North Korea Gets New Best-Ever Ultimate Leader

  wonkette world service

Just chillin' from now on.They know how to do politics right in North Korea: No voting, no campaigns, no food for the citizens, etc. And Lil’ Kim Jong Il just surprised everybody at his big fancy Royal Banquet by announcing that his dumb son Very Lil Kim Junior the 2nd will be the brand new most loved Dear Leader of the very lucky and triple happy North Koreans. Oh, to be in Pyongyang today! Change is in the air, North Korea! YES WE CAN.

This new guy sounds even better than wacky Kim Jong Il, if that is humanly possible, which it’s not, because both of these guys are Living Gods of Equal Power/Glory, like some kind of … uh, like a Holy Trinity, but in two parts instead of three … or, actually, three parts! Because remember that Kim Jong Il was not so long ago the son of the original Dear Leader, Kim Il-Sung. This happened back in 1980, and pretty much everything has been awesome, worldwide, ever since.

Here is Kim Jong Un’s inspiring tale — read it aloud, to everyone!

Little is known about Kim Jong Un. He attended the International School of Berne in Switzerland, according to media including the Seoul-based Dong-A Ilbo newspaper. KCNA has never mentioned the son by name and China didn’t say whether he accompanied his father during the most recent visit.

Things are gonna change, we can feel it. [Bloomberg]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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16 comments

  1. Ducksworthy

    Frank you very much for coming to my defrense,
    Signed
    Kim Jong Il

    ps You teabaggers are doing our work. Keep Amerikkuh weak.

  2. Kitty_Sanchez

    OHMYGOD! You ARE Ignatius J. Reilly! God, you're exquisite! Tell me — do you live with your mother and have a preoccupation with your pyloric valve??

  3. outragedcitizen

    And speaking of Ronny Raygun, IMHO, Saint Ronny is a lot like Kim Il Jong. Totally insane and totally responsible for fucking up his country and yet seems to have millions of people who revere him. Go figure.

  4. DashboardBuddha

    Aw crap…Barry lost the shirt too. Who else am I missing? Why am I replying to myself…is this some kind of autoerotic posting? Should I take off my shirt?

  5. AccordionORama

    Except Jong Il has his position by virtue of his dad, so he's already W. This is like W appointing Jenna a four-star general.

  6. Swampgas_Man

    Typical LIEberal. What if that was YOUR Korean child who couldn't pronounce his "L's", huh? Pretty brave, picking on a mere lad in his 20's.

    BTW, why exactly hasn't Tuttle been banhammered?

  7. Gleem_McShineys

    Whew, that must have taken quite a bit out of you! Celebrate your victory over teh bad snarky elitists with a 48oz barrel of fizzy corn fructose and more fatty fat fat Glenn Beck brand edible gold pies!

    Man, I thought I was wasting time here merely by reading things and occasionally posting… but here is the HarryButthole to show me the REAL way to waste time! Nay, an entire life! I can't wait to see a reply that is another cgi – computer generated insult!

    You go, girlfriend!
    And by 'girlfriend' I mean cunt.
    And by 'go' I mean die of Diabeetus with nothing but a tricorner hat on, and a Fountainhead 'in'… or 'up' … well you get the idea.

  8. Gleem_McShineys

    Oh, this is a different reply other than 'fuck you!' Did you finally get control of your Online Tourettes Syndrome? That was some wicked stutter action, dude. Glad you didn't swallow your tongue there during your spaz attack.

    Hey champ, since when do Libertarians care about other people's kids?? You sure don't expect me to think you would support them with tax dollars or social programs.

    Please explain how Ayn's philosophies dictate we hold anything, anything at all, out for Trig?

    Also, could you explain how the initial comment was attacking Trig? As I recall, before you started spurting uncontrollably, it was "Thanks to nepotism, this is good news for Bristol and Trig, probably."

    Here's your petard, retard.

  9. DoktorZoom

    I suppose having an English wife and kids, and having lived there most of his adult life since the Python days (insofar as "Terry Gilliam," "Python," and "adulthood" intersect) probably have a lot to do with it–and like many Britons, Gilliam has plenty of disdain for Tony B, who was apparently one of the satirical targets in that Dr. Parnassus movie I haven't seen yet.

    I suppose, going by his films and what I've seen of him in interviews, Gilliam is mostly skeptical of humans in any large organizations, especially organized religion, corporations, bureaucracies, and political parties. My guess is that at heart he's an anarchist, not a Libertarian–as I said above, I certainly haven't seen anything in any of his films to suggest that he worships at the Altar of Ayn Rand, which is all I was getting at in my reply to "Buttle" above.

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