pedobagger strikes again!

Teabaggers Trying to Seduce Your Children With Coloring Books

If you want candy and no more taxes just crawl into my Party Box!The Teabaggers are in a bit of a conundrum. There are only X many white people that can be wooed with promises of Made in China flag-waving picnics, and every day America is becoming less “white” and more “immigrant.” So what’s Plan B? Sell fun Teabagger coloring books to all the white children! Even Hitler understood the importance of winning the Hearts and Minds of the youth when he famously said, “I begin with the young. We older ones are used up but my magnificent youngsters! Look at all these men and boys!” Hitler then added in his best baby-talk voice, “So, which one of you little fuckers wants a coloring book?” Some people say history often repeats itself. And others say coloring books help children learn about reckless Muslin Stimulus Spendin’.

Thousands of years of therapy, right here.Ha ha. This is child abuse. Let’s read the sales pitch though, before reporting this to Social Services:

A wonderful book of The Tea Party for Kids! Teaches children (and parents) about the origins of the Tea Party and what it involves. A very pleasant song, coloring and activity book on Liberty, Faith, Freedom and so much more! Get involved, participate, self reliance, freedom of choice, work, government-of-for-by the people, Leadership, Ingenuity, Jobs and responsibilty!

You know who also liked to sing “pleasant songs” and color pictures of Paul Revere beating up Mexicans? [ColoringBook.com]

Thank you to Wonkette operative “Gina”!

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About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Hola wonkerados.

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55 comments

  1. CrankyLttlCamperette

    Anyone else notice this:

    Really Big Coloring Books ® (RBCB) are manufactured in the United States with Soy Ink and guaranteed 100% safe against non-toxic inks, paints & dyes! We participate in the Sustainable Forestry Initiative Program.

    I kinda hope that this is a cash cow product for tree-huggers. After all, they also offer this: http://www.coloringbook.com/presidentobamaaninaug

    1. MiniMencken

      Well, this just means it is high time to create and market a Wonkette coloring book, with an image of Ken Layne riding a Snarkasaurus and a picture puzzle entitled "Can you count all of the TrukNutz™?"

    1. HistoriCat

      It can be a gift –
      "here you go sweetie – a coloring book."
      "Thanks grandma – it's as good as that Don't Tread on Me t-shirt"

  2. WarAndGee

    Page 4 has a poem:

    Government by the people,
    for the people
    who think,
    exactly like me,
    and look
    just like me,
    anything else
    is tyranny
    and you will never be free.

  3. fuflans

    I read that baggers have descended on williamsburg asking the George Washington actors how to overthrow a tyrannical government.

  4. Gopherit

    If the cover art on that book was more accurate from a Teatard POV, you'd have evil orcs shutting down that lemonade stand for not having the proper permits.

  5. fatoots

    Gina is me! This came from a Boston.com blog, and the author posted an excerpt from the book pages:
    "When taxes are too high, the high tax takes away jobs and freedom. In 1773 we had a Tea Party and this led to freedom from high taxes. Today we are having another Tea Party and this will lead to freedom from high taxes again! Ask grandma and grandpa what this means. Ask you friends what this means. Are you going to have your own Tea Party?"

    After my 5 glass of wine I posted this in the comment section:

    "Ask grandma and grandpa what this means."

    "It means the neo-cons are going to privatize Social Security, even though it is self funded and isn't adding to the deficit, so they can use grandma's money to invest in junk bonds and bad CDO's. Then grandma and grandpa are gonna lose all their retirement funds, and have to live with you and mommy and daddy. That will make daddy really cranky and he'll drink more and be distant. This will make mommy stressed and angry. Life will get really scary and confusing and you will get bad grades in school. Ask your friends about this…"

    1. JustPixelz

      And the "high taxes" the colonials were paying (or not) were like a penny a year. Taxes were the stalking horse for other issues involving property, religion, manufacturing.

  6. MsElla

    The teabaggers envied by the other wingnuts are the ones who hoarded the old Crayolas, when the Peach crayon was named Flesh.

  7. ttommyunger

    My favorite is on page 6 where Sheriff Joe R. Piehole is giving Tom Tancredo a reach-around in the prison tent.

  8. AccordionORama

    "Pleasant songs":

    Jesus loves me this I know
    Muslim prez'nit's black as crow
    As I lay be down to sleep
    Trust funds in the bank doth keep
    Me all safe and also Boehner
    From severed heads in Arizoner.

  9. Extemporanus

    Just so everyone knows, that dumb "box & candy" technique is overly complicated and highly ineffective.

    Instead, I'ld recommend the can't-fail combination of an inner-city ice cream truck and a chloroform headlock. Think "Pied Piper of Pedophilia", and you'll have a pretty good idea what I'm talkiing about…

  10. PuckStopsHere

    The "origins of the tea party" are that they named themselves for a sex act which invovles the wholesale insertion of a man's testicles into another person's mouth. On which page of the coloring book is this act depicted? Fucking Baggers.

  11. ClownCrusade

    So cute they way they taught the kinds to hide the bomb planted on the White House lawn under a lemonade stand. Adorable!

  12. transfatz

    The new Christine O'Donnell coloring book…"Don't Do This"
    The new Sarah Palin coloring book…"Is That You, Todd?"

  13. Burgdorf

    These are the same people that nearly had a heart attack when Obama wanted to talk to America's school children to tell them their education is important and to stay in school–"because that is a blatant attempt to indoctrinate our precious youth to your political agenda"…Yet a coloring book designed with the express purpose of getting kids involved with a political party is totally fine with them–"its not indoctrination, its educational and informative because it is what we believe"

  14. elviouslyqueer

    some Edmund Burke quotes about masturbating with a pair of his mom's soiled underpants to a picture of shirtless John Galt.

    There. Fixed for Tuttle-like accuracy.

  15. prommie

    They long for the Good Old Days, remember, when we all had paper routes, remember, paper routes, and we put baseball cards in the spokes of our Schwinn, and that freckled scamp, Dennis (what a menace he was) was always getting old Mr. Wilson so exasperated with his antics!

  16. OneDollarJuana

    Don't forget the lemons (inspected by the USDA), the sugar (subsidized by the taxpayers, the water (filtered, clean, and safe from your water department).

  17. JMPEsq

    And, most importantly, the schools were still segregated and black people were still effectively barred from voting, most women knew their place, and gays didn't exist.

  18. walterhwhite

    I beg to differ. They don't read anything. They watch Fox Noise and listen to Rush Limbaugh. All other ideas, especially those in books, are prohibited.

  19. teebob2000

    Ah-hah! That's where the book's villains enter the picture in the form of TOO MUCH GOV'MINT!!! They try to shut the stand down for not having the proper permits from the health dept. And there's a stand-off and the ATF agents are called in, and they're defeated by Eric Rudolph and Timothy McVeigh and good 'Merican citizens exercising their God-given 2nd amendment rights. Amen.

  20. mathman72

    I think coloringbook.com is a site which sells custom coloring books for all sorts of people and organizations.

Comments are closed.