sense — this is their way of suggesting decades of anal-probing without spelling it out.
First the Muslins, then the Lizard People, now the Time Demons.
Would you say it is time for the American People to start panicking about this new threat to our temporal well-being?
What was Glen Beck doing at that time? Has he denied involvement?
I don't think he was Mormon yet, so he can't possibly be held responsible for what he did while on teh drugz.
Is this the same girl Glenn Beck raped and murdered? Um, allegedly. The time travel twist may explain why he's been able to avoid prosecution so long.
HA! I win the morning!
Crap. I knew I should have posted just the first sentence rather than stepping away for another shot of espresso. Fucking coffee is killing me. There, I just gave you a pee-point.
Thanks. I need all the help I can get.
You're welcome. Short of nothing, it's the least I could do.
This is gonna work out. I was kidnapped as a precursor to the JFK Assassination and look at my 39-year-old-ass now. Pimping my things on the Wonketter.
she was last seen chasing the editing rabbit down the proofreading hole.
Well, this'll really harm Nancy Grace's reputation for factual accuracy.
Could this have something to do with the Metric System being used on that highway near El Paso?
Nah, that's in Real American Arizona, between Tucson and Nogales.
I always loved that metric highway, on my way to Nogie to buy pills…
BREAKING: Nancy Grace knows "for a fact" that the missing Texas girl was gang-raped and held captive by the Duke lacrosse team.
But is it a TRUE fact?
I've seen this movie before…it was about aliens and had Sarah Jessica Parker in it.
There had to be a time when there was no people, right? Well, where did all these people come from? I'll tell you where: the future.Where did all these people disappear to? The past. And how did they get there?. Flying saucers. Which are really… yeah, you got it… time machines. I think a lot about this stuff. I do my best thinking on the bus. That's how come I don't drive. I don't want to know how. The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.
This makes perfect sense to me because I'm in California, where, due to temporal distortion, pot is already legal. Really good pot.
Don't look for that plate of shrimp cause it's not there.
Did you do a lot of acid back in the 60s?.
No. Back in July.
John Wayne was a fag.
What do you get when you cross Jessica McClure with Alice in Wonderland?
Apparently a Texas girl who falls into another dimension.
"Why did the Time Demons do something to a child, in America?"
Because Gawd hast lifted His protective veil what fer teh homos and unbelievers. And the homo-unbelievers. And the unbelievably homo.
Wow…Someone buy Ken a puppy to cheer him up. His humor's been getting darker and darker by the day. I mean, I'm fucking outraged at the way things are going in ths country, too, and sometimes there seems to be no sunlight at all on the horizon no matter which direction you look, but I'm starting to get a little worried about our chief Wonketter.
Plus he's admitted that he willingly flies on Southwest. Either he's shorter than Tom Cruise, or seriously depressed.
When did Philip K. Dick start writing for CNN?
There is a logical explanation for this. It all has to do with the aliens who disappeared her and when they returned her to earth, they mistakenly set the time clock back too far. Simple. That, or CNN is run by the Tea Party now.
If you haven't seen it, the "Read More" box below the main post has this old gem: "A Nation Challenged: CNN Covers Bird 'Stuck' In Tree." Good god, that was funny.
No no this is a trap, oldest time traveling trick in the book. She's positioning herself to alter the future by somehow preventing AMC from having her first buttseck, at which moment Teh Wonkettz will be instantly vaporized.
She's just trying to avoid estate taxes, my accountant says it's the new thing…
Was she the victim of a shark attack?
Good thing it's not illegal to abduct and sexually molest a glimmer in a mom's eye, or I would be so totally fucked right now!
Is this the girl Glenn Beck raped and murdered in 1990?
When will CNN learn? We would all be a lot better off if CNN would just run a continuous loop of Rick "Iceland" Sanchez getting Tazered (Tasered?). Shit, now I'm going to get an assload of replies mocking me because I don't know how to spell Taser (Tazer) and that I'm too fucking lazy to google it to find out. I am so fucked.
Trig says "Do the Google":
http://www.taser.com
Too frugal to google? Not in the least.No charge, you must know,From the West to the East.I'm just too damn sorry, so sorry indeed,Not covered by spellcheck?I'm screwed, to the teeth.No need for dismay, don't worry or fretFor you, after all, read the Wonkette!
Too far, Ken. She´s been missing 21 years, so she´d be 32 now, which means she´s either dead (most likely) or there were some serious family issues. Either way, it's a tragedy and CNN screwing up a headline is just not enough to snark on.
Now, back to Christine O'Donnell…
Meh. I already saw Flight of the Navigator.
That just generated 1.21 fistawatts of hilarity.
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