Yep, Mike Pence Is Your Next President

House Republicans apparently get chills in their spines when they see Mike Pence, because they just know   he will run for and become President of the United States very soon. So it came as no surprise that he won that straw poll last week, and for that reason it should come as no surprise that Pence is basically the Republicans' Dennis Kucinich in terms of policy positioning. He is always talking about how he opposed Bush's Medicare drug plan and the Wall Street bailout, for example, while being a "champion" of opposition to abortion and gay marriage, which basically means he talks more than other people about hating those things. But in the Republican Party, a Kucinich can win on the strength of the base.

And Pence is rather dumb and used to be a talk radio host, so he is obviously the Reagan they have been waiting for. Plus, he has that key Heartland corn fetish:

Asked if he wanted to run for president, Pence told The Hill in a recent interview that "people ask me if I've ever thought about it, and I tell them, 'No more or no less than anybody else who grew up with a cornfield in their backyard.'"

What the hell does that mean? "No, I didn't think about running for president very much because I spent all my time building a baseball field for ghost baseball players from the past, and it did brisk business once I finished and people came to see the ghosts play baseball." Yeah, that's probably it. [ The Hill ]