OH GREAT GET THE UN INVOLVED  3:49 pm September 27, 2010

UN Appoints Minor Bureaucrat To Deal With Space Alien Invasion

by Ken Layne

It could happen!Have you heard about the impending invasion of the Space Devils? Whether it’s another discovery of a new “earthlike” planet filled with thousand-foot-tall rape monsters or the latest MSNBC documentary about the night demons who arrive all the time in UFOs as foretold in the Bible, it seems we just can’t escape the fact that very soon now, the sky will be filled with gigantic “processing ships” where we’ll all be assaulted (sexually) around the clock for a hundred years (thanks to the aliens’ sophisticated Obamacare) and the beast-lords will stomp the Earth and chew the heads of our beloved children the way we eat entire CostCo crates of corn-syrup puffs each night when we settle down in front of the flat-screen. Anyway, the United Nations has decided this is just the kind of impossible, intractable problem that requires a special UN envoy.

The Guardian reports on the Sunday Times report:

According to the Sunday Times and numerous other media outlets that followed up the story, the United Nations was “poised” to appoint an individual to be the first point of contact with aliens.

Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman was being lined up for the role, the story said. As head of the UN’s Office for Outer Space Affairs (Unoosa) Othman would be the “nearest thing we have to a take me to you leader [person]“, Prof Richard Crowther, from the UK Space Agency, told the Sunday Times.

According to the paper, Othman is due to tell a Royal Society conference that as the detection of extraterrestrial life is more likely than ever, the UN needs to be ready to co-ordinate humanity’s response.

For reference, here is Ronald Reagan warning of the UFO Alien Invasion, which is going to be totally worse than the movie Red Dawn, which fought in WWII with Reagan to liberate the Nazis from Bitburg:

BUT WAIT: Now the United Nations alien ambassador is denying that she is the Alien Ambassador, which is bullshit:

… uhh, and we were going to link to the Foreign Policy article about the UN naming an ambassador to the space monsters, which is still visible on Google News, but clicking the link now goes to this:

TRUST NO ONE.

Let’s try another one. Here, how about this:

If and when extraterrestrials try to contact humanity, they might want to stop by the United Nations headquarters. But despite earlier reports, it looks like there won’t be a designated ambassador-to-the-aliens waiting for them there after all.

According to numerous reports, 58-year-old Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman, head of the U.N.’s Office for Outer Space Affairs–which is charged with “promoting international cooperation in the peaceful uses of outer space”–had been tapped for the role. Word was that she was waiting only for U.N. scientific advisory committees and the General Assembly to give the thumbs-up.

But now the U.K.’s Guardian News says that Othman is quashing the suggestion. “It sounds really cool but I have to deny it,” Othman reportedly said in an e-mail cited by the online newspaper.

THEY ALREADY GOT TO HER! THIS IS LIKE THAT ______ MOVIE.

Oh and here is Reagan going off about the Space Aliens again. Can you believe this guy was not only president, but is still the Personal Jesus of certain old white idiots?

Also:

Is Al Franken ONE OF THEM?

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 14 comments }

undeadgoat September 28, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Whatever, UNIT's totally got that covered.

Gopherit September 28, 2010 at 11:36 am

Do you actually masturbate to your icon? She's a hot little dish, ain't she? And, really Harry, you can't be too picky. Sloppy 5ths after Greenspan…..mmmm.

Gopherit September 28, 2010 at 11:39 am

OMG. You're in the SCA, or one of those asshats who go from Ren Faire to Ren Faire, aren't you? They're the only people that can put on this kind of arrogance without any trace of actual talent to justify it.

Gopherit September 28, 2010 at 11:40 am

Yup. Definitely a Ren Faire geek. And one who masturbates to Atlas Shrugged. Don't play to type too much now.

UpstateYorkee September 28, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Fuck dude, are you talking about the pope again?

Gopherit September 28, 2010 at 11:41 am

Well, you like Ayn, so you have to be, what…..16?

Gopherit September 28, 2010 at 11:42 am

Ah, yes, the random quote generator. LOOKIE! I REALLY IZ SMARTZ!

Trinket September 28, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Ur dumb.

RightWrite September 28, 2010 at 1:41 pm

FDR ended the depression? Now that's a real joke! FDR prolonged the depression with his Leftist spending and agenda, and degraded the military to the point that millions died because we were not prepared. Sadly, the progressive envy has awakened the Rightist juggernaut — sad because we've had to endure the painful progressive ideology for almost a hundred years. Welcome to the Right Revolution.

UpstateYorkee September 28, 2010 at 3:11 pm

I tend to expect higher quality trolls to come with this particular internet publication.

UpstateYorkee September 28, 2010 at 3:16 pm

'I can feel my IQ dropping as I type.

Coming from the dude with the link to the Ayn Rand Institute.

Terrific! How the fuck does this guy have 95p?

UpstateYorkee September 28, 2010 at 3:18 pm

How would Christine O'Donnell feel about this? You're letting her down Harry.

UpstateYorkee September 28, 2010 at 3:26 pm

I just pictured the automaton from 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' with a ginormous metal boner… and laffed.

PhilippePetain September 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm

WELCOME TO THE RIGHT REVOLUTION, PUSSIES!

[Walks off, steps on rake which smacks dullard scooterperson in face.]

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